Journal thread no longer active

Guess I'll start. Hasn't been so much a bad day as it's been a bad month. It's like the more I struggle, the harder it gets and I haven't felt more alone, powerless and miserable than I have in a good long while. It's like my teenage years all over again, getting all stuck in my head and desperately wanting out, but there is no way out. It just goes on and on. Only difference is the fact that I've been here before, so I know I can take it and I will, but until then... It just sucks.
 
The reason I've been having bad days, is because of hard insomnia. I've been cursed with it my whole life of fourteen years. Every time I go to sleep, I sleep till it kicks in, and once it starts, it's keeps me up for... THREE HOURS at least.
And because of that, I get really grumpy in the mornings, till the very late afternoon. Which is why I never engage in mad conversations because I say things I don't really mean, which makes some people think I'm an absolute troll.
My bad days start with this all the time, I can't stop my insomnia, even with melatonin, or sleep stuff.
 
apologies for just venting out so much but i'm really glad that someone has the patience to understand people ily as a comrade you amazing bastard.

well... it's less of a bad day, but a bad quarantine. my family's giving me so much stress, i have to do schoolwork while having to do work around the house, which doesn't seem that bad, but when you have schooling, and new stuff to do, work around the house and garden work to do, and have to make sure that you're not exposed, because if you are, your family's at risk. and i mean everyone that lives with me is at risk. my grandfather has COPD, diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis (or however you spell it), and is going into surgery to remove part of his lung because of some cancer on june 2nd, hopefully. my father's fought cancer before, along with MRSA in his hand, smoked and still smokes (along with my step-mother), and has a few other problems which i can't remember. my grandmother has diabetes, and a few heart issues, and my step-mother has a multitude of bone issues... the stress has just been building up so much if you understand. my sleeping's been affected, and i've actually been trying to do what you suggested, and a bit more... it hasn't worked for me. haven't gone to medication yet, but i might actually try it if it keeps going this way (which is has been). it usually takes me a few hours to fall asleep, no matter how tired i am, and i wake up from 3-6 am. apologies for writing this much, but have a lovely day and stay safe! ^^
 
Cooked some eggs this morning to make a couple of bacon and egg sandwiches.

But there would be no sandwich because all the bacon was gone.

So I just had regular old scrambled eggs :(
 
I'd love to help you with that, and by saying this I am breaking the rules of this thread, but you, you, my good sir, you deserve to be burnt at the steak. Poor thing <3 my prayers go to your cat. Such pure creature deserves not such pain and suffering. Did you at least apologise afterwards? I belive you own your cat a lifetime stock of canned tunna. Considering that the average cat lives 20 years and that each day it would eat a can, and that a can costs around 0,79€, that gives you a total of 5308,8€ worth of canned tuna, if my calculations are right.
I let him sit on my mousepad and called him handsome so I think we're even now
 
Hello there!

I went on a bike ride in the middle of making a character sheet and now the people I was going to rp with are offline. It's dumb but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
First off! I'd like to warn the people who are sensitive to vulgar language.

Everything is going downhill. At the beginning of this pandemic, I was worry-free. "This will just be over in 3 weeks..." They said. "Oh, it's not going to be too long..." They said. "We're going to be fine..." They said. 3 months later, I'm sitting in the same bed, stuck here twiddling my thumbs. Before I get into my issue, let me fill you in on a bit of background of my usual year:

Every summer, I got to this great Christian summer camp. I've been going for about 3 years, and it's pure bliss. Throughout the time I've been going there, I've found myself deep in love with my peer, we'll call him ESN. Despite my young age, I've had terrible experiences with both platonic and romantic relationships. For once, someone actually feels the same way about me! The only problem, him and I live in 2 different cities and go to two different school districts. Both of us don't have quite much access to the internet either, so we wait solely for the 5 days every summer, when we finally get to see each other. Just last year, things between ESN and I have really began to heat up! I was dying to get to him this summer.

Then comes around our favorite historical event, COVID-19. At first, I was extremely worried about not being able to see him, but didn't want to think of the worst, so I tried my best to think positive. Dumb enough for me, I got my hopes up, and then later on, found my summer camp to be cancelled. No biggie, right? I'll just wait until next year, right? Wrong. ESN and I have gotten to such high of a relationship in such a short amount of time, that he's become a bit of an obsession. Like any hormonal teen, I bawled. Ever since then, I've gotten a bit better, but I don't think I can take much of being without him anymore. Things just keep getting harder.

Now, back to what I said about my trouble with relationships, you wouldn't have guessed, my friends are being bitchy too! To be completely frank, I never had trusted them, and I know I don't do well with other females, but this shit is really starting to rain on my parade. I have a friend group of females, and formerly, one boy. Usually, we're all pretty cool, until someone gets butt-hurt. As a happy-medium type of person, I am always the one to help others out. I can't help it, I'm just really selfless. And that's all good, but what about my problems? Nobody cares to know. I can explain it to those hoes as much as I want to, but they couldn't give any fuck in the world. I go out of my way for those two-faced demons, and the least they can do is "Oh well, sorry" me?! Are you kidding?? Another thing that makes my blood boil is how antagonized I am, and it's not just them, it feels like almost every living breathing human being I know. At this point, I've become to believe it! So much, I've almost began to take the blame for everything because I'm the public enemy. It's expected of me. I don't exactly know what point I'm trying to get to, but God, please have mercy on me.
 
I had a busy day of working from home, I have my MA dissertation to write (on top of my full time job),I have a presentation due on Saturday, I took a day off work tomorrow to relax but now have to work on my presentation, I also have to get new brakes for my car tomorrow morning - I can't sleep and I am not a morning person.

Oh and I annoyed a writing partner but it wasn't my fault, honest! 🙃
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top