I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon
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I may be going to Hell in a hand basket, but at least mine has a pretty ribbon !
@Sherwood, I'm always bad. i just don't usually get caught lol
I can't talk. I'm in a time out"
stumbled across the 11th commandment today. "Thou shalt not be a douche bag", i know some people who are going to hell now!
If you don't have anything nice to say, say it in another language
Stop calling them zombies , they prefer being called the living impaired
There was a safety meeting in work today. They asked me, "What steps would you take in the event of a fire?" "Big ones" was the wrong answer
To all gangsters: You cant be cool when you look like you just took a dump in your pants!
was gonna kill the ex today.But decided to wait till I have a better profile pic,cuz ya know that's the 1 CNN will be showing on the newz
NOTE: singing in the shower is dangerous... you know why? cause singing leads to dancing..
..have you ever wondered how a cop on a bicycle arrests someone? "Sir, step into the basket".
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric condition named after me
-Don't try this at home- "Fine! I'll do it at the neighbors!"
Dear Childish Men, Act your age and not your penis length. No one likes to deal with 3 year olds. Sincerely, Mature Females Everywhere.
All n favor of adding another day to the week and calling it Resturday say I
The queen of status updates...
Gonna have to play the lottery tonight...just did a load of laundry and matched all the socks!
I am too broke to pay attention!
going on a fabulous trip, almost done with the breathing holes in the box, UPS should be here any minute.
"I love doing my homework!" ~Said no one ever.
If you get an unwanted call, answer and say " Bangkok's sperm donation company , you whack it, we pack it"
"Needed immediately..beach, hammock, and winning lotto ticket."
A friend asked me how I was so confident & secure in my marriage. My response is simple, my husband likes being alive.
Whenever someone says to me "oh you look so familiar,where do I know you from?" I like to respond with "do you watch porn?" -
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