Realistic or Modern Anchored by Love: Draft Three

[isax]

I watched Amelia make her patrón concoction and became intrigued. I could tell she was still uncomfortable being in the room and I couldn’t blame her. This had to have been the first time her career put her in danger. Sighing softly I shook my head with a smile, watching her sip on the cherry and patrón drink. “I’m okay. Don’t drink too much alright?” I told her softly, walking to the fridge where I opened it and smiled contently at the hug of sweet tea. Taking it, I found the glasses and poured myself some, looking over at Amelia as she watched me. “Yes? Do you have any liquor that goes well with sweet tea?” I asked her curiously, watching her closely as she continued to sip on the drink she made. I wanted to do my very best in showing her she would always be safe with me but she was right. I couldn’t keep her safe the way I wanted to with the career she had. I wanted to be something so much more with this woman but I didn’t want to push myself onto her. We stared at each other, lost in thoughts and the silence was becoming too much for me to bare. I walked closer, setting my glass of sweet tea down beside her, smiling at her gently. Leaning in, I kissed her gently, pulling away softly before I grasped her hand to stand so it could stop shaking. “Relax. I’m here and no one can hurt you while I’m here.”

 

[Lexus]

The thoughts were draining. I was questioning every decision I ever made up until the point where Chad laid facedown into my carpet by the strength of Jayden. Am I stupid for working here? Did I take on too much too soon? Why did I think I could make it out here alone? I should have taken something, locally at home. I almost put my family through unimaginable grief tonight. So much of my life is left unknown to them and tonight, could have been my last chance to tell them anything. How can you be so inclusive, Amelia. They're your family, they deserve to be a part of your life. You need to grow up and learn not to fear their criticisms, they all only want the best for you. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't do this anymore. Jayden. Jayden is still here. Felling his lips press against mine again, I shivered. I knew what he wanted, and he made me feel, untouchable, but I couldn't drag him through my doubts and uncertainty. I had to figure out my life on my own before i let someone else in. I couldn't give into Jayden just because he made me feel good. When his hand took mine, I gasped helplessly, falling into tears again. "I can't relax, I don't want to be here anymore," I whispered setting the glass I clutched on the counter as I took a deep breath. "Jayden, I want you, but I'm afraid it's not for the right reasons. It scares me and tonight, I just realized I can't stay here, not anymore. I take the target on my back honorably, but this is not how I thought things were going to be when I moved here. I need to leave. The Washington Post offered me a job and I'm going to take it. I have family near there and I think it would be best for me. I'm sorry all of this made you think we could be something, but we can't, not right now. Not until I know what I want."

 

[isax]

There it is. You and her will never be together. I tried to stop myself from thinking so negatively so quickly. I understood why Amelia said she no longer could live here. I understood she no longer felt safe here, not to mention she still had family in Florida that she hardly ever spoke to, or so I've been told by Isabel. I didn't know how to reassure her that she would be okay, but I was pulled out of my thoughts the minute I saw tears leaving her face. Amelia no. Don't cry. Please don't cry. You're going to be okay, I swear. Cupping her face, I smiled gently at her before I shook my head, wiping away her tears. "Shh, Amelia. I will be content no matter how you have me in your life. We don't have to be anything more than friends and as your friend, I support your decision on taking the job offer at The Post. I know being in Dallas was temporary and I want you to take this job. I want you to keep excelling in your career. I'll always be a phone call away when things get rough, although I think you would call Isabel before you called me." Chuckling softly to lighten the mood, I wiped away the last set of tears, smiling as I kissed her forehead. "Okay, now let's finish another glass of this patron. I'll join ya." I winked at her, not letting my smile vanish. Just let me see you smile. Just one more time.

 

[Lexus]

Isabel has her own life, I’ve been trying to stay out of it and I don’t need to bring you as closely into mine as you want to be just because I feel lonely. I’m not taking advantage of you, Jayden. You don’t deserve to be heartbroken again. “I don’t call Isabel as much as you think I do,” I replied in a matter-of-fact tone Finishing the tequila in my glass in one smith gulp, I smirked st Jayden when he offered to join me. “I can’t get a lieutenant drunk, you never know when Dallas is going to need you. You uniformed hero of humanity,” I teased, only pouring more tequila into my glass. “Plus if I shared my liquor with you, you’d have to stay the night here.” I thought you would fight for me. It’s okay, no one does. Why did I have to admit to you we can’t be anything now? Why didn’t I just give us the night?

“I know an incident report is 32 pages because my grandpa was on the PD for 32 years.” I was referring back to our previous conversation in the park when Jayden asked me how I knew so much about his career. “He and my grandma weren’t very pleased when their brilliant granddaughter told them she wanted to be a journalist, they thought I wa wasting potential, so they forced me into a special high school that was suooosed to make me want to be a lawyer. Their argument was, I was a great writer, and I loved to argue, plus lawyers make good money. That’s always been important to them. While it was convincing st first, the academy only made me realize how much I would hate my life if I perused law. So then, I got into forensics, and just like with everything, I gave it all I had. But then, a lot of shit happened.” Biting my lip, I skipped over what the shit was for now but was too deep for tonight. “And then someone made me realize what I was really meant for. I finished the academy to please my family, but even in college when they would test me time and time again, the same person would remind me what I was made for and without her, I can’t say I would be the journalist who gets death threats at her door because she’s too good at her job. I wouldn’t be a journalist at all, actually. Funny how one person can change your whole life huh?”

