Chitchat Any communities or groups you maybe feel detached or ashamed to be in?

[lexnoblade]

I know from experience that sometimes a person can be grouped in with a certain community, stigma, or group of people without really willingly participating in. I have a few if you would like me to elaborate on, so I would like to hear anybody else's thoughts.

 

[Windsock]

Every attempt to join a bighuge "greater community" is a huge mistake.

 

[Tove]

I don't but I think if you feel ashamed or detached to be in them you probably might want to consider not being in them. If you can't find at least some semblance of peace or have a part of the community you feel proud of or you're made to feel like you don't belong you shouldn't put yourself through that. Well, I wouldn't.

 

[CrowOuttaHell]

Not a "community" per se but my old friend group started out great and quickly went to shit the moment we hit high school.

We started with liking Vocaloid, then roleplaying Hetalia (quite badly), then OCs. During those three times, we weren't that bad. But by the time my friend group started getting seriously into a lot of (excuse me if anyone loves the stuff that comes from here) Tumblr shit like Homestuck, Undertale, Sherlock and whatnot, they kind of got seriously exclusive. Everything was about those fandoms for them and if you're not with them, too bad, I guess you're gonna be sitting quietly at lunch while they scream at each other over ships then.

I kind of started detaching myself from them because of this behavior. Oh, and did I mention that if you're not in the same fandoms they are you're not even actually a friend? My "best friend" at the time was complaining to me that she was lonely. Yes. With me literally sitting there as her friend. Wouldn't even listen to anything I would say. I did try to be a good guy and at one point made a thank you card for her because she put up with me the entire few years we'd been friends, but she just gave it a look and tossed it into her bag. Anyway, things got really heated after a while and I called out everything they do over the internet, and they exploded. Called me names and such, accused me of "bullying" my two other friends that weren't in their group, and outright denied that they were insulting one of our old friends behind her back.

I completely cut ties with them afterwards. This happened around third year of high school, so good grief. I got together with my now current friend group and they're the best bros a man could ask for.

 

[.pixiedust.]

Not a "community" per se but my old friend group started out great and quickly went to shit the moment we hit high school.

We started with liking Vocaloid, then roleplaying Hetalia (quite badly), then OCs. During those three times, we weren't that bad. But by the time my friend group started getting seriously into a lot of (excuse me if anyone loves the stuff that comes from here) Tumblr shit like Homestuck, Undertale, Sherlock and whatnot, they kind of got seriously exclusive. Everything was about those fandoms for them and if you're not with them, too bad, I guess you're gonna be sitting quietly at lunch while they scream at each other over ships then.

I kind of started detaching myself from them because of this behavior. Oh, and did I mention that if you're not in the same fandoms they are you're not even actually a friend? My "best friend" at the time was complaining to me that she was lonely. Yes. With me literally sitting there as her friend. Wouldn't even listen to anything I would say. I did try to be a good guy and at one point made a thank you card for her because she put up with me the entire few years we'd been friends, but she just gave it a look and tossed it into her bag. Anyway, things got really heated after a while and I called out everything they do over the internet, and they exploded. Called me names and such, accused me of "bullying" my two other friends that weren't in their group, and outright denied that they were insulting one of our old friends behind her back.

I completely cut ties with them afterwards. This happened around third year of high school, so good grief. I got together with my now current friend group and they're the best bros a man could ask for.

oh geez, that sounded rough, especially the thank you card and their accusations.
im glad that you've cut ties with them and now have a great group of friends
im in a similar(ish) position myself. it's really sad to watch their descent into becoming a completely different person, and it seems like years of friendships have gone to waste.

 

[lexnoblade]

Not a "community" per se but my old friend group started out great and quickly went to shit the moment we hit high school.

We started with liking Vocaloid, then roleplaying Hetalia (quite badly), then OCs. During those three times, we weren't that bad. But by the time my friend group started getting seriously into a lot of (excuse me if anyone loves the stuff that comes from here) Tumblr shit like Homestuck, Undertale, Sherlock and whatnot, they kind of got seriously exclusive. Everything was about those fandoms for them and if you're not with them, too bad, I guess you're gonna be sitting quietly at lunch while they scream at each other over ships then.

