Sherwood

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  • I'm waiting for the day that they make an emoji that jumps out of your phone and bitch-slaps people.
    Give a man a fish, and apparently you are a crappy secret Santa.
    The_Omega_Effect
    The_Omega_Effect
    give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
    teach a man how to fish and youre a dumbass! that man was prime market to sell your fish to and now you've given him no reason to rely on your product
    People should not be allowed to get their driver's license until they beat the Rainbow Road on Mario Kart.
    Did you hear about the new toilet with a built-in internet connection? It will automatically post your shit to Twitter and Facebook.
    Here is a word of encouragement for those of you getting ready to go to work on Monday morning. Remember, there is no Netflix in prison.
    The most common ghost are the visions dressed in white sheets with flailing arms. These are people who died changing their duvets. They roam bedrooms, eternally trying to find the corners.
    This holloween, I'm going to dress as an agent of SHIELD and go up to every person dressed as a superhero and say, "I wish to talk to you about the Avenger's Initiative."
    Deer population is naturally controlled by releasing wolves into the area. All problems should be solved like that. Too much pollution? Release wolves into the factory. Dislike Congress? Wolves. Want to lose weight? That's right. Wolves.
    FYI, you pee on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Again, my apologies to the lady at the Waffle House this morning.
    I think its ok to be any gender, race, religion, or sexual orientation that works for you. But it is not ok to stop at a yellow light when we both could have made it through the intersection.
    Its really sad how Wyle E. Coyote is remembered only for his violence and not the brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.
    A truck filled with Vicks Vapor Rub overturns on the highway. Amazingly enough, there is no congestion for eight hours.
    I wonder who has the better healing factor: Deadpool, Wolverine, or the cat from the Tom and Jerry cartoons.
    The fact that Head and Shoulders doesn't have a body wash called Knees and Toes is a missed opportunity.
    I think it is really horrible that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh.
    The most unrealistic thing in spy movies is their ability to insert a USB drive into the port the first time correctly.
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