Fantasy Aedighar [closed]

[scoorpiuuss]

Only when they had gotten inside their room did Aryana realise how cold it had been outside. Her hands were slightly red, and she imagined her cheeks were too considering how long she’d been sitting in the courtyard. It didn’t matter. She had needed the fresh air more than anything else. Their room would often make her feel heavy and exhausted because of all the negative energy around her. With Brynden there with her it was a different story, though. Everything seemed to feel better as long as he was there with her.

Aryana wanted to try her best to move on from what had happened, but it was difficult.

Now she didn’t want to think too much about it. Since they were going to a meeting together, Aryana wanted to be at her best behaviour. After nodding to Brynden’s words, Aryana walked over to her desk. She sat down and looked at herself in the mirror that hung on the wall. Gods, her cheeks were red. Her hair was rather messy as well, and she thought she had lost the plumpness of her cheeks and the slight glow she’d had during her pregnancy. Aryana didn’t feel very pretty, not anymore when everything around her was so miserable.

Brynden came over to her to put his arm around her shoulder, but Aryana picked up her comb to start untangling her hair. When looking at herself, it seemed like all the life in her face had disappeared. Her eyes looked so empty.

Her life had changed so drastically. Perhaps that was why Aryana thought she had lost everything about herself that she had once liked. While she kept combing her hair, she met Brynden’s gaze in the mirror. His eyes were alive. His whole face was alive. Gods, she couldn’t imagine the kind of strength he must have had to have pulled through this. Aryana felt slightly pathetic for still feeling upset.

“I don’t want to look like a mess,” Aryana mumbled as she put the comb down.

"You don't. You look pretty."

“If you say so,” she shrugged.

"You are,” Brynden said and pressed a kiss against her head.

Aryana wished it had been easier for her to take care of herself. Everything had become so difficult. All the things she had once enjoyed had now become dull and exhausting. Aryana couldn’t help it. Therefore she didn’t really believe Brynden when he said that she was pretty. She tried to believe him, but when she looked at herself, she thought she looked dead. It wasn’t good for her to look at herself, and Aryana sighed as she rose up from the chair. Instead she turned around to face Brynden while leaning onto the desk.

Their gazes met before Brynden raised his hand to cup her cheek. His thumb stroked against her skin and Aryana tilted her face slightly towards his hand. With his other hand, Brynden took her hand in his, and she thought it felt rather sweet. He always took such good care of her. Aryana wished she would be able to take care of him as well one day if he would need that. All she wanted was to be a good wife to him. He deserved that.

“You’re so kind to me.”

"You deserve kindness."

“Thank you.”

Aryana hoped she deserved kindness and happiness. After everything she had been through, she wanted to find a happiness that would last throughout her whole life. A happiness that wouldn’t be taken away from her. Perhaps that would be Brynden. He was her everything. The way he smiled at her then made her feel warm. A tingling sensation spread throughout her body, and she leaned forward to press her lips against his. It was a rather short kiss as Aryana pulled away soon after.

There were so many things Aryana wanted to tell Brynden after he had pressed a short kiss against her forehead, but once again she found it difficult to talk. It was the first time in a very long time that Aryana had let him be this close to her unless they were going to sleep or waking up. She felt somewhat proud of herself that she was able to let him in for once. He was definitely helping her.

"We can go whenever you're ready."

“I’m ready whenever. I don’t mind when we go,” Aryana shrugged.

"Then we might as well go. It'll be over quicker."

“Okay,” she nodded.

Brynden pressed a kiss against her head before wrapping his arm around her. As they walked towards the door, Aryana leaned onto him. She felt like a child as she walked next to him, mostly because she wasn’t able to stay away from him for long. Even now that they were walking, she clung to his side. At least that was better than letting herself be distant. Now she only worried that she would ruin the meeting because of how needy she was today. If she would bother Brynden, she hoped he would tell her and get her to leave.

The last thing Aryana wanted was to ruin the meeting. It would definitely be boring, but Aryana thought that she would be able to get through it as long as Brynden was there with her. Perhaps it would be a little exciting, but she doubted it.

 

[desti]

Connas.
Chapter CXXXVIII
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​

The castle felt so much different now that there was a child in it. Adian thought life had completely changed the second he heard the child’s cries for the first time. Before it began screaming and crying, the silence was so deafening. Adian got worried that something was wrong, but, like always, he was just overreacting. He’d never been so happy to hear someone cry as he was in that moment.

Gods, he was so proud of Leanah. She’d been so strong through all of this and Adian thought that his love had somehow grown stronger. He couldn’t get enough of her and Adian had no plans of leaving her or the child’s side for many days now. It was a good thing that he really didn’t have much else to do anyways, so Adian could do what he wanted and be with Leanah the whole day and night.

Connas was loud, though. They could barely sleep. Adian felt like Leanah didn’t sleep at all, so he tried to stay up with her whenever he could. Having a child turned out to be a lot messier and exhausting than Adian had expected, but it was alright. They barely had any quiet moments, but Adian couldn’t be happier. They were parents and Adian loved it, no matter how tiring it was.

Only when Connas fell asleep could they really relax and have some time for each other. Adian felt tired all the time and he imagined Leanah felt even more spent. He thought it would pass soon. Now they laid on the bed with Connas between them and Adian couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. He thought that the boy looked like Leanah, but it was hard to really tell yet.

His eyes were burning from how tired he was, but now Adian didn’t want to use this opportunity to rest. He couldn’t look away from Leanah and Connas, and he couldn’t possibly feel happier than he did now. They were so beautiful, and he loved them both maybe a little too much. How had he gotten so lucky? The knowledge that Connas wasn’t his real son didn’t bother him at all, in fact he didn’t even really think about such things.

"He's so calm,” Leanah mumbled and chuckled a little.

“Don’t say that, you’ll curse it and he’ll never be this calm again,” Adian chuckled .

“I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

“Good.”

Leanah couldn’t take her eyes off of Connas, just like Adian struggled to do the same. It was strange how this child was already the center of their universes, considering that they didn’t even know him yet. Adian felt so lucky to be able to lay here with them, he didn’t think that he ever wanted to leave this room or them.

“I’m so happy. And tired.”

"Me too. I didn't think it would be this exhausting."

“Me neither,” Adian mumbled and chuckled.

"But I love him."

“Me too,” Adian smiled and moved to lay a little closer to Connas.

Gods, he was so small. Adian couldn’t get enough of his tiny little hands or his adorable cheeks or how big his eyes seemed. Maybe Adian was being stupid, but he really was obsessed with his son right now. He never wanted to be far away from him and he doubted that he’d let him out of his sight for a while now. The thought of being apart actually hurt him.

Leanah was stroking her finger against Connas’ cheek and Adian smiled as he watched. He would’ve played with his tiny fingers, but Adian was afraid that might wake him up. Though Adian loved Connas, he was also loving the peace and quiet they had right now with him asleep.

“We’re parents now.”

“We are,” Adian mumbled and smiled.

Leanah’s fingers touched Connas’ hand again. His hand was so small in comparison, it was so lovely. Adian loved everything about him already, even if Connas let them sleep for maybe an hour every night. Maybe that was an exaggeration, but it sure felt like it. Either way, Adian loved him and he felt lucky to have him in his life.

“He’s so tiny.”

“He is,” Leanah chuckled.

“I’m so proud of you, Leanah,” Adian smiled and looked at her.

“Why?”

“He’s here because of you. What you did was amazing,” he shrugged and chuckled.

Even being in the same room had been absolutely terrifying for Adian. He imagined that Leanah was probably scared too, but she had pulled through. She’d been so strong and Adian admired her for everything she’d done. Adian thought that at one point, he’d definitely been way more scared than Leanah. He thought he might actually pass out at one point, but he pulled through because of Leanah and because he wanted to help her with his presence.

"I couldn't have done it without you."

“No, it’s all you. I didn’t do anything important,” Adian chuckled.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

No pain in the world could compare to the ache Leanah had felt that day. Throughout her back, a backache so intense that all she could do was whimper as the cramps grew worse, leaving her gasping for air. Hours of pain and agony had left her suffering until dawn when the castle became silent. With tears in her eyes, Leanah kept her son resting against her chest as the sun peeked through the shutters. It had been a long night, but it had all been worth it now that she finally held Connas in her arms.

It was a moment Leanah would never forget.

Thin strands of raven hair covered his head, and his eyes were wide and dark. They reminded her of the night sky over the desert. His cheeks were plump and flushed in a pretty red. His small hands could barely grasp onto her finger, and all the sleepless nights that awaited her did not matter because Leanah thought he was perfect.

Often Connas cried. Leanah found herself walking around in their room with him in her arms as she rocked him back and forth. Soft kisses were pressed against his forehead while she mumbled sweet words to him. She would stand by the window, look at the sun setting in the horizon while the need for rest filled her body. There was no time for rest. Leanah wanted to care for her child, comfort him through his cries and feed him whenever he was hungry. It did not matter how late or early it was. She could not leave her child alone for even a minute.

All the worries and thoughts of a mistake she had made months ago had left her. Leanah could only see the beauty of having her child. Connas was the perfect son, and she loved him more than anything else in the world.

Her tired muscles ached for a bed to lay in most of the time. Leanah’s eyelids were heavy as her eyes prickled with a slight pain of how long she had kept them open. When was the last time she had gotten a full nights worth of sleep? It must have been so long ago. She couldn’t remember what it felt like to be well rested. All she remembered was Arthor’s little warning, but she wasn’t angry. If anything the thought of that made her smile as Connas resembled his father. His real father.

Now that she laid on the bed with Connas between her and Adian, Leanah could barely tear her gaze from his fragile and small body. She wanted to protect him. All the horrors she had faced made her sure that she had to make this life good for him. Already she wanted to fight for his happiness, and make sure he’d have a perfect life.

“Without your support, I would have never gotten this far, Adian.”

All through her pregnancy, Leanah worried that Connas would have been the death of her. It could have been the death of Arthor, and she thought that it almost had been because of what had happened a few months ago. They had all gotten through it somehow, and Leanah knew that she wouldn’t have gotten this far without Adian. He had been so supportive. Connas was lucky to have him as his father. Adian was perfect as well.

It appeared like Adian couldn’t stop smiling once Leanah looked at him. He toucher her arm, and she put her hand over his, returning the smile he was giving her. When Adian shifted his gaze towards Connas, Leanah did the same, and she couldn’t get enough of him. She wondered if Arthor still wanted to meet him.

“He’s perfect,” Leanah mumbled.

"He is,” Adian smiled.

“I can’t believe that he’s finally here.”

"I love him so much already."

“Me too,” Leanah said as she laid down right next to Connas.

"He's perfect."

Adian touched his hand, and Leanah watched him as she laid there. Now that he was so calm he looked very peaceful. Most of the time he was either asleep or crying. Whenever he cried, she would get worried that perhaps there was something wrong, but she knew it was somewhat normal — Gods how she envied him, though. Connas was able to rest a lot, while she and Adian could barely close their eyes for more than a few minutes. The thought of it made her chuckle quietly, as she once again thought of Arthor.

“I was warned that he would be a difficult child, though.”

"Oh?" Adian chuckled.

“Yes, but I doubt he’ll be that difficult.”

"Even if he is, that's alright. We'll manage."

“I’ll just have to get used to the lack of sleep,” Leanah sighed.

"It's worth it. Look how adorable he is."

“But my body is so tired. Gods, I envy him. He gets to sleep.”

It was worth it, but Leanah would likely kill for a full nights worth of sleep. Gods, it sounded pleasant, but also impossible. Perhaps her mother would be kind enough to look after him for a few hours, but he would still need to be fed, and Leanah wanted to be the one to feed him. She felt as if she bonded more with Connas then.

 

[desti]

What did it even feel like to sleep through the night? Adian didn’t quite remember and he thought that everyone who slept near their chamber didn’t remember either. Gods, for such a small human, Connas’ cries were ear splitting. Adian thought that the whole castle probably heard him when he cried. They could probably sleep through it, though, because the source of the noise wasn’t right next to them.

It was alright, though. Adian loved Connas so much that he was quick to forgive him for giving them dark circles under their eyes. He was too adorable to be mad at. Though, once Leanah would be willing, Adian would like to have some moments of quiet.

“We can ask your mother to watch him or a servant, perhaps. Then we’d get some quiet again,” he chuckled.

"I want to be with him."

“Imagine actually being able to sleep, though.”

