cultmentality
cult enjoyer
Pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth, Calvin tried to ignore the thoughts swimming in circles in his mind. Calvin used to crave the intimacy of friendship outside of his small friend group, because it felt somewhat fake. The superficial nature of friendships was something Calvin had grown used to. Usually, it was all for show. Nothing that ever came off as serious. People wanted to look good, wanted to show how actively they were liked by those around them. He couldnโt see himself fitting into that mold, simply because he didnโt care. There wasnโt a point in wanting people to idolize him when they themselves were so horribly useless. What was the joy in that? Someone useless liking him wouldnโt do a single thing for Calvin. Was it cynical? Was it vain? Why certainly. That was the joy in not caring, He could be as unlikable as he wanted to be. and the people who actually mattered didnโt care at all. If Calvin wasnโt likable, they didnโt have to be around. It was almost perfect. Almost. There were always people he would rather not be around, people that he didnโt like but somehow gravitated towards him. But that wasn't true. Because he still did crave those things.
That was why he was at this shitty party. Calvin had allowed Arlo to drag him to this party and he had agreed it would go โfineโ. Whatever fine wasโฆHe wasnโt sure of it. everything was a bit hazy at the party already. the stench of sweat and cheap liquor emanated throughout the crowded rooms. sweat seemed to drip off of everyone in the house. Honestly, it was revolting. Calvin was trying to pretend he enjoyed itโ for Arlo's sake โthough the only enjoyable part of this had been that he was able to get wasted and not have to pay for it. Everyone was certainly cross faded, or close to it. Calvin just wanted to leave, but walking aloneโฆ That was far from savory. so instead he let Arlo talk his ear off in a circle of others. Calvin's dark eyes took in the dimly lit scene, trying to decipher what was happening around him. why was stuff so confusing in situations like these?
That was how much of the night had progressed for Calvin, until someone else acknowledged him. someone he had seen around, spoken to just a few times. Calvin could remember the fleeting conversations. It really would be foolish to call them conversations. That didnโt matter though. Ariel was so interesting, and when he had once asked Calvin to move, the male stared for a second. โOh, fuck. Yeah, sorry.โ he had moved and waited for a moment. He remembered the moment so fondly, even now. The closeness, feeling seen, if only for the other to tell him to move. Those thoughts rushed back when Calvin turned his head slightly and saw the very person he had hoped to. Ariel! He turned towards Arlo. "I think I might start heading back." Calvin had caught sight of the other, he knew Arlo wouldn't understand. If he realized what Calvin was doing, it would be so awkward. So he instead just waved to his friend, saying he actually didn't mind walking home alone. That was a lie. It was fine though, maybe he could get Ariel to walk him home.
Stepping out and away from Arlo, Calvin walked across the room. Ariel was kind of alone. The other had stepped away from the people he had been with. "Hey," He knew it wasn't exactly a strong lead by any means. His throat felt unusually tight as he spoke to the one and only person who had ever seemed to matter. "I know -" Hesitation. "I know this probably sounds weird, but I uh- I was - We're neighbors." We live in the same apartment building. Don't say it all weird. "I was wndering if you'd walk back to the apartment complex with me." It didn't seem too weird, given they had a mutual friend or two. But it wasn't exactly the most normal request. ALl he could do was hope for the best.
calvin williams
hi lurkers : )
โกcoded by uxieโก
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