Fantasy Aedighar [closed]

[scoorpiuuss]

If they were lucky, both of them would find women to settle down with. They would have their families, and Elias thought that it would be easy for them to find peace and happiness then. Even if it wasn’t his first priority to scout the towns for a pretty and smart woman to settle with, Elias hadn’t given up. If there would ever be a chance of a family presented to him, he would take it, and he hoped that Arthor would do the same. For now, they belonged to each other, but Elias would never keep a tight grip on Arthor if he wanted to settle down.

“Are you planning to stay here for the rest of the day now?”

"Is that a problem?"

“Not at all,” Elias chuckled.

"Good."

No matter how ridiculous Elias felt for missing Arthor even if it had only been a few hours, he didn’t care much about that now that he hoped Arthor would be staying with him for the rest of the day. If Arthor wished to leave, though, Elias wouldn’t stop him. He wasn’t in control of Arthor’s life after all. There seemed to him that Arthor didn’t wish to leave as he pressed his lips against his jaw to press sweet kisses against it. Elias hummed, smiling as he closed his eyes to enjoy the sensation of having Arthor with him again.

Arthor laughed at him, and Elias thought that he must have found it amusing how much he enjoyed this. He pulled away from Arthor, wanting to meet his gaze as a smile spread across his lips.

“It makes me incredibly happy to see you this cheerful,” Elias said.

"I'll try to stay this way for as long as I can then,” Arthor chuckled and leaned forward to press his lips against his jaw again.

“I’d enjoy that.”

"Me too,” Arthor mumbled against his skin as he nuzzled his neck.

It must have been so long ago since Elias had felt a happiness as pure as this. They had been through a lot ever since he had come back home from the war. A lot had changed, but only now did Elias think that they were slowly getting back to where they had used to be. He liked that. He hoped that Arthor felt the same way, and Elias kept wondering about that while he stroked his fingers through Arthor’s hair. A sweet kiss was pressed against his neck which Elias chuckled at.

“What about all the other women in your life?”

"What about them?"

“What happens to them now that you’re so caught up with the other woman?”

"I don't think I'm married to her, so..."

Arthor was chuckling, but Elias wondered how that would work if he would keep so many women in his life. Sometimes he didn’t understand the way Arthor’s mind worked, but he was right that he wasn’t married to this woman. Either way, it sounded like she was different from all the other women and perhaps Elias had gotten ahead of himself for thinking that she meant something to Arthor. It was likely nothing more than a good woman to share a bed with, but again, he hardly understood Arthor’s hunger for women.

“True. I just thought it sounded like she was different from all the others,” Elias shrugged.

"Oh, she is. No doubt about that."

“I suppose I don’t understand your constant hunger for a good woman in your bed,” Elias chuckled.

"I suppose I don't understand your lack of that hunger,” Arthor chuckled.

“Either there is something wrong with me or you.”

Never had Elias had a big interest for whores. Women were fine, and their company was enjoyable, but he didn’t see the need to have a whore in his bed every night. He preferred the company Arthor gave him, but perhaps there was something wrong with him as he didn’t feel that hunger or attraction towards women. Arthor shrugged, but Elias already knew that Arthor was perfectly normal with his desires. That only made him chuckle as he realised how difficult it would be for him to find a woman that he genuinely liked that he could settle down with.

Arthor chuckled as well, and Elias assumed that Arthor knew as well that it was him that there was something wrong with and not himself. Elias didn’t mind as he was perfectly happy with how things were in his life right now.

“At least you don’t have to worry about me disappearing in the night to go look for some whores,” Elias chuckled.

"I suppose that's true,” Arthor chuckled.

“Do you find it strange?”

"Find what strange?"

“My lack of hunger towards women.”

"Well, it's not like you've ever been very interested in them. I'm used to it by now."

“That’s true.”

Elias could briefly recall the first time he had met Arthor. He had never felt such a strong attraction to anyone before, but they had only been friends. Now he thought that he was pathetic or silly for all of that, and it didn’t matter anymore what he had felt in the past as he had Arthor here with him now, completely aware of what Elias felt about him. Still, Elias thought that perhaps he had always felt attracted to Arthor and ever since they had met he hadn’t searched for any woman to casually lay with.

 

[desti]

Perhaps Arthor wasn’t as interested in other women as he was in Sarisa, but he didn’t doubt that he’d be quick to find a new woman to warm his bed for the night if he wouldn’t find her. After all, it wasn’t as though there was anything deep or sincere between them. It was probably just one good night they got to spend with one another, but Arthor didn’t think it would actually go anywhere. He barely even knew anything about her.

When they spoke of Elias and his lack of interest in women and whores, Arthor didn’t really think it was that weird. It had always been that way, ever since they’d met each other. Arthor never really saw Elias as someone with a great interest in the simpler things in life. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, though. Elias was just a little different, is all.

“Nothing wrong with having different interests,” Arthor shrugged and chuckled.

"Good."

Though Arthor couldn’t help but wonder if it was just a general lack of interest in women, intimacy or if it was because they were together. He doubted that it was the latter, since, again, Elias had always been like this. It must’ve been one of the first two, and it did make Arthor curious as to which one it was.

“Do you just not like sleeping around? Or is it the women part turning you off?” Arthor asked and chuckled.

"I think the latter."

“Oh, really?”

"I don't know."

At that, Arthor nodded and chuckled a little. He had thought that maybe because of how sincere Elias seemed towards Antra, that it would’ve been the former but apparently he was wrong. Arthor was past the point of judging Elias of something like that. Though it seemed like Elias seemed rather confused, and Arthor wasn’t sure what that was about.

“What is it?” Arthor asked as he looked at him.

"I suppose I've never thought much about this before."

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Strange,” Arthor chuckled.

“I guess,” Elias chuckled.

“What’s your conclusion about yourself then?”

"That I'm attracted to men?"

“Well, obviously,” Arthor laughed.

Maybe Arthor should’ve realised that perhaps Elias liked men more than he liked women. He was a bit different than he was, and it did make sense that his interests were also different than that of an average man. It hadn’t really occurred to him over the years of their friendship, though it should’ve been rather obvious from the things they did sometimes.

"But I don't mind being with women."

“No?”

"I didn't mind being with you and Leanah."

“That doesn’t count. It’s different from being alone with a woman.”

"I loved being with Antra."

“See, that part confuses me.”

"Why?"

“Just doesn’t fit in with the rest,” Arthor shrugged and chuckled.

“I guess.”

But, to be fair, Arthor didn’t know that much about what Elias had done before arriving in Santrella. They didn’t really speak that much of their adventures before reaching their eventual home. For all Arthor knew, Elias had whored his way through those years and now he was just done with that life. That could happen, too. Arthor did know enough men that had just grown tired of that sort of thing.

“There’s only been me and her for you?”

“Yes.”

“What about casual things?”

“Then no,” Elias chuckled.

“Many or…?”

"No, not many."

“Only women?”

In a way, Arthor thought it was amusing to talk about this, since they didn’t really do that. He had been afraid of growing jealous, but that would’ve been stupid of him. Arthor felt rather proud of himself that he hadn’t even flinched at the mention of Antra, considering their horrible conversation from months ago. He thought he was getting much better at controlling himself.

"No."

“You’ve never told me about that,” Arthor chuckled.

"It was before we first slept together."

“Oh. I guess that explains things.”

Though there had been a part of Arthor that had almost hoped he was the one to awaken such feelings and thoughts in Elias, that was obviously wrong. It did explain why Elias was much more comfortable with this and a few other things. Now that Arthor was getting better at not letting his thoughts be so toxic, he didn’t find it in himself to be jealous or angry at Elias.

“What?”

“Good things,” Arthor shrugged and chuckled.

“Oh.”

“Oh,” Arthor repeated and laughed before squeezing his arms around him.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Before Elias had spent one evening with Arthor in his arms so many years ago, there had been other men in his life that he could not recall the names of and not that it mattered anyway. There was something exciting about a man that no woman had been able to make him feel. Elias had loved Antra with all of his heart, but he couldn’t deny his hunger for Arthor and something that she could never give him. Only when he had arrived back in Santrella had he realised that women couldn’t compare to the feeling men gave him through intimacy.

Arthor seemed to find it amusing, but Elias assumed that was because they had never spoken about this before. They had always ran from questions and always pushed everything aside to pretend that it was all normal. Elias was glad that they were able to speak to each other now without worrying anymore.

“Well, now you know why,” Elias chuckled and wrapped his arms around Arthor.

"Want to tell me about it?"

“What do you want to know?”

"How old were you when it first happened? How'd it happen, anyways?"

Gods, Elias could barely remember since it had been so many years ago. For so long he had pushed it far away from his mind that he had almost forgotten about the few men he had spent his evenings with. He had been young and curious, especially since the day he had first seen Arthor which had awakened something in him.

“I remember the first time I saw you. It made me curious, and I suppose I simply decided to try,” Elias shrugged.

"Oh really?"

“Yes,” Elias chuckled.

"Who?"

“If you think I can recall that, you’re mistaken.”

"I guess I am. Was it a whore or?"

Elias sighed as he tried to think back at what had happened. He had been young at some inn in town where drunken men likely couldn’t tell the difference between a man and woman. There had been a lot of wine running through his veins at the time. The man had been older, older than what he was now. Elias could barely remember what had happened or how it had all happened. All he knew was that he felt an attraction towards Arthor and had gotten curious. After that, he had ended up in some man’s bed for the night.

“No. He was older, and perhaps bored of his wife. I’m not certain,” Elias chuckled.

"Oh. How'd that conversation start?" Arthor chuckled.

“I was drunk, and I am fairly sure that he was too drunk to tell the difference between a man and a woman.”

Not much had happened that night. Elias didn’t remember much, but he was certain that not much had happened. Then he would have remembered it. Arthor nodded, and Elias thought that it was strange to think about his past since he rarely did it. Most of the time he hated it as he didn’t like dwelling on everything that had happened to him whether it had been good or bad.

“I’d tell you more if I could remember,” Elias chuckled.

"I guess it wasn't too memorable. Or maybe you were just too drunk."

“I think it was a bit of both,” Elias said, and Arthor laughed at his words.

"Was that the only time?"

“No, but the other nights and men weren’t very memorable either. It isn’t as exciting as you think,” Elias chuckled.

"How many have you slept with?"

“Three, or perhaps four.”

There hadn’t been that many since Elias had only been curious to try it out a few times. Then he had gotten to know Arthor better, and he had tried to forget about everything in order to not ruin the friendship they had managed to build. A few slip-ups had happened where they had ended up together, but they had always brushed it aside until Elias had started to believe that they were simply friends and that whatever he had felt in the past didn’t matter anymore.

"I thought it'd be harder to find men like that,” Arthor shrugged.

“There are probably many men who get bored of your usual whore or their wives,” Elias chuckled.

"Maybe."

“Trust me.”

"Perhaps you're just very good at spotting those kinds of men."

At that Elias laughed. He imagined that if he were to go out at an inn now, he could have easily found some man that would be willing to share a bed with him. Not that he wanted to do that, but the point was that it wasn’t too difficult. Most of the time there had to be a lot of wine involved, though. Elias didn’t think that was a bad thing since most of the men weren’t that memorable. It was still amusing to think about it how normal it probably was, though, no matter how wrong it was in the eyes of Gods and men.

“Perhaps,” Elias chuckled.

"So you were attracted to me from the start, huh?"

“Yes. Gods, I thought you were so handsome, and I still do.”

 

[desti]

Again.
Chapter CXLVIII
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​

After talking to Elias about Sarisa, Arthor was even more determined to find her. He couldn’t stop thinking about her and he almost started thinking that perhaps she wasn’t even real. Maybe he’d gotten so drunk that he’d made up a story in his own mind. That was almost too believable, because Sarisa was so good that she seemed almost like a figment of his imagination. The still lingering marks on his skin proved him otherwise, though.

A few days had passed and Arthor felt like it wouldn’t be too pathetic of him to go out in search of her. He figured that if he wouldn’t find her at that same inn, then he likely won’t find her at all. Santrella was a rather big town with thousands of people in it. Finding one, even as distinct as Sarisa, would be pretty much impossible. Arthor was putting all his hopes into this, and he wasn’t entirely sure what he’d do if he wouldn’t see her that night. Maybe then they truly wouldn’t see each other again.