But the more Adian thought about it, the more he thought that he wasn’t ready yet to be apart from Connas. He could endure the sleepless nights for a while longer. The thought of being away from Connas was unbearable. Adian was surprised how attached her felt to Connas and how fearful he was that something might happen to him if they’d leave him alone even for a second.

"You could hold me and stroke my back."

“It’d be so quiet.”

“Sounds lovely,” Leanah chuckled.

“It does… but not really. I think I’d miss him too much to actually enjoy it.”

"I can put him in the crib."

“I’d miss him then too.”

Leanah chuckled a little and nodded. Adian couldn’t bear the thought of being away from Connas for even a minute. Was that normal or was he just too obsessed? Adian wanted to protect him and be there for him, even if Connas was perfectly fine Adian wanted to be right by his side just in case. He smiled and stroked his little cheek. Leanah meanwhile stroked his stomach.

“I don’t want to ever leave his side.”

"I suppose that means no sleep for us."

“That’s alright. We’ll survive somehow.”

“We will.”

Adian would’ve suggested that they’d switch who would take care of Connas so that they’d both get some hours of rest. Since they would stay in that same room, though, Adian doubted it would do any good. He definitely wouldn’t be able to fall asleep if he was crying, and he’d likely just feel guilty that he wouldn’t do anything to help. So Adian was quick to scratch that idea.

“This is so exciting,” Adian smiled.

“I know.”

“I wonder what he’ll be like. Loud, obviously,” he chuckled.

But other personality traits interested Adian as well. He couldn’t stop wondering if they’d all just be inherited or if he and Leanah would shape him as a person. It was interesting to think about and Adian hoped that most of all he’d be a happy child. This little boy would rule the South one day, when he’d be older, and for some reason that thought was fascinating to Adian. Only now did he truly realise that all rulers were children at one point. Adian wasn’t sure why, but that was a fun thought.

"I hope he'll be happy."

“Me too,” Adian smiled, “that’s the most important part.”

"But I was quite happy as a child, so if he's like me, then there's no doubt he'll be running around the castle, laughing and wanting attention."

“That sounds nice, he’ll surely get all the attention he’d need,” he chuckled, “Gods, he’ll be so loved.”

"But we might have children together one day."

“Might?”

"We will."

The thought made Adian smile. He hoped that they would have a child together, maybe two even if Leanah would be alright with that. Adian would love Connas, of course he would, but he did want his own children too. The thought was enough to fill his whole body with warmth and his mind with pleasant thoughts about the future. Life would get even more amazing then.

"I was jealous of all the attention my brother got."

“Were you?”

"Very jealous."

“You’re the youngest though, right? The youngest one usually gets the most attention.”

"My brother was sick. I worried about him, but envied the attention my mother gave him."

“Oh, right,” Adian mumbled and nodded, “did you act out to be in the centre?”

In all honesty, Adian kept forgetting details about Leanah’s brother because they didn’t really speak of him too much. Maybe they should’ve, but Adian worried about making her upset. He did know what had happened in Wheldrake, so he worried that he might make Leanah feel bad by remembering old memories.

"I was very childish. I wanted to have it my way, so yes."

“What did you do?” Adian chuckled.

"Gods, I don't even want to think about that. Most of the time I'd cry until everyone got tired of me and went to get my mother."

“At least you got what you wanted, though, right?” Adian laughed quietly, trying to be mindful of Connas and not wake him up.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Often Leanah would regret the way she had acted like a child. All the days she had wasted on envying her brother while he was taken care of because of his illness. It reminded him of the day he had died, how moments before his death she felt envy that he got to marry someone he loved. All that for what? Now Leanah had married someone she loved and her brother was no longer alive. She was glad that they had gotten along, but she wished she could have taken all her jealousy back. Perhaps she could’ve been more grateful then.

It must have been difficult for her mother. Leanah couldn’t imagine what it had been like trying to take care of two children, one sick and the other always needing attention.

For quite some time Leanah had been childish. Now that she was a mother, she knew she could no longer act like a child. She thought that after marrying Adian she had matured, but it was Connas who now gave her the feeling of finally being a woman. She no longer craved to be in the centre of attention. Perhaps that was because Adian gave her all his attention. Either way, Leanah was glad she had grown past that.

“I suppose, but I regret all of it now. I was so childish,” Leanah sighed.

"You were a child, though, so it's acceptable,” Adian chuckled.

“At his wedding, I wasn’t a child, and I still envied him.”

"Well... he was going to be King. It's easy to envy that,” he shrugged.

“I wasn’t able to see that I would rule the south. All I could think about was how my brother got to marry the love of his life, and how happy he looked. I was stupid before I met you. I probably still am.”

It had been pathetic of Leanah to be so jealous over her brother. Then she had gotten Arthor’s attention, and that had become all she had wanted. Because of her need to be cared for, Leanah had gotten into a stupid mess. She missed Timos. He was one of the few people who understood her. They hadn’t been so close when Elaria had come into his life, but Leanah had still loved him. If only she could take all that envy back, then she would have shown him all the love she had for him. She would have been a better sister to him.

"You're not stupid. Most people are like that - we want what others have and forget to appreciate what is ours,” Adian shrugged.

“I suppose that’s true.”

"It is,” he nodded.

“I wish I could tell him that I’m sorry.”

"It's not something you have to apologise for."

That wasn’t true. Leanah did feel like she had to apologise for how she had behaved. It hadn’t been right of her to behave like that, but she didn’t want to get upset about it. Instead of answering Adian, she carefully brought her hands around Connas as she lifted him up and laid him against her chest. He was very much asleep as she laid his head against her chest. She stroked her hands along his small back while a slight smile spread on her lips. Adian moved closer to her, making her look over at him instead.

“Soon he’ll be hungry,” Leanah mumbled.

Adian moved his hand to his back, and Leanah pulled her hand away to let him stroke his fingers against Connas. She wondered how a small child like him could be as hungry as he was. It did make some sense since he would have to grow big and strong, but it was rather exhausting. It didn’t surprise Leanah when Connas opened his eyes then, a small whimper coming from him. He wasn’t crying, which was good, but she wouldn’t be surprised if that happened. Connas was such a loud child.

"Hi,” Adian mumbled.

It made Leanah chuckle as Connas shifted his gaze towards Adian. Now that he wasn’t crying, Leanah admired the blissful moment they were all sharing. He was so beautiful, and Leanah sat up with her back leaning against the headboard as she moved Connas to lay in her arms. Adian sat up as well before touching Connas’ cheek. Now she admired how good of a father Adian would be. There was no doubt in her mind that he would be perfect.

“He’s so calm now,” Leanah chuckled.

"He is. A nice change,” Adian chuckled.

“Perhaps he has understood that he doesn’t need to cry all the time.”

"Maybe..."

Adian seemed rather distracted by Connas while Connas didn’t tear his gaze away from Adian. It made Leanah smile as she looked at them, and she didn’t hesitate to move Connas over into Adian’s arms. That seemed to make Adian happy, and Leanah was glad as she got up from the bed. Because of how tired she felt, she needed to let in some fresh air into their room. It also felt nice to stretch her muscles a bit, even though they ached. Leanah walked over to the window to open it, still smiling as she looked over at Adian.

“I think he’s happy.”

 

[desti]

When Connas’ eyes opened, Adian expected a cry to come from him that would rupture their eardrums. It never came, though. There was a small whimper, sure, but that was nothing in comparison. Now that he was awake, Connas looked even more adorable and so pretty. Adian couldn’t look away from him and when Leanah gave Connas for him to hold, he didn’t even attempt to avert his gaze.

At Leanah’s words, Adian nodded. Connas wasn’t crying or fussing, he seemed happy. That in turn made Adian happy too and he couldn’t stop looking at their son. Could Adian call him their son? He didn’t really care, it didn’t matter. In Adian’s eyes, Connas was his son. He didn’t care about the details.

“I think he is,” Adian smiled.

“That’s good.”

Because of how distracted Adian was, he only nodded at her words. He thought he could see Leanah in his eyes, but he wasn’t sure. Adian didn’t even look over at her when he heard the sounds of her changing into something else. Connas was so very distracting. Everything about him was so exciting and Adian didn’t want to miss a thing. Even watching him blink or look around was absolutely mesmerizing.

Soon though, Leanah laid down next to him and Adian shrugged, “you can try to sleep a little, since he’s so calm.”

"It's okay."

“If you say so,” Adian shrugged and moved to be a little closer to her.

"Don't worry."

Then Adian nodded again and smiled as he played with Connas’ fingers. He was so lovely and Adian was happy that Connas was so calm in his arms. A part of him had feared that maybe Connas could somehow tell that he wasn’t his father and that he wouldn’t accept him. Was that irrational of him?

"Do you think he looks like me?"

“It’s hard to tell just yet. I think he does, but maybe I’m just imagining it,” Adian chuckled.

Leanah laughed a little at that and Adian smiled. Connas had dark hair and dark eyes, but both Leanah and Sir Arthor fit that description. Adian figured that only later they could really tell if Connas favoured one of his parents more than the other. He obviously hoped that Connas would look more like Leanah, but it would be fine either way. Leanah cuddled up against his side and Adian watched Connas.

“He’s going to grow up so fast, probably.”

"Soon he'll be walking around."

“Then he’ll start talking and soon enough he’ll call us annoying and tell us to leave him alone,” Adian mumbled and laughed a little.

"I hope that never happens,” Leanah chuckled.

“It might or maybe it won’t. We’ll just have to see.”

"I want him to know he's loved."

“He’ll know.”

Adian smiled and stroked Connas’ back gently while he kept his eyes on him. He would be so loved by everyone in this castle. Adian was sure that Connas would have a happy life and that he would feel loved by everyone around him.

"I hope so."

“He’s got so many people that care about him.”

"That's true."

“He’ll have a good life, he’ll be happy,” Adian smiled.

What worried him was Connas’ parentage and if they would end up telling him about it. They had said that they would, but after everything that happened Adian wasn’t sure if they would do what they said they would. It worried Adian because Arthor was clearly unstable and unwell, and he wasn’t sure if involving him in this was a good idea. Ultimately, it’d be Leanah’s decision though and Adian would go along with it whatever that may be.

At his words, Leanah only nodded so Adian continued to speak, “he’ll rule the South one day.”

“He will.”

“Let’s hope he’ll be good at that,” Adian chuckled.

"We'll have to teach him."

“We still have to learn,” Adian pointed out and smiled, “but in due time, we’ll teach him what we’ve learnt. It’ll all be alright.”

At that, Leanah nodded and leant a little against him while her fingers stroked against his thigh. Adian smiled and kissed the top of her head. This felt so nice and he loved every moment they were sharing right now. It was beautiful and they felt like a real family. Leanah closed her eyes and Adian smiled as he looked back at Connas, feeling like he couldn’t be happier than he was at this moment. Everything was so perfect.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Father
Chapter CXXXIX
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​

Over time, Connas had gotten a lot calmer.

Three long weeks after his birth, Connas had finally seemed to find it in himself to be happy. Leanah thought of it was a blessing. Getting sleep was still an issue, but Connas no longer cried as much as he had used to. It must have been a phase, or perhaps Leanah’s prayers had been heard as she found herself getting a little more sleep at night. Though it wasn’t a lot, it made a difference, and she had never been happier as it was all so perfect.

Leanah couldn’t stop thinking about Arthor, though. They hadn’t spoken to each other in so long. After everything that had happened, she thought it would be better for them to have some time apart. Arthor hadn’t been well, and Leanah had found herself stuck in her bed most of the time because of her pregnancy. Now that Connas was born, she thought they could try to rekindle their friendship as she hoped that was possible.

They had briefly spoken about Connas not knowing who Arthor was, but Leanah thought that there was a chance Arthor was doing better now. Perhaps he wanted to see their child. She wanted Arthor to meet Connas. There was also a chance that Arthor wanted nothing to do with their child. That she would understand because of all the pain they had suffered through her pregnancy, but she wanted to try. If he didn't want to see her or Connas, she wouldn’t bother him again, but there was no harm in trying or at least that was what she thought.

One morning Leanah had wrapped Connas up in his blanket before leaving the room with him held tightly against her chest. Adian knew where she was going. It seemed to make him a little worried, but she reassured him that everything would be alright. Leanah wouldn’t let anything happen to Connas.

Since Connas had become so calm lately, Leanah thought it would be the perfect time to visit Arthor in case Connas would go back to his old habits of crying and fussing. She didn’t want their son to be crying while meeting his real father for the first time. Gods, she was a little unsure if she would ever tell Connas about his true parentage. Leanah wanted to, but if Arthor wouldn’t bond with him now, she thought it would be better if they would keep it a secret and never tell Connas or anyone else about it.

