Poetry >> wrought and workshopped

allure · Jun 20, 2017

WROUGHT & WORKSHOPPED.

i've gonna be participating in a creative writing workshop at the local university for the next two weeks. considering i'm a high school student in a college-level workshop (on a full scholarship too!! AHH!), the writing pace is pretty rigorous. i've produced a whole bunch of stuff in just the past week, and i decided why not post it on the internet and get some feedback before i send it off to the university's writing journal?

the first week was poetry, under the tutelage of the awesome poet slash woodsman, adam. this second week is fiction, under the tutelage of the markedly less awesome writer slash woman-who-hates-me-for-no-apparent-reason, brandy (maybe i'm a tad too salty but i have good reason to be). i'm not going to post everything i wrote because i honestly don't think a lot of it is that good, but i'll still try to post something every day??

thank you to everyone who reads, drop a like if you do like it, and please consider leaving some sort of feedback if you have time! ♡

allure · Jun 20, 2017

NOTES.
This is actually a collaborative poem written by myself and three other people at the end of the first week. Can you sense the different writing styles in the poem? The actual sheet of paper we wrote it on looks super cool. The poem was edited by me and Adam, but we basically just added punctuation and made a few minor changes.

I've included a color coded version in the spoiler. I'd suggest reading the normal version (to the right) first before opening the color coded version. Seeing the style differences outlined for you might change how you feel about the poem?? IDK you can do whatever you want man.

PINK: written by me
BLUE: written by D
GREEN: written by M
RED: written by K

Fluorescent lights flickering above.
Feet slapping the linoleum floor.
Cars pass by the glowing signs
with no care for the souls who move their feet.
The streetlight catches on bottle blonde hair
putting on a free show for the cashier.
The cashier looks at her flashing hair
and kisses her as he swims in her blue ocean eyes.
A dance that flares up, flames in alcohol,
kiss just a catalyst for her kindness.
And seemingly unable to let her go,
he slowly starts to dance with her.
On his lips she seeks a revolution,
though she remains only with anarchy.
She slowly backs away from the boy,
and she slaps him with all her strength.
Her third act, nullified, broken
by his notification: love you babe.
She tasted the sea
pooling in the plateau of her lips.
As tears flowed down her cheeks,
the same thought going in her mind:
“Why are there people like this, it hurts.”
But move on, a new act, pay it forward.

We wrote this poem two lines at a time, passing it down the table. Adam put us on a limit of 8-10 syllables per line, a rule that only 'M' broke once. We actually had two other collaborative poems being passed around at the same time, and we weren't allowed to discuss anything about the poems while we were writing. The direction this poem took was really surprising to me, but I like it.

TWIRLING AT THE SHELL STATION ON PAY IT FORWARD DAY
Fluorescent lights flickering above.
Feet slapping the linoleum floor.
Cars pass by the glowing signs
with no care for the souls who move their feet.
The streetlight catches on bottle blonde hair
putting on a free show for the cashier.
The cashier looks at her flashing hair
and kisses her as he swims in her blue ocean eyes.
A dance that flares up, flames in alcohol,
kiss just a catalyst for her kindness.
And seemingly unable to let her go,
he slowly starts to dance with her.
On his lips she seeks a revolution,
though she remains only with anarchy.
She slowly backs away from the boy,
and she slaps him with all her strength.
Her third act, nullified, broken
by his notification: love you babe.
She tasted the sea
pooling in the plateau of her lips.
As tears flowed down her cheeks,
the same thought going in her mind:
“Why are there people like this, it hurts.”
But move on, a new act, pay it forward.

allure · Jun 21, 2017

NOTES.
This was the first poem I wrote for the workshop. It's been revised to hell and back, and Adam had a really strong hand in the process. I deadass reverted one of his changes back because I didn't like it lol. Honestly, I don't know how I feel about this piece? Not much to say about it, but it does have a companion piece that I like a lot that I'll be posting tomorrow.

edit: The change he made that I changed back was changing "lace creepers" to "Virginia creepers" since that's the technical name for that specific type of creeping, invasive vine that I was talking about. He did it because no one was really sure what I meant by "lace creepers," and I understand why the ambiguity would be off-putting. But lace creepers sounds so nice to me, and I didn't want to sacrifice the flow. What do you think, should I have changed it back? Do you agree with Adam?