As Arthor entered the inn, he was greeted with the familiar smell of wine and the sound of too many drunk people. It wasn’t even that late, really, so it was rather pathetic. Not that Arthor could judge anyone on that, though, even if he was doing better with his drinking lately. That wasn’t why he was here, though, and he took a few steps inside while his eyes moved through the crowd.

There were too many drunk men and far too many ugly women. Once Arthor got past the initial shock of seeing so many people, though, he did spot the familiar blonde hair. It wasn’t too hard to pick out between the mostly dark haired patrons. Arthor could’ve cried from joy then and he almost couldn’t believe his eyes. She was just as pretty as she had been that first time he’d seen her.

It almost felt too good to be true again as Arthor quietly walked up to be behind her while he watched her set her cup down on the desk. He stayed silent until Sarisa turned around, obviously getting startled by him. She gasped and slapped her hand against Arthor’s arm, making him laugh.

"Gods, Arthor,” Sarisa said as she shook her head.

“I can tell you’re happy to see me,” he chuckled and grabbed her by the waist to pull her close to him.

"You're incredibly rude."

Perhaps Arthor should’ve apologised for scaring her, but he didn’t quite feel like it. He was just thinking about how pretty she looked. Arthor wanted to kiss her, but he had a nagging feeling that Sarisa might push him away after what he had done. Though maybe it was a good sign that she wasn’t slapping his hands away from her waist. Did she think of him as often as he had thought of her?

“I’m going to have to disagree.”

"What if I would've had my dagger on me?" Sarisa asked, moving her hands to grab onto her shoulders while rubbing them gently.

“But you didn’t.”

"Lucky for you, Arthor."

“Very lucky indeed,” he chuckled and stroked his thumbs against her waist.

Again, the thought of kissing her came into his mind. Before Arthor could actually do it this time, Sarisa pulled away from him. She took her cup of wine and drank from it, while Arthor watched her closely. Somehow Sarisa made even drinking wine into something interesting to watch; he couldn’t stop staring at her lips around the rim of the cup or her fingers wrapped around the cup.

"So, why did you come here?" Sarisa asked and it made Arthor get out of whatever trance he had been in before.

“What do you think?”

"You're following me."

“Not at all. I just got lucky,” Arthor shrugged.

"I was planning to find a new inn in the morning, so you're very lucky."

“The Gods truly smiled upon me tonight.”

"They did."

When Sarisa smiled, Arthor moved his hands back to her waist and pulled her against him before leaning down to kiss her. He couldn’t really resist that urge for much longer. When their lips met, it felt just as sweet as he remembered and now he almost felt angry at himself for not finding her sooner. Sarisa moved her hand to touch the side of his neck and Arthor smiled because of it.

“Did you miss me?” Arthor mumbled as he pulled away a little, while still keeping his face close to hers.

"I did."

That made Arthor feel incredibly happy with himself. He had thought that perhaps she wasn’t as interested in him as he was in her, but now it felt like that was just an overreaction. Now Arthor thought that he hadn’t imagined anything and what they had shared that night had been genuine. He didn’t think Sarisa could be that good of an actress, after all.

“Good,” Arthor mumbled before kissing her again.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

The heat of Santrella must have gotten the better of her. Sarisa had never let a man stay the night in her bed. Not only that, but she found herself thinking about Arthor. He came to her mind especially in the evenings when she laid alone in her rather horrible bed. Everything about him was too good to believe, and she missed the way his touch made her feel and how euphoric their kisses made her feel. Suddenly Santrella became so much better than what it had been before, and Sarisa wondered if they would ever see each other again.

Pathetically she prayed to the Gods that they would.

One evening at the inn, Sarisa knew it would be time for her to leave soon. Another inn somewhere further away that could allow her to see another part of Santrella. She doubted she would find an inn with a better bed. There had to be some, but she couldn’t afford that. Gods, she would have done anything to spend one night in a proper bed. It had been so long ago since she had felt the comfort of a soft bed without the constant smell of sweat and skin. A girl could dream she told herself, and Sarisa knew she had to get used to it.

While Sarisa dreamt of a sweeter life in Santrella, a pleasant surprise came to her that same evening.

The sight of Arthor was like a fresh breath of air. Sarisa had tried her best not to forget what his delicate touch felt like, but her imagination had done his touch no justice. With their lips pressed together, she knew she was a fool for missing him, but she was mesmerised with him.

With her hands travelling from his shoulders and into his hair, Sarisa hoped that Arthor had missed her as well. It would be nearly impossible for her to forget about their night together. He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close to his body until her chest pressed against his. Would he want to spend the night with her again? Sarisa didn’t want to assume anything, but she thought that Arthor wouldn’t reject that offer. Not after how well everything had gone between them the last time they were together.

“Did you miss me?” Sarisa asked once she pulled away from the kiss to press kisses along his jaw.

"Very,” he said while returning the favour and pressing his lips against her jaw.

“Good,” she sighed.

Arthor nodded before squeezing his arms around her, and Sarisa left a trail of kisses all that way up to his ear to gently bite at his earlobe. Hearing his slight hum got her nerves to tingle while a shiver ran down her spine. No words could describe the sensation Arthor managed to send rushing through her veins. She pulled away from his neck, wanting to meet his gaze.

“I thought about you often.”

"Oh really?" Arthor smiled while his fingers traced along her back.

“Especially in the evenings.”

"Oh,” he said as his smile grew bigger.

“It didn’t feel quite the same, though,” she sighed.

"That's a shame,” Arthor mumbled before leaning down to kiss her neck.

It would have been easy for Sarisa to look for another man at the inn willing to spend a moment with her in her bed, but she hadn’t. She doubted she would find anyone as good as Arthor, and perhaps that deprivation of something she loved doing a lot had caused her to crave Arthor much more than what she initially did. Sarisa sighed softly at his soft lips against her skin, smiling while running her fingers through the dark strands of his hair. How could she forget about him when he managed to make her feel so special with the slightest touch?

"You're on my mind often as well."

“Is that why you came back here?”

"Maybe."

“Be honest with me, Arthor,” Sarisa mumbled.

"Yes."

Sarisa quite liked the thought of Arthor thinking so much about her that it had driven him to come back here for her. Though she wanted to stay close to him because of that, she chuckled before pulling away from his embrace. Arthor chuckled as well, and she turned around to grab her cup so she could retake a sip of her wine.

"Are you drinking that piss again?"

“Yes. I have to use my gold wisely if I don’t want to end up on the streets,” Sarisa chuckled.

"Easy. Just come to me whenever you want to drink wine."

“Well, it isn’t that easy when I don’t know where to find you.”

During the last few days, Sarisa had wondered what Arthor had meant by doing whatever his Lady asked him to do. It could mean so many things that she wasn’t sure what to think, but since he had so much gold, she figured that he must have been working for some wealthy Lady. Though as soon as that thought lingered too long on her mind, Sarisa was reminded of her responsibilities that she had thrown away, and she almost didn’t want to ask Arthor or attempt to find him, frightened that it would remind her too much of her real home.

 

[desti]

Everything about Sarisa was just as good as Arthor remembered it. Her touch was sweet and her lips felt perfect against his. Arthor felt incredibly lucky that he’d found her and he was very much excited for what his night would be like now. Already his mind filled with thoughts and ideas, and Arthor found himself getting giddy from excitement about being with Sarisa again. It was a shame that a pretty girl like her had to drink shitty wine like that.

“I suppose that’s true.”

"I'll survive on this wine for now."

“I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy.”

At that, Sarisa laughed and Arthor grinned, “do you want me to get the same as last time?”

"I shouldn't have more wine."

At that Arthor shrugged and sat down by the table while he looked up at her. He suddenly realised that he’d have to lay in her horrible bed again. The thought alone made Arthor’s back ache. Sarisa sat down in his lap and Arthor forgot about his doomed fate and the backache that would follow. He moved his hand to rest on her thigh, chuckling a little.

"Did you want me to drink?"

“Maybe.”

"Okay, I will."

That was all Arthor needed to hear as he waved down a girl to bring them some wine as he passed her some coins. Gods know he probably spent too much money only to impress others around him. That hadn’t ruined him yet, but Arthor knew he should be a bit more careful. All he could think about now was how fun they could make their night be again, especially with some wine in their blood.

When the girl returned with the wine, Sarisa was too busy to notice as she was kissing over his jaw and dragging her fingers against his chest. Arthor almost didn’t notice as well. He kept his hand rubbing against her thigh while he grabbed a cup with the other hand to give it to Sarisa. She didn’t hesitate to drink almost all of the wine in one go, which made Arthor chuckle. Sarisa laughed too and Arthor took the other cup to drink a little wine as well.

Just as Arthor tipped the cup to drink some of it, Sarisa nudged it with her hand, making it spill all over him. Arthor put the cup down quickly and sat up, wiping his chin and cursing queitly. Sarisa seemed to find it amusing, while Arthor thought it was very rude. She got off of his lap, laughing at him while Arthor tried to wipe the wine at least off of his skin with his already ruined shirt.

“Rude.”

"Not at all."

“This is the last time I’m buying you wine.”

“Oh no,” Sarisa pouted.

“Oh yes,” Arthor nodded, wiping some wine off of his hands onto his trousers.

"How will I survive? Have mercy, Arthor."

“You didn’t have much mercy on me.”

"Please."

“I’m soaking in wine right now.”

Because of how stupid Arthor felt, he chuckled and shook his head a little. The people around them must’ve seen it too, but Arthor didn’t look around since he figured that they’d laugh and smirk at him. He didn’t really want that right now, so he just focused on Sarisa instead. She straddled his lap and Arthor moved his hands to her hips, trying not to laugh again.

“Now I have to go back home. Is that what you wanted?”

"I won't allow you to leave me."

“I’m not going to stay here.”

"Take me with you."

That had crossed Arthor’s mind, but he didn’t want to suggest it in case Sarisa wouldn’t be comfortable with that. Being at an inn was quite dreadful, but it was somewhat safer than trusting someone you didn’t know. Or at least Arthor thought so. Now that Sarisa suggested it, he quite liked the thought of it, really. They would have a comfortable bed and perhaps Sarisa would like him even more once she’d see how he lived.

“Should I?” Arthor asked as he leant forwards to press kisses against her neck.

"You should."

Then Arthor pretended to think about it while he sank his teeth into her skin gently. Maybe Sarisa could stay in the castle, Arthor quite liked the thought of that. She didn’t seem like a person to take the job of a servant there, but perhaps she could just stay there to warm his bed. That didn’t quite fit her either, though, but it was a nice thought to entertain Arthor.

Sarisa hummed and Arthor thought that he couldn’t really put up the act for too much longer. The thought of having her in his bed sounded too nice. Arthor got up and set Sarisa down to stand on her own. His shirt was sticking to his skin, but Arthor ignored it for now. It would be a little worse when they’d get outside, but the walk wouldn’t be too terribly long at least.

"I'm sure no one will mind that stain."
“You’re so mean to me, Sarisa,” Arthor mumbled as he wrapped his arm around her waist to head out of the door with her.

"And what are you going to do about that?"

“Maybe I’ll spill some wine on you now. It’d be only fair.”

“Do it.”

The thought made Arthor chuckle and he pulled her against his side as he walked outside with her. It wasn’t cold at all, but the wine on him made it still feel a little chilly. Arthor just wanted to get back inside now, and he quite wanted to see what reaction Sarisa would have to the castle.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Unexpected
Chapter CXLIX
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

After days of constant headaches and food that would never stay in her stomach for long, Aryana knew it was time to visit the Maester. Brynden agreed as he was the one to take her to the Maester’s office. The pungent stench of oils, spices and other aromas clouded the air in the rather dark room. A large book laid spread across the desk while the constant noise of the chains around the Maester’s neck echoed through the room. The only hand she had to hold was her own as she stood there staring at the older man.

First there was unpleasant talk about symptoms. Aryana brushed everything aside as this was nothing than a common fever that had happened to get to her. His forehead wrinkled at her words while he furrowed his eyebrows, not quite agreeing with her conclusion.