I kind of started detaching myself from them because of this behavior. Oh, and did I mention that if you're not in the same fandoms they are you're not even actually a friend? My "best friend" at the time was complaining to me that she was lonely. Yes. With me literally sitting there as her friend. Wouldn't even listen to anything I would say. I did try to be a good guy and at one point made a thank you card for her because she put up with me the entire few years we'd been friends, but she just gave it a look and tossed it into her bag. Anyway, things got really heated after a while and I called out everything they do over the internet, and they exploded. Called me names and such, accused me of "bullying" my two other friends that weren't in their group, and outright denied that they were insulting one of our old friends behind her back.

I completely cut ties with them afterwards. This happened around third year of high school, so good grief. I got together with my now current friend group and they're the best bros a man could ask for.

Wow, what a shitshow. Glad you got out of it, and thank you for an actual response, instead of repeating others and understanding what I meant by my question.

 

[SCSaya06]

I had one.

For two years in college, I had this whole phase where I decided to only hang out with people I thought to be "positive influences". I mean, it's an advice older people here say all the time. Stay away from people who would only hinder your academic success. They really meant people like computer gamers or party boys and gals. Basically people who will introduce you to distractions. Ashamed to admit it but I was subconsciously judging other people in the class immediately, eliminating people who I thought would not actually help me in any capacity. I remained civil with them and put on a friendly face when conversing but I didn't actively go out of my way to befriend them.

I ended up with this little group of...well, just a group in general. A clique if you may call it that. They took their academics seriously so I determined them to be the good influence people and opted to hang out with them. It also helped that I performed well in some classes and was already friends with at least three people in their circle so I got accepted pretty easily. I guess we were technically the "grade-conscious" clique. And yeah, looking back, we did have some fun times. But over time, I noticed certain things that did not sit well with me.

For a bit of context, our program was more like a high school. Very few people are enrolled in our program that we're basically only three sections. You don't get to choose your times either which makes things easy during enrolment but hard if you are an irregular student. So aside from a handful of irregulars and dropouts, we were the same class until the day we graduated. This "academic clique" I was in was very, very competitive. Like, they always strive to get the best grades which is great...if they're not bringing other people down. They tend to be overly critical of other's work, even with their own friends. One time, I did well in this art project and my professor commended me and showed my work around. When I went back to this group of friends, instead of being happy, they were being total asses. They were going "well, it's because your model is easy. it's actually not that good." Like...what? The only person you are ever competing with in college is yourself. We can all theoretically graduate with Latin honors if we can so why the jealousy right?

Then as more time passed, I really started to notice their "user-friendly" nature. They would partner with me if they know it's a subject I'm good at but they would disregard me if they know it's a subject I'm not good at. It's not only me. I know one other girl whom they treat this way too. I also realized that we didn't really have a lot of things in common so whenever we would hang out, I don't really have anything to add. I did try to bring up some of my own interests but they mostly just got dismissed.

I didn't outright cut myself off from this group. I just started distancing myself. I'm a bit of an introverted drifter at school who did not have any actual enemies (save for one guy) so nearly everyone is alright with having me around. I found more people whom I have common interests with and who actually welcomed me and indulged in my interests in return. I started to enjoy hanging out with these people more. Yes, this includes group projects. Sometimes we perform really, really well and sometimes, we don't. The important thing is we were supporting each other during good and bad times. I had essentially switched "cliques". This however, did not stop me from experiencing some of the negativity of the old group.

One time during a little group dinner we had, my now best friend told us that some people in my little old group was spouting some venom about the class over at Twitter. They would post mean stuff about people in the class and then immediately delete it to erase evidence. Two of my friends however, manage to all see it live since one of them accidentally got tagged I guess. It was a long laundry list, basically anyone not in their group and yes, that included me. If anyone's curious, they said that I was only being friends with X since he had a lot of money and that I am some kind of traitor to the group. They were going "Saya's a traitor for leaving our group even after all that we've done for them!" Like...wha? They were only around if they can benefit from me and basically abandoned me when I was weak so...what did I owe them exactly? Plus, it's not like I made a big show of leaving. I did not even publicly state that I was leaving. I just started hanging out with other people who had similar interests.

So yeah. I was ashamed of ever being part of that "academic clique". Goes to show you can't really judge a book by its cover there. At least I managed to get some petty revenge on the old group before we all graduated. I never contacted them again as well.

 

[lexnoblade]

I had one.