ODE TO THE OUTDOOR CLASSROOM AT BLUFF PARK IN 2007
I pushed my hands into your soil and shaped you.
For my troubles, you impressed my name in raw red brick.

I became acquainted with your untouched spaces,
Faced the sun and traced my fingers through lace creepers.

You cradled me in leaves, bent branches to shade the sun-spilled stroll.
You gave me secret paths to explore. I was yours.

You were wild, but still safe for me.
Chlorophylled, I breathed green.

You blushed when the sunset dripped on your treetops.
I climbed a tree to touch the creamsicle sky.

I shouted through you.
The tide of birds rose, crested, and fell. You were mine.

n u n c h i · Jun 21, 2017

MmmMmmMmmm Tiffffff you posted them yessssss i love uuuu

~~i especially like how blonde was changed to flashing now wink wonk~~

also, the imagery in outdoor classroom was spot on... I really did feel like I was seeing through your eyes

"Chlorophylled, I breathed green." HHHHH ohhhhhHHh my gosh i have goosebumps... It's jut such a beautiful phrase to me

MmMmMmM tiff your imagery is always spot on always. I just have to keep saying it because I really dearly believe it

allure · Jun 22, 2017

s e r e n d i p i t y said:
MmmMmmMmmm Tiffffff you posted them yessssss i love uuuu

~~i especially like how blonde was changed to flashing now wink wonk~~

also, the imagery in outdoor classroom was spot on... I really did feel like I was seeing through your eyes

"Chlorophylled, I breathed green." HHHHH ohhhhhHHh my gosh i have goosebumps... It's jut such a beautiful phrase to me

MmMmMmM tiff your imagery is always spot on always. I just have to keep saying it because I really dearly believe it

~~BIHH WHAT THE FUCK~~

IZZY I LOVE YOU AGDJFHLSBLG WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE YOU
thank you so much for saying all of that i feel a lot better about the outdoor classroom poem now :')

hehehe adam said "Chlorophylled, I breathed green." was his favorite line too

allure · Jun 22, 2017

NOTES.
An edgy poem about school? Why not.

This is the companion piece to Ode to the Outdoor Classroom at Bluff Park in 2007. Outdoor classroom v. indoor classroom, freedom v. restraint, open space v. confinement, etc. This poem was five times easier to write and went through way fewer changes than its partner. I think I like it more because I didn't have to wrangle with it, y'know? Yeah yeah, The Struggle is an unavoidable and sometimes necessary part of writing, but it's nice when the right words just come to you.

ANTI-ODE TO ROOM B311
Take notes
y equals a b
to the x minus h plus k
You sink into exponential decay
and take us with you
Next example

Memorize
When h is negative,
we shift left,
shift right in our seats,
click our pens,
tap our feet
Next example

Eyes on the board!
Graph the angle
of depression
from the window ledge
to freedom
You trap our lines, our
minds, within asymptote walls
Next example

Show your work
We reduce our fractions
so you can simplify
our worth to a grade
Next example

Test
You isolate terms,
factor out the differences,
divide by our confusion
We rip out
the formulas hooked
into our eyes
Leave at 2:32

allure · Jun 24, 2017

NOTES.
I got too excited about this piece, so here it is: my official finished story for Brandy's class this week. I wrote it in two hours last night (the story was due today). Brandy always has a lot of criticism to give out, but for this piece she only gave me, like, one suggestion for improvement. I changed the ending twice before I was satisfied. Tina was meant to be the irritating character (at first), but a couple of the people who read the story actually said they disliked Cedric more? I'm not sure why that is (I mean, he is kind of a bitch. But I wrote this story from his perspective so the reader could empathize with his meanness). I actually really like Cedric as a character/enjoy writing from his perspective so I might base an RP character off of him in the near future lol.

The first few paragraphs of this story came from a writing exercise from Monday. Brandy made us list down 52 random things based on some questions she asked us (some colors, bad gifts, random bands, etc). Then she gave us two sentences as a prompt (the first two sentences, which are bolded in the story) and told us to write a story using 26 of the 52 things we had written down. I just decided to finish what I had started yesterday.

