Advice/Help What do you say when an RP just isn’t working out?

sweetghost

sweetghost

🔪
When I was much younger, I used to ghost people. I’ve since learned not to and started to just suck it up and go “Hey, sorry, this just isn’t working out for me.”

I need some advice though. What would be the best way to phrase it or go about it? So far it has gone well but once it didn’t. Blowout, huge fight, friend of like 2-3 years gone type of thing.
 
“ Wow, it's been a while since I last looked at our roleplay.” I am acknowledging passage of time.

“I think I have to admit that my interest has suffered and I apologize.” Stating the reality. Being honest.

“I know that can be disappointing.” Empathizing.
 
First look at the personality of the person your working with. If they seem insecure/needy I make up some friend that wants to do the same roleplay. A little dishonest but I learned just saying no to those types ends in long drawn out exchanges and hurt feelings.

But they typically respond fine to “not wanting to get confused” by doing similar roleplay ideas.

If the person seems really nice but you can’t roleplay for whatever reason I just say something along the lines of real life getting crazy and I bit off more roleplays than I can chew.

It keeps the blame on me but also is understandable enough they won’t ask too many follow up questions.
 
90% of the time it's because I find our styles don't match up after we've sent some RP samples, so I usually go with something like: "Thanks so much for planning with me this far, but I don't think our styles are compatible. Thanks again for your time, and I hope you find the partner you're looking for!"

If we've already started roleplaying, it's more or less the same message, only replacing the reason why I'm no longer interested. Short, sweet, to the point.
 
Due to it happening to me all the time, I am against ghosting people.

If an rp doesn't work out in my opinion, whether it be upon first talking to someone or a few posts in, I always do my best to be polite and honest without sugarcoating anything. I usually just end up saying things like:
"Thank you for messaging me, but I don't think we're compatible in terms of writing style/post frequency/interests."​
"Sorry, something came up and I will be unable to continue the roleplay. Thank you for your time, I really appreciate it."​
"Hey, I'm sorry to say this but I've lost interest in this topic."​

Sometimes I also request if my partner is okay with the rp being put on hold in case my interest in it resurfaces.

I usually just request the same kind of "notice" from my rp partners. I don't need any details as to why the rp needs to be dropped, just a heads up that replies won't be coming anymore is more than enough. In the same way, I don't owe my partner any details as to why I want to end an rp. Our interests generally just change from time to time and that's normal.

If someone picks a fight with you over the fact that you're ending an rp, that says a whole lot about the person you're roleplaying with. It's not a life-or-death situation, it's a hobby and sometimes people take it far too seriously. It's not worth getting into an argument with them, you're better off just blocking them.
 
When in doubt, always go for the shit sandwich. Tuck the bad news in between "I love your imagination and turns of phrase..." and "I'm sure there's someone out there who shares your craving for antropomorphic teacup romances," and things should be smooth sailing from there. Hope.
 
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Just be honest. And once you know for sure you aren't enjoying the RP and don't want to continue then speak up sooner than later. Breaking off politely is easier when you haven't let your mood over it fester.

"Sorry, but I'm not having fun with the RP. I don't think our RP style and interests are compatible."

An RP is a game. It's meant to be fun. If styles and interest are not compatible then someone will not have fun. Some people have a "Be in charge of my happiness," attitude or just seem to think people should be happy or just arent trying "New things." If you turn down their thing. Those people are best just moved on from anyway.
 
Nobody has the right to criticize you for losing interest in something, but some people out there always will anyway.

Sadly, this is unavoidable.

If it happens, just ignore it and move on.

I know it's easier said than done, but you don't owe it to anyone to go out of your way to not hurt feelings. If they don't understand that the RP simply wasn't your cup of tea long term, then that's their problem to sort out. Not yours.

So don't worry too much about phrasing. A simple "Hey guys, I've lost interest in continuing this RP so I'm going to bow out. I wish you guys all the best!" will do just fine.