It was rather difficult for Leanah to knock at Arthor’s door once she reached it, but she managed and stood there waiting for him to open while gently rocking Connas in her arms. What if he wouldn’t be there? Then she would come back the next morning as she so desperately wanted to give Arthor a chance. For a moment Leanah thought he wasn’t there as no one came to open the door, and just as she was about to leave, the door opened, and Leanah smiled as she saw Arthor.

“Arthor.”

There was no answer as Arthor looked rather surprised to see her there, or perhaps that was because of Connas. It made her chuckle at how amusing his facial expressions were, but Leanah understood. She should have come to him sooner, but it had seemed like the right decision to take a break from each other after everything. Now she only hoped that Arthor wasn’t angry with her for staying away. She hoped he understood.

"Good morning,” Arthor said while meeting her gaze.

“Are you busy?”

"Yes. No, no I'm not busy. Hi."

“Do you mind if we come inside?”

Arthor shook his head before walking inside, and Leanah followed. Gods, it had been so long ago since she had seen him. She hoped he was doing better. It had pained her so much to see him in that state of unwellness. That wouldn’t be good for the child, but she was positive that this would be alright. She was no reason to doubt Arthor. Connas would be safe and so would she. The only thing that worried her was how nervous Arthor seemed to be. He was no longer meeting her gaze, but Leanah wouldn't force her presence upon him for long if he didn’t want that.

"Congratulations."

“Thank you,” Leanah smiled.

"I'm glad everything's alright."

“Of course.”

When Arthor grew quiet again, Leanah thought that perhaps he wasn’t ready. Had she rushed it? Her visit had probably been unexpected, but she had wanted to see him. Gods, he looked nervous. Would Connas calm him down? She wondered if Connas would only make him more worried since Arthor seemed so distant now that he still wasn’t looking at her or the child. If he needed more time, Leanah would happily give it to him. She didn’t mind if she would have to leave and come back later.

“Are you okay?”

Seeing him nod at that made her feel a little relieved. Leanah hoped he would tell her if this wasn’t okay. She wouldn’t be offended by that, but since he was okay, Leanah didn’t hesitate to walk over to him. Connas was very much awake, and his eyes were so wide as he glanced around in Arthor’s room. She stopped right next to him, keeping her gaze on Arthor now as she shifted Connas a little in her arms so he could look at Arthor.

“You’re a father, Arthor,” Leanah mumbled.

 

[desti]

No doubt that Arthor was very much drowning himself in work to keep himself occupied. When he wasn’t guarding Lady Carlys, he was helping younger knights get better at their craft, if he had hours to spare after that then Arthor desperately tried to find something else to do or help with. That took up pretty much his whole day until Arthor would be able to fall back into bed, exhausted and beat. It was easier to live when Arthor literally didn’t have time to even think.

After everything, Arthor didn’t trust himself at all. He still sometimes got horrible thoughts into his mind and then it was back to work to clear his mind or he tried to find solace with Elias. For once, Arthor didn’t try to drown his sorrows in wine. Every cup he had tried to have looked too much like blood and tasted so very bitter that Arthor almost had to spit it back in. Maybe that was for the better.

But Gods know Arthor wanted a drink when he found out about the child. It was a boy. Arthor had a son and he knew too well what that meant. He almost expected Lady Carlys to order him dead out of anger, but that never came. When Arthor found out, Elias took care of him again. How could he ever repay him for everything? Arthor didn’t deserve someone as good as him.

Maybe it was rude of Arthor not to go to Leanah after Connas came into this world, but it didn’t feel right. They hadn’t spoken since his accident and Arthor felt like maybe it was over between them. He remembered what he’d told Leanah and he wanted to think that it was the right choice. It would just be better for Connas to think that Adian was his father. Nobody would want a fuck up like Arthor.

Yet Leanah came to him a few weeks after the news spread around the castle about a boy being born. Arthor didn’t know what to think when he saw her, all he could think about was how he couldn’t look at the little bundle of blankets in her arms. It was terrifying and he suddenly felt a rush of anxiousness fill him. Why was he so nervous? Arthor could barely breathe while they stood there in his room.

When their bodies were almost close enough to touch, Arthor looked at Leanah again. She spoke and her words made his heart beat faster in his chest while he tried to comprehend it. He was a father, in a way at least. That was all Arthor had ever wanted, but not quite like this. The situation he found himself in was so complicated, and yet there was a rush inside of him that came with Leanah saying those words.

Leanah moved the little bundle of blankets in her arms and Arthor finally dared to look at it. His eyes were so wide and Arthor stared right into them. Before he couldn’t look at him, but now he couldn’t look away. This was his son and suddenly that realisation hit him so hard in his chest. Gods, his own flesh and blood. Arthor didn’t think he’d ever see the day, but here he was.

"Do you want to hold him?"

Though Arthor wanted to, he really did, he felt like if he’d actually touch Connas then he’d be ruined. He didn’t think it was good for him to be in Connas’ life, not on a personal level at least. Arthor would always protect him, he would do anything for him, but he’d do that as a guard, not a father. He wasn’t sure how to say no without sounding rude, though, and he guessed there might not be a way to do that.

“I shouldn’t,” he mumbled.

"Why not?"

“I’m sick,” even to Arthor it didn’t quite sound convincing.

“Arthor.”

Obviously Leanah didn’t believe it either and she reached Connas over to him. Arthor shook his head slightly and looked away a little, “I’ll end up dropping him. You don’t want that.”

"You'll be fine."

With that, Leanah took a step away to stand in front of him instead. Arthor couldn’t breathe when she moved Connas closer to his chest. He would’ve moved away, but it felt like his feet were nailed to the floor below him. Gods, he felt so pathetic.

“I don’t know how to hold a child, Leanah,” Arthor mumbled as he stared at Connas.

“Okay.”

A part of Arthor was so deeply disappointed when Leanah pulled Connas away from him. He watched him before he looked down. Arthor didn’t even have the courage to hold his own child, how pathetic was that? How could one person be as stupid as he was?

"You hold him like this."

Leanah’s voice dragged Arthor out of his thoughts as he raised his head to look at her. He hadn’t seen her in how long? It must’ve been a couple of months by now. She looked pretty, especially with Connas in her arms. Arthor wanted to punch himself for that thought and he instead looked down at where her hands and arms were placed.

"Are you sure you don't want to try?"

“I don’t know,” Arthor mumbled, suddenly so very aware of his own arms while he stared at Leanah’s.

"It's okay."

At that, Arthor nodded a little as he looked at Connas again. He didn’t want to love the child, because he realised there was no point in doing that. It was hard not to, though. The less Arthor would be around him, the better. Though while Arthor stared at Connas, the thought of doing that seemed so unbearable.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

With Connas against her chest, Leanah understood that Arthor was nervous. It was clear to see that he was rather uncomfortable with the thought of holding their child, but she didn’t think too much of it. Perhaps he wasn’t ready for that now. If Arthor wasn’t, she wouldn’t pressure him to hold Connas, though it seemed like Connas wanted to be with Arthor as he couldn’t tear his gaze away from his father. Leanah wondered if Arthor wanted her to leave, but she worried that Connas would begin to cry then and she didn’t want to leave, not really.

Instead of leaving, Leanah walked over to Arthor’s bed. Carefully she laid Connas down on the mattress before leaning down over him to unwrap the blankets around him. Gods, it brought her so much joy when Connas looked rather happy about laying there, and Leanah chuckled quietly for herself before sitting down next to Connas.

When Connas looked over at Arthor, Leanah took his small hand in hers, stroking her thumb over his skin while looking over at Arthor. Connas could barely lift his hand as he seemed to be reaching for Arthor. Did he understand that Arthor was his father? It was like that moment Arthor had touched her stomach and Connas had been moving and kicking more than ever. Leanah assumed that Connas did understand that Arthor was his father. There was something sweet about that, and she couldn’t stop smiling.

“Do you want your father to come here?” Leanah mumbled to Connas while looking at Arthor.

Arthor walked across the room to stand by the bed, and Connas seemed rather pleased about that. Leanah wanted to make him comfortable with the thought of having Connas there. It wasn’t dangerous, and if she had thought it would ruin her or Connas’ life, she wouldn’t have come to him. All she wanted was for Arthor to get a chance to bond with Connas.

“He likes you,” Leanah chuckled.

"He's just curious,” Arthor mumbled as he watched Connas.

“I’m certain that he likes you,” she said as she reached for Arthor’s hand.

It seemed like Arthor couldn’t tear his gaze off of Connas while Leanah took his hand. She pulled him down, guiding his hand over to Connas so Arthor could touch him. When Arthor touched Connas’ hand, Leanah couldn’t get over how sweet it looked. How could such a small gesture make her so happy? She couldn’t stop smiling. For a moment she admired Arthor. Was it strange that she thought this new role as a father suited him? Not that he could even be a father, but she would let him bond with Connas like that in secrecy.

When Arthor sat down next to Connas, Leanah wondered if she was perhaps moving too fast when she raised Connas to lay in his lap. He seemed rather lost, but she wanted to help him as she moved his arm under Connas’ head to support it. Then she brought his other arm under his body slightly, tucking his hands tightly around Connas.

“Tell me if you want me to take him.”

Gods, Leanah couldn’t tear her gaze away from them then. She liked seeing Adian hold Connas as well, but this was something different. The reality was that this was their son, and it felt as if they were bonding as a family now. Of course they would never be a family, but Leanah couldn’t help the feeling that rushed through her then.

"Hi,” Arthor mumbled to Connas.

“Isn’t he perfect?”

"He is,” he mumbled.

“Gods, he is so calm now. He cries a lot.”

"I've heard."

“I told you that he likes you,” Leanah chuckled.

Everything was so perfect now. Leanah couldn’t get over how sweet it all looked even if Arthor looked rather nervous and stiff. Perhaps he was scared, but she didn’t doubt him. She trusted him to hold Connas, and Connas was clearly happy about being in Arthor’s arms. Leanah sat closer to Arthor then until their thighs pressed together. A little carefully she leaned against Arthor while reaching over to stroke Connas’ cheek. To see tears in Arthor’s eyes surprised Leanah, and she moved her hand to stroke against his cheek instead.

“What’s wrong?”

"Nothing's wrong."

“Good,” Leanah mumbled as she pressed a short kiss against his cheek before looking at Connas again.

Arthor chuckled quietly, and Leanah laid her head against his shoulder. This as all she had ever wanted. It was such a blissful moment, and when Arthor pressed a kiss against her head, Leanah wished she never had to leave. Though she wanted to look at Connas, Leanah found herself lost while looking at Arthor. Why did it feel so perfect? Suddenly she couldn’t get enough of him, and she reached up to place her fingers under his chin to make Arthor face her. Their gaze met, and Gods, Leanah thought she would never forget this moment.

For a brief moment, Leanah thought Arthor looked beautiful. There was something in his eyes that she couldn’t explain, something that made her unable to look away from him. She stroked her fingers from his chin and up to his cheek, smiling at him while pressing her body closer to his.

 

[desti]

Holding his son was too emotional for Arthor, so he didn't even attempt to hide his feelings. There wasn't anything wrong, though. It was just that this was all Arthor had ever wanted. It wasn't quite like he had imagined, but this was his son after all. Gods, it was his son. The amount of love he felt for him was hard to explain.

Only when Leanah made him look at her did Arthor look away from Connas. How could he give him back to Leanah now? Arthor wanted to stay here with her and their child forever. Gods, she was so beautiful. If Arthor wouldn't have had Connas in his arms, he would've wanted to touch Leanah just like she was touching him. Now he could only slightly lean his head against her hand.

Her touch felt like fire against his skin, every inch of him felt alive because of it. Leanah's fingers traveled down to the side of Arthor's neck until they tangled with his hair. Arthor thought the only things he could hear then were his own breaths and heartbeat. Strange feelings woke inside of him and Arthor wasn't sure what they meant. Instead of drowning himself in them, Arthor tore his eyes away from Leanah to look at Connas again.

Instead of Arthor's hair, Leanah stroked Connas’ cheek. Every once in a while Arthor couldn't help but look at her again instead of Connas. She was the mother of his child, his only child. Arthor suddenly felt such a strong bond towards Leanah. He thought they had fallen apart, but right now life without her seemed unlivable. Every once in a while Leanah's fingers would stroke against his hands, and Arthor couldn't get enough of her touch.