For two years in college, I had this whole phase where I decided to only hang out with people I thought to be "positive influences". I mean, it's an advice older people here say all the time. Stay away from people who would only hinder your academic success. They really meant people like computer gamers or party boys and gals. Basically people who will introduce you to distractions. Ashamed to admit it but I was subconsciously judging other people in the class immediately, eliminating people who I thought would not actually help me in any capacity. I remained civil with them and put on a friendly face when conversing but I didn't actively go out of my way to befriend them.

I ended up with this little group of...well, just a group in general. A clique if you may call it that. They took their academics seriously so I determined them to be the good influence people and opted to hang out with them. It also helped that I performed well in some classes and was already friends with at least three people in their circle so I got accepted pretty easily. I guess we were technically the "grade-conscious" clique. And yeah, looking back, we did have some fun times. But over time, I noticed certain things that did not sit well with me.

For a bit of context, our program was more like a high school. Very few people are enrolled in our program that we're basically only three sections. You don't get to choose your times either which makes things easy during enrolment but hard if you are an irregular student. So aside from a handful of irregulars and dropouts, we were the same class until the day we graduated. This "academic clique" I was in was very, very competitive. Like, they always strive to get the best grades which is great...if they're not bringing other people down. They tend to be overly critical of other's work, even with their own friends. One time, I did well in this art project and my professor commended me and showed my work around. When I went back to this group of friends, instead of being happy, they were being total asses. They were going "well, it's because your model is easy. it's actually not that good." Like...what? The only person you are ever competing with in college is yourself. We can all theoretically graduate with Latin honors if we can so why the jealousy right?

Then as more time passed, I really started to notice their "user-friendly" nature. They would partner with me if they know it's a subject I'm good at but they would disregard me if they know it's a subject I'm not good at. It's not only me. I know one other girl whom they treat this way too. I also realized that we didn't really have a lot of things in common so whenever we would hang out, I don't really have anything to add. I did try to bring up some of my own interests but they mostly just got dismissed.

I didn't outright cut myself off from this group. I just started distancing myself. I'm a bit of an introverted drifter at school who did not have any actual enemies (save for one guy) so nearly everyone is alright with having me around. I found more people whom I have common interests with and who actually welcomed me and indulged in my interests in return. I started to enjoy hanging out with these people more. Yes, this includes group projects. Sometimes we perform really, really well and sometimes, we don't. The important thing is we were supporting each other during good and bad times. I had essentially switched "cliques". This however, did not stop me from experiencing some of the negativity of the old group.

One time during a little group dinner we had, my now best friend told us that some people in my little old group was spouting some venom about the class over at Twitter. They would post mean stuff about people in the class and then immediately delete it to erase evidence. Two of my friends however, manage to all see it live since one of them accidentally got tagged I guess. It was a long laundry list, basically anyone not in their group and yes, that included me. If anyone's curious, they said that I was only being friends with X since he had a lot of money and that I am some kind of traitor to the group. They were going "Saya's a traitor for leaving our group even after all that we've done for them!" Like...wha? They were only around if they can benefit from me and basically abandoned me when I was weak so...what did I owe them exactly? Plus, it's not like I made a big show of leaving. I did not even publicly state that I was leaving. I just started hanging out with other people who had similar interests.

So yeah. I was ashamed of ever being part of that "academic clique". Goes to show you can't really judge a book by its cover there. At least I managed to get some petty revenge on the old group before we all graduated. I never contacted them again as well.

I was in something very similar, but it was more of a fandom-focused thing. I basically got discarded by them a few years ago, so I can relate somewhat. Thank you for sharing a response, and one that wasn't expected.

 

[horrorshow]

Yeah. I didn't feel this way then, but growing up and as a teenager, my ex best friend (mind, this is a girl I met when I was 11, and was friends with all the way up until last year, so for a very, very long time) and her sisters were honestly really shitty people. I didn't see it. They hung around the guys I wanted to be friends with (I was homeschooled, had a hard time meeting people and making friends especially with other dudes) so I spent a majority of my time there with them.

After a while, when we got into our teenage years I started realizing the older sisters were cheating on their boyfriends, and doing a lot of illegal stuff and just in general using people and lying a lot and being very manipulative with my best friend and me. If we weren't okay with sneaking out and doing stuff we knew better than to do then they would start rumors about us, and you know kids can be cruel. This damaged a lot of relationships in my life and even got me in serious trouble with my own parents over stuff that wasn't even true.