You don't need to worry about anything more than that. If anyone throws a fit over that exit message, they have issues that need sorting out.

Cheers!
 
I feel sometimes there's just no good way to word it about things not working out. It's something you have to gauge carefully because some situations tend to go south quickly. I would just be honest. Tell them how you feel. Beyond that, you can't do anything else.
 
Honesty is the best way to go about it. If you've been too busy or have simply lost interest then say so. Most people are usually pretty understanding. Those that aren't, well, the problem is more with them than it is with you. Most people also prefer honesty rather than being lied to so if you just tell them the real reason for ditching then they will take it better than if you simply ditched and they found out you lied about it.
 
"I really appreciate the time you've spent rping with me, but I just can't get into this rp's/character's headspace. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to bow out. Thanks for trying to rp with me"

Sometimes they try to ask why, but you know, going deeper into it is likely to back fire and you don't actually owe anyone an explanation, it was out of kindness and respect to even say anything.

So in the event that the other person asks "why?" "May I ask why?"

"I just can't get into it, I'm sorry"

"Why? Is it the plot? We can totally change it! I can change my character!" [or other bargaining strategies]
  • if you're willing to bargain with them to change up the rp, then the flow would be different. The bottom 'conversation' is in the event you're just done and want completely out of the rp and don't want to alter it. You just want out and thats that

"I'm sorry, I just can't get into it. Thanks!"

*do not respond if they keep trying to pester you at this point. At this point you've made an above and beyond good faith effort to communicate you dont want to rp the rp anymore and now it's their duty to accept it and no amount of reasoning after this is going to get them to accept it unless they go through and accept it on their own*
 
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I just say it as nice as I can.

"Thank you for your time but I do believe our styles are just not clicking together. It was fun and I do hope your next rp will be more fulfilling!"

Something like that. -shrug-
 
I usually just say it won't work due to whatever is turning me off the rp. Most often it's "You're writing style doesn't work for me."
 
Outright tell them you're not interested in wasting their time, nor yours, and it'd be best if the both of you were to pursue different avenues. It's like love, in a sense. If one side is giving it their all and pouring everything in while the other is simply lazing through it, then it benefits no one. If neither are invested, it wasn't much to begin with either. That being said, chase after something both you and your partner are adamantly after, attempt to see if through to the end, if you're unable, repeat the prior steps until you find that happy spot. There are many people on here with different personalities and preferences, you may just find that the one you're looking for has yet to come along to really incapsulate your attention.
 
I’ve since found that I’ll go with telling people I have a time issue or a lot on my plate, however, this leads to me being unable to post in interest checks for awhile. I’m here today because all my discord resources are expended.

so I need to go with the advice here and just explain my interest has waned instead.

but I do try not to just ghost. I try to explain.
 
BORING: As soon as you realize things won't work out and should end, break the news in a way that is grateful for your partner's efforts up to that point and leaves no room for negotiation or taking it personally. Accept responsibility for ending the roleplay, seeing as how it is, in fact, ending specifically because you say so, not whatever issues that may have led you to decide it. Those don't matter anymore. Go your separate ways with minimal hard feelings or drama.

AWESOME: Once enough issues have piled up with little or no effort to fix them, suddenly pull the plug and be honest about everything you disliked about your partner yet let them do for days or weeks. Be surprised when they are embarrassed and hurt, and take their defensiveness, a human reflex, as proof they don't care about other people's feelings. Resolve to communicate even less with your next partner, because after all, roleplayers just aren't good at rejection.
 
I prefer the honest approach. I lay it on gently at first. If they are not agreeable, I then become brutally honest. If they are still not agreeable, then I show them that their current hostility is a good reason to cut ties. After that, it's pretty much just ignore.

Unless things went amicably, as they should, because sometimes RPs don't turn out to be what you expected, or you lose interest. It's completely natural. Then, if things all go well, perhaps you can still write with them in the future. :)
 
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