Sherwood

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  • Homeschooling tip:
    Any student that rolls their eyes or talks back to the teacher should be put on janitor duty until further notice.
    When a soap cleans 99.99% of all the germs, combine it with another soap to kill 199.98%. Modern problems need modern solutions.
    Remember that kid from the Home Alone movies? He could have called the police at any time and been safe. Just one little phone call. But no. He wanted to hurt those men. He was hunting them, and was enjoying it. What a little sociopath.
    I want to open up a support group for people addicted to the Hokey Pokey.

    It will be a place to turn yourself around.
    LegoLad659
    LegoLad659
    My favorite part is when they manage to recover, they give a little shout.

    That's what it's all about!
    Doctor: You've just tested positive for Covid-19.
    Me: That can't be. I have over three hundred rolls of toilet paper!
    When Kenny Rogers passed away in the middle of this virus crisis it was the most full on 'know when to fold 'em' move ever.
    Sometimes I wonder if the Covid-19 virus thing started out all because I didn't forward that email to ten other people.
    LegoLad659
    LegoLad659
    Clearly I'm the one to blame here because I didn't copy/paste that comment on 100 videos so I could have my first kiss next Friday
    They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store.

    They lied. Everyone else was wearing clothes.
    Is this a sore throat?
    Is this just allergies?
    Caught in a lockdown,
    No escape from reality.

    Don't touch your eyes,
    just sanitize quicklyyyyyyy,
    I'm just a poor boy, no job security.
    Because of easy spread, even though
    washed your hands, laying low
    I look out the window, the curve
    doesn't look flatter to me, to me

    Mama just killed a man,
    I didn't stay in bed,
    walked past him now he's dead
    mama, life was so much fun,
    but now I've caught this unforgiving plague!
    Sherwood
    Sherwood
    mama, oooohh,
    didn't mean to make him die
    If I'm not back this time tomorrow,
    carry on, carry on as if people didn't matter

    ooh, late, my time has come
    sends shivers down my spine,
    body aching all the time
    goodbye everybody, I've got the flu
    gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.

    mama, oooooohhh
    I don't want to die
    I sometimes never wish I went out at all

    I see little silhouette of a man
    what a douche, what a douche
    did he even wash his hands though
    security is tightening
    very, very frightening me
    gotta lay low! (gotta lay low)
    gotta lay low! (gotta lay low)
    gotta lay low masturbate
    masturbate O O O O O
    Sherwood
    Sherwood
    I'm just a poor boy facing morality
    HE'S JUST A POOR BOY FACING MORAILTY
    spare him his life from this monstrosity!

    touch your face wash your hands, will you wash your hands?
    BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH OUR HANDS
    (WASH YOUR HANDS)
    BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH OUR HANDS
    (WASH YOUR HANDS)

    BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT WASH YOUR HANDS
    WASH YOUR HANDS
    (WASH YOUR HANDS)
    WASH YOUR HANDS!
    (never, never, never wash your hands oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!)
    No no no no no!
    Oh, mama mia, mia (Mama mia wash your hands!)
    COVID-19 has a sickness set aside for me, for me

    So you think you can stop me and just shake my hand?
    So you think we can hang out and just break our plans?
    Oh, baby. Can't do this with me baby
    just got to stay home
    just got to stay home with my fever

    Ooooh curving can get flatter
    anyone can see
    curving can get flatter
    curving can get flatter, you'll see
    A husband asks his wife to dress up as his favorite Star Wars character for a bit of fun in the bedroom. He walks in and is shocked. He says, "Babe, Jabba the Hut is not my favorite character in the movie!"
    Cat Vampire: Let me in!
    Me: Ok.
    <Opens door>
    Cat Vampire: You fool! Now I will drain your blood! Mwuhaha!
    Me: . . .
    Cat Vampire: I changed my mind. Let me out.
    Me: So Christ's body is the bread?
    Priest: Yes.
    Me: And he rose from the grave.
    Priest: Yes.
    Me: Was it because of the yeast?
    Priest: Um, no.
    Me: Ok, I'm officially confused.
    Me: I just love my new indestructible walls. I just wish I had some Kool-Aid.
    <audible thump outside>
    Me: What was that?
    I don't understand why people don't instantly respond to the question of 'what superpower would you want' with the ability to alter probabilities. Just think about it. What's the probability that someone is about to just drop a million dollars in front of me? 0%. Lets change that to 100%. What's the probability that I'll wake up tomorrow and Gillian Anderson wants to come over to my place and hook up with me? 100%. What's the probability that I'll walk into the bathroom and find that the bathtub has been filled with tapioca pudding? 100%
    LegoLad659
    LegoLad659
    I wouldn't want to eat pudding that's been sitting in my bathtub... Ew.
    FancyRayOfLight
    FancyRayOfLight
    That’s so great. Could probably use it to acquire other superpowers too. “What’s the probability that I’ll be able to fly right now?” “What’s the probability that I’ll go invisible right now?”
    A monkey was arrested at the zoo for flinging his feces at people. Three zoo employees were taken to the hospital with turd degree burns.
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