Ten Thousand Club
IsabelI followed Dawson to the room mainly because I was no way in hell going to let Dawson get out of this that easy. I was so irritated, angry and hurt that he didn't trust me enough with one of his deepest secrets but following him into the room wasn't supposed to backfire as much as it did. Everything he said wasn't supposed to hurt as much as it did. I was a stickler for the truth, it was just something I always leaned to growing up. After being hurt as many times as I was with people I believed were close to me, I always wanted people to just be straight up with me like I was with them. I guess I never took into consideration that some people keep secrets to protect those they cared about, not because they were being secretive. I felt defeated then, biting the inside of my cheeks to fight back tears.
"Yeah, you're right. I didn't tell you," I said weakly, shaking my head as I wrapped my arms around me, thinking about what exactly happened at the border. No no no, stop it. You're fine. "Just, I'm sorry for bringing any of this up. I'll drop it." The look of relief on his face made me want to hurl. I hated that. Hated how relieved he was that I would stop pressing him on the matter. "But I am who I am, Dawson. I'm big on the truth, in fact I need it and I'm not sorry that's the case. I'm not sorry that I just want to know all of you but how could I when I haven't even been open myself?"
Breathe. My eyes were shut. I felt like I was suffocating. I needed to get out. It seemed this battle I decided to fight was now biting me in the ass.
"I was held at gunpoint by five cartel members, Dawson. Five who had prior kidnapped me and took me to a hidden warehouse where I was tied up and held at gunpoint where I pleaded for my life while they laughed in my face about how weak I looked after acting so tough. So you're right, we all have secrets we want to keep to ourselves but some are just too big to stay in the dark forever." I knew he was going to think I just told him to get what I wanted out of him, but that wasn't the case. His words sliced right through me and he was right. I depended on the truth so much that it was becoming so toxic but when you are in a career built on nothing but truth, I guess you just want it out of everyone and have to be cautious with those who aren't being straight forward because you never know what their hidden agenda is. "I should’ve told you sooner, I just didn’t know how. I need some space."
With that, I left the house, got into my Fiat and drove myself to my favorite overlook of the city, a bridge only lit by one single light pole. I parked my car near the warehouse there, got out and stood on the bridge, just watching as the cars drove by and the cold air made my face feel numb. This is what I needed after starting an argument bigger than I could chew. Idiot.