The need to hold onto something grew. Her eyes were wide as she looked down at the two fingers pressed against her lower abdomen. The Maester mumbled something for himself once he pulled away, taking one last glance of her before he asked her the questions she wished had never left his lips. When was the last time she had bled? The questions lingered on her mind while her fingers grasped onto the fabric of her dress. Her palms were covered in a thin sheet of sweat as her eyebrows raised and tears stung in her eyes.

It was too soon. Aryana wasn’t ready.

What would Brynden say? Many questions rushed through her mind once she left the Maester’s office. The hallway she walked down did not lead to their room, and Aryana rushed towards the end of the hallway to the large door guarded by two men. Her lungs had left her body and only when she was let outside did it feel like she could finally take a deep breath. The guards had tried to stop her as rain poured down outside, but Aryana walked away from them. Away from the door. Away from the castle. Away from Brynden.

He was the last person she wanted to see.

The dress clung to her skin, and so did her hair which had lost its curls in the rain. It laid flat against her back while the cold crept up on her. Aryana wrapped her arms around herself, her bottom lip shivering as she stopped in the middle of the yard. The bottom of her skirt was already covered in mud, but she didn’t care. They weren’t ready for a child. Not now. Tears ran down her flushed cheeks, and they mixed with the pouring rain that ran down her face, and though she wanted to stand there, her feet led her over to a bench in the yard.

Aryana couldn’t tear her eyes away from her abdomen, and all she could see was the blood and the horror she had faced that day when they had lost their child. Now all of it would happen again. She was certain of it as the Gods were clearly angry with her. That was why they had taken her first child, and now they would never let her have any living children. It wouldn’t matter if she begged for their mercy. Aryana wasn’t ready for this child, and she wished she could disappear. Leave Nilfgaard without anyone noticing.

There were footsteps, but Aryana didn’t look away from herself.

Not that she had to look to know who it was. Brynden sat down beside her on the bench, and Aryana wanted to tell him to leave. Tell him to get far away from her and never speak to her again, but why was she so angry with him? This wasn’t his fault.

"You shouldn't be outside."

“It doesn’t matter.”

"Come on, let's go inside. You'll get sick,” Brynden sighed as he put his cloak around her.

“No,” she mumbled, pulling the cloak off of her body.

What did it matter if she would get sick? Aryana didn’t care. It no longer mattered. There was a child in her belly, and she believed that soon enough she would wake up with blood surrounding her and the loss of another child. Aryana feared that she would never be able to feel the joy of having a child of her own, and even with news that she was carrying Brynden’s child, she didn’t believe that it would live. Neither were they ready for this, and Aryana had wanted to wait before she even started thinking about having children again.

Brynden didn’t care that she didn’t want his cloak around her. He placed it back over her shoulders, and Aryana let him while she ignored him once he said her name. The headache grew as more questions rushed through her mind. Endless questions with no answers, lingering deep inside of her as she feared the worst would happen.

"Come on,” he said, wrapping his arm around her and gently pulling her body away from the bench.

“I don’t want to,” she cried out.

"Fine."

Brynden stopped and pulled her closer to his body while pulling the hood of the cloak over her head. She wanted him to leave her alone. This wasn’t what they had wanted to happen, and she didn’t want to disappoint him again when she would lose this child as well. Aryana closed her eyes as she imagined how upset he would be with her then. Gods, everything around her seemed to crumble as the happiness she had found slipped through her fingers.

 

[desti]

When Brynden had found out about the illness that had befallen Aryana, he understandably got worried. He had a nagging feeling that this wasn’t just a common cold, but something that neither of them really wanted right now. It was rude of him, but Brynden didn’t want to be there when the Maester would check up on her. He told her that he was too busy, and he felt like a prick for leaving her alone then, but he was too afraid of what he might hear.

Sometimes when things got too much in his head, Brynden went to his parents’ old room to calm down a little. It was quiet there and nobody would bother him, and he liked that. Brynden could just sit down and think about everything, and Gods knew he had too many thoughts, especially right now. He truly hoped that he was overreacting and that it was just a mere cold that Aryana was suffering with. What if it wasn’t?

They weren’t ready for a child, Brynden knew that. They were still too startled by what had happened many moons ago. Besides, what if it all would happen again? That they definitely wouldn’t be able to handle. Brynden wanted to try, but this was too soon. Far too soon for either of them. If Brynden hadn’t lost his faith in the Gods, he surely would’ve spent these quiet moments praying that a child wouldn’t be brought upon them.

Only after some time did Brynden get the courage to seek out Aryana. When he wasn’t able to find her in the castle, his heart sank. She was likely outside and it was pouring from the heavens, so Brynden could only conclude that something was very wrong. Sure enough, when Brynden finally found her, the look on her face told him all he should really know. He didn’t even need to ask.

It seemed like Aryana was shutting down again and growing distant from him, which was the last thing Brynden wanted. Besides, she really shouldn’t be outside in weather like this. Brynden wanted to get her inside and get a fire going so that she could warm up again. It seemed like Aryana wanted to be left alone, but Brynden wouldn’t do that. Instead, he just held her close against his side, rubbing her arm gently.

It hurt every inch of Brynden when he heard her sob quietly. He wanted to protect her and help her, but he didn’t know how to do that. Brynden wrapped his arms around her and hugged her to him. The rain was making his clothes wet and if anyone would get sick it would likely be him, but right now Brynden didn’t really care.

“I’m not ready.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Brynden mumbled into her hair.

“What if I lose it?”

“Don’t think like that.”

Worrying and stressing about it would do Aryana no good. Perhaps that would even make it more likely for it to happen again. Brynden wanted her to be calm throughout this, no matter how much they both feared what might happen. They had to be strong and calm, and Brynden would take care of Aryana as good as he could.

"I know it will happen. The Gods will never let me have this child."

“You don’t know anything. You have to stay calm, Aryana.”

"Are you angry with me?"

“No, of course not.”

That must’ve calmed Aryana down a little, though Brynden didn’t understand why she would’ve worried about something like that. He would never be angry with her for this. It wasn’t her fault. Aryana moved to sit in his lap, laying her head on his shoulder, so Brynden wrapped his arms around her and stroked his fingers against her back.

“It’s cold and wet out here, let’s get inside.”

“Okay.”

Before Aryana could change her mind, Brynden got up with her. If he’d carry her, then she couldn’t refuse to come with him. Brynden held her close to him and walked back into the castle, very much thankful for the guards that opened the doors for them. Now he could get them back inside and get dry clothes for both of them, as well as start a fire to warm them up.

They were both quiet while Brynden made his way to their room. He didn’t mind that for now, because his mind was racing with thoughts and Brynden was afraid he wasn’t focused enough so he would end up saying something wrong to her. The last thing Brynden wanted was to upset her even more. He just wanted to help her and take care of her, and he hoped that he would be able to do that.

When Brynden set her back down to stand on her own, they both went to find dry clothes. Once Brynden was done, he put the wet clothes away and moved to light the fireplace. The room was warm, but Brynden thought it wasn’t warm enough after being out in the rain for a while. Brynden heard Aryana get into the bed and the sound of the furs and blankets, before he heard her sobs again. It really broke his heart, and he tried to get the fire going faster.

Only when he was done did Brynden get into the bed with her. He moved to be under the blankets as well, feeling how cold her body really was right now. It wouldn’t be good at all for her to get sick, especially if she was carrying a child. Then it could definitely end quite badly. Brynden didn’t think they would be able to handle losing another child, especially so soon.

"I'm so scared."

“I know,” Brynden mumbled, wrapping his arms around her so that he could pull her close, “I’m here, though. It’s alright, Aryana.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Neither the blankets or the furs gave her any warmth. Aryana shivered beneath them until Brynden joined her on the bed, pulling her close to his body.

They were having a child together. Aryana wished she could be as excited as they had been in Wheldrake. How could she ever forget the expression on Brynden’s face when she had told him those news. Now everything was different while she expected the worst. No matter how wonderful it would be to have a child, she couldn’t stop thinking that she would lose the child. The memories of what had happened so long ago were still fresh in her mind, and Aryana couldn’t handle the thought of it happening again.

“I wanted to wait.”

"I know."

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

"Don't apologise."

Brynden was right. There was no need to apologise. This was not their fault, and it never would be. Aryana only feared that she would disappoint him if she were to lose the child. They had already been through so much together, that she knew they wouldn’t be able to handle reliving the nightmare they had been through. She nodded at his words, cuddling up to his body so she could wrap her leg over his hip and nuzzle her face against his neck. Though, she wanted to be alone, he was all she had now. He was all that she needed.

When he wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her head, Aryana knew she was safe in his arms. He would always protect her. The fear and the sadness lingered within her, but Brynden managed to ease the slight pain in her chest.

“Perhaps you will be a father one day now.”

"Perhaps."

“I hope you will.”

"I want us to be parents,” he mumbled.

There was nothing Aryana wanted more for them than a chance for them to be parents. This was their chance, but it was difficult for her to be excited because of what she had already experienced. Since there was a chance that this child would never live, she didn’t want to be excited. How could she? Even if a part of her prayed and hoped that the Gods would let her child live, Aryana doubted that it would. Gods, she just wanted them to be happy, though. Was that too much to ask for?

“Me too.”

Aryana sighed once Brynden started stroking her hair. If only there was a way for her to forget the past, then she imagined this child would bring them so much happiness. Now they were both clearly upset, and that wasn’t what she wanted. Not that she could help it, and she imagined it was the same for Brynden.

"All we can do is just hope that everything will be alright."

“I want to give you a child.”

"I know. I want this to work."

“But I doubt it will,” she sighed.

"Don't say that. Don't think like that, Aryana."

How could she not? Whenever she closed her eyes now, she relived that day they had lost their child, and she couldn’t stop thinking about it all happening again. Aryana pulled away from him to sit up on the bed. Tears were prickling in her eyes again, but she didn’t want to cry. Brynden sat up as well, but she didn’t look at him anymore.

"I know it's hard, but we can't be afraid."

“How can I not be afraid?”

"I don't know. Just try not to think about what happened. Focus on this, not that."

“I’m trying.”

"I know. Me too."

Aryana sighed as she brought her hands up to her face to rub her fingers against her forehead. She knew that Brynden was right about everything he said, but it was rather difficult to think about this situation with a positive state of mind. Since it wouldn't be healthy for her or her child to worry so much, she tried to calm down, but Gods, she just wanted this to be okay. Brynden rubbed his hands against her back, but she wasn’t sure what to tell him right now. There were no words to say that would make the situation better.

"We won't tell anyone."

“Good. I want to keep this between us.”

"I think that's a good idea,” Brynden sighed.

“Hopefully it will work out. We deserve to be happy.”

"We do."

Brynden pressed his lips against her head then, and Aryana knew they deserved this child more than anything else. If the child would live, she was certain that they would be happy together for the rest of their lives. A child was clearly all they wanted, and Aryana wanted to stop worrying about everything so she could be happy about being pregnant, but that was impossible right now. Again she sighed as she leaned towards him, wishing that all the worry would disappear so she could feel excited about becoming a mother.

“I won’t be able to handle losing another child.”

 

[desti]

Obviously they were both afraid of what might happen. That was inevitable, but Brynden wished that they could be happy about this. Maybe once she’d be further along, they could find some joy in this. Brynden did want to be a father, of course he did, but that fear of history repeating itself didn’t quite let go of him. He couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen then, though Brynden wished to think about the chance that they would have this child.

They would be good parents, Brynden knew that. He thought they’d be happy too, because then that fear that brought them down would be gone. All Brynden wanted was for them to be happy. He hated seeing Aryana like this. Losing another child would be absolutely devastating. Brynden wanted to think that they’d be able to get past that as well, but he feared that might not be the case.

“We’ll be alright, Aryana,” Brynden sighed.

"I hope so."

It was a difficult situation to be in, though. Brynden didn’t think it’d be good for them to fear the chance of losing the child, but he also didn’t think they should get too happy about it. He didn’t know what to think, really. Obviously it should be a little of both, but Brynden didn’t think he could keep those two in balance for a long time. His thoughts would end up swaying either one way or the other after a while.

“You have to take care of yourself, Aryana.”

"I know. I'll try my best."