A FRIGHT TO REMEMBER

xxxxxCedric wasn’t surprised when Tina texted him back at 1 am. Her job called for late hours. Even so, that didn’t stop her from being an inconsiderate bitch. Ping after ping rang from his phone, no doubt Tina trying to wake him up so that he would respond. With all the busy work that his boss had given him today, he’d forgotten that it was Halloween. More immediately, he’d forgotten about the plans he’d been forced to make with Tina.
xxxxxAt that moment, the doorbell rang. Groaning loudly, he turned off The Amazing World of Gumball and dragged himself off the couch. He opened the door, and there she was. Tacky Tina. From her dutch braids to her oversized earrings to her chevron dress, right down to her high top sneakers, the sight of her made his eyes sore. Tina was like the insufferable protagonist of a bad romance novel. However, instead of winning prom queen and hooking up with the hottest guy in school, she was more likely to get a bucket of pig blood dumped onto her, triggering a psychotic break linked to demonic powers (maybe the Spookfest movie marathon on ABC Family was getting to his head). He stood there in his bedroom slippers while she bounced obnoxiously on his doorstep. Rowen Circle was too quiet, too wholesome, for a girl like Tina this late at night.
xxxxx“You ready, bud?” Tina chirped. “I was thinking we could swing by Golden Corral for something to eat before we head to Sloss...”
xxxxxHe closed the door in her face. Cedric pulled on a coat and grabbed his things before reluctantly stepping outside. He inwardly bemoaned the lost possibility of staying indoors and enjoying the mochi that his sister had made. It was a good time to send her a text, “Anh yêu em,” just in case he didn’t make it back alive.
xxxxxThere were many reasons why he disliked Tina McAvoy. She was the type of person who listened to obscure bands like Youngblood Hawke and ate Salted Toffee potato chips like it was her religion. She left Malbec Burgundy lipstick stains on everything she touched. She gave him a hard time for listening to OneRepublic. On another occasion, she’d given him a stress ball and had told him to loosen up. Cedric was not in the habit of spending time with snotty, fashion-impaired girls, and his friends at UAB knew it. That was no doubt the reason they’d made this date the punishment for the bet.
xxxxxJust stay positive, he kept repeating in his head. Cedric usually hated being told anything along those lines, as if lacking happiness was a matter of simply lacking the willpower to be happy. However, thinking happy thoughts was the only way he could fuel every step away from his home and into the autumn night.

xxxxxTina’s voice had a nasal, monotonous quality that made it easy for him to drown it out and focus on the dark streets as he drove. The dogwood trees shook brown and orange leaves onto the pavement with each gust of wind. He tensed up again when Tina prodded his shoulder none too gently. “Hey, you just missed the turn for Golden Corral!” she whined. The pitch of it grated on his nerves. Cedric drew in a deep breath through his nose.
xxxxx“We’re not going,” he replied as evenly as he could manage.
xxxxx“What’s wrong with Golden Corral? It’s a buffet. They’ve got mashed potatoes made from scratch. I don’t see the problem.” Cedric’s eyes widened at Tina’s ignorance.
xxxxx“What? It’s an actual shithole, from what I hear. There’s food everywhere that no one cleans up and roaches in every corner! The health department should be all over that place. Besides, it’s one in the fucking morning, they’re probably not open.”
xxxxx“Jesus, fine, be a prick. I’ll just sit here and be hungry. Besides, have you ever even been yourself?” He stayed silent. Tina huffed and crossed her arms, directing her pout out the window. She muttered something about the worst date ever, but Cedric was too annoyed to care. You’d think someone with such an elitist attitude about indie music would have higher standards for restaurants. The punishment had been to go on a date with Tacky Tina, no one had said that he needed to pretend to enjoy it.

xxxxxCedric was still bristling when he pulled up to Sloss, but Tina seemed completely fine. Too excited, really. She was yanking at the door handle before he even unlocked the car. Cedric couldn’t fathom why she was so eager. The furnace looked like a giant dead Golden Corral roach, the old smokestacks sticking into the air like insect legs.
xxxxx“I love this place,” Tina declared. “It’s so cool!”
xxxxxSomewhere in the night, a dog howled and kept on howling. A sudden draft raised goosebumps along his arms, and the trees rattled and hissed. A shiver crawled up his spine that he attributed to the chilly air. Tina turned around, her eyes flashing strangely under the light of the single working streetlight in the parking lot. Cedric shuddered and cursed his sudden sensitivity to the cold. He regretted parking so far away from the entrance to the haunted furnace. The trek up to the doors was filled with freaky sounds from the forest on either side, and his neck began to hurt from spinning his head around every few seconds to make sure nothing was following or watching them. A completely reasonable thing to do.
xxxxx“Bud, we haven’t even gone inside yet. Are you okay? You look awfully pale.”
xxxxx“How would you know, it’s too fucking dark out here to see anything,” Cedric snapped, wishing his voice would stop being so shrill. Must be something stuck in his throat. Tina linked her arm with his. She had an infuriatingly smug look on her face, but the physical connection made him feel a little safer.

