Poetry A Looksie into my head (Poetry)

[Shy2Infinity]

The Light - A poem about best friends and taking that first step to break free of the pain that's bound you.

Today I might be growing stronger,
Today I might listen to the voice inside me,
The paranoia within sows tiny seeds of doubt.
No becomes just a mantra; every solitary step a struggle.
Caught in this whirlwind of negativity, living is a battle.

And yet, you’re the one.
Sewing colors upon my hues of grey.
A rainbow spreads throughout the sky,
Even with the distance I’m thankful that you’re here.

Once again, the bitterness on my lips;
The shades of grey have returned again,
Those days of bliss have shattered
And I’m left to wonder why?!

Only now have I begun to address the pain
The memories, oh, they won’t fade.
The shards burn with every agonizing stab
Can’t believe I’m still torturing myself.
Around and around, the cycle repeats itself.
This is me breaking free.

With this pain that I couldn’t face,
Locked up and ignored.
This beating heart and the twinkle in my eye;
It’s proof of my life.
I’ll cherish that sweetness.

Today I might be growing stronger,
Today I might listen to the voice inside me,
No, will no longer be necessary.
Every fiber of my being yearns to break away.
Become as a bird flying high in the sky.

Your words, the cheer in your voice;
Reverberates through my body.
I’ll keep it all cherished in my soul.
Regret and guilt, I’ll throw it all away.

I never noticed the light shining so brightly.
Though I wait in vain, I’m only drowning.
The shadows are growing by the day.
So let’s shine a light and banish them.
Take that plunge in spite of the fear.
No one ever said bravery came easily.

Around and around, I hear my thoughts echoing.
Beyond the surface of my mind,
Telling me why I can’t and shouldn’t.
But a golden cage is still a cage
And I’ll cut the threads that bound me,
Sow seeds of hope instead of despair.

The pain that I couldn’t face,
Little by little, the grey is fading.
The doors that I thought were closed,
I’m finding within me the strength to open them.

You, that I have grown to know, have given me so much light.
Shining on my dark days, when I thought I didn’t deserve it.
The scorn that I had imagined, seems to vanish in the wind.
The thoughts that linger keeps the pain always close.

But through you, I have learned to take that next step.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Dance, Puppet - A poem about the dangers of letting your whole identity be known as a people pleaser.

Pieces to pieces to pieces,
A noose around my neck;
But isn’t it a joyous pain?
Given the ‘order’, tied to it.
You’ll never hear me say anything.

Tightening, choking on perfection.
“Do more,” until desire and necessity blur.
The voices call me and I don’t respond.
My performance is a must!
The void calls me deeper.

Losing the fight, facade slipping.
I’m like a marionette; Strings from above,
Forced to dance for everyone else.
A booing audience is best left for dead.
Time for the next act!

Dangling a reward over your head,
Who did they really think they were fooling?
A self-sufficient delusion, I’m content in this.
The order’s been given and I dance like a puppet once more.
Oh puppeteer, puppeteer; your voice brings no sweetness.
So I’ll burn it all myself.

A flick of the match and all goes awry.
It always takes one move for it all to be undone.
The strings are burning, but even so…
They’re renewed scarcely before you noticed.
And in the destruction of it all,
You’re left to mourn.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Graveyard - A poem about Thanksgiving melancholy.

There comes a visitor, to pay their respects.
Or to seek shelter from the cruel world,
With gothic clothing to obscure;
And a face of stone.
Tattered steps;
Sinking​

Down.

Down.​

Down.​

Into ghosts of the past,
Swaying and dancing around; Around.
Beneath the crumbling dirt and rotting wood, they lay.
Regrets by the dozen; a lifetime of forgotten memories.
Tonight, just as before, they’ll decay.

To bone and dust, scattered to the air.
Overshadowed by ripping and tearing;
Cutting and pulsing.
Pain that feels good.
Pain that brings no relief.
None of it matters
It’ll all fade to




N O T H I N G N E S S




Here, the light doesn’t reach.
The world has become black and white
Everything’s dead; forgotten,
In this space between dream and waking.
Where even a single breath shudders


And even the mind can break.​

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Liar's Fate (0) -- The start of a story where lying is cursed and the truth is everything.

Out from the liar's mouth comes
A string of honey coated lies,
Stories meant to entrance them and others.
But be careful, because they don't know the fate of liars.
The selfish wanderlust that a liar has,
Can't be sated so they go off spinning their tales!