“I’m here for you,” Brynden mumbled, “I’ll help you.”

Whatever Aryana would need of him, Brynden would do his best to do that. Even if it would interfere with his work, he would try to help her as best as he could. Aryana couldn’t be as reckless as she had been the last time, she had to relax and take care of herself. At least they weren’t travelling right now, so Aryana had everything she might want right where she was.

"Thank you, Brynden."

Perhaps Brynden would even overdo worrying and taking care of her. He hoped that he wouldn’t annoy her or anger her with how concerned he’d likely be for her and the child. Brynden would ideally want to be with her all day, but he knew that wasn’t possible. Whenever he’d be free, though, he’d be with her and try to make sure she had everything she needed.

Even though Brynden was trying not to get excited, he did want this child so badly that it was pretty much impossible. What if it would work out after all? What if the child would be born healthy and strong? That was all Brynden could hope for, and he couldn’t help but let his gaze travel down to her stomach and his hand followed it as he stroked his fingers against it. There was nothing there, but Brynden couldn’t really help himself.

If they would have this child, then everything would be alright. They deserved to be happy and have a family together. He wanted to have children with Aryana and share this with her, and Brynden hoped that it would be possible. Even imagining the loss of another child hurt him to the core, and he never wanted to experience that ever again. Brynden had lost enough already.

Brynden watched as Aryana moved her hand to rest on top of his. He wished that they could be as happy as they had been in Wheldrake, when they’d found out. This wasn’t how he wanted this to go, but Brynden realised he couldn’t force them to be happy. Pretending to be excited wouldn’t really get them anywhere. The fear very much outweighed any happiness or excitement he felt, and he figured Aryana felt the same.

"It happened so fast."
“It did.”

"I didn't expect that."

“Me neither. I didn’t think about it at all. I’m sorry.”

"Don't apologise."

At that, Brynden grew quiet as he watched her stomach. He really should’ve considered this as a result for their actions, but he hadn’t thought of it. Somehow it had slipped his mind completely. Brynden felt stupid for doing this to Aryana. She wasn’t ready for this, he didn’t know if he was ready. Brynden would take care of her, of course, but he still felt horrible that she had to deal with this right now.

"I don't want to hear any apologies. It isn't our fault."
“Alright.”

“Good.”

“I’ll take care of you,” Brynden mumbled and laid his head on her shoulder.

"And I'll take care of you."

For whatever reason, that made Brynden chuckle a little. He figured that all they could do now was take care of each other, though, and hope for the best. They wouldn’t make the same mistake of telling everyone about it so early, though. Now, if something would happen, only they and the Maester would really know. Brynden preferred that over the alternative.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

They had each other. Aryana could always count on Brynden to be there for her whenever she needed him.

Nothing sounded more precious than a child. Many were likely expecting them to have an heir already since they had been married for a while, but Aryana had thought that they could wait until they were ready. A year where they focused on strengthening themselves and their marriage sounded pleasant, but now they had no time for that. Already there was a familiar instinct growing on her. A need to protect her child. But the fear in her dulled down the warmth the thought of a child gave her. The fear killed all her joy.

After a while, the fear would disappear. Aryana chose to believe that it would, knowing that she had to be strong for her own sake and for the child. From now on she would try to rest as much as she could. If they would be lucky enough to have this child, she wanted it to be strong and healthy.

“Even if I feel like it is too soon, I would love to have a child with you, Brynden.”

"Me too."

Brynden stroked his fingers over her abdomen. Even if there was nothing there, Aryana thought the touch felt sweet. He would be such a good father. Since he had grown up with three younger siblings, she could only imagine that he would be great with children. She hoped that she would find it in her to be a good mother. That was all she wanted, and she wanted to start now by not letting her fears get to her no matter difficult that would be. Aryana was determined to make it work.

“I’m going to make this work,” she mumbled.

Of course Aryana couldn’t control the outcome of the pregnancy, but she wanted to try to stay positive. Brynden nodded and pressed a kiss against her shoulder. At that, she laid down against the bed again, looking down at her abdomen. He laid down with her, keeping his hand on her. For a while, she laid there against her back before turning over on her side to press her lips against his. Brynden kissed her back, wrapping his arm around her and Aryana sighed softly into the kiss. Gods, she was so lucky to have him.

Brynden pulled away from the kiss then, pressing his lips against her forehead. A slight smile grew on her lips as she looked at him. Without him, she wouldn’t have been able to do this, and she was glad that he was so supportive of her. He cupped her cheek, returning the smile she had given him.

“I’m so lucky to have you.”

At her words, Brynden pressed their lips together in a short kiss and Aryana cuddled up to him so she could nuzzle her face against his neck. If only they could stay strong together, she hoped that everything would work out in the end for them. They deserved that. Brynden stroked her hair, making her sigh as she wrapped her arm around him.

"We'll be alright."

“As long as we have each other.”

That was what she believed. As long as they had each other, they would be able to get through this no matter what would happen. Brynden pressed a kiss against her head at that, and she sighed once she closed her eyes, letting a silence settle between them. It felt nice when he hugged her tightly against him, and now she imagined that they could only wait until something would or wouldn’t happen. Only then they would be able to feel more excited about the pregnancy, or at least that was what she imagined.

Aryana didn’t mind the silence. All she could hear was the fire crackling in the background while rain poured down onto the window. It was rather calming, which was exactly what she needed now that it felt as if she was losing herself. She wouldn’t let that happen, though. Instead of focusing on her thoughts, she focused on stroking her hand along Brynden’s spine while kissing him softly against his neck.

"I want this for us."

“Me too.”

"Everything will be alright."

“We just have to try to not worry too much about it,” she sighed.

"I know. It's hard not to, though."

“I know, but I know we can do it.”

Brynden nodded and pressed a kiss against her head again. They just had to put the past behind them no matter how difficult that would be. Aryana wanted to be strong, and she kept stroking her fingers against his back while the silence settled again. He turned on his side then to press her closer to his body, and now all she wanted was to lay here with him for the rest of the day. A part of her wanted to ask him to stay with her the next day, but she didn’t want to pull him away from work. She didn’t want to be selfish.

Aryana sighed against his skin as she tightened her grip around him, hoping that he would never let her go. Like before she pressed a kiss against his neck and she hooked her leg over his hip so she could press even closer against him.

 

[desti]

It was so hard not to think about how they’d woken up that morning in a bed soaked in blood. Right now, Brynden couldn’t tear that image out of his mind no matter how hard he tried. It had been so terrifying and so scarring that he didn’t think he’d ever be able to forget it. Brynden never wanted to experience that again, but he was afraid that it would happen this time too.

Really, Brynden didn’t know all that much about this. He would have to talk to the Maester about if there was something they could do to prevent it from happening again. Brynden knew that nobody could predict whether or not it could happen, nor would they be able to prevent it if it was their fate, but he wanted to believe there were certain precautions they could take to minimise the risk at least a little.

After all, the thought of them having a child after everything that had happened was too nice of a thought to let go of. Brynden wanted this child so badly, no matter how afraid he was right now. They would be fantastic parents, he was sure of that. It was something they both wanted and needed, and Brynden knew they deserved it after everything. They had been through so much already, they deserved some happiness finally.

“In the end, we might have a child, though. Maybe everything will be fine,” Brynden said, trying not to sound too hopeful.

"That is what I'm hoping for. I want this child."

“Me too. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

That was no secret. Brynden valued family over everything, so it was only expected that he craved to be a father himself one day. He realised there was a chance that it would never happen and that him and Aryana just couldn’t have children together, but he wanted to stop thinking so negatively right now. There was a chance, and Brynden was trying to see it and be cautiously optimistic.

"You would be such a good father."

“I hope so.”

Brynden thought that he was quite good with children, but it was one thing to be a big brother and another to be a father. He wanted to think that he would be good at it, though. Raising a child, especially with Aryana by his side, sounded perfect to Brynden. He wanted it and he thought that they’d both be great parents. Brynden hadn’t really thought too much about being a father over the last few months, but now he couldn’t help but let those thoughts rush into his mind.

"You would."

“Well, I hope you’re right.”

At that, Aryana nodded and it made Brynden smile a little. He thought it was sweet that she thought he’d fit well into that role. Obviously they’d talked about this before, but Brynden didn’t mind hearing that again. The only problem he saw standing in the way of him being a good father was his work, but Brynden hoped that he’d be able to spend as much time with his family as he possibly could.

“I know you’d be an amazing mother.”

"That's all I want to be."

“You’d be perfect.”

There was no doubt in his mind at that. They were a little hurt and broken now, but if they would have a child, then Brynden didn’t doubt that Aryana would be a great mother to it. She was so sweet and caring, and Brynden could easily imagine her fitting into the role of a parent. He loved that image of her, and Brynden wished he could truly see it in front of him someday.

"We'd be perfect."

“I think so too.”

It was too easy for Brynden to get hopeful about this. He knew that if she would miscarry the child again, he would be absolutely heartbroken, but Brynden couldn’t help it. All he could see in his mind were images of them with their child, and Brynden couldn’t stop thinking about it. He couldn’t deny that imagining it all made him excited and almost happy in a way. It was a sweet thought, after all.

"I'm glad we agree,” Aryana said, chuckling a little.

Brynden smiled a little and pressed a kiss against her head again. He was so lucky to have her in his life, really. Even without children, Brynden would love to spend the rest of his life with her. She was all that he wanted and needed, and Brynden was forever grateful that she had come into his life. Aryana pulled away a little from him to look at him with a small smile on her face. He thought she looked quite lovely, so Brynden leant in to kiss her.

They kissed and Aryana brought her hand up to cup his cheek. After a while, though, Brynden ended up pulling away, no matter how nice it had felt. Aryana turned on her back again and Brynden wrapped his arm around her as he moved his head to lay it on her chest. She wrapped his arms around him and stroked her fingers through his hair, which made Brynden smile as he closed his eyes.

"What are you thinking about?"

“Us as parents. We’d be good.”

"We would."

“I hope we’ll get to be parents one day.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Blissful Moments
Chapter CL
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​

No one had been able to prepare Leanah for the immense love she held for Connas.

Throughout endless sleepless nights, the sun would always peak through the closed shutters while the sound of laughter echoed through the room. A smile tugged at her lips whenever she saw Connas in his crib. He had become the light of her life. Leanah could barely be alone for a moment as her heart ached to be with her child. But too often did she think of Arthor when she watched him play. The resemblance had grown as Connas grew older. No matter how many times she tried to find herself in Connas, she saw Arthor.

While Connas sat on a blanket laid out on the floor, Leanah sat on her knees beside him. In her hand, she held a wooden horse which she kept in front of Connas. His giggles were loud as she attempted to mimic the sound of a horse galloping. Adian had left to spend time with her mother, but Leanah wouldn’t be alone with Connas for long. Soon Arthor would join them, and she looked forward to spending some time with him. They hadn’t seen each other for a few days, and the thought of him alone was enough to make her heart skip a beat.

Leanah gave the wooden horse to Connas, watching his tiny hands grasp around the legs of it before he put the head in his mouth. There were other toys scattered across the blanket. She didn’t mind spoiling Connas with whatever he might need. Now that he could sit on his own and had started crawling around in the room, Leanah thought that he needed toys. Perhaps she had gone a little overboard, but she wanted Connas to understand that he was loved and cherished and her words couldn’t begin to explain how much she loved him.

Only a few moments later was there a knock at the door.

Since Connas was rather occupied with the wooden horse, Leanah left him on the blanket. She walked towards the door, opening it with a gentle smile resting on her lips. Their gazes met, and before either of them could say a word, Leanah nearly jumped at him as she threw her arms around him and kissed him.

Arthor chuckled while walking them inside. Neither of them pulled away from the kiss while he closed the door. Suddenly her knees grew weak, and for a brief moment, she thought that the whole castle could heart how hard and fast her heart raced in her chest. She raised her leg to hook over his hip while her fingers tangled with the dark strands of his hair. Only when Arthor grabbed her thigh did she realise what she was doing and pulled away from him. Though they were alone, Leanah took a step away from him to keep an appropriate distance.

Without acknowledging what she had done, Leanah walked over to Connas to sink down on her knees beside him.

