Fantasy All Classes can be S-Tier

[Gravitational Force]

However you ended up on Con you find yourself standing on a slightly raised grassy knoll. A huge red x is painted beneath your feet.

Each of you has a moment to take in your surroundings before a text box appears in front of you informing you of your new class and subclass as well as your new abilities.

Sharmilla's plush mascot chimes in soon after her toybox appears in front of her with "Since you'll end up on the back of a milk box as a missing person, how about you sign on to market some cereal? It's called synergy!"

It says nothing afterwards even if talked to, shook, or stomped on.

Jessica is the next to discover her new abilities as a maid uniform appears on her. It resists any attempts to remove it short of stripping naked, but that presents it's own problems.

Atom's apron and chef's hat appear next and his abilities indicate that the grass beneath their feet is quite edible. FOR A COW! But seriously, there is a dearth of ingredients in their immediate vicinity unless he's likely to be hungry enough to resort to cannibalism within the next 30 minutes. If he is then his teammates are quite edible.

A fourth possible party member exists in a superposition of existence and nonexistence due to his player having until Wednesday to complete his character sheet. He has musical ability but can be ignored for now.

Not much can be said about the area you're in except for how deserted it is. Probably best to get to know each other.

 

[Ambiloquous]

SHARMILA

Atop a grassy mound in the middle of seemingly nowhere, a tall woman in a fluffy, lilac tutu-esque garment stood upon a bright red “X” and stared at her environment. Moments before, she had not been standing there — no, moments before, she had been speed walking into the public toilets in a location that was clearly not there. She knew this because of three things: one, there was no public toilet in sight; two, she was on under a bright sky instead of badly lit plaster ceiling; and three, a floating blue box had appeared in front of her face. While she was no highbrow intellectual, it was clear to her that she wasn’t in her original world any longer.

Her face stretched into a wide smile, and she proceeded to place her hands on her hips and laugh a touch maniacally. The situation wasn’t her ideal of obtaining magic from a talking mascot, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. Sharmila had been summoned for a purpose greater than her depressingly normal life on Earth, and she would not disappoint — as long as they allowed her to wear cute outfits and fight evil in style, that is. Else, she may as well be summoned back. Combat in practical uniform? Where was the fantasy in that?!

In the middle of her daydreaming, a wooden box painted in eye-searing primary colours landed at her feet with a muted thunk, along with a magical girl–shaped soft toy that called out a funny advertisement in a high-pitched voice. It was eerily similar to the VA of a certain magical girl she adored, and upon hearing it, she immediately paused to eye the objects near her feet. Grabbing the doll with a gentle hand, she pulled it up to her line of sight.

She gasped.

It was a Sayuka fake! The colour was right, and so was the positioning of the tulle and lace, but the ribbons! The ribbons had a shiny six-pointed star icon plastered in the center, but it was obvious to any fan who watched the show that Starlight Sonata Sayuka’s symbol was a sparkly seven-pointed star. And even worse was the fact that her lovely knee-high boots had been turned into ankle boots! Ankle boots! It was a complete perversion of her character, and Sharmila would not stand for it. She slapped it to the ground. Talking or not talking, magical or non-magical, anything that went against her darling Sayuka needed to disappear.

She wrinkled her nose and stomped on it a few times for good measure. Huffing and turning away from the dirtied object, she tried to cleanse her mind of its image and decided reading her blue window would do just that. After reading the information on her new abilities, she scrunched up her brows. Gingerly turning back to the not-Sayuka plushie, she hesitated. She weighed the presence of Sayuka in her heart, repeated the doctrine of her one and only, and finally came to a resolution that the premier magical girl would want her to have the doll if it meant her future safety. It didn't change the fact that it was a travesty though, and it definitely didn’t mean she had to pick it up now.

Spinning around on her heeled boots, she focused her attention on her future companions. They didn’t look like royals or summoners, more like relatively — relatively was a relative term here — average people from her home planet. One of them had clearly been in, uh, a scuffle before she had appeared wearing a maid’s costume, and the other looked near dying with a pale face that was half made up of dark circles. But even in their untidy states, they were both quite good-looking. The third… she winced. Something weird kept happening to her brain as she tried to describe the last person; it felt gross and her sight kept sliding off, so she actively chose not to think about them anymore. Wait, what third person? She shook her head, wondering if her mind had scrambled on the journey over.