I ended up getting bullied a lot, which I was a resilient kid so it was no big deal, but the fact of the matter is that, TO THIS DAY, because I spent a lot of time with those girls people think differently of me. People I might have otherwise been able to be friends with growing up did not like me, were not allowed by their parents to be around me, and just straight up were hateful and mean to me because I was friends with this group of girls who were all really self centered and just in general bad news. I ended up cutting ties with the oldest two girls after we had all graduated high school, but maintained a relationship with the one I considered to be my best friend. She eventually proved to me she was just like her sisters.

So I'm not necessarily ashamed, I guess, I was a dumb kid and wanted the cool kids to like me. But I can look back on it and see where I got outcasted a lot and bullied a lot because of those girls being so shitty to everyone and trying to make people hate me for no reason at all besides the fact I guess it was fun for them.

Also I'm not trying to be like, hey they were awful people I hate them. Just wish I had realized that they were immature and that maybe being friends with them wasn't smart haha.

 

[horrorshow]

We started with liking Vocaloid, then roleplaying Hetalia (quite badly), then OCs. During those three times, we weren't that bad. But by the time my friend group started getting seriously into a lot of (excuse me if anyone loves the stuff that comes from here) Tumblr shit like Homestuck, Undertale, Sherlock and whatnot, they kind of got seriously exclusive. Everything was about those fandoms for them and if you're not with them, too bad, I guess you're gonna be sitting quietly at lunch while they scream at each other over ships then.

This sorta happened to me, too, with a group of online friends when I was like 16 lol. They cut me out after I said I was joining the army after high school because they said, and i quote, "How can you if you like anime? It's not fair!" To this day my friends, I have no idea what that was supposed to mean lol.

But yeah that's all awful, sorry you had to experience that. It's insane.

 

[CrowOuttaHell]

After a while, when we got into our teenage years I started realizing the older sisters were cheating on their boyfriends, and doing a lot of illegal stuff and just in general using people and lying a lot and being very manipulative with my best friend and me. If we weren't okay with sneaking out and doing stuff we knew better than to do then they would start rumors about us, and you know kids can be cruel. This damaged a lot of relationships in my life and even got me in serious trouble with my own parents over stuff that wasn't even true.

I ended up getting bullied a lot, which I was a resilient kid so it was no big deal, but the fact of the matter is that, TO THIS DAY, because I spent a lot of time with those girls people think differently of me. People I might have otherwise been able to be friends with growing up did not like me, were not allowed by their parents to be around me, and just straight up were hateful and mean to me because I was friends with this group of girls who were all really self centered and just in general bad news.

Shit, man, I'm sorry that happened to you. Rumors are a massive bitch to deal with in school. Funnily enough, when I broke off ties with the old friend group, one of them tried spreading rumors and talking shit behind my back. To her dismay, one of our classmates who sat with them once at lunch heard all the shit they were trying to spread and informed me. I already didn't have much of a reputation and what little reputation I had was among the faculty members as "that quiet but good kid", plus I was in the student newspaper committee so this plan fell flat on its face.

Same girl who tried to spread rumors later got transferred back into our section, and no one wanted her back. She was also crushing hard on my best friend then, and started kind of acting all chummy towards me. At one point, gullible me thought she was serious about being friends again so I mentioned how I felt during the time they were talking shit about me. Her response was, fucking verbatim, "Oh, I don't remember that."

"User-friendly" people are the worst, man. Good on you for eventually cutting ties with them.

 

[Jannah]

There's a few, but I think the big one these days is the Harry Potter fandom. The vast majority seem to be the PC SJW types and that's not me at all. I'm opinionated, crude, and don't believe in sugar-coating the truth. I also have a dark and non-PC sense of humour. Expressing those traits has gotten me in serious trouble with HP fans in the past. I actually got isolated from my last RP community because of it.

 

[lexnoblade]

There's a few, but I think the big one these days is the Harry Potter fandom. The vast majority seem to be the PC SJW types and that's not me at all. I'm opinionated, crude, and don't believe in sugar-coating the truth. I also have a dark and non-PC sense of humour. Expressing those traits has gotten me in serious trouble with HP fans in the past. I actually got isolated from my last RP community because of it.

Well, we have a very similar sense of humor. I know of a few fandoms like that, but none that i'm in. That really sucks, those people can be very toxic.

 

[Jannah]

Well, we have a very similar sense of humor. I know of a few fandoms like that, but none that i'm in. That really sucks, those people can be very toxic.

Yea. Society is turning into a place where we're not even allowed laughing at anything anymore. Mainstream comedy has become boring for precisely that reason.