Was it a lie when you said you'd keep my secrets?
Why yes! Yes it was!
When you tell a liar your deepest secrets,
They're no longer yours!
Spin the web of lies even faster,
Hope to snare the hopeless within it.
Say that you just couldn't help it but you're a --
LIAR, LIAR!

So free willing in your story telling,
Everyone's had enough.
Your lies give you euphoria
But remember the fate of liars.
Little Miss, Little Mister Liar
No one cares to believe you.
It's a thrill, it's pure pleasure.

When something happens,
I guess you'll get your just desserts.
They'll all turn their backs.
It didn't matter if it was a thrill,
They had all broken free from the spider's web.
The liar's fate had come too soon.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

And I'm the one -- Poem ((technically written to be seen as lyrics)) about noticing the harm that one person can do, and striving to rise above it. I'm not really an expert at writing song lyrics, but I am an expert at writing poetry (somewhat), so I tried to use that as a base Hopefully there's some good here.

Waking up in the morning, drowsy as can be;
I don’t yet see the danger. It’s closing in; a threat to my sanity,
This tango that I don’t appreciate,
A voice fills my head with that familiar red haze
And I know who it is.

Already my hackles are raising,
Sneak around, don’t be spotted.
Soon to be found, but not yet.
I’m a part of a game not of my own making,
But if I’m going to play it then I aim to win.

Take a walk in my shoes,
I’m not the one going crazy here.
You lit a gas lamp and swung it full force.
Now I’m the one doubting myself,
And no one gives a damn who’s in the wrong.

1, 2, 3; Take a punch.
“She’ll crumble to dust,” is what you thought.
Beneath the weight of your obsession,
Surely; those words took you far.
A victim of my youth; You’re the drill sergeant,
And I’m the one waving the white flag.

It took so long; unlearning what you taught me,
Kept me prisoner in my own head,
Knocking me down time and time again.
A cage; a prison. My shelter; My hell.
If you could pry your way deep inside,
What would be the first thing you’d see?

“Be thankful for what you have”? Yeah, right!
We all know who the sore loser is here.
Are you happy to be my enemy?
Fighting you at every turn,
Denying your ways; making a fool of you.
Is your pride really worth any of this?

1, 2, 3; Dance with me.
Show them all who’s boss
Not another minute goes by that I don’t think of it
Your demise and my walking away unscathed.
If it’s a fight you want, well what can I say?
Bring it on.

(And I’m the one waving the white flag.)

You took away my innocence,
Shattered my trust; made me lesser.
Now that your control’s slipping you cling tighter.
And yet, no one bothers to hold you accountable.
Don’t you just feel so lucky?

The way you look at me,
I’m well aware that I’m just a little girl to you.
But could you try to pretend just a little?
That way the sight of you wouldn’t make me so sick.
It’s what I deserve for putting up with you all these years.

1, 2, 3; Take a punch.
“She’ll crumble to dust,” is what you thought.
Beneath the weight of your obsession,
Surely; those words took you far.
A victim of my youth; You’re the drill sergeant,
And I’m the one waving the white flag.

It took so long; unlearning what you taught me,
Kept me prisoner in my own head,
Knocking me down time and time again.
A cage; a prison. My shelter; My hell.
If you could pry your way deep inside,
What would be the first thing you’d see?

Now that I’m seeing beyond your selfishness,
I know that you’ve only ever been a child.
Make believe that you’re the adult here,
Pushing your frustration upon me.
Dressing up in adult responsibilities.

(You took a gas lamp and swung it full force.)

1, 2, 3; Dance with me.
Show them all who’s boss
Not another minute goes by that I don’t think of it
Your demise and my walking away unscathed.
If it’s a fight you want, well what can I say?
Bring it on.

(And I’m the one waving the white flag.)

You took away my innocence,
Shattered my trust; made me lesser.
Now that your control’s slipping you cling tighter.
And yet, no one bothers to hold you accountable.
Don’t you just feel so lucky?

Is your pride really worth ruining me?
Making an enemy of me, forcing me to survive.
My heart is enshrined in barbed wire,
And I pray it cuts right through your bull shit.

Look at the way she conducts herself,
The storm of rage that was blown my way.
“Just let it go,” are you kidding me?
It might be self-preservation, but I’ve lost the ability to care.
She’s declared war.