xxxxxThe lobby of the haunted furnace was surprisingly well-lit, and there was a distinct aroma of popcorn and sweat. Buying tickets to “Outbreak” felt no different from buying movie tickets. He signed the liability waiver and let Tina handle the other paperwork. Was that a café? He made himself comfortable in the cozy sitting area. For a “fright furnace,” the place was quite pleasant. Tina was chatting up the ticket guy, holding up the line in the process. From the crowded state of the place, it didn’t look like they’d be going into the actual haunted bit for a while anyways. Cedric wandered over to the café.
xxxxx“Prepare yourself,” Tina announced in that melodramatic way of hers when she finally left the ticket guy. “I convinced Fred over there to bump us a few spots up in the wait—huh?” Cedric had thrust a hot dog under her nose. He wiggled it a little.
xxxxx“This is for you. I figured you’re still hungry…” he trailed off lamely. Tina was quiet for a moment longer, and then –
xxxxx“Aww! Cedric!” She threw her arms around him, he almost dropped the hot dog, and there were definitely people watching them. Someone even pulled their phone out and began filming them. He tried to make a face expressing that no, he was not proposing, and this wouldn’t go viral on Youtube. Tina sat up with a goofy grin on her face. It made Cedric feel just a tiny bit better about the scene she’d made. She poked his chest. “I knew you had a heart somewhere in that icy shell.”
Cedric scowled and pushed her off of him. “Is it time for us to go yet?” he grumbled, just to change the topic. Someone must have been listening (perhaps Fred the ticket guy) because right then a beep sounded over the intercom, followed by a voice: Group 36B, please proceed to the Outbreak attraction located at the North end of the furnace.
xxxxx“Oh, that’s us, bud!” Tina shoved the hot dog between her teeth and dragged Cedric to his feet. “To the woods!”
xxxxx“Wait, what?!”

xxxxxHe had expected ghosts in bloody white sheets. He had expected masked men wielding roaring chainsaws that weren’t actually functional. What he got was so much worse. Zombies. In the forest. He and Tina got separated within the first thirty seconds of the winding maze slash obstacle course. He swore he could still hear her screaming happily somewhere ahead of him. A hand burst out of the bush in front of him, and there was a bloodcurdling shriek. It took him a second to realize it was him, and his screams had dwindled down to terrified little sniffles. A horrifying girl stepped out, flaps of skin hanging off her face and rivulets of blood dripping down her chin. Cedric closed his eyes and waited for her to eat his brains.
xxxxxThe zombie laughed and then realized he wasn’t going anywhere. “Um, look bro, are you going to run, or?”
xxxxxCedric opened his eyes. He was still alive, every body part was intact, and the zombie girl looked concerned rather than ravenous. He looked her dead in the eyes. “Please. I didn’t sign up for this.”
xxxxxThe girl sighed and closed a hand around his wrist. “Well, you’re infected now. Come with me.”
xxxxxCedric gasped and pulled away. “No! Please, let me leave!”
xxxxx“When you get infected, you leave, numbskull.”

xxxxxTina ended up winning the obstacle course. She was the last person left in the forest who wasn’t infected, and her prize was a costume zombie mask. Standing statue-still in the lobby, Cedric was too rattled to respond as she did a victory dance around him wearing the mask.

