MISTER UN. 0W3N
schaden f r e u d e
MANU AHLUWALIA
FIRST AID TRAINING TEACHERxx
❝ I'm bigger than my body. I'm colder than this home. I'm meaner than my demons. I'm bigger than these bones. And all the kids cried out: "Please stop, you're scaring me." I can't help this awful energy. Goddamn right, you should be scared of me. ❞
Who is in
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The last three days of winter break was a whirlwind of loose papers and long nights typing away on three separate devices. There wasn’t going to be any spur of the moment “movie days” or interruptions from the faculty whether a random experiment had any value in the curriculum. No more last minute exams either! Manu had guaranteed a semester that properly introduced the foundation and basic necessities for basic first aid. He’ll be damned if no one is carrying around a pair of scissors, thread, needles, high-proof liquor, and a lighter by the time summer break rolls around.
Well, maybe it would be a bad idea to endorse minors carrying around alcohol…? The last time he did that, Manu didn’t hear the end of the complaints from several parents and staff members. Him being irresponsible in giving several children flasks after a lesson?! Hah! He’ll be the one laughing if their parents are in dire need to be sterilized. Goodbye health and hello Lockjaw! Yes! Everything will go according to plan! He’ll make sure to show up before the staff meets for the mid-term exam…
… and so starts a series of misfortunate events that led to “Doctor Ahluwalia” to being severely late to Facility 108, losing all of his curriculum, playing Dig Dug, and losing an argument with his neighbor because of her dog.
As he slept for the first time in days, Manu had forgotten about the flyer in his mail about a snowplow coming into the neighborhood in the early morning. His car remained parked on the street as the plow cleared the street and covered his car in excess snow. Some time after that, a power surge from a car accident had left some neighborhoods blacked out, including Manu’s. Throughout this time, the teacher was deep in sleep, not realizing that he had left his laptop and desktop on. The adaptors to protect power surges failed. His computers were fried… and the information for his curriculum hadn’t been backed up.
It’s a good hour after his alarm is supposed to go off before the teacher is startled awake by the abominable yipping of Princess, Manu’s next door neighbor’s canis lupus familiaris. Or, what Manu likes to call her: “Roadkill.” He went from going at a steady 5mph to running at 120mph after he checked his phone. The amount of derogatory words rose at substantial levels when Manu discovered the remains of his computers. Utter despair and devastation of losing 70 hours of his life was put on hold. Instead, he scrambled to wash away three days of dirt, grime, and sweat while digging for any remains of clean clothing. Certain necessities would have to wait like masticating and defecating. He had to be there come Hell or high water!
Then all hope was lost as he noticed how packed in the snow was around his car. At that moment, Manu knew that the first day back from Winter Break would be another movie day. Dropping to his knees, he had to at least give himself a pat on the back for at least trying. A moment of silent was honored for the “productive day” he tried hard for before he frantically shoved, dug, and willed the snow off of his car. Low and behold, there was someone out there that wondered how bad someone’s day can get. Apparently, having some snow hit his neighbor’s property line was some sort of taboo in the old woman’s world of daytime television and home remedies. Her “cranky lady” senses tingled and immediately appeared in her yard to figure out the source.
Needless to say, a good fifteen minutes was lost as he argued with his neighbor.
And, wouldn’t you know it? That lovely little “Princess” showed up as if to back up her owner and went straight into attack mode. Or, as Manu likes to call it: “tear shit up and proceed to urinate everywhere.” He was left to sit in his (now freed) car, wrapping his hand up with the gauze from his vehicle first aid kit and wait until his car is warmed up. All the while, his neighbor proceeded to argue with him and prove her point about how Trump was right about building walls and the aethers telling her that Manu moved the property line for the “insert imaginary number” time. Despite his efforts to at least come to work clean, the smell of urine filled the space.
The rest of his time was spent in traffic listening to disc jockeys talking about how the accident earlier this morning was still getting resolved. It took all of his will not to fly to work. By the time he pulled up into the parking lot, it was clear that Manu had missed the midterm. The remains of the events stood as a reminder of how the rest of this day was going to go. Taking his leather briefcase and tablet, the First Aid Training teacher made the walk of shame from the parking lot and into the main building. By the time he reached his classroom, Manu had made up his mind that today was going to be desensitized training by putting on a series videos from operations and The Human Centipede. After setting up the projector screen and projector, Manu stepped out to visit the bathroom.
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MISCELLANEOUS INFORMATION
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LOCATION
STATUS
WORKING?
CELLPHONE
Facility 108 --- Main Building
experiencing an endurance test
yes
on
character's name
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