In an effort to feel closer to Leanah, Arthor laid his head on her shoulder. Leanah kissed his head and it made him smile a little. He could easily close his eyes and imagine that they were a real family. In a way they were, though, and Arthor didn't have to imagine a thing. Connas was their son and they were bound for life because of him.

"I want you to be a part of his life."

Then Arthor could only nod. He did want what was best for Connas and he thought that being away from him might be that. Now Arthor wasn't sure if he could do that. Already he loved Connas and he wanted to be there for his son. The thought of ignoring him sounded so awful to Arthor. There was no way Arthor would be able to stay away from Connas.

"You can come to me whenever you want to spend time with us. Don't be afraid."

“No, I shouldn't. It's better if you come to me.”

Really, Arthor just might end up knocking at Leanah's door every evening. That wouldn't be right. It would be better if Leanah would choose when Arthor could spend time with Connas. Then he wouldn't feel guilty about it.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Arthor mumbled.

Arthor watched as Leanah leant down to press her lips against Connas’ forehead. He couldn't help but kiss her shoulder. Gods, everything just felt so right at that moment. Maybe Arthor had gone too far though, because Leanah looked at him then. He thought she had a strange look in her eyes, and he stared right into them to maybe figure out what it meant. Leanah cupped his cheek and leant against him, which made Arthor snap out of whatever trance he was in. He looked at Connas instead, that was safer.

“He's so perfect.”

"He is. I love him."

“And he's so calm…” Arthor mumbled and chuckled a little.

"Just wait until he gets hungry."

At that, Arthor chuckled again. He was very much aware of how loud Connas was, but now that wasn't so apparent. Maybe Connas did like him after all, but Arthor didn't want to get his hopes up. Leanah leant her head against his shoulder, so Arthor leant against her a little bit. It seemed like Connas was falling asleep in Arthor's arms, and he thought he could've cried all over because of how sweet it was. Leanah wrapped her arms around his back, stroking her fingers against his skin over his shirt. Again, he couldn't help but chuckle a little at how surreal this felt. Leanah stroked her fingers into his hair and it made Arthor smile.

“I won't let you leave now.”

"Good, I want to stay."

“Good,” Arthor mumbled.

Now that he was a little bit more confident, Arthor moved one of his hands so that he could stroke his fingers against Connas’ cheek. Leanah was stroking Connas’ stomach. Arthor hoped that Connas was happy and that he would grow up knowing how loved he was. Suddenly the most important thing in Arthor's life was Connas’ happiness.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

A strange sensation spread throughout Leanah’s body. Suddenly the room had gotten so hot. Whenever their gazes met, she felt as if she was on fire. Her whole body was alive as a tingling sensation filled her abdomen. Had Arthor always looked this perfect? For a moment he was all she desired. Leanah longed for his delicate touch, craving his hands against her skin. It was as if her lungs had disappeared from her body. Her breaths were heavy and long, and she could barely focus on Connas who laid in his arms.

Nothing made sense anymore. Leanah didn’t understand what was happening.

The slightest whimper from Connas brought Leanah out of her deep thoughts. Shortly after followed a quiet cry. Leanah moved away from the warmth of Arthor’s body, immediately longing for his embrace once she rose from the bed. The cries from Connas were not loud. For once he was quietly whimpering, and Leanah thought that it was time for him to be fed. She looked at Arthor with an apologetic smile as she reached down to take him out of his arms, moving Connas to lay against her chest.

Leanah began bouncing Connas slowly against her chest while mumbling sweet words to him. It didn’t seem like Connas was hungry. If anything it seemed like he was only crying because he wanted comfort. Arthor rose from the bed, and she met his gaze while Connas kept whimpering against her chest.

"Is he alright?"

“Yes. I think he wants attention or comfort. He doesn’t seem to be hungry,” Leanah reassured him.

Slowly Leanah had begun to understand why Connas cried. It was easy for her to see when it was because of hunger or something else. Arthor nodded, but she understood his worry as she often felt it as well. Leanah took a step closer to him to lean against him while rocking Connas back and forth in her arms. There was a smile resting on her lips as Arthor wrapped his arm around her and stroked his fingers against Connas. Such a simple touch was enough to make Connas stop whimpering for a moment as he looked up at Arthor.

"Is this enough attention?" Arthor chuckled while he stroked his fingers against Connas’ hand.

“Seems like it,” she smiled.

"I don't mind,” he shrugged.

Leanah turned around, guiding Connas over to lay him against Arthor’s chest instead. It made her happy to see that he was comfortable enough to take him. She wanted to hold him, but she got a lot more time with Connas than what Arthor did. It was only fair that he got to hold him now. There was also something about the sight of him holding Connas that made that tingling sensation in her abdomen grow stronger, but Leanah assumed it was because she finally got to relax. Gods, having a child was exhausting, but it was all worth it.

“He clearly loves your attention,” Leanah chuckled.

There was such a pretty smile on Arthor’s lips as he began rocking Connas back and forth in his arms. As if to give them a moment, Leanah walked over to his bed again to sit down at the edge of the mattress while admiring how well this all suited Arthor. For a while, she sat there watching him while Arthor was quite distracted with Connas. Gods, Leanah had missed him. Arthor meant so much to her. He had always been a part of her life, and she didn’t understand how she had gone so long without seeing him.

Eventually Arthor met her gaze before chuckling. Had she been staring at him? Leanah had lost herself in her own thoughts as something had sparked up inside of her. Now that Arthor was looking at her, she longed to be close to him, and she rose from the bed before walking over to him to stand in front of him so they had Connas between them. Though Leanah wanted to look down at their child, she kept her gaze on Arthor while he watched her. It made a heat rush to her cheeks at how strange it all made her feel.

In an attempt to hide the sudden blush over her cheeks, Leanah looked down at Connas.

Arthor chuckled again before they were both looking at Connas. He stroked his fingers against his cheek, and now Connas was calm again. Leanah wanted to laugh at how quickly he changed his moods sometimes, but she knew he was only a child and that it was normal. Now she thought he looked rather sleepy again, and she hoped he would actually fall asleep now and not start crying or whimpering again over nothing.

“I think he looks like you,” Leanah mumbled.

"You think so?"

“Yes.”

"I don't see it,” Arthor chuckled.

“Oh,” she mumbled.

"Or maybe. I don't really look at myself too often, so you're probably a better judge of this,” Arthor shrugged and chuckled.

Connas did look like Arthor. Adian said he looked a little like her, but she thought he looked a lot more like Arthor than her. Perhaps she was only imagining it. Either way, it wasn’t difficult to see that he was their child. Gods, he was such a beautiful child, and Leanah leaned down to press a kiss against his forehead again before moving to stand beside Arthor so she could lean onto his shoulder.

“I think he resembles both of us.”

 

[desti]

As Arthor looked at Connas, he didn’t think that he really resembled him apart from the dark hair and eyes. To be fair, Connas barely looked like a person to Arthor, but he didn’t want to say that out loud. Maybe once Connas would be older it’d be easier to see if he favoured one of them more than the other. Arthor honestly didn’t see himself in his face, but it was too soon to say that.

“Hopefully he won’t behave like either of us,” Arthor mumbled and chuckled.

"He clearly behaves like you already."

“Wrong, I was never this calm.”

"I'm very lucky then."

At that, Arthor chuckled and nodded his head. They could only pray that Connas wouldn’t be like him. Arthor hoped that he’d be a mix of Adian and Leanah, because then he would be good, smart and kind. Basically, everything that Arthor was not. He wanted Connas to be loved by everyone around them and be a good man. Leanah chuckled, too, and for once Arthor actually felt rather happy. Obviously he tried to be happy with Elias, but this was something else entirely. It was like opening a window in a stuffy room.

“I hope he won’t be too difficult.”

"He won't."

“You sure about that? It’s our child, it’ll crave attention like air.”

"That's true, but I'll manage."

“You will.”

With a smile, Arthor kissed her head again. She was and would be a wonderful mother, he knew it. He figured that Adian was probably a good father. Together they’d be fantastic parents, Arthor was sure of it. He hoped that they’d have a happy family together. Connas was lucky to have Adian and Leanah as his parents, there were no doubts about that. Leanah kissed his cheek and Arthor smiled at her.

“This suits you.”

"You think so?"

“I do.”

"I think it suits you too."

It was nice to hear that and it also managed to make Arthor a little upset. He’d always wanted to be a father and have a family, and now he was so very aware of how impossible that was. This was the closest that he would ever get to that. Arthor tried to think about the positives like how they were all alive and how he would be able to spend time with Connas, but it wasn’t the same as being an actual father and it left him bitter.

“Does it?” he mumbled as he looked down at Connas again.

“Yes.”

Arthor just shrugged a little then. Maybe the fact that he didn’t have a family by this point was just an obvious sign that he wasn’t meant to be a father. Perhaps it was for the better anyways. Arthor was afraid he’d end up like his own father and that was the last thing he wanted. He could only hope that he wouldn’t have enough time to spend with Connas to hurt him.

"I think so."

“Thanks,” Arthor muttered.

When Leanah went to sit down on the bed, Arthor didn’t hesitate to sit down next to her. He still held Connas against his chest. Arthor had work, but he was quite sure that he was already late so a few more moments wouldn’t matter. He’d tell Lady Carlys what happened and Arthor hoped that she would understand and that she wouldn’t be too angry at him. Not any more than usual, at least.

It felt nice when Leanah pressed against his side again. Arthor didn’t remember the last time they’d been so close together. It was probably because of Connas. Maybe Leanah felt that same bond Arthor did. It really felt like the child was bringing them closer together, though Arthor wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Is it exhausting to take care of him?”

"Sometimes. I barely get any sleep."

“That doesn’t sound great.”

"I suppose that is my life now as a mother."

“I’m sure you can ask others for help if you want to rest.”

"But I don't want to be away from him."

“I understand that.”

Right now it felt like Arthor wouldn’t be able to let go of Connas. He wanted to spend his whole life by his side, but soon enough Leanah would take him and leave. So to some extent, Arthor understood what Leanah was saying and he could imagine that as a mother her feelings towards Connas were even stronger than his.

"I think he'll learn to sleep through the night eventually."

“Hopefully,” Arthor chuckled.

Leanah stroked Connas’ cheek and Arthor watched as she did so. He was so jealous that she could spend the whole day with him and so could Adian. Arthor tried to calm down, though, and he tried to be grateful for however long Leanah would give with Connas. Even a few minutes was more than Arthor deserved and he tried to be thankful and not jealous.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

If it had been up to Leanah, she could have easily spent the rest of her day here with Arthor and Connas. Now she wouldn’t hesitate to come to Arthor more often. A part of her wondered if they would be able to spend time alone as well, or if he only wanted to be in her presence when she had Connas with her. Their friendship was something Leanah greatly appreciated, but she didn’t want them to only be friends when Connas was around. Spending some time with Arthor alone sounded pleasant as well. They had a lot to catch up on.

Leanah thought that Adian wouldn’t mind spending some time with Connas alone if Leanah wanted to be with Arthor. One day they would have to visit the gardens together. Perhaps they could even take Connas with them.

“I hope we can spend more time together. I miss you, Arthor.”

"Me too,” Arthor mumbled.

Hopefully they would be able to be happy together. Leanah didn’t want to lose the bond she had with Arthor. Now she would try everything to make this last. Perhaps it was silly of her to need Arthor as much as she did now, but she so desperately wanted him to be a part of Connas’ life. A life without him wouldn’t bring her any happiness. Though she had Adian, she wanted Arthor to be by her side as well as a friend. Was that so wrong? To her, it seemed perfectly fine to want Arthor to be a part of her life.

“Soon I’ll have to go,” Leanah mumbled.

"I know,” Arthor said while stroking Connas’ hand.

“You’ll see him again soon enough.”

"I hope so."

“Of course.”

One day Leanah would come back to him whenever she had time or enough energy to do so. Then Arthor would be able to spend time with Connas again. Perhaps she should try to come to him in the afternoon or evening next time, but Leanah worried that she would be too tired or that Connas would be tired and crying. She wouldn’t be able to plan anything with Arthor as it all depended on how Connas was doing. If he would continue to be this happy, Leanah would likely be back the next day to spend some time with Arthor.

Silence settled between them while Arthor kept Connas in his arms. Leanah looked up at Arthor, stroking her fingers through his hair while she kept a gentle smile on her lips. When he rested his head against her shoulder, she pressed her lips against the top of his head before she leaned her head against his.