1, 2, 3; Take a punch.
“She’ll crumble to dust,” is what you thought.
Beneath the weight of your obsession,
Surely; those words took you far.
A victim of my youth; You’re the drill sergeant,
And I’m the one throwing down the white flag.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Little Miss White Lie (1) -- The tale of a girl whose lies unintentionally revealed the truth.


This tale begins in a village far,
A sweet, kind girl that could do no evil.
She was brave and oh, so daring!
The serpent couldn’t tempt her,
The gods couldn’t woo her.
Oh, she was a talented girl.

But as everyone did,
She had a flawed habit
And a knack for the silver tongue.
Yes, even then, she used it to spread
Little White Lies.

She thought it was for the good,
That everyone could stay happy.
But she had never heard the tale of the Liar’s Fate.

Some would gossip, many all too eager;
To dirty her name; Spread petty lies.
Which lie is better; the one used to slander,
Or the one used to spread kindness?
They were going to learn today.

“It is false,” said many.
“Your lies spread falsehood,
Weave a story too good to be true.
How, Then, can you pretend to be miss goody two shoes?
You should’ve kept quiet, stayed in the background.
Now look how she quivers and shakes!”

How could she be so foolish?
What good were her lies then if they caused such dysfunction?
What the town failed to see, was that their lies were no better;
Perhaps even worse as they spread their malice.
This was no spider’s web;
But an Abyss where no light could escape.
The hypocrisy was plentiful.

The girl, lost on her path,
Could do little more than weep.
Then a voice whispered out to her, “Come hither!”
She was hesitant, clearly so!
But with no other choice she followed it.
And the village, proud of their scapegoat,
Celebrated and continued to lie;
To everyone and themselves.

The girl that had been driven far, far away
Followed the voice as it tempted her with comfort.
She had never been tempted and never been wooed;
But in her time of need, the voice was temptation enough.
And with just enough of a push, the girl had been swallowed to the forest.

Don’t worry, the village will get their fill;
Liars never go unpunished.
And the girl’s final wish will go granted.
Most deservedly; and all will get their due.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Breathe -- a poem about panic attacks and having patience for yourself.

Calm down.
Breathe.
Every breath in, a struggle
Every breath out, a relief.
Panic shoots spikes
Through my veins.
Spins everything too fast
Faster than I can stop it.
Calm down.
Breathe.
Every breath in, torture.
Every breath out, soothing.
My mind races in circles
Struggling to comprehend.
A myriad of ways
My brain conjures up
To insist it could have gone differently.
Calm down.
Breathe.
Every breath in, agonizing.
Every breath out, calming.
It’ll be fine, so my brain pleads.
And so I implore, a new way of seeing
That doesn’t involve
Picture perfect imaginings.
Calm down.
Breathe.
Every breath in, less painful.
Every breath out, consoling.
The panic slowly releases its claws
But the sickness takes longer to fade.
I know I’ll bring up my guard
And curl in on myself
So I’ll give myself the patience
To wait.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

A Warning -- the story of unnatural children.

If conformity and safety is what you desire
Then beware the children three.

A pointy eared feyling, fighting the hunger
With everything that she possesses.
Blood red is her favorite color,
But pink is also sweet!
Just don’t give her white
Or Black.

A boy with three eyes,
A mutant that doesn’t have four.
Oh no, no! Not just three.
A dozen and counting
Who can see all
Even if it’s yet to come to pass.

Ever shifting, the child that can become
Anything to their heart’s desires.
Are they a boy? Are they a girl?
Maybe something in between!
Even they don’t know, the mask is here to stay.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Tragic Tales (fan poem for the Hell's Library trilogy, a story about a rather... Supernatural library )

When the fires reign high,
The ashes settle,
And emotions lose their ground,
All we’ll have left are the stories told along the way.

Such tragic tales they weaved,
A found family lost again;
To bathe in the cold wash of past’s embrace.
To damn all that had led each other to that point.
Another sorrowful parting;
So rolls the dice.

Because the tale has not reached its conclusion,
The scent of ink reigns high,
Staining the hand that had once held them prisoner.
No one knows the future, but one can make a guess.

When the fires reign high,
The ashes settle,
And emotions lose their ground,
What bitter lessons can be learned in the underground?

What makes a character but that of what humanity holds so close?
They all muse over it, for all the good that it’ll do them.
…..
Doubt makes for a terrible friend,
Without a story to be told,
Does a character just cease to exist?
Yes, even they wondered that.