 

[isax]

"It is, honestly." I said in reply to Amelia, drinking the sweet tea I had originally poured myself before pouring myself another glass. "With the knowledge you have, I can see why you thrived so much in the crime department of the AP but that's not something I myself see you doing for the rest of your life. I'm excited to see you're work as an international correspondent." I said softly, kissing Amelia's forehead again. "You know Amelia, even though you didn't share your liquor with me, I wasn't planning on leaving you. I'm staying here for the night, no matter what you say." Chuckling, I kissed her lips softly once more, not taking no for an answer. I need you. If you really are leaving me I never want to forget you, Amelia. No woman will ever top you and I won't ever try finding someone else when you're gone. "Your vast knowledge of CJ is impressive and is quite a turn on. Let's spend the night together, Melia. Let's forget about everything else going on in the world and just enjoy each others company." Let me remember every detail of your face and every little thing you do. Please. Don't push me away because I will keep pushing back.

 

[Lexus]

I let Jayden stay the night and gave him my littlest affections. We held each other in our arms and planted sweet kisses on each other's lips while I sipped on the rest of the patron, giving him a sip and laughing when he scrunched his face in disgust gasping for air once he swallowed. He didn't seem like a hard drinker, but he was determined to prove himself to me. When he asked why I picked tequila as my drink of choice, rather than something more "elegant" I just laughed at him and gave the man my honest answer after I finished off the glass.

"My elegance is a facade, Jayden. I wanted to be successful and dressing in worn out jeans and over-sized t-shirts gives off the wrong impression. But that's the kind of person who raised me. I grew up in a working-class suburb. The kids who finish high school, if they finish at all, go to the community college, but only to earn more at the working class jobs. I didn't want to be like that, I didn't have a choice. My mom, made me believe I was destined for greatness and in my heart, I believed that was true, until I went away to college. There, unlike at home, I was not the minority because I was great, I was the minority because I had fewer opportunities than anyone else. I didn't have the money, or the parents who went to college before me, I was there on my own, trying to figure it all out. I knew if I really wanted to be somebody, I couldn't be the person I was at home. So I completely changed my look, I wore slacks and dress shirts to class almost every day to make a lasting impression. I taught myself how to talk to people that didn't include the words, 'Y'alll and ain't." I spent money I shouldn't have going to lunches and trips because I only made so much in a month and I should have used it to feed myself but I was too determined to be great. I didn't want to accept where I came from and how people would look at me if they knew. I could never get into the elegant drinks though. They're too potent and tequila makes ya feel nice. It's the one thing that I took from home that is never going to change. "


The following Monday I accepted the job offer in Washington and gave the Associated Press my notice. I finally decided this was the end of my Texas chapter, but the hardest part I knew would be telling Isabel. I knew she didn't want me to leave, but I also knew she would be fine without me just as she had been before. I told her about Chad and the night I spent with Jayden but made it clear not to make anything of it. What I didn't tell her was why. She was thriving in her semester, enjoying her time with her friends and all the work she picked up and I didn't want to ruin it by telling her I wasn't staying until graduation. But now, there was no time left, I was leaving in two weeks and I already found a new apartment in D.C. She needed to know.


I hadn't heard much from Isabel lately, between the two of us, our weekends together had been canceled since the last dinner we went to together. I hated busy spells but I knew they were a part of life. We would still take out trip to NYC and experience Broadway and I of course would be back for her graduation in the spring but I knew it wouldn't be the same.

I didn't tell her I was coming over, I just showed up because I knew if I tried to prompt her for my visit, she would become suspicious and only worry the entirety of the day. I was doing my best to avoid that.

Parking beside her, I made my way for Isabel's door while sending her a text. "I'm here, I brought ice cream, open the door, it's cold."

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I knew coming home to Chicago was too much of a painful reminder for my son, so I never asked him to. I hoped in time, the reason why would heal with time, but it had been five years and still, there was no sign of him letting go of the past. Jayden had always been a sensitive soul, I think partly because of what we endured when he was growing up, but also because that was just the kind of kid he was. He had a reputation to be gentle and nurturing, sometimes it made me worry that he wouldn't be much of a man when he grew up, but he certainly proved me wrong. The day he graduated from the police academy and joined the police force in Dallas, was one of the proudest days of my life as his father. His need to comfort and rescue people, combined with his strength left me no doubt that my son would change lives. But I often wondered as his father when he would move past his first love and find the woman that made him the kind of happy he deserved after all the hell he went through. Like any other parent, I only wanted my son to be happy and have all the things in life I knew he wanted, a family being one of them. I always felt terrible that I failed to give him much of one, but I did my best to remind him he would always have his father.

Because it was just the two of us Jayden's whole life, I read him well and it was easy to tell on this visit I took to Texas, he wasn't all there and it started to concern me that was something was wrong. What are you thinking about, son? He seemed ambivalent. The smile he held on his face since I arrived was untouched and stretched from both corners of his thin lips. He was genuinely happy and that was something that was absent from his demeanor since he was in high school. Before now, he was complacent with his life. To see him joyfully banter with me was refreshing, but now, as we sat at a bar, I watched him look down into the tequila I never heard him order, and almost become choked by his tears. I knew by watching him swallow them hard and brushing his face with his hand, he didn't want me to see but I already had.

