Experiences Anxiety? Doubt? Inclusion?

[S h i s h a]

I've been RPing for a few years now and I've had a few run ins where partners and roleplays would dominate my life (unintentionally). I would be so swept up in making sure I wrote great posts and posted ASAP, always on the verge of worrying if my partner was happy. Or if they even cared about my characters the same way I had become invested in theirs. I would hear them plot about their OCs and leave mine in the dust. It made me too anxious to write. Or if I went on vacation, I'd worry my partners would be gone even though they knew I'd be coming back in a week or two weeks time. I know this is a lot to unload, and being new here and all, but I can't help but wonder if anyone else has these kinds of negative feelings crop up from time to time. I try to keep my distance, mentally and emotionally these days so if ghosting happens or I feel a bit like the story is one sided. But I still do enjoy writing with people. I just wonder if anyone else has become dependent on a RP or partner or had similar kinds of feelings about feeling good enough or included enough in a plot.

 

[rae2nerdy]

I would say you might want to try talking to your roleplay partner prior to starting the roleplay. Just making friends outside the roleplay helps as you get to know the person without any pressure to preform.

And if they are aware of your anxiety they can know if there is anything they need to do to help.

 

[Cold Ramen Noodles]

I agree. Definitely talk ahead of time. For instance, I have Lupus which is an autoimmune disease. I can have periods of feeling bad or tired and I try and make sure that my partners know this so that they can expect drops in quality at times or days when I won't be able to respond depending on my health. Communication is important and really helps.

 

[Bone2pick]

Or if they even cared about my characters the same way I had become invested in theirs.

Do you care about your own character as much as you care about theirs? Here's my advice, do with it what you will: prioritize yourself and your character(s).

- How much quality should you put into your posts? Enough to satisfy you.
- How much should you value your partner's character? As much as they've earned from you.
- When should you post next? When you're ready.

In terms of plotting, that's where you have to step up imo. No partner could ever "leave my character in the dust" because I'll always be involved in the story direction. If my partner rejects too much (or all) of my story direction then I reject them as a partner. Problem solved. If they don't value what I bring to the table then we're the definition of a bad match.

Having said that, putting yourself first doesn't mean you should throw out courtesy. If your posts will be more delayed than usual give your partner a heads up. Treat them how you would want to be treated. The same applies to creative compromises, you give ground sometimes, and you should expect them to give a roughly equal amount of ground. You can do all that while still reasonably prioritizing your needs & wants.

 

[welian]

roleplays would dominate my life (unintentionally)

I have 100% been there with that kind of obsession. It was especially bad in high school and early parts of college, where I would genuinely break down IRL and cry/not eat from the stress of thinking that I wasn't good enough for someone on the internet. It was really tough for me to separate meatspace from virtual space, because I had very few friends IRL and got so much more emotional fulfillment and validation through roleplaying than anything else I had available at the time.

I don't know about you... but I think my obsessions died down whenever I got a job. I think having someone IRL saying "You do good work, here's some money" help plugged the hole that I was trying to fill with fictional characters and internet popularity contests.

 

[RunawayGirl]

I do! I often go all out to ensure they don't leave or aren't disgruntled, or think something's weird. I truly hate judgement and everyone has different preferences and not knowing the person you're roleplaying with makes it all the more challenging.

Though, it's not worth it. There's always someone else who is more compatible and you don't always have to go out. I often talk to my partners OOC in order to alert them of when I'm gone such as vacation, work, schedule, and that a response may take a few days according to how much detail goes into it so I feel less pressures overall. And often, your partner feels the same! We are all very much alike, fandoms, Roleplayers, regardless are like family and usually suffer from the same, and if we dont- chances are- they are extremely understanding.

 

[Sibelle Grey]

feeling good enough

An eternal struggle, I feel you on that one. Do they like my posts? Do they like my characters? Is my writing awkward? I haven't replied in a while, are they upset with me? Am I going to log on to an angry reply asking me to step my game up, or telling me they're dropping me altogether because I actually suck?

What it comes down to for me is: we're all adults here. Which . . . there are also teenagers, so nvm, but what I mean is everyone is responsible for their satisfaction in a roleplay. If your partner isn't getting what they expect from you and it's bothering them, you're not a mind reader. If they're not communicating with you and you've made it clear you're open to communication, that's on them. It is not your responsibility to singlehandedly make this roleplay experience perfect for your partner.

1x1 roleplay is a strange kind of relationship, there's a bizarre little intimacy that comes with sharing a verse with one person and one person only. Trust and counting on each other to create something good to react to and build the narrative and whatnot. But if you find that those relationships tend to make you anxious, seek out other, parallel relationships in which you can get validation and positive reinforcement. Make friends, and if you already have friends and those friendships aren't deeply fulfilling, make other friends.

I haven't really become dependent on a partner, but I think I've had a couple of people kind of feel that way about me, and let me tell you, that's a deeply uncomfortable situation to be in, as well, because there's only so much you can do to reassure someone and when it comes to it, we're all just here to have fun. But that's in the case of actual "please don't leave me dependence". That's unhealthy, and for both you and your partners, if that's what you're going through, let those partners go. End those roleplays. Take a step back. Evaluate.

As for roleplayers I simply value a lot, I get anxious, too, so I make an effort to be very open with them about what they can expect from me so they honestly have no reason to be upset because they've been given a heads-up. When I say "I have exams and I won't be on for a couple weeks", something as simple as "Take your time!" is great. When I say "It's taking me a while to write this post", a simple "Don't worry about it, I'll be here!" is perfect. I have one partner in particular who's very good about this. But you have to let your partners know you need that reassurance every once in a while to feel comfortable. They're not mind readers, either. So do you partners know how stressed you are about pleasing them? If not, let them know, they might be able to help. Communication is key.

 

[Onmyoji]

It's good that you care about the ropleplays but it shouldn't dominate your life. Now, that may be a hard balance to reach, because roleplays are also a form of socialization, and it is mostly the other player you're thinking about, whether they would accept you and your writing or no, and so on.

A good way to reduce the anxiety would be to talk with your rp partner about it. Tell them that you're worried, and you'll be surprised that they might also have same concerns as you. Maybe it will help to mitigate those concerns a little, because you are not alone in them.

Just keep in mind that regardless of what you do and who you are, there will always be people you're just not compatible with as rp partners and/or as friends. And if for whatever reason a specific rp partner doesn't like what you're writing, goes ghosting on you, or quickly loses interest in talking to you, remember it's just that specific person. You can't please everyone, as well as everyone can't please you, and so it is also okay to not like what your rp partners are doing, and it is also okay to stop the rp if you don't like it.

I stated it many times across the various topics on this forums, but I strongly believe many of the roleplay issues can be resolved with simple communication with rp partners. It doesn't mean you have to become friends or be emotionally attached to them, but talking things through is will be more likely effective than not.