If only they could have sat there for hours together. Leanah wouldn’t have complained. There was something so special about this moment that made her think she would never be able to forget it. Arthor sighed, which made her wrap her arm around him to hold him close to her. It would be difficult to leave. Leanah didn’t want to take Connas away from Arthor. It seemed like it would be cruel of her to do so, but she knew that sooner or later she would have to. It would be wrong of her to stay away from Adian for so long.

“Are you okay?”

"I don't want you to go,” Arthor mumbled while he chuckled quietly.

“And I don’t want to leave.”

"I wish you didn't have to."

“Me too,” Leanah sighed.

Again Arthor chuckled, and Leanah thought it would be better if she would leave now. If she lingered for too long, she would end up trying to persuade him to stay here forever with her. Perhaps she wouldn’t get far, but she didn’t want to appear desperate for his company. She pulled away from him then, only managing to scoot a little away from him. Gods, her legs felt so heavy.

Before she could stand up, Arthor rose from the bed with a sigh. Leanah watched him for a brief moment before she got up as well. Now she would have to take Connas away from him, and it broke her heart that she would have to do that. It wasn’t fair, but she hoped Arthor understood that she didn’t really want to do this. Since she had to, she stepped closer to him, but before even thinking about taking Connas, Leanah looked down at him to stroke his small cheek. It seemed like Arthor understood since he ended up giving Connas to her.

“We’ll see each other soon.”

"Good,” Arthor smiled.

Leanah smiled back at him before she slowly began walking towards the door. Not until she reached the door did she turn around to look at Arthor who was looking at her. Gods, she didn’t want to leave, but she kept Connas tight against her chest, stroking his back slightly while trying to keep smiling to Arthor. Couldn’t they stay here forever? Leanah didn’t understand why she had such thoughts, and she tried to push them away. Arthor raised his hand to wave a little at Connas, making Leanah smile.

They would see each other soon enough, hopefully the next day.

 

[desti]

Evenings.
Chapter CXL
House Hastwyck
Sow knowledge, reap wisdom.
Santrella, Southern lands of Aedighar
​

All day Arthor could only think about Connas and Leanah. He couldn’t stop reliving that morning with them in his head. It had been so perfect and it very much distracted Arthor for the whole day. All he could think about was how perfect Connas was, how tiny his hands were and how right it had felt to hold him in his arms. Gods, Arthor loved him so much already.

Every part of Arthor wanted to go back to Connas, and he struggled to focus on the work he had to do. The second his shift ended, he just wanted to go back to Leanah and be with her and their son. That wouldn’t happen, though, and Arthor would just have to patiently wait for Leanah to give him another moment with Connas whenever she’d feel like it. Arthor would try to be patient.

Maybe they could spend some time together tomorrow. Arthor thought he might be too excited to sleep, though, and then the evening and night would go by so slowly and Gods forbid he’d end up lost in his own mind. So going to Elias just seemed like the obvious thing to do, really. It was probably rude of Arthor, but he didn’t knock and just walked into the room like it was his own.

While Elias did seem a little startled by his entrance, it didn’t seem like Arthor had walked in on something important. Elias was just laying on his bed and reading something, which didn’t really surprise Arthor too much. Gods, Connas was giving Arthor the energy that he’d undoubtedly lost. These last weeks had been hard and Arthor didn’t expect it to get much better, but holding his son in his arms made life rush through his veins again. He felt like himself for once, even if only for a while.

When Arthor closed the door behind him, Elias set the book down and started to sit up. Arthor didn’t really let him get too far though, because he quickly walked to the bed and pushed Elias to lay down again with his body while he pressed his lips against his. Elias kissed him back while his hands grabbed onto Arthor’s hips. For whatever reason it made Arthor chuckle and pull away a little so that he could lay his head down on the pillow by Elias’ head.

"You seem happy,” Elias chuckled.

Was Arthor happy? He thought he was. He was afraid that feeling would leave him soon again, like it usually did, but for now he felt grateful that he didn’t feel like usual. It was all thanks to Leanah and Connas, no doubt about it. Gods, Arthor felt like he could ramble to Elias about Connas for hours. Maybe he would, though he thought that Elias would quickly grow tired of it.

“Leanah came to me this morning.”

"Did she have Connas with her?"

At that Arthor nodded and nuzzled his face against Elias’ neck, “she did. Gods, he’s perfect, Elias.”

"I'm happy for you."

Arthor chuckled and nodded a little. After all the complaining and worrying Arthor had done about Connas, now it felt nice that none of it had come true. It was a nice change that for once Arthor could be happy about his son to Elias. Maybe Arthor had been wrong for thinking so harshly about the situation, and maybe everyone else had been right all along.

"Tell me about him."

“He was so calm the whole time he was in my room. Leanah said that he looks like me, but I don’t know…”

"He probably does."

“I can’t see it,” Arthor shrugged.

"Perhaps when he gets a little older."

“Maybe. We’ll see.”

With the thought of Connas, Arthor couldn’t help but smile against Elias’ neck. He was a father, he really was. Well, Arthor probably had a few bastards in the South, but they didn’t really count. This was different. It was such a wonderful feeling, after all. Even if there was worry inside of Arthor about so many things. Elias was stroking his hair and that made Arthor relax a bit more and close his eyes.

"I'm glad you got to spend time with them."

“It was so hard to let them leave.”

"Will you get to spend more time with them?"

“Leanah said that I would.”

"That's good."

Arthor nodded and then kept on talking, “I can’t stop thinking about him.”

"I can't imagine what it's like."

That made Arthor remember that Elias was in the same situation that he had been. If Elias wouldn’t find someone other than him, then he probably wouldn’t have children. Arthor didn’t know how important such things were for him, though. He couldn’t remember, but he thought he’d never asked Elias about children. They’d just talked about him mostly.

“It’s amazing.”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

For once Elias thought he could finally relax.

Everything that had happened with Arthor seemed to slowly get better, and Elias thought it brought him too much joy to see some improvement. There had been times Arthor had struggled to keep up his progress, but Elias thought it was rather normal to have relapses. It did frighten him whenever they happened as he didn’t want to relive those horrible days and week they had gone through together after Arthor had tried to end his own life, but in the end, Elias tried to trust Arthor enough so he wouldn’t worry about it happening again.

But Elias did worry a lot about Arthor whenever he was alone, which was quite often since Elias didn’t have much to do. Some days he would be with Lady Carlys, but it didn’t seem like he was needed that much anymore. It made sense as she had a lot of experience and Elias’ advice likely wouldn’t make a difference. There were no troubles, no threats or strategies to be made, and Elias thought he had lost a lot of his purpose.

It made him upset, but he figured that one day he would be needed. There was a chance Lord Adian, and Lady Leanah would need him, but Elias thought that soon enough he could retire. That raised the question of settling down, though, and he wasn’t entirely sure if he would ever do that.

Slowly Elias had accepted that he would end up alone. He did have Arthor for now, but they could never be a family. It didn’t matter anyway as Elias had brothers that could keep the family tree growing. The thought of a family did sound nice, but since he knew there was no hope for him now that he was getting old, Elias had given up on settling down. As long as he stayed in Santrella, he would have Arthor. That was enough for him.

Now with Arthor on his bed with him talking about Connas, Elias did feel a little sting in his chest knowing he would never experience that feeling Arthor felt. What was it like to be a father? Arthor was lucky that Leanah let him see Connas like that. In a way, Elias envied Arthor, but mostly he was happy for him that he got to experience what it was like to be a father even though Connas was his bastard.

“I don’t doubt that,” Elias chuckled.

"It was fucking amazing to finally hold him."

“It’s a little strange to think about Connas being your son.”

"Very strange."

“I don’t even know what he looks like,” Elias mumbled.

"You'll probably see him soon,” Arthor shrugged

“I’d like that.”

For Arthor, Elias wanted to see Connas. There was something exciting about that thought. He wondered if he would be able to be more happy for Arthor then. The last thing he wanted was to make Connas into something he would envy Arthor for to the point where Elias wouldn’t be able to talk about it. He was genuinely happy for Arthor, but perhaps there was something in him that longed for something like that.

"Yeah?" Arthor chuckled while stroking his cheek.

“I think it would be nice.”

"I think so too,” Arthor nodded.

“Good.”

"Depends on Leanah, though."

“That’s true.”

After that time where Leanah had barged in on them while they had laid on Arthor’s bed, Elias wondered if Leanah would let him see Connas. It didn’t seem like she was disgusted with them, but Elias barely spoke to her. Arthor clearly knew her a lot better than what he did, but Elias found it hard to believe that Leanah might not let him see Connas as he hadn’t given her any reason not to trust him. Gods, it would be nice.

"I'm sure she'd have nothing against it, though. I'd like for you to see him."

“I hope you’re right,” Elias chuckled.

It seemed to have made Arthor happy that he wanted to see Connas, or perhaps Elias was overthinking it all, but Arthor smiled at him before kissing him. Elias didn’t hesitate to kiss Arthor back as he raised his hands to cup his cheeks. Now he was somewhat looking forward to that, hoping it would make it a lot easier for Elias to understand what Arthor was feeling. He wanted them to share this happiness. Perhaps that sounded silly, but Elias thought it would be good for them somehow, and therefore he looked forward to it.

After a while, Arthor pulled away from the kiss while stroking his fingers against his jaw, making Elias smile.

“This happiness suits you.”

Arthor chuckled at that, and Elias hoped that this happiness would last. If he was realistic, though, Elias knew that Arthor would likely have his moments where this happiness would leave him. He was prepared for that even if he hoped that it wouldn’t happen. In the end, they would be alright. It would take a lot of time, but Elias didn’t mind. He loved Arthor more than anything, and he would always be by his side to support him through anything.

“It makes me happy to see you like this,” Elias chuckled.

 

[desti]

Arthor hadn’t realised that Elias probably hadn’t even seen Connas. Since the boy was so young, Leanah probably didn’t really take him out of their room too often. Once he’d grow older, more people would see him and be able to admire him. Arthor thought that Elias would be able to see him sooner than most. Obviously it depended on Leanah, but Arthor doubted she’d have anything against it.

For some reason, the thought of Elias spending some time with Connas made Arthor happy. He doubted that Leanah would leave them alone with him, but maybe the four of them could have some moments together. Arthor thought it might be quite sweet, actually. The thought of it made Arthor happy and he figured he might as well bring it up to Leanah at one point.

“It’s been a good day,” Arthor shrugged.

"I'm glad."

At that, Arthor nodded and leant down to kiss Elias again. Would he ever settle down? Arthor figured that he wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t see himself having an actual family, no matter how much he craved it. Arthor couldn’t see himself leaving Elias’ side. Did Elias feel the same way? Elias was stroking his hair while Arthor kept his hand on his cheek. Was he holding him back? Now Arthor couldn’t stop thinking about it. Maybe Elias did want to have a family, but he was too kind to tell Arthor that.

It was easy to get distracted from those thoughts when Elias stroked his back, dragging his fingers over his spine. Arthor thought about Leanah and her touch for just a moment which confused him so much that he pulled away from the kiss. Should he tell Elias about that too? Arthor wasn’t sure if that was a wise idea. It wasn’t anything, anyways. Nothing had happened, and Arthor was likely just being stupid because of Connas. It meant nothing.

In an effort to forget all about it, Arthor looked down at Elias and met his gaze. Elias chuckled and Arthor smiled a little at him, stroking his thumb over his bottom lip. He pulled his hand away pretty quick, though, when Elias sank his teeth into his finger. Arthor chuckled and shook his head a little disapprovingly while he sat up on Elias’ hips. He kept his eyes on Elias, who raised his eyebrows while stroking his hands up Arthor’s sides.

“She said that he likes me,” Arthor said as he looked away from Elias, “I mean, I don’t know. She’s his mother, I guess she can tell those things… but I don’t know.”

"I'd trust Leanah on that one."

“I mean, sure, he was quiet and didn’t mind me holding him, but maybe he was just too tired to care,” Arthor mumbled and chuckled.

"You said it yourself, Leanah is his mother. I think she would know."

Then Arthor shrugged again and chuckled, rubbing his hands against his thighs perhaps out of unsurety. Obviously he wouldn’t know this kind of thing for sure until Connas would be older. Arthor wanted to be his best self around him, but obviously he was worried of failure like usual. He desperately wanted Connas to like him and he wanted to believe Leanah on this, but it was difficult.

Elias was smiling at him and rubbing his hands against his arms. Arthor sighed and moved a little so he’d be laying between his legs with his head resting on his shoulder. Elias chuckled a little and wrapped his arms around Arthor. Gods, it was comfortable to lay like this. Arthor didn’t know if Elias felt the same way, but he’d probably endure this for a while.