“Hey, you all!” She gave the people in front of her a friendly smile, ignoring her earlier actions, and lifted a hand for either of the two to shake. Her other was still positioned on her hip, and it likely wouldn’t change anytime soon. “We’re heroes or something now, right? Since you were chosen, you probably have something special in you as well. I’m looking forward to working with you!”

Interacting With: Xcelgamer AI10100​

 

[AI10100]

ATOM HASTINGS
Interacting with: Xcelgamer Ambiloquous
​

Atom wasn't sure what had his heart rate so high— the fact that he wasn't done studying for his midterms examination for the next day and he was spiraling into a panic attack or the absurd amounts of caffeine pumping through his veins. At this point, he was convinced that it was probably both of those things working in tandem in a vain attempt of killing him. The words were beginning to mix together and he knew he had to take a semblance of a break. He leaned back against his chair and looked at the time. It was two a.m. His parents weren't even home yet— must have been a rough night for them. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. His body was probably shutting down from the lack of sleep considering his "sleep" for the past few days consisted of an hour of shut-eye and random naps here and there around the campus.

He looked through his phone, chuckling to himself as he read through the group chats with his fellow classmates who were all lamenting about the examination the next day. Some were already talking about taking to the bars after the examination week to cool down. Atom sent a message that he was going to take a nap and sent good luck to the others who were still powering it through the night. Atom looked back at his notes, honestly surprised with how neat it looked, and nodded to himself. It will just be a quick nap to get himself sorted. He folded his arms against his desk, closed his eyes.

And now he was outside.

He seemed to be on some grass with a big red X painted underneath his feet. Close to him were three other people— well, two other people and one... something. If he were to describe it, it was like a sprite that hadn't been able to properly load into the game yet. He gave them a small nod in acknowledgment before a text box appeared in front of him.

A... text box.

He wasn't a big video game fan but he had played quite a few and he was sure it was something like this. Detailing on the text box was his class, subclass, and abilities. There were possible ingredients everywhere and one of his abilities did say that he could see if something is edible or not. He blinked before looking down at himself and pinched. Ouch. He pinched harder. Double ouch. Not waking up. Dream? Not a dream? Weird. Everything was weird.

Oh, and he was wearing an apron and a chef's hat now. He turned back to the text box and read about [Hell's Kitchen] and his heart dropped. A pact with a demon? Really. Of all the things! But, then again, maybe that is how the power system works in this world? Or wherever they were right now? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe. Hopefully.

Then one of his companions spoke up. The doll from earlier was now on the ground. But that wasn't exactly what he was focusing on at that moment. No, it was the fact that his vision was currently calling his companions "Edible" and what he could harvest from them. He blinked. It didn't disappear. That was a little disturbing but it wasn't particularly wrong.

Atom cleared his throat, moving forward to shake her hand. "Ah, yeah, nice to meet you. But... heroes? What exactly is this?" He used his free hand to gesture to the place around them. He had heard of some stories like this but what were the chances, right? Or maybe he was just being in deep denial of what was truly happening to them. "Some sort of summoning? Are we supposed to do anything because..."

He paused, remembering that he hadn't introduced himself yet. "Oh, my name is Atom, by the way. Atom Hastings. And you all are?" He dropped the handshake after he introduced himself, turning to their other present companion.

 

[Xcelgamer]

Jessica
AI10100 , Ambiloquous
Jessica bolted straight up gasping for air. She looked around very confused as the last thing she remembered was that she was shot. She went to feel where she was most, which oddly enough was for the most part healed along with the other potentially fatal injuries leaving nothing but scars. Jessica slowly stood up groggily surprised to find a red X painted underneath her. "....everything bloody hurts" she mumbled under her breath "Well I guess if I'm not dead it means I can still fight and do things" She said to herself

Jessica looked up and to her surprise saw a floating text box, she was never much of a game person but she had watched a playthrough when she was bored and got the general gist. As Jessica read her message her eyes almost popped out as she read the abilities. She blinked and as she did, she felt her new clothes get replace with a maids outfit.

It looked almost ill-fitting on her, as she always thought of the French maid style, with short sleeves and a focus on her female areas such as her chest and legs. She angrily tore at the clothes but it was to no avail, she briefly thought of going stark naked briefly but then she would probably be arrested for public indeceny and not to mention the other two and a half people there. With a massive resigned sighed Jessica stopped trying and started reading again. "....." she just stared at the second ability {Focused Service} "I already hate this, this is so bs, this is not something I would pick at all" Jessica sighed again with resignation.