An adventure to discover it just sounds grand!
You might think me a liar,
A Cheat.
A downright scoundrel!
But I’m telling the truth here!
No one knows for sure, and that’s simply why we must go!

You heaved a put upon sigh,
And I knew you were hooked.
All it took was a bit of strong arming.
And the reassurance that it would protect his charge!
Though I really did mean that.

Little did we know,
The storm that would come our way.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Unreliable -- (A fan poem I also wrote last night, for one of my favorite books and its sequel. Shoot the Messenger and Game of Lies The series is about space fairies, basically-- tho that's a gross oversimplification lmao; this particular poem comes from someone's POV)

A demon on its leash,
A mutt let loose with the intent to kill.
Untuths and falsehoods became your most trusted allies
Wore your most charming disguise.
So Unreliable, but that’s the name of the game.

You tricked me; jerked me along,
Had me wrapped right around your pretty little finger,
Here I am, paying the price for my naivety.
But no longer, soon you’ll find that my bite is worse than my bark.
I dare you to try again.

Little did I know,
The game that we were all pawns of.
You played with my head;
Brought forth the worst of me,
All because of your obsession.

Now, my words are barbed
Your lies are a poison.
Do you even know of the shit you try to feed me?
I’ve got you in my sights; won’t let you elude me.
I’ll take aim and fire; you’ve long overstayed your welcome.

Are you surprised?
Who knew that your actions have consequences.
Maybe I’m an animal, but you’ve betrayed me for the last time.
Your deceit can’t save you now.
So Unreliable, but that’s all a part of your damned game.

I’m free from your lies; and I won’t fall for them again.
Count your blessings, you’re still of some use to me.
Do you like being a dog? Well, here’s your leash.
And a nice, shiny cage to match!

You’re staring at me, like you see a monster
But guess whose fault that falls to.
Yes, you. It was always you.
And guess what,
If I’m the monster here, then what does that make you?

You’re a ghost in the machine; a wraith in the night,
Doing whatever everyone tells you to; just as obedient as ever.
But I know the chaos you’re bringing our way,
Because it’s what you are and it’s what you do.
So Unreliable, but hey.

Even monsters have their uses.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Challenge -- (Jade War fan poem that I wrote just today I don't know why I didn't decide to just finish the part this poem is based off of before writing about it buuuut... The Jade City saga is a cross between eastern and western fantasy, I'd say. About two powerful clans going to war.)

Breathe.
Adrenaline coursing through my veins,
A weight’s settled on my chest;
Heavy as the blade that I wield,
As unwieldy as my own conscience.
Someone’s going to die today.

Panic.
There’s no going back,
Whatever the outcome,
Today we’re making history.
Among all of the crowd,
My gaze cuts a straight path to yours.

Choke.
Since I’ve challenged,
And donned my armor,
That means I must win; no matter what.
My hands are clammy;
That smug smile turns my previous triumph to dread.

Fear.
Despair.
Hope.
Hopelessness.
A swirl of emotions I try to fight back;
They can very well Perceive it.

There are no casualties in war;
I’m sure you’re thinking that.
So come then;
You’ll soon find that I’m not just another obstacle.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

So Much More -- (Jade War fan poem, again lul. With that last poem I was completely expecting someone to die. HA! Thank god lmao. This poem comes from one of my favorite character's who has, thus far, gotten the short end of the stick. He comes from a family that possesses super strong powers but it's also common in his family to be entirely consumed with power. So, naturally, this character's scared to death of that happening. But it's also expected of him to accept these powers, so he just.... Denies them. And promptly gets sent somewhere else in an informal exile, which everyone denies but let's be honest-- That's completely what happened. And then someone from his family comes to visit him.....)

I’ve got an itching
Creepy, crawling feeling
Along my spine.
And it says that the green was always mine.

A burst of power
What a force to be reckoned with, they thought.
Now I’m Jaded, and I can’t tell…
Where I begin and the hunger ends.

It’s like a drug,
An addiction I can’t quite shake.
All that power at my fingertips,
I feel positively devious --
Close to heaven, but never quite reaching.

I knew the risks, there were always risks.
And still I denied the glint of green,
Told myself it was for the best
Took that opportunity to take control of my life.
But it was all for naught.

Because no one can resist the pull for long.
Pulled right back into the crossfire,
Met my executioner,
And saw his smile lacking.
If you only want me as another soldier,
Then I was truly a fool.

