RpNation

Here's a hug if you want it *hug* You can talk to me, man

Thank you. I wish a person would give me a hug in real life though. I've been starved for physical and emotional contact all my life, and it's started to take its toll on me roughly four years ago at the start of high school. The only thing I want in the world is to have a fully reciprocated emotional connection with someone. But it doesn't seem to happen. When I try to befriend someone, they're more interested in the friends they already have. When I try to get closer to one of my own friends, they never see me as a best friend. Every girl I've asked out (mind you, I've asked many girls: whether ugly, attractive, popular, unpopular) has either said a variation of the word "no," or just laughed at me. I thought for a few days that this one girl was interested in me, but now that today I've been proven wrong, the future no longer seems uncertain, but completely hopeless and dark.

Coming from someone who's been consistently messed around on since grade 8, I get it, and it sucks. And I know what it feels like to feel perpetually single, friendless, and alone, but trust me, you will find your people. It took me until 9th grade to meet my first best friend and JUNIOR YEAR to meet the other one and I'm glad now I got them because they're real and they really care. Trust me when I say it will get better. 

It's difficult to believe it will get better. I'm over halfway done with my senior year now and I still have never had a best friend or a girlfriend, nor have I even come close to either. I've been trying everything I can to meet new people: volunteer work, finding school activities to partake in, trying to meet people online, talking more in class whenever possible (and whenever I have the willpower necessary). It's just that everything I try to do, nothing seems to turn out right. If, even after all this time, I still can't get the sole, singular thing I want from life, I don't see any point in going on. I find myself now, every day, wishing that dying would be easier.

I don't know what to say to that other than suicide is NEVER the answer. Tell you what...Since I know what you're going through, I'll be your friend. I'll send you my name; you can add me on messenger if you want.