AnnJam
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  • at what point during this pandemic do I get to lose it? like when is it appropriate to just have a break down, quit my job, sell my home, buy a trailer and live in the bush?
    I've had about 3hrs of sleep in the last 24 hours. I'm so tired but my brain is going 180 km an hour and I can't sleep.
    7 of 20 made! Christmas gifts for the kids I work with. Figure I'm depressed, anxious, and in a rough place I may as well bust through some of my stash and maybe feel a smidge better; or if anything at all get glazed and crochet mindlessly! XD


    Why do networks insist on cancelling good shows . . . I swear to god I am tired of loving something just to have it cancelled 1 season in. -____- like can we get some original good tv instead of the 10 billionth police procedural.
    So I have one of these: Andymation's Flip Book kits from the kickstarter I haven't ever used. But today while in the garage listening to my new obsession song, I decided I wanted to do a little witchy flip book animation!

    And then put it to this song! Or at least the beinging of the song, particularly the lines:

    Who's a heretic now?
    Am I making sense?
    How can you make it stick?
    Waiting 'til the beat comes out
    Who's a heretic, child?
    Can you make it stick, now?
    And I'm on trial
    Waiting 'til the beat comes out


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    Daisie
    Daisie
    I think that's a wondrous idea! I made one cute little animation, started up on a new one, and ALSO never touched it again XD I should get back into it, seriously!
    AnnJam
    AnnJam
    Daisie Daisie Yeah I see mine all the time and I always wonder why I never started one. What was your animation about / what were you animating!?
    Daisie
    Daisie
    Honestly it was mostly a test animation just to get the feel of it! Just a guy walking down a nature path and then jumping like a rocket off the "screen". It was really cute and the backgrounds were super fun to do.
    Hey blizzard why did the enemy team get a Lucio, Uther and Stukov? And all we got was a Tyrande trying her hardest? How is that fair? I want three healers!
    OMG OMG OMG OMG THEY ARE BRINGING IT BACK OMG OMG OMG!!!!! Renamed Atlas Rogue, original Atlas Reactor was shutdown 2019 I believe and I really enjoyed the game. I was it was gone too. But they're bring it back and early access is in November! YEAH!!!!!!! Atlas Rogues
    So I'm self quarantining now. But get this my fucking job told me "well 'covid' looks like a cold and if it isn't covid yet just come in anyway, don't call in S.I.C.K, we need the money and so do you." Bitch I work with children? Are you fucking kidding me? You want me to drive kids around while sick? Health link says to isolate we're in a pandemic, and for fuck sake this company doesn't give a shit about me I'm a meat sack that drives and makes them money and that is it. I'm not doing fuck to help y'all out just because "THIS IS HARRRRRD WE DONT HAVE ENOUGH DIIIIIIVER TO COVER THE ROUTE" not my problem, pay your people better and maybe you'd keep drivers!?!?!?

    So yeah I'm pissed at the company I work for. Fuck them. And lets hope this doesn't actually turn into covid symptoms or worse be covid. -_____- plus my bus has a bunch a kids off sick . . . with what I don't fucking know. So like yeah screw you and deal with it we're in a fucking pandemic and my gov. made me go back to work but I ain't putting kids or myself at more risk because money. EAT A FART!
    AnnJam
    AnnJam
    .angel. .angel. Thank you <3 that is very kind. I really love my kiddos, they're a great little gang and so funny. One of my kids taught me Spanish grammar one afternoon, and they ask such great inquisitive questions. Its fun to listen to them talk! XD

    And RRRRRight, like holy shit I do everything in my power to make sure things are clean. I sanitize the bus after each route am & pm, I hand sanitize if I touch anything that isn't my steering wheel / controls or if I touch my mask to adjust it HAND SANITIZER! I keep the kids are far apart as possible, families sit together, as per protocol. I have a feeling this is just a stress cold, it is cold/flu season, but like holy shit I am not coming into work because money like lives are a billion times MORE important. @___@

    It's really frustrating I already deal with enough with my mental illness this shit and the guilt associate with "calling in sick" really fucks with me. So like I am sticking to my guns but my stomach is in knots. I know this is exactly what I am required to do, but FUUUUUUCK. I'm going to play videogames all day, drink tea and water, and try to ignore the adult world.
    .angel.
    .angel.
    AnnJam AnnJam of course! <3 awee

    I'm glad you do. Your putting your own life at risk as well as there's by being on a bus in the first place so I'm glad the sanitizing is being taken seriously. It probably is, cold and flu season is gonna be hella stressful thanks to covid, especially with little petri dishes in enclosed spaces.

    I can imagine it does. Just enjoy your time away from big kid responsibilities and try to keep your head clear, your doing the right thing! If you get overly anxious I recommend a quick 5-10 min guided meditation on YouTube. Sounds hippyish of me but they help clear my head a bit!
    AnnJam
    AnnJam
    I sometimes do that, usually I get a good trance mix going and vibe. Usually I um, puff puff pass, but I can't right now for obvious reasons and like I'm cutting way back. But yes thank you I shall totally give some easy vibing a go later. @___@

    Life man. Life.
    I know I'm wasting my time on this RP idea, because of the subject matter, but god damn it I want to roleplay it so badly. Group or one on one . . . WHY AM I LIKE THIS?!?!?!?!?!
    Gundam-kun
    Gundam-kun
    What is it
    Onmyoji
    Onmyoji
    try group, if only one person gets interested make it 1x1!
    AnnJam
    AnnJam
    Gundam-kun Gundam-kun a sentinel AU themed roleplay. Sentinel is a buddy cop show from the 90s, I've never seen it, but I do read fiction that uses the Sentinel fanon. Which I can best describe, even if it damn me, as a milder sorta feeling ABO/Omegaverse style of theme but with way less fluids! The Sentinel fanon totally made this shit up based on the show, like the show really is just buddy cop.