She turned to face the others that were already talking with each other. She blinked for a second as she saw two separate boxes over the two of them. She rubbed her eyes and yet the boxes were still there the text read "Acknowledge as Master? Yes. No. Wait" Jessica looked confused for a moment before realising that most likely this was connected to that second ability. "I uh nah not really I'm just a boxer or well rather was I guess" She answered Sharlia and went to shake her hand "But anyway we might as well work together, but hey you'll probably have to carry after all I'm just a bloody maid." Her tone was even yet if one attempted to look closer they would realise that Jessica was hiding a lot of contempt for the subclass specifically "Well nice to meet Atom, I'm Jessica."​

 

[Ambiloquous]

SHARMILA

Sharmila brightened at the question asking her to introduce herself, cleanly ignoring the poor man’s confusion surrounding his current situation with her own overexcitement. Lifting her arms into a graceful oval and pulling her back leg into passé, she performed a fluid pirouette and landed into a position very reminiscent of the magical girl after-transformation pose. With a hand on her hip and fingers splayed out on her forehead, she proclaimed, “Call me Sharmila — Sunlight Serenade Sharmila!”

She kept the stance up for a few moments longer, just so her new companions could appreciate her physical artistry before falling back into her usual standing posture. The three to-be heroes would likely be working to defeat the wicked with the power of friendship, so she attempted to stack the first blocks of their future good relationship by saying, “You've got a nice name, Atom. I believe in your future atomic,” she winked cheekily at the pun, “growth in our battle against evil.”

Her ears perked at a quiet mumble from the scruffy woman in flimsy maid attire, and she flipped her attention to the next person in her team. At her mention of boxing, she almost clapped her hands in delight. The maid-by-uniform had a combat-oriented class! While the fist-focused sport was an unconventional choice, she couldn’t begrudge the other — she certainly hadn’t specified item-bearer as her own, but there it was, sitting innocently on her blue screen “A boxer! That’ll be super useful in the upcoming fights.”

Before she could even celebrate properly, her expression scrunched as Jessica’s flat complaint about her true class was finally processed and reached her brain. The magical girl fanatic pouted slightly at coming to the wrong conclusion — why hadn’t she said it beforehand? Tapping a finger to her chin, she considered the idea of a maid class and tried not to show her disappointment. She had simply taken for granted that the outfit was personal preference, but now it was evident it wasn’t. “Maybe we’ll need a maid on our journey? There’ll be some important task that only you can do, I’m sure of it.”

She shook her insubstantial negative feelings away. “But anyway, less about that, and more about our abilities! Don’t you want to test them out?” Her eyes started to sparkle. Magic! While toy minions didn’t sound very fierce and they were no magical girl transformation, she was sure there was another use to them that she was missing. Besides, they were going to be completely adorable and that was of more importance than being menacing in action; aesthetics over function, always. Marching towards the colourful box the size of two handspans she had left lying on the grass, she picked it up, opened the lid and placed her hand into the box.

Interacting With: AI10100 Xcelgamer​

 

[Gravitational Force]

Sharmilla's hand draws out a teddy bear with what appear to be sticks of TNT strapped to it's back. It drops to the ground, stands up, and looks around.

"Enemy detected. Pacifying."

The TNTeddybear runs as quickly as it can (not very quickly since it's got tiny legs) for a few yards before exploding. Chunks of what was previously a rabbit rain down on the surrounding area.

In the distance you can see another rabbit hopping towards you. It looks like a normal rabbit and Atom's ability tells him it's got lots of delicious rabbit meat on it.

 

[AI10100]

ATOM HASTINGS
Interacting with: Ambiloquous Xcelgamer
​

Sunlight Serenade Sharmila? She even striked a pose while she was introducing herself. For a moment, Atom looked at her, digging up memories long past. He hadn't been well acquainted with a lot of popular media cultures, but was this the infamous weebs? Those that consumed an insane amount of anime products and try to replicate it in real life? Her tone and demeanor felt very reminiscent to the childhood magical girl shows he had glimpsed before— some truly stuck to him as colorful, vibrant and fun. He hadn't expected to meet someone who took the role seriously though.

