Insanitation

TFW a joke song I wrote for my D&D character who is a cheesy zealot Dragonborn paladin, and not even a bard is better than 90% of my lyrics.

Three job interviews tomorrow.

I'm officially a comic book writer now.

Got a vaccine appointment set up but I still don't know where to go to schedule a cootie shot.

Put a piece of macaroni under the nub on the bottom of the toilet seat. When someone sits down on it in the morning they'll think they broke something.

Anybody else steal every fork you see in Skyrim?

An apple a day will keep doctors away, but a can of beans will repel everyone.

Your first OC fights your favorite OC. Who wins?

My cat farted next to my mom and I cackled like a cartoon witch

This reminds me of someone but I can't quite put my finger on it...

Anyone else used to take "Don't try this at home" as a personal challenge?

Hey RPN. What odd nickname do you have for things?

ugh, from no company to a full house with no warning is really stressful.

What is the worst restaurant?

The moon is bigger than the sun, because otherwise eclipses wouldn't work. Take that, science.

Who do you think is the bravest profession? I've seen arguments for police, firefighters, and military, but I think it's a cable technician. Think about it. For every weirdo on the internet, a cable technician has went in their house with no weapons or backup. Every unsettling encounter you've had online, every messed up thing you've seen that sent you scrambling for baby animal pictures to substitute pouring bleach in your eyes, they've met that person.

Pokemon question: Anyone else think "Energy Powder" is cocaine? It's from the herb shop, is described as bitter, and makes your pokemon dislike you because you're a bad trainer for giving them cocaine instead of medical attention.

The Metal (Tenacious D) vs The Ugly Barnacle (Patrick Star) in a fight to the death. Who would win?

You jumped in the pool, and some psychopath sold the ladder! What is your survival plan?

Hello, I'd like to take a moment to talk to you about spiders. Spiders are wonderful. They have butt rope, so cute. You can hug them, you can pet them, walk on leash. WEAR FOR HAT!? YES! Got kool-aid? Make cotton candy! Eat with mouth! YUM! They eat a bug, they SCARE SISTER, PROTECT HOME from BAD GUYS! Yay for spiders! Adopt yours today!

This message is sponsored in part by spiders.

I'm gonna level with you, RPN. I'm suffering from heroine addiction. I didn't think it'd be a hard habit to kick, but I was wrong. I started with just a little heroine here and there, and before I knew it, heroine was on my mind all the time. I wake up, and think about heroine. I dream about heroine. I can't even start a story without some kind of heroine anymore, or I just lose interest. I can't talk to my family about it, I don't think they'd even care. What I'm trying to say is, most of my protagonists are women. Drugs are bad.

A little backstory, I make a lot of money. I drive an antique car, and it's in pristine condition. I'm a successful real estate developer and I own a large chain of hotels. Our red buildings are kind of what we're known for. I got arrested today in front of my whole family. We were, you know, out on the town, enjoying ourselves. I try to be a good person, maybe I got in a hurry, I don't know. I pull along and park, right? I'm just along this little street between the hotels I own, before Vermont Avenue but after Oriental Avenue. I see a card, so I pick it up. I was going to throw it away, because I'm a good man and I believe littering is wrong. This is where the story gets really crazy. Normally, I support the boys in blue, but I am so outraged. I pick it up, barely get a chance to look at it, and I'm surrounded by these fucking pigs (no offense) who all have their guns drawn, screaming at me to "GO TO JAIL!" and "GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL!"

I didn't get to pass go. They didn't give me a chance to explain. They didn't read me my rights. They took me directly to jail with no due process. I was like "Officer, please, settle down. I don't mean to flex but I am an important business man, and I kind of own half this fucking town. You are violating my civil rights sir, and I will fucking have your badge if you lay one more finger on my car." and my family, they're just watching at first. I'm not even exaggerating. I asked what they thought, and they took the officer's side! I never felt so betrayed. They actually told me to "Settle down" and "Just go to jail!" I said, "No! I will not settle down, why am I the only one upset? we're supposed to be family! Fuck all of you! I can't believe you're allowing this!"

Anyway they said I ruined game night and I should apologize, but I don't think so.

This new internet is faster than something that moves pretty fast.

I cyber bullied an incel this morning, and it made me feel tingly in my special place. (Spoiler: It's my brain)

Anyone else know deep down, but can't prove that Richard Simmons is the Hulk?