“Look who is here. Your father is here, Connas,” she said while lifting Connas up in her arms and looking up at Arthor.

While chuckling Arthor walked closer to them and waved at Connas with a smile. It didn’t surprise her when Connas immediately began waving with his arms and legs while giggling, and the wooden horse had been dropped down on the blanket. Leanah didn’t tear her gaze away from Arthor as he sat down on the blanket with them before reaching over to take Connas. Their moments together were always so wonderful, and she hadn’t quite gotten used to seeing Arthor as a father yet. The sight still made her body warm, and her cheeks flush.

“He’s so happy to see you.”

Seeing Connas with Arthor had become something so precious to Leanah. These were moments she cherished as Arthor didn’t hesitate to make noises back to Connas who clearly tried to have a conversation with him. None of the words he said were understandable as he only babbled and cooed.

"I'm even happier to see him,” Arthor chuckled while looking at Connas.

“I’m sure he has missed you.”

"I hope so. I've missed him. Did you miss me, Connas?"

Leanah chuckled when Connas cooed at Arthor. While watching the two of them, she pushed some of the toys away so she could lay down on the blanket. Arthor pressed kissed all over his face which Connas seemed to enjoy a lot. He rarely cried when Arthor was around. She firmly believed that Connas understood that Arthor was his father as there was no other explanation to his behaviour, especially when Arthor kissed his hands and his whole face lit up as he giggled. Gods, Leanah never wanted this moment to end.

“How have you been?”

"I've been alright."

That was good to hear. Leanah had been alright too even if Arthor hadn’t asked. The new handmaiden she had received was different than the others. Often she would speak when Leanah would have expected her to be quiet, but a part of her didn’t mind it. If anything it felt like her handmaiden treated her like any other person which Leanah appreciated. Some of her other handmaidens almost seemed afraid in her presence, frightened that she would yell at them or get them thrown out of the household. Leanah didn't like that.

"What about you?"

“I’ve been alright too,” Leanah smiled.

 

[desti]

Getting Sarisa that job as Leanah’s handmaiden was possibly the best thing Arthor had done lately. It was genius, really. He was quite proud of himself for managing to pull the strings necessary to get her in that position. Now everyone he cared about was in the castle with him and Arthor never really wanted to leave it. He felt incredibly lucky to have all of these people around him, even if he didn’t deserve them.

In a way, Arthor thought it was quite amusing to put Sarisa so close to Leanah. Neither of them knew of each other, so Arthor thought he might hear some interesting words about the other from both of them. So far there wasn’t anything interesting in terms of gossip, though. Arthor was growing quite bored of hearing about Leanah and Adian by this point, though he appreciated every little bit about Connas that Sarisa would tell him.

The only real flaw about this was that Arthor had to plan his time accordingly. When Leanah was with Adian, he’d go to Sarisa or Elias. Since Elias was the least busy of them all, Arthor would pick him when either Leanah or Sarisa were occupied. It was really a hassle to figure out who to go to. He could never deny it when Leanah offered him a chance to see Connas, though, and that was the case today as well.

Gods, he seemed to be growing older every time he saw his son. It was amazing and also a little sad to watch him grow up. Obviously he was still very young, but soon he’d start walking, then talking. Arthor doubted he’d be able or allowed to be as close to him then as he was to him now. It was sad to think about, but it was just something that would inevitably happen. Perhaps if they would tell him that Arthor was his real father, then he could be closer to him again.

But right now Arthor tried to get those thoughts away from his mind. Instead he thought about the present and how adorable Connas was. It always made Arthor so happy to be around him. There was something about Connas that made Arthor’s worries disappear from his mind. Everything just felt so right here and now.

“That’s good,” Arthor smiled as he put Connas down on the blanket away.

There were so many toys scattered around the blanket. Maybe Connas was a little spoiled, but Arthor thought that he might as well be. He was their son and he deserved the best. They were all undoubtedly crafted by the finest toymakers in Santrella and cost more than some people’s clothes.

"I've missed you, though."

“I’ve missed you too,” Arthor smiled and touched her knee before grabbing one of the toys, which seemed to be a Lady, perhaps.

"He has too many,” Leanah chuckled.

“I think he doesn’t have enough,” Arthor shrugged and set the Lady down while he looked through the other toys, “he’s missing a Knight.”

"You can get him one."

“It wouldn’t be a Knight without a sword, though. That probably wouldn’t be safe,” Arthor chuckled.

When Connas would be older, then Arthor could get him a little knight. Maybe one that you could move with strings attached to its limbs. Arthor had had one of those toys as a child, and he thought that Connas might like it. Though right now he just seemed to like everything, really.

"Imagine one day he'll be able to have a little wooden sword of his own."

“I could teach him how to use it.”

"Perhaps he'll be as good as you when he's older."

“Perhaps.”

The thought made Arthor smile as he watched Connas. Though he wouldn’t be able to share private moments like these in some years, he could possibly be the one to teach him how to fight. Arthor already did that, doing the work of the master-at-arms who had lost the passion for fighting many years ago and failed to really teach anything to the men aiming to be something more than squires. He thought he was quite good at it, really, and nobody had really complained about his teachings except for Leanah and Elias. Arthor thought he could teach Connas useful things one day, though.

Leanah chuckled and Arthor looked at her because of that, “what?”

"Sounds like you're jealous. Don't you want your son to be good with a sword?"

“I’m not,” Arthor chuckled, “I’m sure that he’ll be great. He’s got my blood and the blood of your father. He’s bound to be a great swordsman.”

“You’re right,” Leanah smiled.

Since Connas had the blood of House Overton and Hastwyck, Arthor was certain that fighting would come naturally to him. It was just the way Arthor expected it to be. Before Arthor could think too much about it, though, Leanah came towards him and leant in to kiss him. Perhaps Arthor should’ve kept an eye on Connas, but instead he moved his hands to rest on her waist as he kissed her back.

When Leanah crawled into his lap, Arthor wrapped his arms around her and chuckled a little. He quite liked how normal kissing had become to them again. Arthor liked kissing her and he’d missed it over the last few months. It felt a little strange to be with her like this again, but most of all it felt great.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

With her arms safely wrapped around Arthor and his arms wrapped around her waist, Leanah wanted Arthor to stay with her forever. Old memories of what they had meant to each other many months ago rushed through her mind as old feelings she thought had been buries grew. That tingling sensation in the pits of her stomach spread throughout her whole body while they kissed, and if anything they frightened her as Leanah was too aware of what it all meant. Did Arthor feel the same way about her? She doubted that. He had Elias.

As that thought hit her, Leanah pulled away from him and moved out of his lap to sit down on her knees against the blanket. Arthor chuckled as he laid down next to Connas.

“Are you sure you don’t mind kissing me?”

"I quite enjoy it, actually."

“Why? Don’t you have Elias?”

"I do. Does that mean I can't enjoy kissing you?" Arthor asked while chuckling.

“No, but I suppose I’m curious about why you enjoy it.”

"You're a good kisser,” he shrugged.

Leanah knew that Arthor couldn’t have feelings for her. He had no reason to feel anything for her anymore, and she hoped that those emotions rushing through her now were only temporary. She didn’t want to ruin what they had managed to build up now regarding their friendship, and Leanah only blushed at his words and looked at Connas instead as she tried to get over whatever feelings she had for him. Only when she heard Arthor move did she look at him for a brief moment while he chuckled and looked at Connas.

“He looks so much like you.”

"You think so?"

Again Leanah looked at Arthor to see him smiling, “I do.”

"Maybe a little bit."

While Arthor shrugged and stroked Connas’ hair, Leanah watched them in silence. To think that Arthor was the father of her child often felt surreal. Never had she imagined them to have a child together. That has to be why she felt so close to him, and why old feelings blossomed inside of her whenever she looked at him. She couldn’t help but think back at what they had been like, and all those good memories they had shared together. Sometimes she missed those times, but she knew too well that she would never get Arthor like that again.

They would never be together. Leanah had Adian now, and she loved him more than anything, but while watching Arthor play with Connas, she couldn’t help but think that they would have been good parents together. Gods, it was silly of her to think such things when Arthor had Elias. Leanah assumed that she no longer mattered to Arthor like that anymore. A slight feeling of jealousy built up in her then as she wanted to have Arthor, but she wasn’t stupid enough to tell Arthor about that. Instead she rose from the floor and walked over to the bed.

"Hey..."

“What?”

"Come back."

Leanah sat down at the bed, chuckling as she looked at Arthor, “why?”

"I miss you."

When Arthor pouted and moved to try to reach for her ankle, Leanah laughed at his attempt. But when he managed to grab her ankle, she sighed, moving off of the bed again to get down onto the blanket with him. Since Connas was rather occupied with a toy in his hands which he kept waving around in the air, Leanah didn’t hesitate to get down onto Arthor’s thighs to straddle them. He smiled as he stroked his hands over her thighs, but she didn’t think it was smart of her to let herself get too close to Arthor again.

Gods, she liked being with him, though. She enjoyed his sweet touches.

“You’re very handsome,” Leanah chuckled while putting her hands down against his abdomen.

"Thank you,” Arthor chuckled.

Leanah smiled at him before leaning down to lay against his chest. Arthor wrapped his arms around her before he started stroking his fingers along her back. Her gaze stayed on Connas while she listened to the rhythm of Arthor’s heartbeat. Why did her feelings have to get in the way? Couldn’t they just enjoy each other’s company without feelings ruining it? Leanah thought it would fade because she didn’t really want Arthor like that anymore, but somehow she doubted they would because Connas reminded her so much of Arthor.

“I still find it weird that you’re the father of my child.”

"I know, me too,” he chuckled.

“Do you think we would have been good parents, together?”

"Maybe. I don't know."

Perhaps they wouldn’t have been. Leanah moved off of him while he chuckled, laying down so they would have Connas between them. Arthor turned to lay on his side, but she kept her eyes on Connas. For a while, she laid there in silence until she sat up to take Connas up in her lap while he still held onto his toy. Arthor moved closer to her, but she only glanced over at him for a brief moment before looking back at Connas. She lifted him up in the air to press her lip against his cheek, listening to his sweet giggles which made her laugh as well.

 

[desti]

It almost felt like Arthor really had a family, if he ignored certain details. He just had to forget this and that, and then Arthor could just lay there and imagine that Leanah was his wife and Connas was their son. It wasn’t too hard to do, considering how close they were and how they couldn’t quite keep their hands off of each other. Arthor liked this and he wished that they would never stop acting like this towards each other. He didn’t think there was any harm done by doing this.

Now as he watched Leanah play with Connas, Arthor wished that his imaginations could be a reality. He would’ve liked to have a family with her, be parents to Connas with her. It was a sweet thought really, and Arthor didn’t really hide from himself that he would’ve liked to have this with her. But that could never be a reality, so Arthor tried to stop thinking about it before he’d get upset over it.

When Leanah put Connas down again, Arthor focused on him instead. He turned to lay on his stomach in front of him and played with him, trying to not feel silly because of all the noises he was making to entertain Connas. Apparently Leanah thought it was silly, because he heard her laugh. Arthor ignored it though and tried to just focus on making Connas happy. Though when she laid down next to them, Arthor couldn’t really continue, since he felt a bit too foolish for doing it.

“Why’d you stop?”

“I feel stupid,” Arthor chuckled.

"You're not."

“I’m making horse sounds, Leanah.”

"I did that too before you came."

“Well, you were alone. I have an audience.”

"I don't care."

“I do.”

Perhaps Arthor shouldn’t have felt that way, but he couldn’t really help it. He did sometimes get a little silly with Connas, but this was a bit too much even for him. There wasn’t anything manly about neighing, though, and Arthor just felt dumb for playing with toys. If it was only him and Connas, then it would surely be a little easier for him. Now it just felt a little weird with Leanah by his side.

“Okay.”

“You can do it, though,” Arthor chuckled and laid his head on his arms folded in front of him.

Though Arthor didn’t expect it, Leanah did as he said. He watched as she played with the horse and made the appropriate noises for it. Arthor chuckled and watched her. When Leanah did it, he thought it was sweet and adorable. He doubted that was the case for him. It was probably just weird and awkward when he did it. It seemed like Connas was very much enjoying it too, laughing so very loudly.