"What's on your mind, Jay?" I asked in concern, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, a sign of manly reassurance. "What's going on, son?"

 

[isax]

Busy spells were the worst things that happened. Being stuck in a busy spell meant I couldn't see my best friend for awhile and our weekend dinners were cancelled for the past couple of weeks because of this. It wasn't anyone's fault in particular. We both understood we would always have times where we were consumed in our work and couldn't break free just yet. It was my fault this time, though. My semester made a turn from bad to good and I was enjoying it. It was hard to believe graduation was just around the corner and I was ready for it. I wanted to get out of here and take my job offer in Dallas with the DMN. That was the goal through college and sometimes it was hard to believe it even came true but I worked hard for it to happen.

Monday was a pretty easy day on campus. I caught up with some friends from Clark hall, the dorm I lived in when I was a Freshmen. It felt refreshing to be with them in the Syndicate eating and just talking about everything like old times.

When I made it back to my apartment after I was finished being on campus, I released a content sigh, throwing myself on the couch as I closed my eyes in an attempt to relax. When I heard the ding from my phone, I knew right off the bat it was Amelia. The important people always had a different ringtone then the others. Grabbing my phone, I read her text, laughing softly to myself as I shook my head. She was here in Denton and at my apartment.

I got up quickly, going over to the door, opening it with a gentle smile as I saw Amelia with our ice cream. "Well hello there, stranger." I said teasingly, quickly taking Amelia into a hug before I pulled away and shut the door. "The ice cream will spoil our dinner ya know. I'll door dash us some Whataburger." Giggling I walked back to my couch, sitting down happily. "I'm really happy you're here. I've been meaning to show you the up-to-date version of my website. It's still hard to process how expensive it is to have a domain sometimes."

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After the night I spent with Amelia, she was the only thing on my mind. I couldn't think about anything else no matter how hard I tried. She genuinely captivated me, making me feel weak with how beautiful of a person she was. That night, I worked so hard to remember every detail possible on her face. I kept thinking about how she would scrunch up her nose or how cute she looked when she laughed. I missed her. I didn't try and fight for her, I just let her go. I genuinely don't know how to fight for someone I just met and fell head-over-heels for. She wasn't anything like Eve. Amelia was so much better and I didn't want her to leave and forget all about me. I wanted to be in her life any way I possibly could.

My dad often made trips to Dallas so we could spend time together when I had the time off. I know he missed me but I was never setting foot back in Chicago. I was never going back there when it served as nothing but a reminder of my son. Lucky for me, my father understood that which is why he constantly flew out to Dallas. Considering what just happened with Amelia, I was grateful he decided to visit. I needed him here and I needed a distraction from the never ending thoughts of the most beautiful woman I knew, the woman I loved.

The bar was mine and dad's usual hang out spot when he came to visit. We always talked about so much when we were here but this time it was different. I was more energetic, happier and smiling more than usual. It was all because of Amelia but I tried to push my thoughts about her to the back of my mind. Sighing softly, I stared at the tequila I ordered. I knew ordering it would cause curiosity to rise in my father but I didn't mind. I stared into the cup, my mind becoming filled with thoughts of her leaving and I tried to wipe away the tears I choked on before my dad noticed.

Releasing a deep breath when I felt my fathers hand on my shoulder, I bit my lip. "I met a woman, dad. She's perfect in every sense of the word. I never thought I would find anyone after Eve did what she did but Amelia's so much different. I fell hard for her but she's leaving Dallas. She's moving to D.C. to work for The Post. I wasn't upset when she told me. I want her to do this but I still want to be part of her life. I don't want her to leave if it means I'll never see or speak to her again. I don't know what to do."

 

[Lexus]

"Isabel, when have I ever cared about spoiling dinner?" I asked in a smirk, going to the kitchen for spoons before I returned to the couch, sitting down beside her. "Let me see it," I said opening the pint of Chunky Monkey, delicately digging the spoon into the soft top layer. It wasn't unusual for either of us to just show up and act at home. I however, was trying to keep my thoughts about what I needed to tell Isabel to myself. While she opened the website I squealed when Apollo scampered over to me. "Hi, baby! You got so big!" Setting the pint of ice cream on the coffee table I eagerly picked up the puppy in my arms and kissed his face, giggling when he returned them. "I missed you too." Petting him when he calmed down in my lap, I turned back to Bel. "I like the colors. It looks nice. Very professional."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman? Really? Blinking, I did my best to withhold my shock as I drew a breath. It sounded like my son had real feelings for this woman. She had to be something special if she broke through to him just as so many others tried before her. She has to be remarkable. "Amelia huh? That's a pretty name, not one you hear a lot of anymore. She sounds great if she broke through your tough skin," I teased. Chuckling, I quickly let it go when Jayden didn't laugh. Sighing, I pulled his glass away from him so he had to look at me. "Son, if she's as perfect and as great as you says she is, that's not something you let go of, you especially." Sighing again, I looked away for a moment to gather my thoughts, letting the silence linger before I spoke again. "Look, Jayden, I know you've gotten good of letting people go because it never seems like anyone is going to matter enough to fight, but you just don't call everyone perfect. So what if she's leaving? if she's something worth pursuing you'd travel across the world for her. I do it for you. Granted, it's not across the world, but close enough. Do you understand? If she means something to you, you should tell her or you'll spend the rest of your life wishing you had."

