Advice/Help When Should You Poke Someone, and How Often?

CactusWren

Gruntiest of the Grunts!
I'm reaching an annoying dilemma where I had a slew of very interested roleplayers who just stopped replying all of a sudden.

On that note: I want to make it perfectly clear I completely understand that people get busy-- I've had a few of those roleplayers tell me that an issue came up, or school is ending soon so they're focusing on finals, and I'm completely cool with that. I don't bother them for that, and encourage them to take care of themselves and their lives before replying back.

I'm more bothered when someone doesn't respond in days but they're obviously active on another thread or "bumping" for interest checks when it's been almost a week since they responded to our own roleplay (I swear I'm not a stalker; I've just noticed this when I was looking for interest threads myself).

On another note, I do understand that people forget they even got a response, or they tell themselves to reply later and forget about it-- heck, sometimes I'm guilty of doing that myself. So days later I just give them a poke and ask if they're still interested.

I really, really wish people just came out and told me they got bored/I'm not what they're looking for in a partner/got writer's block. I understand where other people are coming from, and I will not get angry or upset if they make that clear. Nobody is entitled to a roleplay. It just lets me know it's not going to happen anymore so my energy doesn't go to thinking up ideas for a roleplay that isn't going to exist at that point.


So my question is: When is a good time to "Poke" a partner (or ask them if the roleplay is still happening), and how often should I do it? I would hate to be aggressive and/or annoying, so I'd really appreciate some input or personal experiences so that my partners aren't uncomfortable by my prodding.
 
Assuming you worked out with them how often you'd both be replying before you even began (which I strongly advise), you poke them according to that. If someone said they'd reply once or a few times a day, wait maybe three or four days max before checking in. If someone said they'd reply once a week and they've been gone for two or three weeks, you check in with them. I tend to do this more out of concern than anything-- are you okay, is life good, do you need time, are you bored?

As for them being active on the site but not in your RP, well, that happens sometimes. I, personally, do this often-- hang around onsite while roleplays go unanswered. Not ignored, just un-replied. Sometimes you just aren't particularly inspired for one roleplay, or a reply isn't coming to you, or you'd like to do something else for a while. Eventually inspiration returns, and you can write again. However, if you find yourself constantly poking the same person, you need to reevaluate the situation. With them. The main thing here, as in most cases, is to talk to your partners. If you sense that someone's not into it, have a chat about your expectations, their expectations, whether the direction you're heading in isn't working for them, whether they'd rather step out altogether. Whether they're just busier recently and your expectations need to adjust, and whether or not that works for you.

Now, if you're poking someone repeatedly for the same reply, I suggest not doing that. If someone missed your reply once and you reminded them once, give them some time to reply before reminding them again. If you poke someone, they reply, you poke someone, they reply, you have to poke them again for another reply, you drop them like a hot potato. Either they're not interested, not invested, or just too forgetful for you to deal with. You shouldn't have to be someone's alarm clock if you're not comfortable with that.
 
I think it should be up to the GM/DM to keep people interested in their RP, so when ever I'm not GM/co-GMing an RP I tend to let people go about their business. But when I do, I take the pace of the RP in mind before poking people. If the RP is very big, and fast paced (People posting almost every 10 minutes.) then I poke people after one or two days. If the RP is slower paced, then the longest I've gone with out poking someone is Two weeks.
 
Once or twice a day seems reasonable to me, but it'll depend if you're doing a 1x1 RP or a group RP. Just poke as often as you see fit honestly.
 
I usually tell my partners beforehand everything they need to know about my replies. I barely reply on the weekends, though I could spit out reply after reply during the week. I also tell them I'm very forgetful and to poke me whenever they feel the need. Lol.
 
I would first ask them if they are okay, something in real life might be on their plate where they can't respond. I don't know, I don't like really bothering people so I would ask once if maybe a week went by. If I didn't get a response I would just move on. I give people the benefit of the doubt, if they want to respond they will respond that's what I think.
 
I personally hate it when people poke me and sometimes I lose even more interest when it happens.

Just, if you gotta poke, try and post something in the rp along with it
 

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