The door opened and Arthor tensed up a little as he raised his head up to look over his shoulder at the door. Leanah wasn’t in his lap, nor were they doing anything inappropriate, so he wasn’t exactly worried. He had expected it to be Adian and simultaneously his cue to leave, but it was Sarisa. For a moment, Arthor got confused before he remembered that she was working here now.

“Leanah, your handmaiden is very rude.”

"I apologise, my Lady."

It seemed like Sarisa hadn’t expected to see him, which was fair enough. Arthor had kept his relationship to Leanah quite vague, apart from telling her that they were somewhat close. He imagined that seeing him on her floor, playing with her child probably wasn’t what Sarisa was expected to see when entering Leanah’s chambers.

"You should learn how to knock,” Leanah said, getting up from the floor.

Arthor took the horse that Leanah had set down and gave it to Connas so he’d be busy. He sat up on the floor and looked at the two women, taking in just how different they both were. Arthor liked that, though. Sarisa grew quiet and Arthor thought it was quite interesting to see her so speechless. There was something amusing about that, really.

"Well, what did you want?"

"I assumed it was time for me to help you with Connas, I apologise, my Lady."

“It seems you were wrong. It’s quite alright, though,” Arthor mumbled and chuckled a little, getting up from the floor.

"It's not alright. She came in without knocking, and she should have waited outside until I opened the door."

Gods, Sarisa really had to be a little more careful from now on if she didn’t want to get kicked out of the castle. Arthor didn’t want that, so they should probably talk about this the next time they’d see each other in private. Leanah hopefully wouldn’t tell her mother of this incident, nor of any others if they had happened, but he wouldn’t be surprised if she did if this would become a frequent thing.

“And we all agree this was very rude of her,” Arthor nodded, “I’m sure she just forgot.”

"Should you even be here, Sir Arthor?" Sarisa asked before quickly continuing, "I apologise. I'll come back later, my Lady."

Since Arthor was trying to help Sarisa, he was a bit taken aback by her attitude. At the same time, Arthor couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Maybe she was just playing around, though. That was a risky game, knowing Leanah. Arthor thought Sarisa was quite silly for risking her stay at the castle like this, but hopefully she’d soon understand that her mistakes wouldn’t be tolerated forever.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

The blissful moment she had shared with Arthor had been ruined by her handmaiden.

Storming into her room as if the world outside had set ablaze, Sarisa had not a single ounce of manners as she walked in on Arthor and her. They had a good relationship with each other. Leanah appreciated her pleasant conversations and her carefree attitude, but she didn’t want to tolerate Sarisa disturbing her privacy. Since she knew that Sarisa was someone Arthor knew, Leanah tried to calm down, but the fear of someone seeing her with Arthor when she was a married woman grew as her blood began to boil.

“It is none of your business what Sir Arthor is doing here with me. I will not tolerate you disturbing my privacy by barging into my room,” Leanah spoke as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“I apologise, my Lady. It won’t happen again,” Sarisa mumbled, lowering her head as her gaze fell to the floor.

“I hope for your sake that it doesn’t happen again.”

"Perhaps they do things differently where she's from, Arthor said.

Leanah scoffed and reached down to take Connas in her arms as she walked over to the crib to put him down. Soon it would be time for him to sleep, and now she didn’t expect Arthor to stay with her since their day had been ruined by Sarisa. Had it been any other day, Leanah would have accepted her mistake, but Sarisa had no idea what she could have walked in on and Leanah was thankful that she hadn’t been doing anything inappropriate with Arthor. Gods, she couldn’t imagine the horror that would have rushed through her then.

While she laid Connas down and stroked her fingers over his head, Leanah heard mumbles, but she couldn’t hear the words being said behind her back. Only when she looked back did she see Sarisa with a frown on her face as she looked at Arthor. Briefly she heard a curse as Sarisa pushed her hand against Arthor’s shoulder and Sarisa stormed out of the room before saying another word to either of them. Leanah stared at Arthor while he stared at the door, and now she was rather shocked by Sarisa’s behaviour.

“What happened?”

"I'm not sure,” Arthor chuckled.

“Well, okay.”

"I'm sure she meant no harm,” he shrugged and closed the distance between them.

“She could have seen us.”

"But she didn't."

“Lucky for us.”

"Very,” Arthor chuckled.

He raised his hand to stroke her hair and Leanah grabbed onto his shirt to pull him even closer to her. Now that they had almost been caught, she became a little hesitant when Arthor leaned down to kiss her. In an attempt to get rid of that fear, Leanah moved her hand up to tangle her fingers with his hair, gently pulling at it as she pressed her chest against his. He hummed as he cupped her face, but Leanah pulled away from the kiss, letting the fear of being caught get to her. Arthor still leaned down to kiss her cheek.

“I love you,” Leanah mumbled.

“I love you too.”

At that Leanah pulled away from him with a slight smile resting on her lips. Arthor returned the smile before looking down at Connas. He looked rather tired now from how long they had been playing. His eyes were growing tired, and Leanah chuckled as he looked ready to fall asleep. While they stood there, Leanah stepped closer to Arthor again so she could lean against him. She watched as Arthor leaned down to press a kiss against his forehead, and now she wished they could go back to playing again, but Connas was obviously tired.

“Adian will probably be back soon.”

"Probably,” he mumbled and wrapped his arm around her waist.

“You’re welcome to come back here whenever, or I will come to you.”

"I know,” he smiled.

“Good.”

"I hope I'll see you again soon,” Arthor said and pressed a kiss against her head.

Leanah smiled, nodding before she dared to lean up to kiss him. Arthor kissed her back, and she wrapped her arms around his neck as she held him close. The kiss only lasted for a short while before she was the one to pull away again.

"Alright,” Arthor sighed.

“I hope you’ll have a nice day.”

"I hope you'll have one too,” Arthor chuckled and stroked her cheek before pulling away from her.

At that, she only smiled and nodded again, and though she thought Arthor would leave, he sighed as he walked towards the door and spoke again, "I don't want to leave. I guess I have to, though."

“You do,” Leanah chuckled.

“Fine. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

Arthor sighed and didn’t meet her gaze before he left the room. Gods, Leanah wished he could have stayed for longer, but she no longer felt safe after what had just happened. All her other handmaidens knew that they were expected to knock before entering, but Leanah would let Sarisa get away with it this as it had only happened once.

 

[desti]

Leaving Leanah and Connas was always so difficult. Arthor wished that he could stay with them forever, but that obviously was just a wishful thought. They weren’t a family, not really, no matter how much it felt that way sometimes. Arthor was lucky enough to get a few hours every week with them. He tried to feel happy that he’d gotten to spend time with them at all today.

It seemed like Sarisa was angry at him, so Arthor wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted to see her right now, but it felt like he should pick her over Elias right now. He should probably apologise about something, but Arthor wasn’t quite sure what that might be. All he knew was that he should tell her again to be more careful and hope to get a bit more than a curse out of her this time.

Since Arthor assumed that Sarisa wouldn’t be in his room because of how upset she seemed with him, he headed to where the handmaiden’s rooms were. They weren’t far away from Leanah’s chambers, obviously, so Arthor didn’t have to go too far. He knocked on her door and leant against the wall by it as he waited for any response from inside. There was no answer, though, so after a while of knocking Arthor gave up on that.

Maybe Sarisa had gone elsewhere, but Arthor wanted to check, so he opened up the door and poked his head inside to look around. The room wasn’t empty, like he’d expected or maybe hoped. Sarisa was just sitting on the bed and ignoring him, which wasn’t a great sign. Arthor sighed and stepped inside after getting some confidence. They obviously needed to talk, which he hated, but he’d try to manage.

“Sarisa.”

"What do you want?"

“What happened?”

"I should ask you that. I wasn't aware that you and Lady Leanah were that close."

That surprised him a little, because Arthor had told her vaguely that they were close and it wasn’t like they were doing something intimate. They were just acting like friends when Sarisa had entered. Arthor thought he’d even been more focused on Connas, than Leanah.

“I’ve told you we’re close,” Arthor shrugged and went closer to sit down on the bed with her.

"Define close."

Sarisa got up from the bed once he’d sat down on it, which annoyed Arthor a little. He didn’t see what the big deal here was and why Sarisa was getting angry over them just spending time together. Had they been that obvious? Arthor didn’t think there had been anything inappropriate going on, but maybe he’d been wrong.

“I’ve known her her whole life, Sarisa.”

"Looked like something else in my eyes."

“We were playing with Connas.”

"Okay."

Surely Sarisa didn’t actually think there was more to it. Now Arthor had stopped thinking it was amusing, and now he grew as worried as Leanah had been before. If she did suspect something, then surely she wouldn’t tell it to anyone else? Arthor didn’t know if she’d made friends at the castle, but he hoped that she hadn’t. He said her name again then, but Sarisa ignored him with her back turned towards him.

“Sarisa,” Arthor repeated, getting up from the bed to move to stand behind her instead.

“What?”

“Leanah and I have been close friends for years now.”

“Friends,” Sarisa scoffed.

“I can’t have friends?”

Perhaps they weren’t traditional friends, considering the things they did, but they weren’t lovers either. Sarisa didn’t know about any of that, though, and Arthor didn’t really plan on telling her anyways. Things between him and Leanah were complicated, but most of all Arthor did still view their relationship as a friendship.

"I didn't say that,” Sarisa said, stepping away from him.

“Then what are you saying?” Arthor shrugged, moving back to her again.

"You two seemed like more than friends."

“That’s ridiculous, Sarisa.”

“It does.”

“We’re not.”

“Okay.”

“Are you jealous?”

Maybe that was the problem here. Perhaps Sarisa didn’t even think that much of it, but seeing Arthor with another woman alone made her as jealous as Arthor would be if he’d see her alone with a different man. That might be the reason, and maybe Arthor didn’t have anything to worry about. He just had to convince her there was nothing going on between him and Leanah.

"I'm not."

“Sounds like you are.”

"Well, you're wrong."

“We’re both wrong then.”

“Good.”

“Good,” Arthor repeated.

Since Sarisa was still not facing him, Arthor moved closer so that he could wrap his arms around her waist. He leant down to rest his chin on her shoulder, but it didn’t seem like Sarisa wanted any of this because she tried to get out of his grip. Because Arthor didn’t want to anger her any more, he let go of her and sighed, “sorry, I thought we were done with that.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Working with Lady Leanah had brought purpose to her days. Sarisa thought that they would all recognise her immediately, but no one seemed suspicious about her true identity.

Days went by faster when Sarisa had to help Leanah. Working as a handmaiden was undoubtedly strange as she had been used to having handmaidens of her own in Aeredale. But no matter how strange or interesting it had become, Sarisa forgot her manners too often. Leanah never seemed to mind it too much, but when she had walked into her room without knocking, the Lady didn’t seem very pleased with her behaviour. Sarisa couldn’t even focus on how annoyed Leanah sounded. All she saw was Arthor there with her.

Arthor had briefly told her about their close friendship. Sarisa hadn’t thought much of it except for the fact that it was rather strange for a Knight to befriend a Lady like that, especially when Leanah was married and had a child. But the sight she had seen sent an endless stream of questions through her mind. They laid on the blankets together with Connas between them, and something didn’t seem quite right about it. Even the way Arthor had been so comfortable with Connas confused her. They almost looked like parents, a couple.

None of the words Arthor said when he came after her not soon after Sarisa had left were believable. She hadn’t seen such a close friendship between a Knight and a Lady before. Certainly she had been quite rebellious while living in Aeredale with the Knights there, but Lady Leanah did not seem like that type of person.

“I’m sorry that I don’t want you to touch me right now,” Sarisa scoffed.

"Fine, I won't,” Arthor said, and she heard him sit down on the bed.

“Good.”

"Do you want me to leave?"

“If you want to.”

"I don't."

“Okay.”

How could she believe him? Leanah had never reacted so defensively before to her stepping out of line. Often she would laugh and tell her that it was unusual for handmaidens to act like her, but Sarisa thought that Leanah didn’t mind it. Wasn’t it slightly inappropriate for Arthor to stay in her room when her husband wasn’t there even if they were friends? Sarisa found it strange. Whatever it was, she didn’t trust Arthor, and there was a tinge of jealousy as she didn’t appreciate seeing him with another woman if they were more than friends.