 

[isax]

I laughed softly as I watched Apollo be spoiled by his Aunt Amelia. I know she hadn't seen him in awhile and he was not as small as he used to be when I took him along with me to Dallas. He was so precious and seeing him so ecstatic to be around another person made me happy. "Aren't you being a spoiled little brat, Apollo?" I asked him with a laugh, happily accepting the kisses he gave after he made himself comfortable on my lap. "Thank you. I feel like it's really nice but I don't like the price to keep it up. A hundred and fifty dollars for just the domain? Can I get a student discount." Laughing softly, grabbing my pint of Chunky Monkey after sending in our order for Whataburger. "What have you been up to, hm?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He's right. You're both moving to the same city. You are going on the same path in life. Fight for her. "I know you're right dad. She's more than worth leaving this city for. I mean, D.C. was always the goal. Being apart of their police department is something I still want in life. Moving there and pursuing her would be worth it all." I said matter-of-factly, staring at the tequila in my hands before I downed it as fast as possible. "We'll see what happens. Enough talk about me. How have you been, Dad? How's the city still treating you? I'm sorry I can't ever visit you there. I don't think I'll ever be able to set foot there."

 

[Lexus]

"He's not spoiled, he is loved," I corrected before I leaned back into the couch, ice cream in hand again. I couldn't help but laugh at Isabel continuing to talk about how expensive it was to keep a domain. "That's why I told you to start with a LinkedIn but you never listen," I replied, shrugging my shoulders. When she asked what I had been up to I slowly scraped the melty ice cream from the sides of the pint, not looking at her. "A lot actually," I said finally looking up at her, setting the ice cream aside again. "I have to tell you something but you need to understand that it isn't your fault." Letting the silence brace both of us for the decision I already made, I reluctantly continued. "I resigned from the AP, best friend. I can't stay here anymore, not everything that has happened in the past few months. I tried to work through it, but after watching Jayden restrain an angry civilian in my living room for what he thinks I did to his brother, I can't pretend anymore. This isn't what I want. I know wherever I go I'm always going to be under scrutiny, but I just need a fresh start. The newsroom is a constant reminder of all the friends I lost, and Nick, he's everywhere. He's gone for good, but I'm still reminded of his presence in my life almost everywhere I go and I just don't want to think about that after what I lost." Biting my lip, I curled my tongue into my fleshy cheeks to keep from crying. "And then there's Jayden. I'm not ready for that either and I stay it's going to turn into something that I don't need right now. The Post offered me a position and I took it. I leave two weeks from Friday."

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"Woah, I didn't say you had to leave Dallas permanently for her, slow down. I just meant if you feel strongly about her, you should tell her and see what happens. Don't sell her short if she's hard to get. The easy ones are too easy and end up causing you trouble. The hard ones, once you have them, you'll forget what life was like without them. If she's as amazing as you say she is then she be worth waiting for, patiences is the most important thing." Finishing the Stella I ordered. I pad for our drinks and stood from the barstool, tell me more about this Amelia. What is she like?"

 

[isax]

I don't know what I was expecting to hear when I asked Amelia what she was up to but I can guarantee you I wasn't expecting her to tell me she resigned from the AP. I wasn't expecting her to say she was leaving before my graduation. She wants me to believe it isn't my fault? It's hard not to but I can't be upset. She's leaving with good intentions. I can't imagine, nor do I ever, want to know what it feels like going into work knowing you lost so many colleagues and friends. I don't understand how being in Dallas is taking a toll on her because I haven't gone through it. I just want her to be happy. "Oh." Was all that managed to leave my mouth but when I saw her face scrunch up, I tried to find the words and continued on. I wanted her to know I wasn't upset. I wanted her to know I support her. "Wait, it's not how you think. I'm not upset you're leaving, nor do I think it is entirely because of me. I can understand Dallas isn't the place for you. It was only temporary and considering what you have been through, I can't be upset you're leaving to get a fresh start. What I do want you to know is I support this decision. You're finally going to D.C. love! You've got the job you've been wanting for years now. I'm so happy for you." I stated, my voice going from soft to ecstatic in a matter of seconds. Jayden. "Okay so look at me." I told her, gently taking her hands, "I get you don't want anything to happen between you and Jayden. I just want you to know that I think he genuinely cares about you. You should at least hear him out before you leave. You might be surprised with what he has to say." I pulled Amelia into a hug because I knew it took a lot for my best friend to tell me this. I was happy for her, ecstatic even. She was leaving to do bigger and better things. The Post is lucky they're going to have her.

