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Multiple Settings A Dark Box

You try and fucking eat it. You don't succeed.

You investigate the box. You would much rather inspect or examine it, but it seems you didn't have a say in the matter. You stare hard at the object. It is a dark rectangular prism, perfectly symmetrical, made of some kind of dark material that's very dark. It can fit in the palm of your hand. Through your investigations, you find that the box had been discovered in the wilderness of India in 1642 and had been passed down through the generations of the Poothlicker family. It, like many boxes, has a lid. It, like many boxes, is unlocked.

What do you do?
 
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You check da box. You are not sure what that exactly means, but you assume it has something to do with opening the thing. You open the box. Inside is a pile of firewood, a handful of candy, a strange device, a keyboard, a crank, a tube of lipstick, a dead frog and a cat. Quite a lot for such a small box.

You check da bo- wait, no, you already did that. You cone do ox. ...what? Unsure of what to do, you place a traffc cone on the stuffed ox head next to you. There. You hope that would count.

What do you do?
 
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Is the cat alive? 


If the cat is alive,


>Feed the dead frog to the cat.


If the cat is dead,


>Feed the dead frog to the cat.


If the cat is both dead and alive,


>Write a thought experiment on the cat, don the name Erwin Schrödinger, and go on to later in life to win the Nobel Prize.
 
You see if the cat is alive and discover that it is a trans-universal creature operating above the laws of logic and is, in fact, alive, dead and dead and alive, at the same time!

You try to feed the dead frog to the cat. The cat doesn't want it. You try to stuff the dead frog down the throat of its corpse. It works, and the frog was swallowed. You suddenly feel the urge to write a thought experiment on the cat, don the name Erwin Schrödinger, then go and win the Nobel Prize later in your life. Unfortunately, you don't have any paper to write it on, and you don't want to insult Erwin by stealing his name. The cat suddenly leaps out of the box and crashes into the sign above the counter. It has some words written on it. You read the words. "Schrödinger's Pawn and Rook Shop / PAY HERE" The Schrödinger in question is staring at you with a strange expression from behind the till.

What do you do?
 
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Ah shit. I've been to these shops before. Trying to get to the counter is like navigating a chess board. Well, there's a few things that I want to sell from the box, and in order to pawn stuff here, you've got to rook it. 


>Move your rook to H6.


>Try to sell the strange device to Mr. Schrödinger, you don't know what the hell it is and maybe he can get some use out of it. 


>Also, lean over the counter and try to use the lipstick on Mr.  Schrödinger. Everyone deserves to be pretty. Preferably, do this after trying to sell him the strange device.
 
You move your rook to H6. The bird doesn't like you touching it so it flies off. The pawn that was originally in front of the rook doesn't like you making an illegal move so it runs away. You are now six points down. Black moves their pawn to e5.

You try to sell Mr. Schrödinger the strange device. He doesn't want it. Strange. You lean over the counter and try to use the lipstick on Mr. Schrödinger. He moves his face and you only suceed in stabbing him in the eye.
- a tube of lipstick

You tell him you found his cat. He is distracted by the metal tube stuck in his eye and doesn't respond. You assume this means the cat isn't his. The animal is currently sitting on the till and turning green.

You eat the candy. Nothing happens.
- a handful of candy

You use the strange device with the keyboard and create A BLACK RECTANGLE. It still has keys on it. Item names are now in all caps.
- A STRANGE DEVICE
- A KEYBOARD
+ A BLACK RECTANGLE

The shopkeeper seems unwilling to buy your items or even speak to you. You have no business being in this shop now.

What do you do?
 
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Is the cat turning green because it's suffocating on the dead frog, or because there is money in the till? Is this cat a catmeleon? Time to test these theories. But first,


>Retrieve the lipstick back from Erwin if he's not going to properly appreciate it.


>Place the cat on the firewood to see if it changes color.


>Now that the cat is out of the way, take the money from the till. If Erwin tries to intervene, use the crank on the upside of his head.
 
You retrieve the lipstick back from Erwin as he doesn't look like he's appreciating it.
+ 1 bloodstained lipstick

You notice that the effects of the black rectangle have worn off.

You try to grab the cat before it runs away. You do so perfectly fine, as it's dead. You place the cat on the firewood back in the box. The cat just sits there. You're not sure what you expected. It starts to ribbit.
+ 1 cat

You attempt to open the till. It's pretty hard, since you have no idea how this thing works, and because Mr. Schrödinger is trying to beat your face in with a traffic cone he mysteriously got from somewhere. You use the crank on the upside of his head. He recieves no damage from the tiny plastic thing, until his good eye got in the way of your stabbing. He falls to the floor, taking your crank with him.
- 1 crank
+ 1 till

You finally get the till open. Out spills a pile of multicoloured Australian notes. You are in Australia, after all.
+ AUD$642.10

What do you do?
 
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Wow, that's a lot of dollarydoos! Alright, well it's time to start taking care of things. While Erwin has a crank in his eye (his other eye, or the same eye that we put the lipstick in? Edit: Nevermind, it's his good eye! Cha-ching!) and is on the floor, you should probably start covering up your tracks.


