Sherwood

Profile posts Latest activity Postings Media Awarded medals About Post areas

  • How many 'chuggas' are you supposed to say before saying 'choo-choo'? I've always said two, but my eight year old is now saying three, but her teacher says one. That's not enough chuggas before the choo, and it pisses me off. Tell me, how the train is supposed to get anywhere?
    Diet tip: Eat the food off of other peoples' plates. Those are their calories, and they don't count.
    I love how in the movies the Satanic cults all speak Latin, like Satan has been around since the beginning of time, encountered the Romans, and was then "Hey, this language is IT! Hell yeah. From now on, I'm writing all my contracts in this bad boy!"
    Would Steve Jobs have made a better president than Donald Trump?

    I don't know. That's like comparing apples to oranges.
    If you are trying to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty, pour the liquid into a smaller glass and stop bitching.
    Did you know that the character Spock from Star Trek had three ears? There's the left ear, the right ear, and the Final Front-ear! Ha!
    Don't believe everything you read in a public toilet. Stacey is not up for a good time.

    What an awkward phone call that was.
    Whomever came up with the fact that you can make cake in a cup in just one minute must have been up to some serious shit in their lives.
    BackSet
    BackSet
    One day a college freshman had a dream... to be able to make a cake and still have time to get to his 8am classes. And so he made that dream a reality.
    I'm not saying blondes are dumb, but I just saw one snorting Sweet and Low because she thought it was Diet Coke.
    Today I learned that if you are in a canoe and it flips over in the water, you can safely wear it on your head because it is capsized.
    Know what I hate? When people are eating yogurt and spend 30 minutes going apeshit scraping the bottom of the cup trying to get every last drop. Give it a rest, people. Its yogurt, not cocaine.
    Simon_Hawk
    Simon_Hawk
    Lmao, damn cup scrapers.
    Daisie
    Daisie
    cover6.jpg
    Do you know how to make 100 old ladies yell "F***!" at the same time?

    Have another one of them yell, "Bingo!"
    I heard in the news that there is a local woman that tried to pull a John Bobbit on her cheating boyfriend and cut off his wanker. In the struggle, she stabs him in the leg, and is now being charged with Misdawiener.
    For all of you medical professionals out there, I know a really funny joke about HIPPA.

    Too bad I can't share it with you.
    I'm sitting at the ER. I don't want to go into details, but the "Dyson Ball Cleaner" is a very misleading product name.
    How does Spider Man keep coming up with such witty come backs?

    Because with great power, comes great response ability.
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
Back
Top