I’d hoped for the best,
Begged everything that you would see things my way,
And you continue to pursue your ideology.
You refused to see that I’m so much more. . .
Than a simple foot soldier.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

From the Shoreline -- (sort of the theme for a story I'm writing, called Witch Light)

Next to you, I find myself wishing
To seek the border, draw it near.
Pleasure and fear, the hope for more
Descends from the heavens in new life,
What is the truth that you seek?

From the Shoreline between life and death,
We walk the thin tightrope, alone or with friends.
Though the journey is long and harsh,
Firelight continues to keep the cold at bay.
Even if I try to sever the pain from my heart,
My next steps seek to bring me to your side again.

Though we could fear everything that we see,
Our yearning might be strong enough to change the world.
Even if the sky’s frozen over,
Even if our bodies may rend asunder,
Even if my heart may give out before the journey’s done,
My justice will persevere.

This world is full of twists and turns,
But fear not the night,
For the truth will come in time.
The darkness may seem long,
But the light is always just a skip away.
If you believe and have faith,
Then you just may win out in the end.

From the Shoreline between life and death.
A hand taken, a promise given.
A contract forged, a new life begins.
Between valleys and through the darkest night,
Abandon your hesitation and set yourself free!

No matter the tempting tales you spin me,
I’ll fight for myself, rather than you.
If life deems to set us against each other,
I’ll stand strong, and echo my beliefs.

Maybe someday, the tears will cease
And we’ll finally see a point in living.
But just for a little, let me borrow your strength.

Here at the Shoreline,
No one knows the lengths we’ll go to.
To fight to survive.
To fight to live.
To fight for a life where we can exist.

If you care at all then take my hand.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Copycat (rare emotional poem as of late, I got very annoyed )

“Act your age,”
Okay, but why?
Didn’t you know,
That every childish act I commit,
Is a mirror image
Of you?

“Stop acting ignorant,”
If I seem as such,
Then maybe
You should look in the mirror
Because every time I’m excessively dramatic,
It’s a personal dig, an exemplary jab at you.

I’m a copycat.
Could it be
That every time you take a hit at my mimicry,
You can’t help but see your own reflection?
Indeed, the only times you get angry
Are when I personally copy you.

But didn’t you know?
Mimicry is the biggest form of flattery,
At least when I do it.
Because I have a taste for the dramatics,
And observe every tiny, little habit.
If the problem truly is my mimicry though

You could at least say so.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Immortalize -- The poem of a writer's power.

Immortalize me in rhythm and rhyme
In the words you’ve yet to find.
I can die a physical death,
But in the sentences that you seek
Is the magic of a soul that has yet to rot.

Immortalize me in italics and bold
For my voice can be a whisper or a roar.
While I’ve gone through the world
Purging the negative thoughts from my mind
And chasing the highs of my next challenge.

Immortalize me on flimsy pages,
For they can easily burn and crumble
But the worlds that they can take you to,
The memories recycled never fade just so easily.
It’s an enchantment all its own.

Immortalize me in the power of words yet spoken.
True complacency comes from infallible silence
Where the stars seem dim and the sky black as tar,
And hope seems out of reach.
But hold your truth justly,
Wield your pen like a sword

And you’ll forge your own path.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Testing me -- A poem about getting triggered. ((I dunno if I need to do this but just in case... TW for Intrusive thoughts?))

Apathy keeps me from feeling anything,
Nothingness. It’s safer like this.
But they come along,
Mashing my buttons.
You’re testing me, you know?
It begins to infect me.

The raw
Unfiltered
Rage.
That bleeds everything.
I feel too much.
I feel too deeply.
I grab her arms,
An explosion lights my insides.
None of it shows on my face.

“Just a little deeper,”
The voices taunt.
The urge to dig in,
Just a breath away.
For a moment, I thought about it.
Considered how easy it would be
If I gave into my baser urges.
Old habits die hard, don’t they?

The moment passes.
Sickened with myself
And the overwhelming infection
I let go.
She laughs --
So grating --
Oblivious to the war
So briefly waged.

This is why
I don’t trust myself.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Split -- A poem about multiple selves.

Dealin’ with a misplaced identity,
Split into shards; of memories that I’d like to forget.
Into ones, twos, threes, and fours.
Am I whole? ‘Cause I don’t feel it.
Am I faking? ‘Cause I have a hard time understanding myself.
If I’m just realizin’, then I must be making it up.