xxxxx“I can’t believe you won. How the fuck?” Now they were sitting on the curb outside the building, and Cedric was still trying to shake off the heebie-jeebies.
xxxxx“I can’t believe you got infected so quickly. I saw you. That zombie came out and you asked her to infect you!” she cackled. Cedric nursed his wounded pride. Tina let out a content sigh and leaned back on her arms. “This has actually been a really fun date. I got a free hot dog and a free zombie mask. I smacked a couple of zombies in there, you know. And who knew you were such a scaredy-cat?”
xxxxxCedric smiled. “Yeah, I guess this wasn’t that bad of a punishment.”
xxxxx“A what?”
xxxxxHe turned his head and knew he’d done it. She stared up at him with wide, bewildered eyes. “I-I mean, funny story actually,” he said quickly, “but I lost a bet with my friends and the punishment was... a date with you...” Tina’s eyes were glossy. The smile had faded completely, replaced by a wobbling bottom lip. “Ah, but you’re really super cool! Super f-fun! Not bad at all!” he rushed and stumbled over his words in his hurry to amend his mistake.
xxxxx“So, you don’t actually like me?” she whimpered. His mouth dropped open in surprise.
xxxxx“No? I thought that was obvious.” Tina made an indignant noise.
xxxxx“What is wrong with you!” she shouted. Her voice rang through the parking lot, hitting the trees and echoing back at them. She was making a scene again, but he doubted anyone would want to put this on Youtube. “Why would you tell me that now? Or ever? Why are you so mean!” She punched him in the shoulder, hard, and she wouldn’t stop.
xxxxx“Ow! Ow, ow, ow—Tina, stop! I’m sorry!” Pow, pow, pow. Cedric imagined a bruise blooming on his skin every time her knuckles landed. How did her tiny fists hold so much power? Cedric threw up his hands. “I like you as a friend! A lot! Now I do, I mean!” He caught her wrists before she could land another punch. “Besides, I don’t even like girls like that. I thought you knew.” Tina’s eyes were wide again. She didn’t look like she was raring to go, so he released her and ran a sweaty hand through his hair. She put her hands up to her mouth.
xxxxx“Oh my god. You don’t have a boyfriend, do you? Because I have a cousin who would really like you—”
xxxxxCedric covered his face with his hands and groaned. “No, please, my sister already tries to set me up with all her assistants from work and I don’t think I don’t think I can handle another matchmaker.” Still, when she laughed, he laughed with her, because at least she wasn’t beating him up.
xxxxx“Okay… okay, I forgive you. I had a fun time, even if you were a jerk for most of it.” Tina stuffed her zombie mask into her purse while Cedric spluttered in protest. “It’s okay, you’re nice. Now, I mean. I just wanted someone to pay for me to go through Sloss. And hey, this was the blossoming of a beautiful baby friendship, right?” Cedric rubbed a hand over his eyes. Tina was going to be the death of him one day. He had the feeling that she would start showing up in his life more often, whether they planned it or not. She was giggling as she stood up and held out a hand. “Take me home, bud.”

allure · Oct 18, 2017

NOTES.
I forgot about this thread for a little bit, and there are still several pieces to post. The writing camp is long over by now, but I stumbled upon my old folder today and thought I'd finish putting everything up!

This one is an ekphrastic poem. I could go on and on about the painting, to be honest. Edward Hopper is one of my favorite painters. The painting looks innocuous at first, but when you look at it further, you can see hints at a storyline. It expresses so much just in the color choices and the placement of each element. The poem to the side has been untouched by Adam since I only have the first draft saved. I edited it a little, but it's basically the original version.

RED
– After Room in New York by Edward Hopper

There has been a splintered silence
since you came home clenching your fists, your face

red as the wine I poured to dilute your choler
even though we’re going to the Baker’s

for dinner, and they don’t like it when you drink
and get to be too much, too loud, too threatening.

I lumped myself into the corner
and shattered the silence with a C sharp

on the baby grand that you bought to keep me
quiet. Your fingers skated over the tabletop:

a spindly water strider, and they latched
onto the morning paper prey that I

laid out for you after you went to work, after
you left a scratch on the door when you slammed it

too hard. A siren wails into our parlor, and it drowns
out the ding, ding of my minor scale for just a moment.

The red light from the ambulance floods the room, and
your face is lit up like the devil’s. I imagine

horns and a forked tongue. Then the light passes by, the
wailing fades, and I play another note.

Poetry >> wrought and workshopped

allure

angel eyes ♡

allure

angel eyes ♡

allure

angel eyes ♡

n u n c h i

o o p s

allure

angel eyes ♡

allure

angel eyes ♡

allure

angel eyes ♡

allure

angel eyes ♡

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