He brought his fist up to his mouth and cleared his throat, giving a meek grin at Sarmila's pun. "Ah, yes. I suppose so." Though he still wasn't sure what the whole "battling against evil" meant. Everything checked out for him being in another world— from the text box that showed his abilities to... well, just the overall situation he found himself in. But why would he be summoned to fight something in the first place?

He turned his attention to the woman in the maid uniform. "Nevertheless, you may be a maid in class but I'm sure that your boxing skills will still be an asset to our journey." Atom reassured their companion, hoping that it would alleviate some of the grievances of being dead weight to the group. He shook his head, gesturing towards his own outfit that consisted of a chef's hat and an apron. "You are at least better off than me when it comes to experience. I have a chef class and I'm just a med student back at home." Atom didn't particularly mind. He loved cooking with every bit of his heart and if that was his calling in this situation that he found himself in, then so be it.

Sharmila seemed to bounce back from the situation and suggested they test out their abilities. She went first, heading towards a box she had eld earlier and pulled something out. Out came a teddy bear with... TNT? Oh god, is that really TNT? A bomb? On a teddy bear! As if to confirm his eyesight, the bear runs towards a rabbit and exploded. Atom threw his arms up by instinct before taking a peek at what had happened. Rabbit guts were now scattered around them.

"O-Oh..." Atom swallowed, a bit overwhelmed and surprised with the destructive capabilities of Sharmila's ability.

Though now he supposed he should test out his own abilities, right? From what he saw, it wasn't like his abilities were as devastating as hers. He looked up to see a rabbit hopping towards their group, unfazed by the death of its brethren a few yards away. Atom searched his apron's pocket and pulled out a knife. It looked well-maintained, definitely something he would have bought. "Well... I've never had to catch my own game before but can't hurt to try..." Attempting to mimic a knife thrower's stance, he threw the blade towards the rabbit in hopes of skewering it.

 

[Gravitational Force]

Atom throws the knife as accurately as someone with weak nerd arms and no experience throwing things is able to do. The knife lands on it's side less than two feet away from him before vanishing. Perhaps melee combat might be more his speed.

The rabbit looks down where the knife landed, then up at Atom. It doesn't otherwise move. A piece of rabbit that had landed in a nearby tree falls to the ground with a quiet splat.


Nearby a group of the Evil Empire's Minions are overseeing golem workers moving some machinery into place. They're talking amongst themselves.

"Why aren't we using slaves for this anymore?"
"The Emperor said to switch to golems."
"Can we still whip the golems?"
"I don't see why not."
"Huh, it's not reacting. Usually whipping workers makes them work harder. Is something wrong with my whip?"
"Maybe it's broken. Try using it on me."
"Okay."
"OW! Getting whipped hurts!"
"Really? You mean this whole time we were hurting people when we were whipping them?"
"Now I feel like a bad guy."
"Or maybe that whip's just broken."
"Just to be safe let's not whip anyone until we find out."
"Well, the golems don't feel pain from being whipped, so that must be why the Emperor switched to them."
"But they don't work harder when whipped either."
"One of us should ask the Emperor."
"Okay, next one of us to see him will."

 

[Xcelgamer]

Jessica raised an eyebrow as she finally had a chance to get a proper look at Sharmilla. She felt and looked like her exact opposite in just about every single way. Short hair vs long hair, buff vs lithe, they were just complete opposites even the way they reached to their classes was the opposite. Jessica breathed in and then out again to calm herself down before putting on a slightly weak smile and flexed, her maid uniform stretching to continue to fit her "Ahem yes I hope so that I'm allowed to still punch things. Either of you would know this better but isn't there some sort of battle maid sterotype in fiction?"

She sighed again and shook her head as she looked at the blood and as she did, she blinked as she noticed that a blue box was pointing to it. It said above it that simply said mop and bucket, considering her class she assumed that means that this was what she needed to use to actually clean it up. "Well considering the mess you unintentionally made with that awesome TNTeddy, I'm going to assume I can show you one of my abilities" she said and walked over to the bloodstained, as she attempted to summon up the mop and bucket that was filled with water and started trying to mop up the mess "Heh well if you two like killing sprees seems like I'll be able to hide the evidence"​

 

[Gravitational Force]

In a flash of light and heat you all are all utterly obliterated.