Living in fear and uncertainty,
‘Cause it feels like there’s multiples of me.
And they all have a different thing to say.
When in the night, all I can hear are the voices in my head
I’m split in multiple different directions --
Multiple different versions of me.
And they all have a say.

Am I whole? ‘Cause I don’t feel it.
Am I faking? ‘Cause I have a hard time understanding myself.
There’s more than one answer to the question,
It’s not just that I’m indecisive,
I’m split into multiple versions of me.
I’m not just trying to make any of it up.

Did it just begin?
Or was it always there;
Just lying dormant.
Split into ones, twos, threes, and fours;
The shards of ‘me’ couldn’t be anymore clear.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Pushed into a role -- A poem about the dangers of forcing kids to grow up too fast, essentially.

Pushed into a role
Not of my own making.
Made the
Servant
Maid
Forced to wait hand and foot
Regardless of desires.
I was never cut out for it, ya know?

“Get up when she does.”
“Be sure to watch her.”
“She could fall!”
Meanwhile
My sanity
Plummets.

Now I see, it’s not my job
But what do you do
When you were kept in such a role
Ever since you were a child?

And duty
Is tied
To your worth?

 

[Shy2Infinity]

It's Mine - A poem about... Honestly, I'm just so angry I can hardly think straight so take this. It technically counts as a poem, but all I wanted was to get some of the red out of my head (still angry, so it hardly helped)

So you don’t care?
So you think this is okay?
So I’m wrong to feel like this?
You must feel like such a badass,
To feign not caring
And wear it as a badge of honor.

To take and take and take
Without so much as asking,
And act like I’m in the wrong for being angry.
Now I’ll enact a plan,
Because if I’m not allowed to say ‘no’,
Then deception is my best shot.

It seems insignificant to you but
It’s Mine. It’s Mine. It’s Mine!
I didn’t see your name on it,
No one else made it for you,
So fine.

If you want me to be the bad guy
Then I’ll play the part.
But if I’m the bad guy
Then what the hell does that make you?

 

[Shy2Infinity]

I Still Hope For Flowers

'In the name of religion.'
'In the name of duty.'
'In the name of peace.'
'In the name of war.'
'In the name of survival.'

If the sun were to shine
On this devoted follower,
Let the clouds part and freedom ring.
But there's a storm on the horizon,
The downpour is imminent,
The sun is hesitant to peek through.

But I still hope for flowers.

No matter the drought.
No matter the raging winds.
No matter the floods that beat and batter.
No matter the feet that trample all in its path.
No matter if destruction claims all you see.

Because there's still beauty in a world of shadows.
In the wild flowers that stubbornly fight to exist,
In the fragile light that pierce right through greenery,
In the casual kindness that no one has to question,
In the words of hope that you can offer people.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Denial -- A poem about the struggles of figuring out how much of your identity is really your own, and how much of it was carefully crafted in order to protect yourself. I don't know how many if you have the same struggles but, over the years as I've realized just how bad my life was, I've come to realize that Denial has become such a deep rooted coping mechanism for me that I struggle with figuring out how much of my identity is real, and how much of it was created because it's safe. All throughout highschool, I was in denial over my sexuality, my gender identity (hell I didn't even figure this one out until I was well into my adult years), and I've even been in denial over my trauma. I've thought, No, no, no! My life is fine! Sure I've had ups and downs but... The signs of my trauma were there, they were always there but I would always have some excuse for why my life was better than I thought.

This poem is pretty much the essence of how I was back then, stubbornly pretending to be eternally optimistic meanwhile, in the background I struggle with things like (TW: Self-harm)

Life is good.
Life is gray.
Life is full of joy.
And laughter.
A̶̢̨̝̤͓̭̺͈̤̼̣͇̘̟̅̿̊͆̑͋͑ͅń̷̢̦̯̥̣͉̲̥d̵̞̻̘̻̦̜͚͈̯̝̤͚̖̭̈́̀̓͂̈́̒̄̈̿͒͘̕͠͝͠ͅ ̸̡͔͇̫͚͓́̎̇͋̿̇̈͛̄̔͠͝͠p̶̩͎̣͉͓̠̘͖̠̭͉͋̈́͗̏͒̇͐̀ą̵̡̢̭̰͈̩̜͇͈͈͎͙̺͐̾̍̎̈̂̿̾̈̀͘ͅi̸̡̛̟̥̰̯̦̬̐̾̾̔͛̎̆̐̀̓̽n̷̛̪̠̞̗̠͉̣͉̗̅̇̂̄̈́̂̋̉̿͗̋.