“I love him already. Is that stupid?”

"No, you're his father."

“I guess,” Arthor mumbled and chuckled.

“Trust me.”

“Do you want to be a father one day?”

As Arthor wondered about it, he thought that it would suit Elias. He thought that he’d be a good father and that Elias would be fantastic at it. Any child would be lucky to have him as a parent. Unless Elias would settle down with someone, though, that wouldn’t happen. Arthor hoped it wasn’t because of him, though. Maybe Elias just didn’t want children.

"Don't think so."

“Really? Why not?”

"It's not like I have the opportunity to be a father. I've given up on that, so I don't think I'll ever settle down or have a family."

“That’s a shame,” Arthor mumbled.

"I guess."

“I think you’d make a great father,” he shrugged.

Now it sounded like Elias was just accepting his fate that he wouldn’t be able to be a father. Arthor didn’t think that was good, because he wasn’t really that old yet. Maybe he could find someone in the next few years, Arthor thought that’d be good for Elias. He could only pray that he’d have the strength to let go of Elias if that day would come. Arthor didn’t want a repeat of what had happened before.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Who didn’t want a family and children? Elias had never really been the person to think about the future when it came to marriage and children. The thought of settling down had never lingered for long on his mind, but Elias couldn’t deny that it sounded pleasant. Waking up every morning next to person you loved, watching your own children grow up and knowing that you wouldn’t die alone. All that sounded so nice to him, but he knew he would never have it. Perhaps he could have tried, but he didn’t want to leave Arthor.

It would be nearly impossible for Elias to leave Arthor, and it would be just as impossible to find a woman he could love and settle down with. No, he didn’t want to bother with such things, but it hurt when Arthor said he thought he’d make a great father. Elias had never thought about what it would feel like, and for a brief moment, he wanted to experience it. It was too late, and Elias knew that Arthor was the love of his life.

“But I won’t have any children, so I suppose we’ll never find out if I’d be a great father or not.”

"You don't know that,” Arthor shrugged.

“I do. I don’t want a family or children. I’m not going to settle down.”

"If you say so."

Why did they have to talk about this? Elias had given up, and he didn’t want to make this about himself. Couldn’t they focus on Arthor’s happiness about Connas? He didn’t want to feel pressured to settle down, and now he slightly did because of Arthor. They had both gotten quiet which made Elias push Arthor off of him. Without saying anything at that, Arthor had moved to sit down. Elias tried to ignore him for now as he turned on his side with his head resting against the pillow. Now he felt as if he was ruining Arthor’s happiness.

"Sorry,” Arthor mumbled, and Elias felt his hand against his arm.

“Don’t worry about it.”

"So you do want it?"

“No.”

"Then why are you so upset now?"

“Because I don’t want to talk about me.”

"Why not?"

It made Elias angry when Arthor didn’t respect that he didn’t want to talk about this. He didn’t want a family. Perhaps he would have had it not been for everything that had happened, but now he was certain that he was going to be alone for the rest of his life except for Arthor. Quickly he sat up and turned to look at Arthor with his eyebrows furrowed. Couldn’t he just fucking understand?

“Because I have accepted that I’ll never have a fucking family,” Elias yelled at him.

While his blood boiled, Arthor looked rather shocked, but Elias didn’t find it in him to care as he stood up. Instead of saying anything to him, he walked over to his desk that was rather messy. There he found a cup and was quick to pour some wine it for him to take a big sip off. He enjoyed the silence that settled as he didn’t want to speak to Arthor right now when he could respect the fact that Elias didn’t want to talk about this. He focused on emptying his cup of wine only to fill it up again so he could keep drinking.

Elias didn’t enjoy the fact that he was rather lonely, but Arthor was so important to him. Leaving him wasn’t something he could do. He loved him. When he heard Arthor move off of the bed, Elias figured that he would leave which was fine. He wouldn’t force him to stay if he didn’t want to.

"I'm sorry, Elias."

“Don’t worry about it,” Elias mumbled as he looked down into his cup.

Again Arthor grew quiet, but Elias didn’t mind it as he kept drinking. The wine made him feel warm and comforted while he wished that Arthor could have understood that he wasn’t ready to think about this. It frustrated him since he didn’t feel ready to think about a family and because he had somewhat given up on trying to settle down. Was it that important? He had Arthor, or at least he thought he had him. Elias pulled his chair out to sit down then as he stayed quiet.

"Sorry, I'll just go."

“If you want to,” Elias mumbled.

"I don't, but..."

“But?”

"If I stay I'll probably just upset you more."

“You upset me because you don’t respect me when I tell you that I don’t want to talk about it.”

"Because I want to talk about it."

“Then you can talk about it. I don’t mind if you talk about Connas or anything, but don’t bring me into it.”

"But I have to bring you into it, whether you like it or not. What you do affects me too, Elias."

“What if I’m not ready to talk about it? Did you ever consider that?”

Elias understood that his life affected Arthor. They were together and what Arthor did affected him, but Elias wasn’t ready to talk about his future or whether or not he wanted a family. The thought of it was pleasant, but in the end, a family life didn’t sound like something Elias would enjoy in the long run. Surely it would be nice for a while, but Gods, couldn’t Arthor just stop?

 

[desti]

Maybe Arthor was being inconsiderate by talking about this, but he didn’t think Elias would ever want to open up about something that private if he was given a chance out of it. He was always so closed off and never really talked about himself, so Arthor expected that he’d always get upset about this topic being brought up. There was probably no good moment to talk about this.

It was all making Arthor upset too, because he didn’t like seeing Elias like this, obviously. He thought they’d have a pleasant evening together, but he’d very much fucked it all up. Like usual, so maybe he shouldn’t be too surprised about that.

“You’re never going to be ready to talk about it,” Arthor sighed.

“Don’t try to force me to talk about it.”

“Then you’ll never talk. I know you, Elias.”

“Can’t you fucking respect that I don’t want to talk about this right now?”

Apparently not. Arthor had to keep himself from rolling his eyes at Elias’ words. He was just trying to talk to him about this, because it was rather important. Actually, it was very important. A part of Arthor wanted Elias to settle down with someone lovely, because then he’d be away from him and with someone that would deserve him. Besides, if Arthor didn’t know Elias stance on this, then he couldn’t possibly know his own. Still, Arthor grew quiet for a moment while he cast his eyes down to the floor. Elias stayed silent too, but Arthor didn’t intend to keep it that way for long.

“You don’t have to, you can listen and I’ll do the talking.”

“Okay.”

With that, Arthor shrugged and sat down on the edge of Elias’ bed. He didn’t know if Elias would listen, nor did he know how he’d take it. Elias was already pretty deep into the wine, so Arthor thought that by the end of his monologue he might be very much drunk. Either way, right now Arthor just wanted to get this out of his system.

“You can be angry at me and yell at me if you want, but I think you need to talk about this. It’s important. Not only for you, but for me too. I want to know where you stand on this, Elias, and you don’t have to tell me today, but we need to clear this up soon. We’re both getting old. If we want to have families then we don’t have that much time to ponder about it.”

While Arthor spoke, Elias rose from his chair and sat down next to him on the bed instead. That made Arthor feel a little bit better, because he thought that maybe he hadn’t angered him too much. Maybe Elias would even listen to what he had to say. Arthor wanted to wrap his arms around him and hug him, but he resisted that urge in case Elias wasn’t ready for that.

“I probably want it because of what I never had, maybe it’s the same for you. I just… I don’t want you to miss out on something great you could possibly have only because I’m holding you back.”

"What if I want to be with you?"

“I want to be with you till the end of my days, Elias, but I don’t want you to miss an opportunity to have a family. I don’t want you to regret not having children and marrying just because I stood in the way of that.”

"If I get an opportunity to have a family, I would probably take it. I'm not ready to have a family yet, though."

“That’s all I’m asking of you. If you get a chance, then take it,” Arthor sighed, moving his hand to rest on his thigh as he looked over to him.

At least they were getting somewhere now. Arthor hoped that Elias was being sincere and that he wasn’t just saying this to shut him up. He didn’t know about himself, but he wanted Elias to have a chance to have something more. Whether or not something like that would work out he didn’t know, but he wanted Elias to at least try. Arthor didn’t want to feel like he ruined Elias’ chance of having a family.

"The same goes for you."

“I guess that’s only fair,” Arthor nodded.

“Good.”

“Good,” Arthor mumbled and rubbed his thigh a little before pulling his hand away.

"I'm sorry I got angry. I didn't mean to."

“It’s alright. I was a prick. I’m sorry too.”

“It’s okay.”

It made Arthor glad that they were past the fighting. He hated when the argued about anything, even small things. It just made them both upset. At least they never stayed mad at each other for too long. Arthor hated being cross with Elias, it just didn’t feel right to be upset with him. Elias moved a little closer to him then and Arthor didn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around his shoulders.

"I hope you're not angry with me,” Elias spoke while he moved to sit in Arthor’s lap.

Arthor sighed and wrapped his arms around him, shaking his head, “I’m not and I hope you’re not mad at me either.”

"I'm not. I just don't want to lose you."

“I don’t want to lose you either, Elias. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you,” he mumbled as he rested his head on Elias’ shoulder.

"And I love you more than I can begin to explain."

Arthor sighed and nuzzled his face against his neck a little as he closed his eyes. Elias didn’t let him stay like that for long, because he pulled him away after a little while only to lean in and press a short kiss against his lips. It felt alright then, and Arthor hoped that their arguing was forgotten by now. Maybe this evening wasn’t ruined after all.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Hope
Chapter CXLI
House Rhyne
May all be as one
Nilfgaard, Northern lands of Aedighar
​

Nothing felt more wonderful than breathing fresh air.

Aryana had spent many hours outside, and for once she had attempted to socialise with the people of the castle. In the stables, she had made sure that all the horses were well fed. A boy stood by one of the steeds, grooming his mane and seeming rather startled at her presence. She exchanged a few kind words with him, praised his hard work and left him shortly after. It would have been nice to travel outside of the castle walls on horseback into the vast nature Nilfgaard had to offer, but Aryana stayed within the safety of the castle.

There had to be many who knew of what had happened to her. Aryana noticed their fearful looks as if they were afraid of saying anything to her that might upset her. That was easy to understand, she knew she had been rather distant, but she hoped they would all move on and treat her like they would normally have.

Only a few would wish her to have a good day and give her sweet smiles as she walked past them, and Aryana thought that the smile she returned to them was genuine. Slowly the weight on her shoulders had lifted, and she could keep her gaze up without worrying about her eyes appearing lifeless and cold. The thought of her child’s death still haunted her mind and made her cry every now and then, but Aryana had her days where the sky no longer appeared to be permanently grey, and she could see the sun shining down on them.

It was a beautiful day.

Aryana looked at all the people who tended to the castle. Servants were running around doing their daily work to keep the castle clean, and the cook pouring a bucket of old food to the pigs. She saw a couple of gardeners tending to the overgrown bushes by the gates. They all looked busy, but Aryana almost envied them for having something to do. She wondered what it would feel like to get her hands dirty. What would it feel like to do the work that they had to do every day? Aryana likely couldn’t handle it, that she was certain of.

On her way back to the castle there was always the loud noise of the blacksmith. A loud clang that rang out into the yard and the sound of metal being worked was almost soothing, but it disappeared once she entered the castle. Soon the sun would go down, and Aryana thought that Brynden would be back by now. Some days he was gone for hours, and if they were lucky, he would only be gone for a small while.

When Aryana entered their room, it was empty, and all that energy she’d had outside disappeared. Now she felt lonely, and she assumed that she would end up sitting on their bed for a while until Brynden would come. Gods, her days were so dull without him. Had she gotten too attached to him? They were married after all, but Aryana had suddenly grown so used to his company. Being with him made her feel better, so when Brynden entered their room after a while, Aryana felt happy to see him, and it seemed like he was pleased to see her.

Aryana walked over to him to greet him, pressing a short kiss against his cheek as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Though it had only been a few hours, she had missed him. A part of her hoped that Brynden had missed her too as he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her.

“I’ve missed you,” Aryana said as she pulled away from the kiss.

"I missed you too,” he said and pressed their foreheads together.

Brynden stroked her hair so nicely, and Aryana couldn’t help the slight smile that spread on her lips. Never had she imagined that he would matter so much to her and that she would trust him with her life if anything would ever happen. She wanted them to be happy, and it seemed like they were on the right path.

"You seem happy,” Brynden smiled at her.

“I had a good day.”

"Yeah?"