 

[Lexus]

Oh. Great, way to send her into her thoughts, Amelia. What a fantastic best friend you are. You can't just drop a bomb like that. You should have eased your way into it. Wow, what a genius. Catching a breath, I was going to fill the silence with reasons why the move wouldn't change anything for us, but Isabel interrupted me when she found her words. I was scared of what she had to say. Though I knew she would support the decision, her words still stung. Dallas isn't the place for you. It was only temporary. I hated when she said that. It made it sound like i came to Dallas with every intention of hating it, that it wasn't meant to last. I didn't hate it, and if I felt safe and at peace here, I would have had no reason to leave. This wasn't a place I ever had a plan of leaving in a certain amount of time. It felt right. It felt like home. Or well, it used to, not so much anymore. Gigging at the squealing pitch emerge in Isabel's tone, I shook my head excitedly, "It is a dream job," Sighing contently, I didn't fight her hug but pulled away quickly when she tried to sway me on Jayden. "What did you do, Isabel?" I asked suspiciously, furrowing my eyebrows to signal my distress to her possible involvement in a scheme with Jayden. "What did you tell him?" My voice semi trembled from my self-induced anxiousness. I knew the two had to have spoken on some level if she got the impression that he cared about me and he had to have convinced her if she was trying to convince me of the same thing. She wouldn't just push me towards Jayden without knowing something. After what I went through with Nick I expected her to be protective over me and my well-being, not being so accepting of another man trying to weave his way into my complicated life.

 

[isax]

I didn't know how to tell Amelia I spoke to Jayden recently. He asked me for advice on what to do because he genuinely cares for my best friend. I grew protective of Amelia when Nick did what he did but I felt like I could trust Jayden. I didn't know how to tell my best friend that but I felt it in my gut that he genuinely wanted Amelia to be safe and happy. "I didn't do anything. I didn't even say a thing. He did all the talking the last time we spoke." I shrugged my shoulders before smiling gently, laying back on the couch as I stared at the ceiling. "He is a great guy, Melia. I'm not telling you what he told me but hear him out before you leave. He supports your decision to move and get a new start. He didn't give me much detail but he told me he knew what I felt like to get away from a city when you went through what you did." He didn't elaborate on what that meant and I was curious but I didn't pry. It wasn't my place to pry. "But, enough of that. It's a girls night now so let's wait for our Whataburger, we can do facials with what I have in my room and watch movies. Homework isn't important right now."

 

[Lexus]

"Okay," I replied in a soft whisper, raking a deep breath and letting it all fall off my shoulders for now. I could worry about it tomorrow.

A week passed, meaning I only had a week until I was officially out of Dallas and making my way to D.C. I was genuinely looking forward to a change. While most hated them, I embraced them with openness. Dallas felt like a weight on my chest like I was living in constant pressure and fear of what would happen if I stayed any longer. You just have to make it through the week, Amelia. You can do it. It's just a week. Sitting at my desk, I dazed off, glancing out the window, anticipating when I could leave this building for the day and not come back. I was ready to leave, too many thoughts were swarming my brain. I just informed my family back in Florida of my move to D.C. and they claimed to be happy for me because they knew living there was what I dreamed for myself. But I also knew they were largely disappointed because I didn't decide to take a job offer back home to be closer to them. In their hearts, I knew they hoped I would wander for awhile only to discover being back in Florida with them is where I really wanted to be, but my wandering only confirmed Florida was the last place I ever saw myself permanently as a journalist. Like Isabel, they didn't want me to leave them when the time came. But as much as I acknowledged now was the time to leave Dallas, the heavy feeling of fear and uncertainty of what I was doing overtook me completely. Is it actually the right thing to do to keep running from the places you feel like you don't belong? What are you really doing, Amelia? What's the end goal here? What in the hell are you doing?

 

[isax]

I knew all I had left was a week to confront Amelia and tell her how I really feel. I didn't have work today but I had a shift the rest of the week. Since this was my only day off, I decided to ask Amelia out to dinner. I missed her. Only she had the ability to make me feel this way and think about her non-stop. Please say yes to dinner. I want to see you one last time before you leave because I don't know what will happen from here on out.

I sat on my couch, looking at our text thread for what felt like hours before I finally found the courage to invite her out. I was scared of rejection. She didn't have to agree to dinner but I hoped she would. "Hey Amelia, let's grab dinner tonight? Tab is on me tonight. Consider it a congratulations dinner for your new job." After sending the text, I let out a deep sigh before I stared at the ceiling. I'm going to miss you, Amelia.

 

[Lexus]

By the time I escaped from my cubicle, it was late afternoon. The sun was falling from its high point in the sky and the cool breeze was taking a presence. Hurrying to my car, I set my things in the passenger seat when I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. Glancing down at the screen curiously, I gasped to myself when I saw his name light up my screen. Jayden. Shit. I hadn't seen or heard from him since the night we both agreed was a moment of weakness. Sitting back in my seat, I sighed heavily at the text. I didn't want to accept his invitation. I didn't want to serve as a temptation, not when I was leaving so soon. But it would be nice to see him after the day I've had. "Why are you so damn persistent?" I whispered to myself, biting my lip, looking back at myself in my phone's reflection. "What are you doing, Amelia?" I whispered again in a groan. How could you let all this shit happen? You knew better than to give him what he wanted when you didn't want to give him a commitment. How the fuck are you going to get out of this without being a total bitch? You're not. Don't give in. He doesn't know your plans tonight. Opening the thread, I took a deep breath and replied quickly, sending the reply before I had time to hesitate and delete it. I thought maybe it would hinder me from feeling guilty. It didn't.

"Hey there, I would love to see you tonight but I already made other plans. Thanks on the congratulations though, if you're ever in D.C. we'll have to go to dinner then. I promise. Thanks for everything, Jayden."

