Mana

NyQuil. The nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, holy shit there's a dragon in the kitchen, medicine. BEDTIME!!

There are 3 kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say "What happened?

is wondering if you can do me a favour? Tell me if this rag smells like chloroform.

Why do people with bad breath always wanna tell secrets? It is very hard to listen.

totally blond today, was stuck in an elevator for 3 hours I forgot to push the button

Someone has to set a bad example

In MY family you learn,that whoever is normal got adopted

Screaming at inanimate objects always make them work better.

You know it's bad when you can tell your hair is messy by your shadow...

The more time I spend with my kid, the more I feel the need to call my mother and apologize

Hit a turkey & it flew over my car & landed on the car behind me. It was a cop & she pulled me over & gave me a ticket for flipping the bird

someone asked me would I rather be invisible or read minds, I said invisible so I could slap people

Girls say all guys want is sex, that's not true! sometimes they want a sandwich too! can't fault them

is trying not to use the 'F word' so much, but it's proving to be hucking fard.

New Years Res: 1) Think about exercising 2) Think about eating right 3)Think about getting fit. OK DONE I finally completed a resolution!!

you can judge a persons intelligence by how high they wear their pants! gangsta, normal, and nerd!

woke up with the sudden urge to jog!, so i rolled over and waited for the feeling to pass!

Random thought for the day..If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, Quit while you're ahead?.

is wondering if long hair would dry faster with a sham-wow instead of a towel.

Why do people always say "breathe" when you get upset? Of course I'm gonna Breathe! I can't yell obscenities at you if I'm not breathing

Fat people arent fat... there just easy to see that's all

I hear it's offensive to say Merry Christmas? Well if it bothers you then...Merry Christmas and Merry Christmas again!

It's not that I'm being a smartass. It's that some people are being a dumbass.

As I do more laundry, nudists seem less crazy!

People are always talking about finding one person that can make their heart skip a beat Personally im good, I'm don't want a heart problem