>Spread half the dollarydoos all over the floor as well as the firewood. Put the other half in your box. You might need them.


>Take any other strange looking devices  from the store and put them in your box.


>Look for anything in the shop vaguely resembling a lighter.
 
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You cover your muddy tracks with a blanket. Got to keep the place looking clean.

You spread half the dollarydoos all over the floor as well as the firewood. You manage to cover the entire five square metres. Fifty-four square feet if you're American.
- AUS$321.05
- 1 pile of firewood

You put the other half of the dollarydoos in your box. You suddenly realise that the box is a container and can store stuff. You put all your other items in the box as well.

Unlocked Inventory

You take any other strange looking devices from the store and put them in your box.
+ 642 strange devices

You look for anything in the shop vaguely resembling a lighter. You can't see one, but you do find a small napalm bomb stuffed under the stuffed bull head.
+ 1 small napalm bomb

What do you do?


Inventory
A dark box
1 handful of candy
1 black rectangle
1 bloody tube of lipstick
1 green cat
1 empty till
AUD$321.05
642 strange devices
1 small napalm bomb
 
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Wow. So many strange devices. Not quite sure what they do, but it seems like they augment whatever you combine them with. But I think Erwin is dead, and the authorities surely well find out soon if we don't cover our tracks.


>Combine one strange device with the small napalm bomb. Use it on the shop. Hopefully it doesn't exist as both destroyed and undestroyed, but knowing old Erwin that might be possible, in a theoretical kind of way.


>Combine the cat and strange device.


>Put the bloody lipstick on the catfrog.
 
You recover your tracks with the blanket again. Better safe than sorry.

You comine one strange device with the small napalm bomb. You obtain a small napalm bomb with a timer.
- 1 strange device
- 1 napalm bomb
+ 1 small napalm bomb with timer

You use it on the shop. Two minutes until the timer ends.

You combine the cat and a strange device. Its eyes turn red.
- 1 strange device
- 1 green cat
+ 1 green cat with red eyes

You put the bloody lipstick on the catfrog. You have to balance it very carefully on the cat's head so that it doesn't fall off.

One minute has passed.

What do you do?


Inventory
A dark box
1 handful of candy
1 black rectangle
1 bloody tube of lipstick
1 empty till
AUD$321.05
640 strange devices
1 small napalm bomb with timer
1 red-eyed catfrog
 
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Oh, shit. You don't know if you can get far enough away from the napalm device in the span of one minute! It's time to take some more precautions.


>Combine the Schrödinger catfrog with yourself, hopefully giving you temporal abilities and not just eating a cat.


>Run. Run far away.


>Run!!
 
You try to combine the Schrödinger catfrog with yourself. You fail, as self-augmentation is banned due to its overpowered nature. Also because you don't really want to eat a cat.

You run. You manage to trip over the stuffed bull head twice and run into a giant traffic cone once before making it to the door just as the bomb exploded. You look back to see a small fire starting on the counter. It will take a few more minutes to spread. It was a small bomb, after all.

What do you do?

You notice your inventory has stopped appearing.
 
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O-oh... Well. That was anticlimactic. But you want to burn this place down, because you just stabbed a guy's eyes out and stole his money and all of his strange devices. So...



>Catch a dollarydoo on fire from the little napalm fire.


>Go around to all the other dollarydoos on the floor and light them like birthday candles.


>Put the stuffed bull head into your inventory. You could use that!


Also...


>Combine strange device with your box. You're not really sure how you'd go about getting your inventory back, but that was useful, damnit!
 
You catch a dollarydoo on fire from the little napalm fire. The note doesn't catch on fire at once, and when it does, it doesn't burn very well, since Australian money is made of plastic.
- AUD$5
+ 1 burning Australian note

You try to go around to all the other dollarydoos on the floor and light them like birthday candles. However, the original burning note has smothered out by now, and it wouldn't have worked anyway, considering your minimal success with the actual napalm fire. You will have to find another way to set the place on fire.
+ 1/2 burnt Australian note

You pick up the stuffed bull head. You could use that! Probably! Maybe. Who knows. You hear a sound behind you. You turn to witness Mr Schrödinger lunging straight at you with a furious expression on his face. He manages to charge belly-first into the horns of your precious stuffed bull before falling over onto the counter. He also steals back 99% of your remaining strange devices in the process. You put the stuffed head into your box.
- 633.6 strange devices
+ 1 bloody stuffed bull head

Eric's body has pushed the napalm onto the floor and now the old, dusty, highly flammable wooden shelves are starting to catch on fire. You wonder what the business with the dollarydoos and the firewood was for in the first place.

You combine a strange device with your box. Nothing visibly changes.
- 1 strange device
Reunlocked Inventory

What do you do?


Inventory
A dark box
1 handful of candy
1 black rectangle
1 empty till
AUD$316.05
5.4 strange devices
1 red-eyed catfrog with a bloody tube of lipstick on top
1/2 burnt Australian note
1 bloody stuffed bull head
 
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Well, Erwin is dead now. Which means it wouldn't be overpowered to combine him with something, would it? Or is it only self-augmentation that's overpowered and banned? Maybe later on you can convince someone to augment you, and it would be other-augmentation. ALAS. 