 

[isax]

I drove from Denton to the Dallas airport, walking as far as I could with Amelia before I had to say my goodbyes. I hugged her tighter than I ever have, not wanting to let go. The tears fell from my eyes and I didn't try to stop them. I was excited for Amelia's fresh new start but I was going to miss being so close to her. "I love you." I said softly, biting my lip before I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand. "Please promise you'll take real good care of yourself. Stay in touch. We're going back to texting each other everyday now." Laughing with Amelia to lighten the mood, I let out another sigh before I watched her turn to leave. She didn't get too far until we both heard a familiar voice. Jayden made it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Isabel was one of the best people I have ever met. She told me when Amelia's flight was leaving and that's all I needed to know. I needed to see her. I couldn't let her leave with the night we spent being the last time we saw each other. She needed to know how I felt. I saw her walking away from Isabel. Run. Run now. Picking up speed in my strides, I called out to her to get her attention. "Amelia!" Finally reaching her, I took her hand, pulling her to look at me as I tried catching my breath. "Amelia, you need to know something." I told her gently, holding her hand in mine. "You're the best woman to ever come into my life. I know you need this fresh start and I support it. I want you to get this fresh start but before that I want you to know I never want to lose you. You're beautiful, strong, charming, and someone I want in my life forever." I whispered softly, cupping her cheeks in my hands. "We don't have to take this anywhere. Please just say I'll never lose you."

 

[Lexus]

Seeing Isabel cry was always one of the hardest things for me to witness. Squeezing her back just as tightly I didn't let go until the last possible second. For a split second, I even had the thought I didn't wan to go but I pushed it aside knowing it was because I didn't want to hurt her, even when I knew she would work through it. I laughed at her sweet attempt to distract me, wiping my own tears off my cheeks. "Yeah, we will. I'm going to miss you, best friend. Study hard and don't forget about me. Okay?" Hugging her one last time. I turned away to leave before I gave into the idea to call of this whole thing. When I turned away, I picked up my pace to hide my tears from Isabel. Then I heard my name. Jayden. Stopping mid-stride, I didn't turn to face him. I didn't want to look at him. I still felt guilty for avoiding him. He didn't deserve it and I was embarrassed by my own actions. When he grabbed my arm, I felt the goosebumps run down my spine and I lifted my head, gasping slightly. When he pulled me towards him, the warmth I felt cascaded my entire being. "Jayden," I whispered finally looking up at him. Looking into his blue eyes, I lost myself in them as I rested a hand on his cheek and pulled him into a delicate kiss. When we pulled away, I smiled seeing a spark of excitement light up his eyes, my expression sobered. "I wish I could give you what you want. because you deserve it, but I can't, not right now." Pulling away from him, I smiled again. "Take care of yourself Jayden." Those were the last words I had for him before I turned away and walked into my future.

 

[isax]

Seeing what unfolded between Amelia and Jayden made my heart break. I knew he wanted to give Amelia everything she deserved in life but she was going to start a new chapter. Watching Jayden’s smile never fade as Amelia kept walking away, I could seeing it falling with every step she took. I felt horrible for Jayden which is why I offered to take him to grab breakfast. I knew he would need a shoulder to lean on and I wanted to help as best as I could before I made my way back to Denton.

When Jayden left after breakfast, I stayed at the diner a little longer after, staring out of the window we sat by as I watched everyone walk by in a rush. Downtown Dallas would always feel like home. It made me so excited to know I would soon be living here after graduation. I sat and watched, observing how everyone walked, what they were doing, how they interacted with one another. It was always a favorite pass time of mine and when I remembered I had my journal in my bag, I pulled it out, losing myself in my words as I sat drinking coffee while writing what I saw.

It felt like I only observed for a few minutes but when I heard the bell above the door chime I looked at who walked in, smiling softly as I observed what they were wearing. After a quick glance, I looked down at my phone, realizing I had been sitting here for an hour and not fifteen minutes. Giggling to myself, I shook my head, grabbing my phone to scroll through my social media apps before I decided to ask for more coffee. After this I should probably head back to Denton. I wasn’t looking forward to the traffic I would face on I-35 but I was ready to curl into a ball with Apollo and try to distract myself.

 

[Lexus]

As much as took pride in my role in the Navy, coming home was always the most refreshing part of the job. It reminded me where I came from and just how many friends and family supported the path I was on.
Jayden was the type of friend you ever thought you'd run into, but when you did you were lucky to have crossed paths with him. He supported me in my role of serving the country, and unlike everyone else, he understood it to a better extent than most, being the officer he was. We respected each other and that's what made the friendship work. Lately, whenever I talked to Jayden though, I became worried for him. He told me about what happened with Nick, about how he strangled a young woman he had a relationship with because he didn't want to have a child with her. I found the whole scenario appalling and disgraceful. Nick was a close friend, but he and Jayden were inseparable. It pained me to watch my friend lose someone he was so close with. He didn't deserve to feel so betrayed. It was awful, and I thought it couldn't get much worse for Jayden. I was wrong.