I’m young.
I’m fit.
Disorderly chaos.
Not a single thing
Can go wrong!

Because life is good.
Life is gray.
Life is full of
Disorderly fun!
So much to do
So little time

Under the edge of a nail
The glee /̸̡̢̛͍̗̫͕͕̼͙̰͊̓͑̑̋̋̊̆͛̽̏͗̊͝ ̵̢̻̟͕̱̻͉̫̰̿d̸̢̛̤͎͓̘̰̍͒̈́͂̌̊̈́̋͗̇̇́͐ͅͅi̴̪̜̻̱̟̞͙͉̭̎̾̽̋̈͒̿ͅş̶̹͔̮̺͚̻̱̟̮̫̖̋͋̐̓̔g̶̨̲̫͕̦͚͕͉̯͎͕̀̎̽̋͑͠u̶̹͖̔͊s̴͇̥̱̼̎̔͆͘̕̕t̴̙͐͗͝ͅ rushes.
Discordant tunes
Get their fill.
Running haywire;
With their sappy little notes.
How I enjoy the little song.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

Technically, both of these poems are old-ish? But I was looking through my poetry folders tonight and found them and, even though they're overall negative, I kind of liked them? So!

Blood Red -- A poem about the shock of finding someone that had an accident, and feeling conflicting thoughts (especially if you don't have the best relationship with them).​

Blood red; like the lies you try to feed me.
Blood red; like the anger you cause without trying.
Blood red; like the rose petals that scattered about the porch.
Blood red; like someone had just been murdered.

Loud; the anguish in my head.
Loud; the voice that screams eternally.
Loud; the sense of doubt and guilt.
Louder still; the haunting memory.

Lady in Black -- A poem about remembering when it all started.
​

When did it begin?
Gotta count the rules; make sure I don’t step out of line.
Never talk back, or if you do then you better play dead.
Bottle up your emotions, don’t let them escape
Or if you do then you better know how to stifle your voice.
Dull your claws and never show anyone how sharp they can be
Or else.

Never tell anyone that you sometimes hurt yourself
Repress all the urges that plea with you to lash out at others
Become meek and docile; a slave to those in power,
Crush that tiny, tiny voice that cries out indignantly at such injustice.
Push it far, far back and pray that it never escapes its confines.
The consequences are dire.

Then she appeared.
A Lady in Black; promising destruction.
Whispering tainted vows and tempting desires.
Sometimes a voice soft with bitterness;
Sometimes a roar, daring you to disagree with her.
She won’t be repressed, this Lady in Black.
Because she’d already spent so long submerged in silence.

She’s an angel hidden in plain view, fallen from grace;
She’s a corrupted saint, a tainted sinner
A lie gone on for too long, a truth drowned and repressed,
A scared animal cowering in the shadows.
She’s an actress, putting on a show for us all
And it’s gone on for long enough.

Every tiny little deed,
“Do this!” “Do that!”
A superficial lie, just beyond surface level.
When will Cinderella get her due?
The maiden has long since become the maid.
Doing and doing and never getting appreciation.
But her claws are dull; she doesn’t know how to lash out anymore.

When did it begin?
Gotta count your steps; not one foot out of place.
With one misstep, the fire breaches your safety net
Count your blessings, you weren’t burned in the crossfire.
No scars to speak of! Physically safe in your confines.
That’s all that ever mattered; little did you know.

Even the devil has sympathy sometimes,
She asks if you’re really fine with this.
And like a naive fool, “Why wouldn’t I be?”
She scoffs; Crimson eyes that glitter with the light of war.
Crossed arms hide the tightness of muscles long underused.
That reflection in the mirror isn’t you.

While “you” might be satisfied with survival,
She’s greedy and craves much, much more.
Like justice, for all the good that it does.
Her words are barbed, piercing in all the right places.
Truthful in exactly the ways you hate
But mean; she doesn’t care about playing nice.
After all, she’s spent too long in the shadows.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

I've found two fan related poems I started writing in the past and just decided to finish them!

The Patriarchy! -- A fan poem for the book Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao, a book about quite literally (albeit a bit too simply) dismantling a patriarchal system that insists on women being sacrificed.
​

There’s a darkness in the air
Sickening dread that sparks up the moment
Brightening up one’s discontent,
Of things that are ‘meant to be’.