>Take those 633.6 strange devices that Schrödinger stole back from his dead body.


>AND THEN COMBINE THEM WITH HIS DEAD BODY! ALL 633.6!


>LAUGH, EVILLY, WHILE IGNORING THE NOW ENCROACHING NAPALM FIRE!
 
You take those 633.6 strange devices that Schrödinger stole back from his dead body. AND THEN YOU COMBINE THEM WITH HIS DEAD BODY! ALL 633.6! WHILE LAUGHING, EVILLY, AND IGNORING THE NOW ENCROACHING NAPALM FIRE!

Combining 633.6 of the 643 Legendary Mystical Mysterious Strange Artifact Devices with the Second Secret Hidden Lord King Prophet of All Life and Death and Quantum and Pawnshops VI while performing the Ritual of Expressing Manic Happiness While Disregarding The Urgent Attention Warrented From A Fire Started From A Small Napalm Bomb With A Timer That Was Found Stuffed Under A Stuffed Bull Head And Was Helped By A Large Amount Of Australian Dollarydoos, Say Roughly Three Hundred And Twenty-Six Dollars And Five Cents, And Also Some Firewood, While The Second Secret Hidden Lord King Prophet of All Life and Death and Quantum and Pawnshops VI Is Lying Dead On The Floor Of His Shop With Two Holes In His Torso And A Small Plastic Crank Stuck In His Eye will have some serious consequences you may not have accounted for. Like maybe starting the apocalypse and destroying the universe.

Fortunately, Mr Schrödinger isn't dead yet, so that disaster has been averted. Unfortunately, you have just created a godlike being with near-total control over the very fabric of spacetime within the pawn and rook shop, capable of manipulating reality to fit his every thought and will. Fortunately again, he's lying unconscious on the floor and probably won't wake up for a while. Unfortunately again, the fire has spread around the shop and is about to block the path the exit.

What do you do?


Inventory
A dark box
1 handful of candy
1 black rectangle
1 empty till
AUD$316.05
5.4 strange devices
1 red-eyed catfrog with a bloody tube of lipstick on top
1/2 burnt Australian note
1 bloody stuffed bull head
 
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>Roll Schrödinger into the napalm fire. That should take care of that, and definitely won't create a really unfortunate villain later for the story. He'll just die! Yup.


>Run! Run to the exit! Infact, use your bloody stuffed bull head to CHARGE the exit.


>If it just so happens that the fire spread too far for you to be able to get to the exit, run through the fire like a badass until you emerge definitely completely unscathed on the other side. Either way, you don't want to be here if  Schrödinger's reality is that he's not dead.


>Regret that you used all those strange devices on him. You could have used that on Mr. Croak, your catfrog, and his reality would probably be a lot better.
 
You roll Schrödinger into the napalm fire. He's a big person, so it takes some time before you manage to drag him across half the room, lift him onto the counter, push him to where the napalm used to be, realise that it was now on the floor, then roll him off the bench and onto the fire. It doesn't affect him, with him having ascended to godhood and all. It does, however, somehow cause the fire to have spread even more.

You run to the exit. In fact, you use your bloody stuffed bull head to CHARGE the exit. But flames are now blocking your route to the door. So you try to run through the fire like a badass until you emerge definitely completely unscathed on the other side.

You actually do emerge completely unscathed on the other side. The bull, however, is not as lucky. Half its face is melted, and the other half has half its fur burnt off, with half the unburnt fur having been turned black, and half the regular-coloured fur now being half its normal length. The blood seems to have managed to keep itself on the head, though.

You regret that you used all those strange devices on Mr Schrödinger. You could have used that on Mr. Croak, your catfrog, and his reality would probably be a lot better. Actually, you don't know if he's a he. You just assumed for some reason. You would check, but you are currently being distracted by a description of the outside world.

Towering buildings soar several metres into the air, with an enormous orange skyscraper in the background, scraping the sky with such rubbery precision that the Lady of the Clouds has more than once come down to try to demolish it. All twenty kilometres of it. The Metric System reigns dominant in this society, and they will not commit anything to Imperial rule unless forcefully forced to. The supreme ruler of the city-state of Australia, Les Traffiks de Poothlicker, is particularly adamant about this.

There are a number traffic cones strewed haphazardly across the road, making the oxcart drivers rage even more than they usually do. On one of the cones closest to you perches a rook. On the ground next to the cone sits a gold coin with some guy's face on it. On the opposite side of the street kneels someone hitting the road with a stick. Mr. Croak hops out of the box and starts taking swipes at the rook. The lipstick falls off his? head and into the dirt.

What do you do?


Inventory
A dark box
1 handful of candy
1 black rectangle
1 empty till
AUD$316.05
5.4 strange devices
1 red-eyed catfrog
1/2 burnt Australian note
1 half-burned bloody stuffed bull head
1 dirty bloody tube of lipstick
 
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