When I returned home three months later, Jayden told me he fell for a woman. This intrigued me given what he told me about his past and about Eve, until he told me just who the woman was. Amelia Carson, the woman Nick Wells was accused and convicted of almost strangling to death. Jayden fell for Nick's fling. Oh shit. By the sounds of it, she was no easy woman to deflower. I did the best I could do in offering my friend advice, I told him to stay persistent with Amelia. Persistent efforts are difficult to ignore. Amelia, however, proved herself to be next level stubborn. Untouchable.

Through texts, Jayden conveyed to me the night the two spent together. Jayden brought yet another attacker of Amelia's to a hardwood floor and still, she denied him. I knew that had to sting, but Jayden's patience was unwavering. I knew there was something there but I wasn't going to tell him what the something was, that was a revelation Jayden needed to discover on his own.

When Amelia left Dallas though, I didn't know if my friend would come back from that tragedy.

"Wait, she kissed you and then she turned around and left without looking back? That's cold, man. I'm sorry." Resting a hand on my friend's shoulder I shook my head in my own disappointment towards Amelia. I never met her but I knew she meant a lot to Jayden, more than she was willing to see for herself. Then again, the woman had been through what I imagined felt like the hottest fires in hell. It was a complicated situation for both of them, but as Jayden's closest friend, I had to be there for Jayden and his needs.

"Look, I know this is hard now, but she did say, she couldn't give you what you deserved right now. She didn't say never, that's a good sign but don't let her consume you either, she moving on, you should do the same, Jay. Don't give up her though. You never know where life will lead ya."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 365 Days Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My hair was shorter now and I ditched the usual scents of coconut and lavender for apples and cinnamon because Jayden's hands always smelled like coconut oil and I didn't want to be reminded of the friend I left behind.

Since then, I worked my way up in The Post, recently, I spent two months in El Salvador documenting the story, I spent months applying for grants for, infant mortality rates. I spent two months telling the stories of devasted mothers who lost their babies at the demands of their husbands or in child birth. It was a personal issue, but it made for a beautiful piece I was proud of, but I was happy to be back in the hustle and bustle of the city I fell in love with as a teenager on my first visit.

Everything in my life finally felt like it was coming together. For the first time in a long time, I was genuinely happy. I even let someone else in after what happened with Nick. His name's Eric. We meant on the field in El Salvador, he was the videographer I got paired with for my needy project. There really was a group of six of us, but Eric noticed my passion and used it to flirt with me. It worked.

We had been together for four months now, and I never regretted being tangled in his sheets. He was attractive, strong and humorous, but whenever he kissed me, the thought of Jayden always came to mind and I wasn't sure why but I always pushed it aside. I was sure in the last year, Jayden had moved on just as I had and I wished him all the best.

I was curled in my own sheets for once when Isabel called me. Waking, I put my hand over my face to hide the sunlight and answered the phone in our typical morning groans. "What do you want best friend?" I asked when I finally found my words but when I felt someone grab my leg I shot up and squealed when I realized it was her. "What are you doing here?!" I asked in shock, sitiing up on my knees and crutching her into a hug, wrapping my arm tightly around her neck. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?!"

 

[isax]

An entire year passed since Amelia left Dallas for something bigger and better. I was so happy she was genuinely happy once more. She deserved nothing but happiness. I graduated from my dream school, UNT, and accepted the offer I was given by the Dallas Morning News. Ever since my Freshman year working in this news room was my goal and some days it didn't seem real that I had. My life was going great. I worked in the photography department for the DMN which meant I was hardly at the desk with my name tag on it. I was always out on the streets, capturing moments worth sharing and working on projects with senior colleagues. Jayden and I didn't stop being friends, and I knew he and Amelia never spoke after she kissed him and left, but I was concerned for him when he and I both saw Amelia tagged in a picture with Eric. I told him not to think anything of it, but that was a lie. I could see in that picture my best friend had moved on, but I wish she would have done that with Jayden.

To get away from my city for a bit, I took on a story unfolding in the White House and was transferred to out D.C. bureau while the story unfolded. I came with three other colleagues of mine and I was the youngest out of all of us. It was intimidating at times but the amount of respect I had for my senior colleagues was always returned.

We stayed in a hotel nearby Amelia's apartment complex. We had spent most of yesterday going through files and transcripts we were able to receive. Bailey was going to the press conference being held so the president could do the best he could to explain why another travel ban was occurring. These bans were becoming more of a normality and I hated it. I was glad to be here in D.C. covering the story as close as we could but while Bailey was at the conference, everyone else went out for breakfast. They wanted to go around the city for a break from our reporting but I opted to go bug Amelia instead. I needed to talk to her about Eric because there was something she didn't know. I also had to tell her about Jayden but I wasn't sure how she would react to the news.

Arriving at her apartment, I got out of my rental vehicle, going inside as quietly as I could, calling her phone to tease her before I walked into her room and grabbed her ankle, laughing when Amelia gasped and realized it was me. Throwing my arms around her, I hugged her tight, giggling when she asked why I was here. "I'm in D.C. for a couple of weeks because I'm covering a story with some colleagues of mine, but I was able to sneak away and come see you." I said gently, laying in the bed beside her as I stared at the ceiling. Tell her about Eric. Tell her Eric is cheating on her. "Amelia, I don't like Eric." I said sharply, seeing the confusion and curiosity in her face. "I love you and I know you just woke up, but you need to know he's cheating on you." And just like that, I dropped the bomb. I couldn't go the entire day knowing and not tell her, plus it was better she know now when I could spend the entirety of the day with her. Every broken hearted girl needs her best friend and some ice cream. There's another thing you should know, best friend. I'm not sure you would care but Jayden's in the hospital. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her about Jayden. He was an officer from the Dallas shooting but the police department is keeping the names away from the public right now. I can't blame them.