 

[lexnoblade]

Yea. Society is turning into a place where we're not even allowed laughing at anything anymore. Mainstream comedy has become boring for precisely that reason.

Bam! Exactly! Finally, someone else who thinks like this!

 

[Jannah]

Bam! Exactly! Finally, someone else who thinks like this!

I've had people lose their shit because I've made sexist and ableist jokes about myself. Get a grip, people! I was poking fun at myself! Even if it wasn't it's all in good fun anyway.

 

[lexnoblade]

I've had people lose their shit because I've made sexist and ableist jokes about myself. Get a grip, people! I was poking fun at myself! Even if it wasn't it's all in good fun anyway.

Yeah, me too. You can't make jokes anymore, I swear.. Honesty is gonna be illegal, soon enough.

 

[PhoenixMire]

Yea. Society is turning into a place where we're not even allowed laughing at anything anymore. Mainstream comedy has become boring for precisely that reason.

Although I can totally see where you’re coming from, I don’t necessarily agree - at least not fully. I do think people are far too easily offended these days, but there really are some things that shouldn’t be joked about, or that should be joked about very carefully. Humor can have a much bigger impact than people think it does.

 

[lexnoblade]

Although I can totally see where you’re coming from, I don’t necessarily agree - at least not fully. I do think people are far too easily offended these days, but there really are some things that shouldn’t be joked about, or that should be joked about very carefully. Humor can have a much bigger impact than people think it does.

I see where you come from too, some things can go too far. Some things that are seen as offensive are just stupid, and no base in reality. I respect where you come from on that.

 

[PhoenixMire]

I see where you come from too, some things can go too far. Some things that are seen as offensive are just stupid, and no base in reality. I respect where you come from on that.

Yeah exactly. There are a lot of offensive and rude jokes about various mental illnesses (autism, sociopathy/psychopathy, schizophrenia, etc) that make people legitimately misunderstand mental illness. The rude jokes are perpetuated so much that many people accept them as truth. It’s very depressing.
Not to mention the horrible jokes about abuse that I’ve sometimes come across. Imagine how a survivor of abuse must feel when they come across those jokes.

 

[d1uni5ys24si3o]

Yeah exactly. There are a lot of offensive and rude jokes about various mental illnesses (autism, sociopathy/psychopathy, schizophrenia, etc) that make people legitimately misunderstand mental illness. The rude jokes are perpetuated so much that many people accept them as truth. It’s very depressing.
Not to mention the horrible jokes about abuse that I’ve sometimes come across. Imagine how a survivor of abuse must feel when they come across those jokes.

iono i dont care about abuse jokes and ive lived high intense abuse. Everyone is different. I know some people who lived less but cannot STAND abuse jokes and thats completely okay as well. You know, whats most important to understand when making sensitive jokes is to choose your audience. OF course, you can also try and be funny by not being offensive but dark humor... its dark humor and it is funny (for me at least).

Just be mindful of who, where and when to make those type of jokes.

 

[PhoenixMire]

iono i dont care about abuse jokes and ive lived high intense abuse. But you know, whats most important to understand when making sensitive jokes is to choose your audience. OF course, you can also try and be funny by not being offensive but dark humor... its dark humor and it is funny (for me at least).

Just be mindful of who, where and when to make those type of jokes.

I am so deeply sorry for you, but everyone is an individual. Some people have PTSD and a joke about abuse can possibly trigger it and really make those poor people suffer. Other people don’t have struggles like that. It just depends.
I agree that choosing your audience is very important. I feel like people should be careful about who they’re telling a joke to, but I’m not saying to stop with dark humor altogether - merely to be cautious about who you’re telling a dark joke to, I guess.

Anyway that’s off topic lol so I’ll be off now

 

[d1uni5ys24si3o]

I am so deeply sorry for you, but everyone is an individual. Some people have PTSD and a joke about abuse can possibly trigger it and really make those poor people suffer. Other people don’t have struggles like that. It just depends.
I agree that choosing your audience is very important. I feel like people should be careful about who they’re telling a joke to, but I’m not saying to stop with dark humor altogether - merely to be cautious about who you’re telling a dark joke to, I guess.

Anyway that’s off topic lol so I’ll be off now

And I completely agree with you!
and no need to be sorry oml xD its life, everyone goes through this stuff I guess. Some more than others but hey, just got to learn from it and make the best outof it! Anyways i didnt say that to get pity LMFAO its the last thing i want xD