It had been a very good day. Aryana had enjoyed herself while being outside. It gave her a sense of life, and it was better than staying inside all day while doing nothing. Brynden moved his hands to her waist as he swayed with her which caused her smile to grow even bigger. At that moment everything felt good, and she didn’t let the thought of it not lasting forever bother her. She didn’t want to ruin this moment.

“I didn’t do much, though.”

"At least you had a calm day then. That's nice too,” he said with a smile while stroking her waist.

“It was very nice.”

"I'm happy to hear that."

Aryana moved her hand to rest against his cheek before she began stroking her thumb against his skin. They would be together for the rest of their lives. It sounded a little surreal to her. Brynden was all she wanted and who she needed the most. Gods, no words could ever explain the emotions he made rush through her body. She felt warm when he smiled at her. Brynden was perfect.

"I had a long day,” he sighed.

“I’ll take care of you,” Aryana mumbled as pulled him into a hug.

 

[desti]

Knowing that Aryana was feeling just a little bit better made Brynden feel a little easier too. He hoped that he was helping her a little and that with time they could slowly get back the happiness they’d lost. It still hurt to think about the child, so Brynden tried to keep his thoughts elsewhere. Instead Brynden tried to think about the future and the present, since there was nothing they could do to change the past.

It was a shame that Brynden had to spend so much time away from Aryana, but there wasn’t really anything he could do about it. He could put off a meeting, but he’d still have to go to it eventually. Sometimes Aryana would join him, and Brynden thought it was sweet of her to do that, since he thought that what they spoke of wasn’t very exciting for her. It wasn’t very exciting for him either.

Whenever he’d come back from his duties, Aryana would manage to make him feel better. Just being around her made Brynden relax and wind down from the long days he had. He thought she was a wonderful wife and Brynden felt lucky that he had her. Brynden only wished that they would become happier over time, like they had been when they found out about the child. It would take time to go back to that, though, if they even could.

Now as Brynden saw her, smiling and seemingly happy in their room, he couldn’t help but feel so happy. He thought she was doing better and he was proud of her. Now they could have a nice evening together until they’d eventually fall asleep in each other’s arms. Brynden liked the sound of that. And he very much liked the hug Aryana was giving him now, while he nuzzled his face against her neck.

"Are you tired?"

“A little,” Brynden mumbled.

"We can lay down if you want."

“We can. I’ll start a fire. It’ll be nice.”

As Brynden pulled away from the hug, he looked towards the fireplace. He rarely lit them, since he never really found himself getting cold, but he thought that there was a certain calming quality to it. That he appreciated and liked a lot more than the warmth it gave. Brynden thought that Aryana might like it as well. It was only early spring after all and winter hadn’t quite left them just yet.

"I'd like that."

Then Brynden chuckled and watched as Aryana got on the bed, sitting down and getting comfortable among the furs and blankets that covered it. He crouched down by the fireplace then and spent some time arranging the tinder and logs that were stacked beside it. It didn’t take Brynden too long and the small flame that arose when he got up from the ground would soon enough grow into a bigger fire.

Before getting into bed, Brynden rid himself of his clothes. He fell into the bed and pulled the furs around him and moved until he was comfortable, before pulling Aryana against his side. It didn’t last too long, though, because Aryana pulled away from him which obviously confused him. Brynden looked at her, but when Aryana asked him to turn over on his stomach he did just that.

When Aryana sat down on his lower back and Brynden felt her hands move to rub against his shoulders and neck as he let out a small groan of approval. He moved his arms so that he could lay his head on top of them as he tried to relax his tense muscles. Maybe it was the stress of everything that was keeping him so tense all the time and he should probably relax a little bit more. Brynden couldn’t do that, though, he had to take care of so many people. A bit of stress surely wouldn’t kill him.

But Aryana’s small, gentle hands were so comforting that Brynden almost wanted to make this a nightly ritual. It felt so nice and calming, especially while he listened to the fire starting to crackle louder and louder in the back. She was so nice for doing this for him.

"You need to relax more."

“I don’t have time,” Brynden mumbled and chuckled.

"At least you have something to do."

“That’s true.”

Brynden smiled when Aryana leant down to press a kiss against his shoulder. Then her hands rubbed over his biceps and that made Brynden remember that he had so much shit to do tomorrow. He would much rather stay here with Aryana the whole day, but that obviously wasn’t possible. The thought alone was exhausting.

“You’re so sweet,” Brydnen mumbled, in an effort to stop thinking about the coming days.

"I want to take care of you."

“Thank you,” he chuckled.

"You deserve it."

“If you say so.”

With that, Brynden turned around and looked up at her, smiling a little. She looked so beautiful. Brynden thought that she was treating herself a little better and getting a healthy look back in her face. He knew that she hadn’t really taken care of herself that well over the last few months, but that was out of his control. Brynden couldn’t force her to eat, so he was glad that things seemed to be going a little better in her mind.

"It's true,” Aryana said, while her fingers stroked against his chest.

“Alright,” Brynden nodded and smiled, taking her hand and bringing it up to his face so that he could kiss all over it, chuckling a little.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Brynden looked so pretty beneath her. While his lips pressed against her hand, Aryana admired him. For a brief moment, she knew that he was the right one for her, and that was all she could think about while she found herself lost in his gaze. He would have been a good father. A few times she still felt horrible for not being able to give him a child. They hadn’t been intimate with each other for quite some time, and Aryana wondered if she would ever be able to be intimate with him again. The thought of it frightened her.

What if they would never have children?

If Aryana would end up losing another child, she was certain it would be the death of her. Never would she be able to handle that pain again, and therefore it was much easier for her to avoid intimacy with Brynden than risking the loss of a child to happen all over again. But Aryana didn’t want those thoughts to ruin her day, not now when Brynden looked happy. It had been a good day after all.

“I’m very lucky to be your wife, Brynden.”

"And I'm very lucky to be your husband,” Brynden said with such a sweet smile on his lips.

Because of the fire Brynden had lit, their room was slowly getting warmer and warmer. Aryana thought that it was only fair when she pulled away from him and rose from the bed with the intentions of getting undressed. Though with the lack of intimacy in mind, she walked over to the wardrobe with her back turned towards him before she began untying the laces of her dress.

Once her dress laid on the floor, Aryana opened the wardrobe to pull out her nightgown. Only when it covered her body did she turn around and walk over to the bed again. Since she had quite liked sitting on top of him, though, she straddled his hips again with a slight smile on her lips. Brynden took her hand like earlier, returning the smile she had given him. Now she wished they could stay like this forever. It would have been nice, but she knew it wouldn’t be possible. Still, she loved the thought of it.

“If only we could stay here forever, just you and me,” Aryana mumbled.

"That would be wonderful,” he said while smiling and stroking her hand.

“I’d love that.”

Brynden kissed her hand before letting go of it. She almost wished he would have kept pressing kisses against her skin, but she didn’t want to ask. Instead, she moved off of him to lay down beside him while staring up at the ceiling. When Brynden turned, Aryana shifted her gaze towards him to see him laying on his side before pulling the blankets and furs over her body. He always took such good care of her, and she smiled as she pressed her body close against his. Gods, he was so warm, and she felt so safe in his arms.

When he turned to lay on his back and hugged her close to his side, Aryana stroked her hand over his torso. Her fingers traced along his skin from his abdomen and up to his chest while Brynden stroked her hair. It would have been so easy for her to fall asleep now, but she almost didn’t want that. She wanted to stay up with him.

“I’m frightened.”

"Of what?" Brynden asked as he looked rather concerned when their gaze met.

“Of getting pregnant.”

There was a moment of silence before Brynden nodded with his gaze towards the ceiling, “I understand.”

Aryana wanted to give him children to love, but she wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to do that. The thought of losing another child frightened her so much that she thought she wouldn’t be able to handle a pregnancy. It made her feel incredibly guilty because this wasn’t the life she had imagined for them, but there was nothing she could do about it. Gods, she hadn’t wanted to get sad, but now she felt very upset with everything as she pulled away from Brynden’s embrace. That coldness she often felt was slowly washing over her again.

It seemed like her thoughts had managed to ruin her day even when she had tried so hard to not think about children or the child she had lost.

"I'm scared too. Obviously I'm worried that if it happened once it can happen again."

“That makes me sad. I wanted us to have children, and now I don’t know if I can,” she sighed while raising her hands to rub at her eyes.

"Hey... it's alright."

Was it? Aryana doubted Brynden because what if they would never have children? They would have no heirs, no one to rule over the North once they’d be dead. Still, it seemed like Brynden wanted to reassure her as he pulled her into a hug. She let him, but she closed her eyes in an attempt not to cry. Gods, she was tired of herself always needing to cry. It made her feel like a child.

“What if we won’t have any children?”

"I don't know. But we don't know that that's going to happen."

“If I'm not able to have children, then you need to find someone else,” Aryana said as she raised her head to look at him. It hurt for her to say it, but it was important that Brynden was aware of the offer.

 

[desti]

Slowly, Brynden saw as Aryana’s mind turned against her again. It happened sometimes, and he should’ve been prepared for it, but he wasn’t. Aryana even seemed to be close to crying again, and, Gods, it hurt so bad to see her like this and know that there wasn’t that much he could do about it apart from hold her and try to calm her down with his words. Brynden didn’t know what to tell her to calm her down, though.

If Aryana wouldn’t be able to have children, then they would have no heirs. That in turn meant that Lord Aeron would have nobody to succeed him as well. Brynden figured that maybe then Willelm’s son or daughter would inherit these lands if not his, then perhaps Antra’s. Either way, it would be horribly complicated and something that Brynden woudl eventually have to deal with. He didn’t want to accept that as a truth, though. They didn’t know that it was ultimate and that they wouldn’t be able to have children. Maybe they just had to keep trying.

The words Aryana said then hurt Brynden as he thought about them. He wanted children, that must’ve been clear to anyone. If Aryana wasn’t able to give a child to him, then Brynden would obviously be upset about it but he wouldn’t send her away and take a new wife because of it. That wouldn’t be right. Besides, he was so very attached to her. The thought of doing something like that seemed horrible to Brynden, and he would never be able to do that.

“No.”

"You have to. You need an heir."

“I’m sure Willelm will have children.”

The possibility of not being a father did hurt a lot, but Brynden tried to not care too much. Maybe it would happen, maybe it wouldn’t. Either way, he’d deal with it. Brynden knew that he wouldn’t leave Aryana because of it, though. That seemed pathetic to him and like something that he would never do. At his words, Aryana seemed to be sad, though she nodded her head a little.

“It’s alright, Aryana,” Brynden said as he moved his hand to rest on her cheek.

Maybe Aryana believed his words, because the next moment she leant forwards to kiss him. Brynden sighed a little and kissed her back, stroking his fingers against her cheek. Aryana pulled away from him soon enough and their eyes met. Brynden just wanted her to be alright again. He missed her smile and laughter, and he just wanted to help her get better more than anything else.

“It wouldn’t change anything. I am yours and you are mine,” Brynden mumbled, still stroking his thumb against her cheekbone gently.

Then Aryana kissed him again and Brynden didn’t hesitate to kiss her back. He cared so much for her, Brynden never wanted to lose her. Maybe Brynden should’ve thought about the future, and he was sure that if Aryana wouldn’t be able to give him an heir many people would advise him to do exactly what Aryana had told him to. That would never happen, though, because Brynden wasn’t like that.

"You're all that I want,” Aryana mumbled as she pulled away from the kiss.

At that, Brynden closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together again. Aryana was all that he wanted and needed. She was his family now and Brynden wouldn’t lose her not now and not ever. Aryana stroked his shoulder and Brynden heard her sigh quietly. He hoped that she wouldn’t go to sleep upset, but Brynden wasn’t sure if he’d be able to achieve that. Brynden knew he’d have to leave her alone in the morning, so he wanted to at least try though. Maybe to soothe her a little bit, Brynden pulled her into a hug again. Aryana nuzzled her face against his neck and Brynden sighed, stroking his fingers through her hair.

“Thank you.”

To that, Brynden just stayed quiet and pressed a kiss against her head. Aryana’s fingers stroked against his chest and Brynden brought his hand down to rest on her back. She pressed a small kiss against Brynden’s neck, which did make him smile a little because it felt sweet. He wanted to just lay here with her for hours, but he was afraid of what thoughts she might be having right now, so he wanted to at least attempt to talk to her.

“My parents had problems with this, too. They said that they almost gave up after me, because it just didn’t work,” Brynden felt like he could begin rambling, so he stopped himself before going down that path, “the point is, it took eight years, but then Willelm was born, then Rhea, then Antra. So what I'm trying to say is that it’s not hopeless.”