 

[Lexus]

You need to know, he's cheating on you. He's cheating on you. Cheating. What the fuck? Men are shit. Why the hell do I even try? Sitting up, I just bit my lip and looked out the window, sighing when Isabel called out to me. Turning towards her. I took a deep breath. "Show me," I whispered, not angry enough to cry yet but I knew I would be by the time this intervention was over. The last thing I would have expected to wake up to was Isabel in my room, and the last thing I expected her to tell me was Eric was cheating on me. Most would think I should give Eric the benefit of the doubt and defend him against Isabel's accusations, but I trusted Isabel with my life and I knew better to think she was lying. She wouldn't make such a harsh accusation without having good intentions. She would never hurt me unless there was no avoiding it, so I always accepted what she had to say as the truth, even if I didn't want to accept it right away. Today is already shitty. At least my best friend is here.

 

[isax]

I knew my best friend was hurting inside. I knew this wasn’t what she expected to happen first thing in the morning. Sighing softly, I nodded, getting my phone out from the back pocket of my jeans, pulling up the screenshots I had to show Amelia. The screenshots were pictures of Eric kissing another girl. He even captioned one picture stating she was the love of his life. I knew she would believe me because I would never lie when it came to things like this. I would never purposely tell her this if I knew it wasn’t true. Handing her the phone, I watched her look at the photos closely, biting my lip as I debated telling her about Jayden or not. Tell her. She needs to know. “Best friend.” I said gently, taking her hands in mine. I looked at my phone when I got a text, noticing it was from Jayden’s father. Seeing the curiosity in her expression, I bit my lip. “It’s Jayden’s dad.” I whispered softly, looking away when she asked me what happened. “Jayden isn’t doing too well right now. He’s in the hospital, best friend. This wasn’t how I wanted to start our day together but you need to know. I’ll be here through it.”

 

[Lexus]

When Isabel handed me the phone, I cringed, my stomach now engulfed my anger. Why? What did I do? Why am I not good enough? Why did I ever think it would be okay to let someone else in. I'm better off alone. Feeling defeated I threw the phone on the bed, not wanting to look at the pictures anymore. They were too much for me. I felt so stupid. I let another man take advantage of me until he decided I was useless to him. Why are you like this? You could be so much better, Amelia. When Isabel called out to me again in the faintest whisper, I rolled my eyes while staring at the ceiling. I could tell by the tone in her voice there was more for her to confess to me. Looking over towards her, my eyes were glossed with tears, I could feel the warm sticky rivets sliding down my cheeks. "What?" I asked, looking at her phone as I felt it vibrate against my back from where I threw it before wanting to curl into a ball. I didn't recognize the number. Who is this? My confusion only worsened when Isabel answered my question. "What happened?" I asked wiping my tears away from my hot cheek that now stuck to the pillow. Jayden. I hadn't heard that name in a year, though I thought about him more than I was willing to admit, I never spoke his name aloud. I knew he and Isabel were friends, but I stayed out of their friendship for an obvious reason Isabel knew better than try to discuss. Sitting up, I got up from the bed and left the room without saying a word. Grabbing my old Flagler hoodie, I ran for the balcony. I needed fresh air. I felt like I was suffocating after everything Isabel had to say and I wasn't sure how much more of it I could take. I wanted to drink but it was too early, so instead, I just sat on the chair on the balcony and looked out onto the city I adored with my knees in my chest. When my emotions fully overcame me I squuezed my eyes shut and let the tears fall, gasping for breaths when it became too much to bear. Not only did I feel like the world's cheapest girlfriend, easily discarded and forgetten, I felt like a shitty friend. Jayden and I promised to always stay friends and I denied him that promise the moment i walked away and never made another attempt to speak with him. Now he was in the hospital and I feared he felt just as easily discarded and forgotten. I was just all around a shitty human being. It was a horrible feeling, I knew wouldn't fade with gentle reassuarnce. I wasn't sure if there was a way to fix it. Last night, I thought my life was finally making a turn around and this morning it all went to shit, reminding me I didn't deserve as much as I thought I did. My next thoughts terrified me. Too bad you were too early to that shooting, if you were just a few minutes later you wouldn't be feeling this way. You wouldn't be feeling anything at all. That's best for everybody, right?

 

[isax]

Watching Amelia get up and run off broke my heart. I knew where she was headed. She needed fresh air and was running out to her balcony. I didn't know if I should stay in her room or go outside and comfort her. I opted to do the second, following after Amelia as I saw her fall apart. It hurt my heart and I was quick to sit next to her and hug her tightly. "Amelia, breathe for me please." I whispered softly, taking her hand to place against my chest. "Hey, breathe. Talk to me. You're not alone here. I'm here for a reason. Talk to me." I whispered gently, hugging her tightly when she continued to cry. "Amelia please, breathe. We can drink later." I promised, hoping to pull her out of her thoughts while I was here. I didn't want her to be in her thoughts all day long.