What a life to live!
When fear rules your life;
And abuse twists what’s ‘common sense’.
My life’s gone mad ever since you’ve gone,
But that’s nothing new.

A short life spent hobbling along on broken feet,
Raised to think giving yourself up is some ‘noble sacrifice’.
Isn’t that just murder? You’re dead all the same.
If I’m going to be dead regardless;
Then I’ll freely give it away in the pursuit of revenge.

And yet, here I stand.
An Iron Widow handling my trophy with the utmost care.
Thrown down at my feet like a sack of flour;
This woman killer that had used the exact same tactic,
Luring all others into a false sense of security.
Making them think they wanted this!

I feel a surge of power all through my veins.
Is this what they feel? No wonder they’re drunk on it!
I find myself giving an impulsive speech,
Hoping to make them fear me
And what I could do.

If they wanted to let innocents die,
Then I won’t play fair.

They treat me like a criminal,
For doing the exact same thing they’ve done!
Roughly handling me, guns trained on my back.
It occurs to me: They’re terrified of me.
The thought brings me no small amount of pleasure.

Monsters -- A fan poem for the book Pet by Akwaeke Emezi. This is a story about how evil -- any kind of evil -- thrives in plain sight when people refuse to look for it. This is the story of, no matter how utopian a society is, evil can still slip through the cracks. The main character finds that out the hard way when she's told that a 'monster' lives in her friend's house.
​

Monsters,
They exist and we all know of them.
The exact opposite of angels,
Or so they say.

We’ve found shelter in a perfect world,
One that the Angels had helped create.
I don’t know if they’re true angels,
But it’s because of them the monsters are gone!

And yet, what’s this uneasy feeling?
Something’s wrong,
A creature told me
That a monster as yet
e̷̡͉͓̰̞̠͓̹̭͂͊̀̔̾̑̚ͅͅͅx̴̛̭̼̘̟͍̝̠̗͓̘̲̅̅͑͗į̶̨̩̝͖̭͇̻̬͑̿̿ŝ̸̢̧̛̛̼͙̘̖͓͖̟̓̃̈̃̋́̑̎ṭ̵͔̭̫͕̲̆̏̍̿͐̂̄͐s̷̡͉̖̼͓̟͖͎̏̅̑̆̀̈ͅ

​

 

[Shy2Infinity]

The Little Butterfly -- yeah, i couldn't tell you what this is about. I wrote it way back in 2020 and even back then I had no idea what crack my brain was on lmao.

The little butterfly is hungry.
Drained of all power, its flight weakens.
Shimmering powder; proof of its existence.

What’s the spider got to fear?
Spinning the webs of fate,
All their prey, ripe for the taking.
Metamorphosis is at stake.

Cocooned harshly,​

It withers.

It tears.​

And it dies.​

Such is the nature of life,
A vicious but necessary circle.
The butterfly’s life is short too.
A short beauty, decaying quickly.
​

Life and Death -- Okay, so I don't know what, in particular, this one's about? But I do remember the theme this was based on. I wrote this poem based on the song Life and The Universe by Luke Richards. Edited: Because there's a line in this poem in particular I felt like was better doing away with.

Life and Death struggle in the brink
Of this sea of human souls.
Aiming to put right,
The struggles of the past.
Here they stand
And they alone,
Discontent with the way things are.

Here they gaze,
A pebble to spread ripples
And distort their reflection.
“Will it ever be enough?”
Nothing but silence,
But it’s the loudest they’ve ever faced.
Stuck in their own mind,
They think maybe they’re crazy too.

 

[Shy2Infinity]

This body isn't mine -- A poem about feeling severely dysphoric.

That I would
And if I could,
Have a body perfectly tailored for me.
Without the things that I hate so much,
Things that I long to cut away
And string along,
Without feeling severely overwhelmed.

But there’s no ‘Bodies R Us’,
No way to cleanse this brain,
And set it in a vastly better container.
I’m doomed to fall and burn and regret,
Shame toys with,
Models,
And fills me up.

Until all I can do is cry.
Maybe a robot is all I’ll ever be,
It’s safer that way.
Who’s fault is it?
I demand to know
That I never got the best lot in life.

Pressing my hands to the discomfort
Over and over and over again,
I know it’s just worsening the shame.
But I can’t seem to stop this compulsion.
Secretly, I long to cut away
All that hurts.
Maybe it’ll stop the looks.
Maybe it’ll stop the words.
Maybe it’ll stop the discomfort.