Aryana pulled away a little from the hug so that she could look at him before speaking, "I hope you're right."

Brynden nodded and kissed her forehead. He hoped that he was right too, because he didn’t want it to be hopeless. Brynden loved the thought of them being parents and he hoped that there was still a chance of it being able to come true. They just had to try and be strong, but Brynden was afraid that if they’d lose another child they wouldn’t be able to handle it. Now they just had to decide if the risk was worth it.

"I don't know what I would do without you."

“Me neither.”

Aryana hugged him tightly then and Brynden carefully lifted her and moved her to lay on top of him, wrapping his arms around her waist. They didn’t lay like that for long, because Aryana sat up on his hips again and looked down at him. Brynden moved his hands to rest on her waist as he looked up at her. He just hoped that she would be alright one day, that they both would recover from this.

 

[scoorpiuuss]

They would have been great parents. Aryana wanted children with Brynden.

Nothing sounded sweeter than having a child. Brynden was aware that Aryana wanted many children with him. After everything that had happened, she thought that there was a chance that she wouldn’t be able to carry children. It was almost too easy for her to believe that perhaps she was cursed by the Gods and that no matter how much they would try, she would never give Brynden a child. That was what kept her away from trying. Aryana didn’t want to put them through that horrible pain again, but at least Brynden understood.

Gods, the words he said were so reassuring. Aryana couldn’t explain the feeling that rushed through her when she met his gaze then. Did he understand how much those words helped her? Tears were prickling her eyes as she sat there on his hips, and she wanted to tell him about her feelings.

“You have no idea how much you matter to me, Brynden.”

Brynden sat up and wrapped his arms around her, and Aryana couldn’t resist the urge to cry. Without him, she wouldn’t have gotten through the horrors they had faced. The thought of a life without Brynden seemed like such a miserable life, that Aryana prayed that she would never lose him. Even if they wouldn’t have children, she hoped that Brynden would keep his word and never send her away. Without him, she would be nothing. Aryana had never imagined herself being so attached to Brynden, but he was her everything.

“We’ll try. I promise you that the day I’m ready, we’ll try to have children,” Aryana mumbled as she wrapped her arms tightly around his body.

Never had she felt safer as Brynden rubbed her back while hugging her tightly. If only she could stay in his embrace forever, she believed no harm would ever come to her. Aryana wanted to ask him if he could stay with her tomorrow, but she didn’t want to be selfish. As long as he would stay with her tonight, she would be alright. She ran her fingers through his hair, nuzzling her face close to his neck.

"You mean everything to me,” Brynden mumbled.

“I hope we’ll be happy one day.”

"I hope so too,” he said while stroking her back.

Aryana sighed as she pressed her lips against his neck, moving her hands to the back of his neck to gently stroke her fingers against his skin. When Brynden lifted her chin up, she let him, and she also let him press their lips together. She kissed him back, grabbing onto his hair while kissing him passionately. The kiss was so nice, and it made Aryana forget about all her worries while Brynden held her close to his body. She sighed into the kiss, running her fingers through his hair again. But then Brynden pulled away and met her gaze.

“I’ll pray that I’ll be able to give you children.”

Instead of saying anything, Brynden put his head against her shoulder. Aryana thought that this must have been very tough for him as well, and she stroked her hands over his back in an attempt to soothe him. Gods, she just wanted them to be happy. He pressed a kiss against her shoulder while stroking her back, and Aryana pulled away from him then. This was all so exhausting. She wanted to relax, but she wasn’t sure how. The way Brynden looked at her, though, it made her feel a little more at ease with herself.

“Do you want to rest now?”

"Maybe we should,” Brynden answered as he kissed her cheek.

“I don’t mind.”

"Your choice."

“Let’s sleep. Just promise me that you’ll hold me throughout the night.”

"Always,” he smiled.

Brynden kissed her cheek again before laying down with her, and Aryana knew that she would be able to fall asleep as long as he would hold her throughout the night. She had gotten so attached to his embrace that she thought she would never be able to fall asleep without his arms around her. Perhaps that was pathetic, but they were married, and Aryana was grateful that she had Brynden.

Once she laid her head against his shoulder, Aryana pressed a kiss against his skin, hoping they would have a little time together in the morning. Brynden stroked her hair while holding her close to his body. After this conversation, Aryana thought she felt a little more hopeful towards their future together. It was reassuring to know that Brynden’s parents had struggled and gotten through it. She only hoped that they would be able to get through it as well. They deserved happiness, and Aryana wanted nothing more than that for them.

“Will you stay with me for a little longer in the morning?”

"Of course."

“Thank you.”

 

[desti]

Surprises.
Chapter CXLII
House Rhyren
Risen from the ashes
Wheldrake, Crownlands of Aedighar ​

It had been hard after Willelm left Wheldrake for Stormwind and then eventually Nilfgaard. Gods, Antra’s heart still ached from the loss that Brynden and Aryana had suffered. She hoped that they were doing better now, since it had been a few months now. Still Antra wished that she could be with them now, but she was so many leagues away from the North. Gods, Antra missed home.

Though she had to admit that it was getting easier. Antra was getting better at handling things. She still mostly only listened during the Small council meetings, because she trusted the men that Brynden had gotten to advise her and make decisions. Antra still had too much to learn before she’d feel comfortable doing her duties fully. She hoped that in due time she’d make a capable ruler.

For now, the biggest concern Antra had to deal with was fixing the issue that was her crown and having new dresses made for the spring and summer. The crown hurt her neck and shoulders awfully because of the weight of it. Maybe the pain of wearing it was symbolic, but Antra really couldn’t think that way when it’d hurt to move her head the next day. She thought it had to be made smaller and out of lighter materials, but nothing was quite working out so far. Honestly, she didn’t even see the point of wearing it and Antra thought it was a little stupid.

Dealing with the dresses made Antra a whole lot happier, though. Her afternoon was spent trying on what the tailors had made for her and seeing if they needed adjustments. Most of them did, but Antra didn’t mind. The dresses were pretty and light, and she thought that Rydan might like them on her. The change in the weather around them made Antra think about the North again.

Was it still cold up there or was spring reaching Nilfgaard as well? Antra missed the chilly spring mornings and evenings they had there, and those sudden snow storms that seemed to appear from nowhere. Wheldrake was nice after they slowly rebuilt it from the wounds it had suffered during the war, but it didn’t quite match home. Antra had begun to love it here, too, but Nilfgaard was truly something else.

After the dresses, Antra asked one of her guards to escort her through the gardens since Rydan seemed busy elsewhere. She was growing quite fond of her Queen’s Guard, actually. They were seven capable, strong and kind men. Well, one of them was questionable when it came to kindness, but Antra tried to see the good in them all. They were, after all, willing to give their life for hers, so Antra wanted to treat them all well.

In a way, Antra began to see them as her friends. She wasn’t quite fond of the Ladies at court and though she did spend some hours with them, Antra liked her guards more. Antra was particularly fond of Sir Ammett Perryn, who must’ve been around Rydan’s age. He’d fought on Brynden’s side and his face was awfully scarred from everything he’d seen in the battles. Antra didn’t mind, though, and Sir Ammett turned out to be a sweet man who was a wonderful conversation partner.

It was getting late, though, and they could only stay out for so long. Sir Ammett was escorting her back to her chambers, while she got lost in conversation with him again. So lost that Antra didn’t notice the footsteps behind her, though Sir Ammett must’ve and he very unkindly didn’t warn her of the fright that would soon take over her. Antra couldn’t help but gasp as she jumped towards Sir Ammett, when hands grabbed her waist.

Laughter followed soon after and Antra turned around only to see Rydan seemingly enjoying her reaction. Quite rude of him, but Antra let out a small giggle as well. His hand reached out again as he grabbed onto her arm and pulled her away from Sir Ammett and towards himself. Antra smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I have a surprise for you."

That made Antra giggle again and her laughter grew when Rydan picked her up in his arms, “a surprise?”

“Yes,” Rydan nodded and began to walk.

Since Antra assumed she didn’t need a guard anymore because of Rydan, she made sure to wave over his shoulder at the Knight she’d left behind, “you’re free to go, Sir Ammett. Have a pleasant evening!”

Afterwards, Antra ended up giggling again as she laid her head on his shoulder. She could’ve walked, but this wasn’t bad either. Rydan could carry her everywhere and Antra wouldn’t mind all that much. She swung her feet a little as she looked around while Rydan walked down the hallway, “what is it?”

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you."

“That does make sense,” Antra said thoughtfully, before quickly continuing again, “is it a new horse?”

 

[scoorpiuuss]

Life in Wheldrake had grown on Rydan.

One morning while watching the waves from the balcony, Rydan thought it was beginning to feel like Wheldrake was his home. No matter how peaceful the scenery from their balcony was, it would never beat the view he had of Antra every day. Months had passed since they had exchanged their vows, and the admiration he had of her beauty had not faded. If anything it only grew stronger with every day that passed. Gods, how he found himself lost in her dark eyes, always twirling strands of her hair around his finger with a smile on his lips.

During those months, Rydan had wanted to do something special for her.

It would have been foolish of Rydan to assume that everything would be perfect now that the war was over. His heart often ached for Antra while she spoke of her family. Usually, it was easy to empathise with her. Rydan also missed his family and longed to see them, but Nilfgaard was much further away than Eahrora.

The idea of giving her a ship had come to him the day Antra had told him about the child her brother had lost with his wife. Rydan thought it was a rather good idea. With a ship, Antra could visit Nilfgaard without the journey being too long. Ever since that day he had spent several hours making sure the ship would be perfect. It would have to be fast as he knew that Antra couldn’t be gone from Wheldrake for too long. She was the Queen of Aedighar after all, but he also wanted it to look perfect and most of all it had to be safe.

Rydan shouldn’t have been surprised at how much it had all cost him, but he hoped that it would all be worth it.

They would likely not travel together. Rydan imagined he would stay in Wheldrake to take care of everything while she could visit her family, though he would have loved to go with her to Nilfgaard one day. Not only because of his need to be with Antra, but also because he missed being on the sea. But Rydan had pushed all his needs aside for her as this ship wasn’t meant for him. It would be hers, and he had gone over the ship perhaps a million times until the day it was finally ready. Gods, he prayed that Antra would like it.

With the sun lowering towards the horizon, Rydan had found Antra in the hallways with her guard.

Seeing her always made happiness rush through his veins. Rydan thought it was slightly pathetic how Antra had the power to make him smile no matter what, but in the end, he was thankful to have such a wonderful wife. He couldn’t have asked for more, and in a way, Antra was all that he wanted. Now that he walked with her in his arms, that feeling only grew stronger. He would do anything to make her happy, and he thought it was his duty as her husband to make sure she was enjoying herself and living a happy life.

“No, I’m afraid it’s not a new horse,” Rydan chuckled.

"That's quite alright. I've got plenty,” Antra said before she seemingly began thinking about what it could be.

The sight was quite amusing, as Rydan didn’t expect Antra to be able to figure it out. “I think you’ll like it.”

Antra gasped as she looked at him, “a cat.”

In an attempt to confuse Antra, Rydan raised his eyebrows with a smile before speaking, “I won’t tell you what it is.”

"How rude of you."

“Forgive me.”

Now Rydan couldn’t wait to see her reaction, but a part of him wondered if she would have much rather preferred a pet over a ship. In the end, they could get as many pets as she’d like, but this ship would give her the opportunity to visit her family. Perhaps he was wrong for assuming that the ship would mean more than what a cat or horse ever would. It was clear that family did mean a lot to her.

"I'll think about it,” Antra said as she pressed her lips against his cheek.

When they got out of the castle, Rydan put her down against the ground. With his hands on her arms, he turned her around so her back pressed against his chest. “Do you trust me?”

"Yes,” she giggled.

“Good,” Rydan said as he placed his hands in front of her face to cover her eyes.

"I hope I'm not making a mistake by doing that.”

Rydan laughed at her words while she giggled, and he began walking while Antra had her hands against his wrists. Her touch was always sweet, and he knew that he would never grow tired of it. That feeling of being lucky to have married her still lingered inside of him. Spending the rest of his life with her would be fun.

“Perhaps there’s no surprise.”

"Oh no."

“But you’ll just have to trust me,” Rydan said before pressing his lips against the top of her head. Soon enough they would be by the harbour where the ship was docked, and Gods, excitement rushed through his veins as he hoped that she would share the joy he felt towards this gift.