    But basically Sentinels are people with enhanced strength, endurance, stamina and, again damning myself, basically a roid boi! and in the fanon Guides are people who are very strong empaths, described as a sort of seductive, alluring empathy that helps regulate and balance the emotions of a sentinel.

    and basically I read a JohnLock fanfic 10 years ago with this AU and I loved it, never really forgot it, and I went on a dig to find this fic a day or two ago . . . went into a fanon hole on Sentinel fanon drama, but eventually found the author and the archived fic on live journal (where I read it originally) and now I want to make an RP for it.

    And I have some of it setup already but I know this isn't a theme people like. Like I am well aware the dynamic of basically a roid-boi paired with a empath is like treading in this "emotional abuse" territory and people ain't into it and like I am aware it can go that way, but honestly I don't necessarily want it to be the driving idea I just like the whole ABO trope and I also enjoy the non-wolf-non-fluid-non-scent driven alternative in a trope that is just as old being Sentinel AU! XD
    Oh lord I just ended up in a fanon hole! Fanon history is just wild depending on which fandom you're looking into. I really, really find pre-internet and early internet fanon fascinating, because there really wasn't any social media or means of archiving things digitally the way we do now. And like the DRAMA old fandoms had . . . anyway went looking for a fanfic I read 10 years ago, ended up reading 8 wiki pages worth of fanon lore on the AU trope used in the fic and its origins . . . eventually found the authors name and from there I could find the LJ they archived the fic on! >D Now I may or may not reread that fic!
    Gosh it's SO GOOD! I really enjoy KDA and the other LoL bands. I don't care for Riot as a company, but FUUUUUCK they know how to market their games! XD Sorry take note companies this shit SLAPS!
    Sometimes I wonder if people know how to play this game. Like Dragonshrine is the best map in the game and you win by holding bot and mid. Like how hard is it to know you're a strong early game hero, take advantage get those camps and win those team fights. Nope lets spend a chunk of time ROAMING between top and bot. Ignore pings. And then get mad at people the moment you realize we've lost; but not acknowledge you were in fact in top while your healer and 1 dps are trying desperately to defend objective from enemy cap. And you were top because you thought clearing top, the suicide bridge you don't fight on, was more important than either helping defend mid or capping top shrine.

    And I'm the one who lost the game because I was dead because you left me mid team fight in lane to get butched by literally the butcher! Like holy hell I am so sorry you just checked in long enough to notice we were losing about 8 minutes to late. Fucking.

    I'm not so mad as exasperated today has been a shitty hots day. People are throwing before the first team fight some matches. Others its just pure Greymane Syndrome where all they do is chase and have zero map awareness. @___@' I just want exp to level some of these heroes of mine is that to much to ask. And its the same problem every time too, like stop chasing they're baiting you into ambushes! XD
    Sometimes I see something really funny I want to share, then I remember I only get the context because I've followed a series of ridiculous nsfw comics that lead to this one funny sfw comic . . . so I can't share but know I saw something that made me ugly snort-laugh! >D
    Okay. I am so here for this fella. Thank you Brittany Broski!

    I personally like the guitar version better, but I am bias to acoustic versions of songs! >D
    Guess who feel down their entire flight of basement steps and took a booty & back bashing! I hurt today! XD
    -5/10 would not recommend!
    Musician
    Musician
    Oh my gosh! Stairs are dangerous. I hope you are ok!
    AnnJam
    AnnJam
    Kaerri Kaerri Musician Musician Thanks. I can only hope! I just laugh about it now because it was kinda funny. I went straight down the steps, feet touched the bottom and I was upright and stumbled to my couch and fell face first into it. Then immediate turned around and cleaned up my mess. XD Remade my sandwich and didn't feel it till today!
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    Reactions: Kaerri
    Musician
    Musician
    That poor sandwich didn't deserve such a fate. =(

    Keep a bottle of Advil and some freshwater nearby!
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    Reactions: Kaerri
    Had to step away because of mental illness. Not better by any means, feeling a little rough, but time away from internet toxicity helped. Now I'm back to start looking for roleplays again. I really gotta avoid certain sub-forums this time around. @__@' Thread should be up in a few hours.
    Musician
    Musician
    Glad that you've returned and you are feeling better. I find that turning off notifications helps me a lot. Or even just logging out of those spaces because it creates that extra step for me to log back in if I want to visit them. Don't let the internet control you. You can do this!
    • Like
    Reactions: Kaerri
    AnnJam
    AnnJam
    Musician Musician Thank you. It's always tough when you're fighting your own brain. I kept telling it that this is for my own damn good you stupid lumpy mass, you're floating in goop what do you even know! XD

    So yeah basically what I did. I sorta went on a wild delete everything spree here, cleared out my twitter (with a twitter deleter script), uninstalled tiktok, and basically tried not to use my computer much. I do feel a little better, enough to try and engage again and THIS time avoid what set me off before. I sometimes wish I could like ignore / hide from view certain sub-forums on this and another site I'm on. But alas it falls to my own will power not to engage in triggering content. Fucking stupid brain wanting conflict. -___-
    Musician
    Musician
    The internet has a strange way with our temptations, doesn' it?

    I'm always here to lend an ear if you need anything.
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