Saccharine Cyanide

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Nov 30, 2018

Does anyone else have a notepad on their phone that's just full of weird shit apparently posted in a moment of inspiration at 3 in the morning.

I opened my notes up and one was just, "ghost mice, spiders" and nothing else.

Thanks, past me. Very nice.

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Nov 20, 2018

We're all just wet laundry and the universe is set on tumble dry.

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Nov 20, 2018

Episode that should happen in the new Sabrina series:

Sabrina winds up in an alternate dimension where her aunts are acting strange, Salem can talk, and nobody else can hear the laugh track that keeps playing ominously in the background.

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Nov 19, 2018

I wish I could get a night shift job. Bonus pay and sleep through mornings? Sign me up.

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Nov 15, 2018

Omfg. Rouxls Kaard is the rules card. I just got that.

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Nov 11, 2018

Fuck, an entire fucking city just wiped right off the map. This is fucked.

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Nov 11, 2018

What's the best drink for a cold day:
A. Hot chocolate
B. Hot cider
C. Hot coffee

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Nov 11, 2018

My sister just asked me for a measuring tape and ran to her room where her boyfriend is with it. Im concerned

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Nov 2, 2018

What if global warming is just humanity's revenge against the iceberg that sank the Titanic

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Oct 30, 2018

I fuckin threw one of my own books in the book return at the library. OTL

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Oct 25, 2018

I hate recommending Steins Gate to people. It's like, "Oh yeah, as soon as you get halfway through the series, it starts getting really good!"

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Oct 23, 2018

Life hack: Ask your lawyer if they're in favor of the frontman of U2. If they say yes, they're legally obligated to work for free.

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Oct 22, 2018

Pinterest: Oh, you're interested in making *costumes*? You like costumes, you little bitch? Well, here's a bunch of FURRY pins for you. We're only giving you FURSUIT pins from now on.

Me, sobbing: Pinterest, please...

Pinterest: Huh? You like that? You fucking furry?

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Oct 22, 2018

*closes Reddit*
Welp, I'm done with that. Time to check Reddit.
*opens Reddit*

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Oct 22, 2018

If there was a school for sex workers, would their incoming students go to sexual orientation?

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Oct 21, 2018

Me wearing heels for one (1) day: Yeah watch out I'm a badass bitch
The next day: dear god I repent for my hubris, release me from the pain and suffering of this mortal coil

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Oct 19, 2018

Imagine being a tree just happily minding your own business, then getting cut down, turned into paper and printed into like 500 copies of 50 Shades of Gray

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Oct 19, 2018

The average person has less than two legs

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Oct 5, 2018

I was born in the wrong generation. I should have been a peasant who died of polio in the 17th century.

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Oct 2, 2018

I want to see a movie like What We Do In the Shadows but with supervillains.

Like, "And this is where I keep my death ray. I haven't figured out how to make it work yet-" It goes off and a camera operator is disintegrated. "Hey look, it works!"

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Sep 29, 2018

I think it says a lot about you whether you read the words "Oh, yeah!" in the voice of the Kool-aid Man or in the voice of Macho Man Randy Savage.

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Sep 28, 2018

Satan greets you at the gates of hell with the words: "The narwhal bacons at midnight."

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Sep 28, 2018

Someone needs to stop J.K. Rowling.

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Sep 25, 2018

Sure, coming out to your parents is awkward but have you ever had to explain to them what a furry is

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  Saccharine Cyanide

• Sep 24, 2018

Sure, everyone's talking about Bowserette, but when do we get Wapeach and Wadaisy