"So you're stuck with me."

“Unlucky me.”

"I don't get it, Sarisa. I really don't."

“Okay. I don’t care,” Sarisa shrugged.

They had been quite intimate with each other. Arthor had been the person to give her an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start over again. In many ways, he had become her saviour, and Sarisa liked their moments together. While thinking about her suspicions about Leanah and Arthor, she grew angry because what if her suspicions weren’t simply irrational thoughts but the reality of the situation?

"Doesn't seem like you don't care."

“It doesn’t fucking matter.”

"Sarisa, I'm sorry."

“For what?”

"For upsetting you so much, obviously."

At that, Sarisa only shrugged as she tried to push away the feeling of jealousy, anger and worry. She turned around to look at him before walking over to the small desk pressed up against the wall.

"Are you going to be mad at me forever now?" Arthor asked with a slight pout.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled.

"Do you want me to get on my knees and beg you for your forgiveness?"

“You can try.”

Sarisa knew too well that Arthor would likely be able to calm down her mind, but a part of her didn’t like that he could see her so vulnerable now with doubts in her mind about his ability to be honest. Either way, she felt conflicted about the situation as she didn’t want to be angry or jealous, and neither could she admit that to Arthor. She wanted to forget about it, but she couldn’t help that feeling growing in the pits of her stomach about him and Leanah. She hated it, though.

"Or do you just want to embarrass me?" Arthor chuckled as he rose from the bed and closed the distance between them.

“No.”

Arthor sank to his knees in front of her then, “ I’m sorry, Sarisa.”

“Why should I forgive you?”

"Because I'm asking you so nicely?"

That wasn’t a good enough reason for Sarisa, and she shook her head while crossing her arms against her chest. Now she wanted to see how desperate Arthor would get for her forgiveness. Would he beg her all night if she refused to forgive him? She almost found it amusing even if it perhaps wasn’t right of her to abuse his willingness to apologise for something.

"Please?"

“No.”

"Why not?" Arthor asked before stroking his fingers lightly over her thigh.

“You haven’t given me a good reason to forgive you.”

Sarisa did worry that Arthor would get tired of trying to earn her forgiveness, but she hoped that he wouldn’t leave her. Gods, she felt so pathetic, but during the past few weeks, she had grown so attached to him.

 

[desti]

It was rather amusing for Arthor to beg for Sarisa’s forgiveness. He thought that it might be a sign she was going to ultimately end up moving on from this. That’s what he hoped at least. Arthor didn’t like how worried she was making him right now, and he really just wanted to forget about this ever happening. If they could do that, Arthor would be fine with begging her the whole night until she’d be so annoyed that she’d just give up.

“I’m at your mercy,” Arthor mumbled as he pressed his forehead against her stomach, trying to hold back a chuckle.

It felt like a small victory when Sarisa’s fingers stroked against his hair. Arthor smiled a little before wrapping his arms around her hips and pressing his lips against her stomach. Her fingers moved from his hair to instead grab onto his chin, forcing him to look up at her. That was a good sign, undoubtedly. Arthor didn’t think she’d stay mad at him for long at all.

Arthor got up from the floor, keeping his arms around her hips as he looked down at her now. Once he was up, Sarisa leant forwards to kiss him, but pulled away at the last moment. Arthor figured she would punish him by teasing into oblivion, so he wasn’t entirely surprised at this. He yanked her towards him by her hips, holding her close against him while he kept his eyes on her.

Still Sarisa held her ground and leant her head away from him and held her arms by her sides so that she wouldn’t be touching him. Because Arthor craved her touch against his skin, he grabbed one of her hands and brought it up to rest on his cheek, holding it there while he leant his head against it a little. Finally, Sarisa leant forwards to kiss him, though it wasn’t really a sweet kiss, since she bit down on his lip. While holding onto her hip with one of his hands, Arthor moved his other one to hold onto her chin. He pulled away from the kiss after a while, leaving his hand where it was as he looked down at her again.

“What if I still don’t forgive you?”

“I don’t know how I’ll live.”

“Do you need my forgiveness to survive?”

“Obviously.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Please.”

With that, Arthor leant in to kiss along her jaw slowly. Surely Sarisa wouldn’t be able to let this play out for too long. Arthor thought they were both rather fond of each other and, after all, he’d gotten her out of a live spent in inns and amongst drunks. She should be grateful and forgive him for this. Arthor didn’t want to admit it, but he was quite attached to her by this point. He didn’t want her to leave.

“Okay.”

“Thank you,” Arthor mumbled and kissed her cheek then.

“You’re welcome.”

When Sarisa pulled away from him, Arthor was quick to pull her back, chuckling a little. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her against his body, stroking his fingers against her back. Arthor liked her, maybe more than he should’ve. Sarisa was so good, though. She was so pretty and fun to be around, no doubt about that.

“What if I want you to leave now?”

“I won’t,” Arthor shrugged.

“Oh really?”

“Really.”

"I want to be alone. Enjoy my own company, make myself feel pleased."

“I suppose you won’t get to do that, then.”

“We’ll see.”

Arthor raised an eyebrow at that and chuckled a little, before leaning down to hug her against him and kiss her head. It made him smile when Sarisa kissed his neck. Arthor nuzzled his face into her hair, sighing softly as he closed his eyes. Eventually, Sarisa pulled away from him though and Arthor looked at her with a pout. Sarisa only chuckled and left him standing there while she laid down on the bed.

Obviously Arthor wouldn’t leave her alone, so he followed her and fell down on the bed beside her. At least Sarisa didn’t move away from him but instead pressed against him, so Arthor turned on his side so that he could wrap his arms around her and pull her close to him. Sarisa wrapped her arms around him in turn and nuzzled her face against his neck, so Arthor pressed his lips against her hair.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Distressed
Chapter CLI
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar​

Handmaidens struggled to tighten the dress. They commented on how pretty she looked while they combed her hair and Aryana often looked in the mirror to see the slight blush over her cheeks. Her cheeks were no longer hollowed, and her eyes were awake and glistening.

All the signs of a child growing in her belly were slowly getting difficult to hide. Servants no longer served her wine, and the plate was always empty when Aryana left the table. Throughout the days she could never say no to freshly baked pastries with a sweet filling with honey drizzled on top, and she requested them too often in the evenings before Brynden would return from a meeting. And Gods, the fresh berries served in a small bowl with a glass of sweetened milk had to be her favourite snack to eat in the mornings.

No matter how worried Aryana was for the child, she couldn’t help the smile that seemed to be permanently tugging at her lips every day. The Gods must have seen her happiness, not letting them have a day of rain or a slight shower of snow outside, and Aryana found herself at peace.

Aryana had grown too used to asking for servants to make a bath for her. The water would be hot to the point where her skin turned slightly pink, and steam filled the room. It had to be her obsession of feeling clean to have the thoughts of how horrifying the amount of blood that had covered her and the bed had been when she had lost her child. Now that she was married to Brynden she thought it didn’t matter that she had become rather demanding. Perhaps the servants despised her, but Aryana didn’t seem to mind.

The amount of rest Aryana got often made her feel bored. Staying in their chamber every day became dull, and she ventured outside at least once a week. Today she had visited the crypts to pay her respect to the dead, mourning the death of Brynden’s family and his loved ones. Later she had walked through the courtyard. A few people gave her strange looks, some servant girls whispering and giggling as they ran across the yard. Even some of the guards seemed to snicker whenever she walked past, but Aryana didn’t care.

Only once she closed the distance between her and the door to the castle did it hit her. One of the men furrowed his brows as he looked at her, and she could see him whisper something to the man standing beside him. The smile that had been on her face throughout most of the day vanished and Aryana longed for the safety of their chamber.

In their chamber, Aryana closed the door with a sigh. Did they know that she was with child again? The handmaidens must have gossiped. Or perhaps they were angry with her for being too demanding. She wasn’t certain of what the cause behind their strange behaviour was, but her mind rushed with different scenarios where she always ended up as the one to blame for it. What had she done wrong? But the sound of the door opening brought her out of her thoughts, and she looked up at Brynden from where she sat on their bed.

"How are you?" Brynden smiled, closing the distance between them to press a kiss against her head.

“I’m alright.”

"You sure?"

Brynden sat down next to her, but Aryana assumed that she must have been overreacting. That was why she smiled and nodded before she reached to take his hand in hers.

"That's good,” he nodded before raising her hand to kiss it.

“What about you?”

"I'm alright. Just tired, like always."

Brynden put his head against her shoulder, and Aryana was glad that she hadn’t bothered him with her worries. There was nothing to be worried about. Perhaps she had only imagined a few people acting strangely towards her. For all she knew they were acting strangely because of someone or something else. Now Brynden had to take care of himself and rest. Aryana wouldn’t let him do anything but that for the rest of the day if he felt tired. She should be resting as well either way.

“You should rest.”

"Eventually,” he said and leaned down to rest his head against her lap.

“Seems like you’re about to rest now,” she chuckled while tangling her fingers with his hair.

"I won't fall asleep."

That Aryana doubted as she raised her eyebrow while looking down at him. Brynden held onto her knee, and she combed her fingers through his hair. If he would fall asleep, she didn’t mind. It was likely for the better as they had both had long days, but Aryana had hoped that Brynden had enough energy to spend some time with her and distract her from her own mind. In the end, it would be alright, and Aryana hoped that she was right for thinking that even if she sometimes thought that they would lose their child again.

“I don’t believe that.

 

[desti]

They were saying that their marriage was cursed. Brynden had expected it to happen eventually and he assumed that the gossip had started around the time they’d lost the child. Back then, he hadn’t been able to care much about that, but now it was all he could think about. He didn’t want Aryana to hear the things they were saying, because he wanted her to be as happy as she could be during this time. Hearing all of this likely wouldn’t achieve that.

Obviously Brynden couldn’t stop the people from talking, though. He could threaten some people, but not all of them. Brynden was appalled that some of the people he’d actually liked were sharing this opinion of Aryana and him. He had figured that the Northerners would stay stubborn about their opinion of the East, but Brynden had foolishly thought that the months Aryana had been here would make that mindset lessen. Maybe it had, but surely losing the child brought it all back again.

When Brynden came back to their room, he thought there was something bothering Aryana, but maybe he was overreacting. She did say that everything was alright, and Brynden chose to believe her. He hoped that she wasn’t lying, but either way he would be with her and they’d have a good evening now. Her fingers stroking through his hair felt so nice, that maybe he would fall asleep after all.

“Watch me.”

“Okay;” Aryana chuckled.

Hearing that made Brynden smile and he stroked his fingers against her knee gently. She wasn’t showing yet, but soon it would become more obvious that she was with child. Brynden was afraid, of course he was, and he only let her out of his sight when he was busy with work, but he also felt happy. Perhaps cautiously happy, but happy nonetheless. In a way, maybe, Brynden wanted to stubbornly prove to everyone in Nilfgaard that this marriage wasn’t cursed after all.

Meanwhile Aryana’s fingers traveled down his back and Brynden had to keep his eyes open, because he didn’t want to really fall asleep. Some days they got so little time together, so Brynden wanted to stay up with her for as long as he could. His days were so draining, though. Aryana understood, of course she did, but Brynden wished that he could be with her constantly.

“What did you do today?”

"I visited the crypts."

That did surprise Brynden a little, because the crypts weren’t exactly a pleasant place to be. Most people avoided them, really. They said it was too cold there and they always felt watched. Brynden quite liked it down in the crypts, though. It felt comforting to be there with his ancestors, with his family. He liked to go there to pay his respects both to those they’d lost in the last few years, and those that he hadn’t even known in his life.

“Oh, did you?”

"Yes, I did."

“Do you go there often?”

“No.”

“Good, you’ll catch a cold down there,” Brynden chuckled.

At that, Aryana chuckled too and stroked his hair. The thought of the crypts made Brynden a little upset, as all it did was remind him of his family. After he’d leave them, he’d always be a bit distant afterwards. Brynden didn’t mean it, but he couldn’t help it, even after so long had passed since he’d lost them all. He imagined it would never really leave him, nor would the guilt, though he was managing that a little better now.

Her hands were rubbing against his shoulders, and that always made Brynden a little tired, but he tried to fight that right now. He wanted to sleep, sure, but Brynden wanted to be and talk with Aryana a whole lot more. Sleep could wait until later.

“You’re going to fall asleep.”

“No, I won’t,” Brynden chuckled.

"If you say so."

“I won’t,” Brynden repeated and turned on his back. Since Brynden enjoyed her fingers stroking against his face, he closed his eyes, though he didn’t plan to sleep at all. When Aryana’s finger stroked against his lip, he kissed it and chuckled a little.

"You're heavy."

“Sorry,” Brynden laughed and sat because of it, rubbing his hands against his eyes before moving to sit against the headboard instead.

As he did that, Aryana moved to straddle his lap. Brynden chuckled and moved his hands to rest on her hips as he looked up at her, leaning his head back against the headboard as he watched her. She was so pretty. Brynden was afraid that she would grow distant again and stop caring for herself because of the pregnancy, but Aryana was dealing with it well. Or at least he thought so. He figured she was still worried, but Brynden was glad that she was trying her best.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

While sitting on his thighs, Aryana hoped and prayed that she would be able to carry this child for him.

They deserved a child, but she knew better than to get her hopes up. Another thought that had frightened her lately was that the Gods would give her the same fate as they had given her mother. Perhaps her whole family was cursed, and that was why she had lost her first child. Aryana knew that her thoughts were getting irrational, but she couldn’t help it. What if she would be taken away from Brynden? What if they would lose this child as well? Aryana hoped that nothing horrible would happen, but the Gods likely didn’t care much for her hopes.

“Sometimes I worry that I will end up like my mother. What if I’ll be given the same fate as her?”

"You won't be. Don't think like that,” he said and stroked his fingers against her cheek.

“You don’t know that.”

"You'll be alright, Aryana.”

Brynden cupped her cheek while he spoke, but Aryana wasn’t sure if that was true. Neither of them knew what would happen, but since they had already been through so much, it was so easy for her to fall back into bad habits of assuming the worst. She sighed and stroked her hands over his shirt.

"Everything will be alright,” Brynden said while stroking her cheek.

“Okay.”

When he leaned forwards to press a kiss against her cheek, Aryana hoped that he was right, even if she doubted him. Brynden could say whatever he wanted to say, but she knew too well that they couldn’t predict the future. Since she felt her mood begin to dwindle, she pulled away from him to sit at the edge of their bed. But Brynden followed and moved to sit behind her while resting his chin against her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her waist. His hands rested against her stomach, and her gaze fell down to look at him while he touched her.

“I hope I’ll give you a son. Then you’ll at least have an heir. A male heir.”

"If we don't have a son, then a daughter can inherit the North as well. I'll be happy either way."

“Really?”

"Really,” he said, pressing a kiss against her shoulder.

“Good,” she said with a slight smile tugging at her lips.

No matter if they would have a son or a daughter, Aryana would cherish their child if they were lucky enough to have it. She was glad that Brynden seemed to agree with her feelings towards their unborn child, and she kept smiling as he stroked his hands over her stomach. With a soft sigh, she leaned back against him, moving her hand to rest over one of his. Unexpectedly Brynden grabbed onto her as he laid back against the bed only to pull her on top of him while chuckling and Aryana chuckled as well.

“I wish we had more time to do something. I hate laying here all day.”

"I know. I'm sorry."

“It’s boring,” Aryana mumbled.

"Is there something you'd like to do? I can try to find some more free time."

“No, or I don’t know.”

"Well, that's not very helpful,” Brynden chuckled.

The castle had gotten so boring since Aryana hadn’t really found anyone that she could talk to whenever Brynden attended meetings. Going outside of the castle meant she would end up sitting in the courtyard while staring at everyone around her, and she didn’t know Nilfgaard well enough to venture outside of the town and into the nature surrounding them alone. But perhaps that was just how her life would be now that she was married, and Brynden was always busy with something. Aryana had to get used to it.

“It’s okay.”

"If you think of something, let me know."

“I will,” Aryana nodded.

“Good,” Brynden said while stroking his hands over her stomach.

For a while she let him do that before she pulled away from him to get up from the bed. Gods, Aryana had never felt so restless before. She looked over at him as Brynden propped himself up on his elbows, but she didn’t want to lay down. Instead she walked over to the window to open it, letting the fresh, cool air flow into their room while she got a better view of the world outside. Now she missed Stormwind. Nilfgaard was her home, but it couldn’t compare to how fun it had been to live in the East with all her friends and her father.

“It doesn’t feel like home,” Aryana mumbled.

"Oh."

Aryana thought that Brynden made her feel at home often. He was the one who made her happy while he protected her and cared for her, but whenever he was busy, Nilfgaard felt lonely. She didn’t know what to say to him then, and decided not to say anything. How was she supposed to feel at home when the only person she could trust was her husband?

"I'm sorry. Maybe one day you'll feel more at home here."

“Maybe.”

 

[desti]

It should’ve been obvious to Brynden that Aryana didn’t think of Nilfgaard as her home, but he was actually surprised and disappointed to hear her say it. He thought that she liked it here, and maybe she did, but Brynden supposed that it wasn’t like Stormwind at all. As far as he knew, Aryana hadn’t really made any friends here. He thought that Antra’s old friends might be suitable, but half of them had been married off during the war and half of them apparently hadn’t been interested enough in Aryana to approach her.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

"You've already done so much for me,” Aryana spoke as she looked at him.

Maybe that was true, but Brynden wanted Aryana to love it here and feel comfortable and happy. He realised that he wasn’t with her the whole time and she was alone when he wasn’t with her, so Brynden felt like he had to do something about that. Obviously he had to figure out how to occupy her during those hours of loneliness. Whether that was to find her a friend or find her something to do, Brynden didn’t know, but he’d figure it out.

“I want you to be happy, Aryana. I want you to feel like Nilfgaard is your home,” Brynden said as he sat up to sit on the edge of the bed.

"But people give me strange looks. They whisper about me, I know they do. How am I supposed to feel at home then?"

So Aryana did know about that. Brynden shifted uncomfortably because of it, and how lost he was as to what he was supposed to do about it. He couldn’t change the mind of everyone in Nilfgaard. Maybe they could change on their own, but even then it would likely take years for them to learn to love Aryana. Or perhaps they just didn’t know her yet. How often had she really gone outside and talked to the people herself?

Since Brynden had stayed quiet, Aryana turned around to look out of the window again. He sighed and looked down at the floor while he tried to figure something out. The fact that she was so alone in Nilfgaard probably didn’t help the rumours that were being spoken. Brynden imagined that the people found it easy to talk about Aryana, because they didn’t know her too well.

“Have you tried speaking to anyone? Making friends with them?”

"I try to be nice to everyone, but I don't know."

“Apparently, it’s not really working.”

“I know.”

“Maybe you should try more. I can help you, if you want.”

"I don't think anyone wants to be around me."

At that, Brynden sighed and got up from the bed to be behind her again and wrap his arms around her while he rested his chin on top of her head. Aryana was a joy to be around when she was happy, but Brynden imagined that everything she’d gone through hadn’t made her very appealing to the people around them. She’d been so distant for most of the time in the North, so perhaps that was one of the causes of this.

“That’s not true. They just don’t know you yet.”

"It seems like they hate me."

“They don’t,” Brynden mumbled and sighed, “they’re just being rude and assuming things, because they don’t have anything better to do.”

Then Aryana turned around and wrapped her arms around her, so Brynden hugged her tightly against him. He wanted her to be happy so badly, that this obviously made him upset as well. Now Brynden just wanted to figure out what he could do to make this better. Maybe he could get her new handmaidens or find other girls to spend time with her. How hard could that be?

“I’ll try to help you somehow, Aryana.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll figure something out,” Brynden mumbled and kissed the top of her head.

“Good.”

Now Brynden had another thing to worry about, but that was alright. This sounded somewhat easy to do, compared to other things. The easiest thing would be just to replace her handmaidens with nicer girls, as Brynden thought that maybe these weren’t quite what Aryana wanted. He didn’t mind, as long as she would be happy in the end. Even one friend would be better than none.

“I’ll give you whatever you need, Aryana.”

"Right now all I need is you."

That made Brynden smile a little and he squeezed his arms around her before pulling away slightly so that he could lean down and kiss her. They kissed, Aryana grabbing onto his shoulders while he kept his hands on her sides. Brynden hoped what she had said before was true, because he felt the same way about her.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

All that mattered to Aryana was that Brynden would continue to be supportive of her. Knowing that the people of Nilfgaard seemed to dislike her made her heart sink into her stomach. They had briefly spoken about it before arriving in Nilfgaard that there was a chance people would still hold grudges towards the long and horror-filled past between the North and the East, but Aryana had hoped that her worries would never come true. She wanted to be cherished and loved. She wanted to have friends and know that the people trusted her.

But Aryana couldn’t control the minds of the people.

While sharing a kiss with Brynden, a sense of safety and warmth spread throughout her body. He would always be there for her, and Aryana wasn’t certain if there was anything that he could do for her, but the fact that he was willing to try brought her comfort. No matter the outcome of his attempts, she appreciated his willingness to try.

“I hope the people will like me one day,” Aryana said once she pulled away from the kiss.

"They will. You're wonderful, Aryana, and eventually they'll see that."

“Hopefully you’re right.”

"I know I am."

At his confident words, Aryana chuckled and pulled away from his embrace. Brynden leaned down to press his lips against her cheek, and she smiled. Every day he showered her in sweet gestures, and even the simplest of touches meant a lot to Aryana. Brynden treated her so well.

“Do you want to lay down now?”

Brynden nodded, wrapping his arms around her thighs as he hoisted her up into his arms. While he carried her over to the bed, she pressed a short kiss against his cheek. Once he laid down against the bed, Aryana sat up on his hips while tracing her fingers along his shirt. His hands stroked over her hips, and she tried her best to ignore the heavy feeling the spread across her shoulders and chest. The people didn’t matter right now. Brynden was all that mattered to her in that moment, and she didn’t want to let her mind distract her from that.

“Perhaps I won’t feel so alone soon,” Aryana said as she let her fingers stroke against her stomach.

"Perhaps,” Brynden smiled and touched her stomach as well.

“I hope so.”

"Me too,” he said with his gaze on her stomach while stroking his fingers over her dress.

They needed this child. Aryana wanted to have a family with Brynden. No matter how much it frightened her that they could end up losing this child, she wanted to be positive and hopeful. There was no need to stress herself up as it would only bring her and their child harm. Since everything seemed to be normal so far, Aryana thought that perhaps there was a chance she would deliver this child for Brynden. Gods, she prayed that she would. She didn’t want to disappoint or upset Brynden again. They couldn’t handle that.

“What are you thinking about?”

"About this child."

“Do you want to talk about it?”

When Brynden shrugged and chuckled, Aryana figured that it was too early for them to speak of the child. Since they had no way of knowing yet that she would be able to carry it, she knew it would be stupid of them to get excited in case they would lose it. She laid down against his chest then, nuzzling her face against his neck with a sigh while stroking her fingers over his shoulder. Brynden stroked his hand over her hair before pressing a kiss against her head, and now Aryana wanted to lay here for a while.

Aryana kissed his neck, closing her eyes while letting her thoughts take over her mind. Sometimes it still felt surreal that they were married now when she thought about their past, but she was glad that they seemed to enjoy their marriage as much as they did.

“Do you want to rest?”

"Do you?"

“We could.”

"Then we can,” Brynden said and kissed her head.

Aryana moved off of Brynden, rising up from the bed to walk over to the wardrobe so she could undress herself. She hated how all her dresses felt so suffocating now, and she found her night gown to pull it over her body once her dress laid on the floor. Before walking back to their bed, she glanced over at Brynden who had stood up from the bed to do the same. She smiled while laying down onto the mattress, pulling the blankets and furs over her body, not tearing her gaze away from Brynden.

It didn’t take him long to join her on the bed. Brynden wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his body and Aryana didn’t hesitate to wrap her arm around him as well. With a smile, she pressed a kiss against his shoulder before nuzzling her face against his neck again. Could they just lay here forever now? She wanted nothing more than that.