Elsewhere the Minions are high-fiving each other.
"The Emperor was right, slapping hands together is a great way to celebrate!"
"He's so smart!"
"And the new Doom Launcher worked great, it totally obliterated the place we drew that X!"
"So did it hit the X because we drew it there?"
"No, the Boss said we were drawing the X there because that's where it was supposed to hit."
"That sounds like the same thing though."
"We can ask him next time we see him."
"Good thing we checked before drawing the X though. That could have seriously hurt someone if they'd been standing there."
"Well it's not like anyone could have just been teleported there, so nobody got hurt."
"I wonder if the group raiding that nearby village are having this much fun."


The moment after your deaths you find yourselves standing right outside a village that's being menaced by a group of similarly-uniformed monsters.



A man who appears to be the head of the village is pleading with them.

"Please, that's the last of our harvest! We'll have none for ourselves!"

The Minion Boss is having none of it.

"It's the Empire's now. Now out of our way or you'll get a taste of the whip!"
"The Emperor said no more whipping unless they actually try to stop us, Boss."
"Really, why?"
"He didn't say."
"Weird, it's not like it hurts anyone. Oh well. Okay, back to loading it up, boys!"

The Minions are loading heavy chests onto the backs of wagons. Nobody has noticed you yet.

 

[Ambiloquous]

SHARMILA

Blinking away a haze of starry pinpricks and then gaping at the fittingly ominous-looking screen of death, Sharmila’s brain slowly started to piece together the message written upon it. She immediately took to patting her limbs to see if they were on right, and concluded that they were, from the short moment spent on it. How did she die? What had happened? She remembered blinding light and a brief warmth, then… then nothing. Nothing but the screen in front of her and the hill — she flung her head around so hard that her own hair smacked her in the face. She barely flinched at the sting; years of long hair had conditioned her to the common side effects of waist-length tresses.

The to-be-magical girl finally realized she was standing by the edge of a village sporting classic fantasy staples such as hatched roofs and haggard village heads, and nowhere did she see the original hill she’d landed on. Short, ugly creatures wearing armour were shuffling around placing old-fashioned chests onto unfilled wagons, speaking cliche lines about bosses and empires — clearly the antagonists of the scene. One of them appeared to be snootily snubbing the village head asking for his harvest back, and without even a thought, she marched up to the boss villain and planted herself directly in front of the begging man.

“Ahem,” she coughed. “I am Sunlight Serenade Sharmila! Magi — hero of… the land!” She struck a pose, waited a few seconds, and dropped it to put her hands on her hips with a frown. “Can’t you see the people of this village are going to starve without the harvest?”

She held out a hand. “If you would just give it back, everything’ll go peacefully. Otherwise…” She narrowed her eyes and left the rest of the words unsaid, because she wasn’t sure what she would do otherwise. Sharmila might have been the tiniest bit hasty in rushing up to the leading monster. The armour didn’t look like it would be easy to punch, and her toybox wasn’t even on her, but she hoped the threat would sway the boss anyway.

Interacting With: Gravitational Force​

 

[AI10100]

ATOM HASTINGS
Interacting with:
​

It happened in a flash. In a way, Atom could say that he had barely felt it. Instead, the only thing that had told him that he died was the big black screen with the words in his vision. So much for a second chance in life for it to be taken away in just under two minutes. He was baffled and wondered what came after death, but the universe seemed to have other plans. It had wasted no time in shunting him back into the world but in a new environment, the whiplash of events causing his brain to hurt trying to process and make sense of things. Nothing made sense. Maybe he should stop trying to.

Now, the scene before him seemed like it was taken straight out of a movie. A bunch of... creatures in armor were extorting a village for their harvest. A bad sign. Was there some sort of evil emperor in this world? He really hoped that wasn't the case but the talk between the leader of the creatures and an underling confirmed it. They seemed to be doing this under his orders. Great. Just great.

To top it all off, before he could suggest they just move out of the way and go find some guards, Sharmila had decided to go forth and acted as a wall between the boss and the village head. "Sharmila wai— oh no..." He muttered to himself, unsure of what to do next. He doubted the minions would be happy about this interference and he also doubted that they would settle for a peaceful resolution. He reached inside his apron's pocket and pulled out a pan.

"Really? What am I going to do with this..." He mumbled in disbelief but any weapon is a good weapon, he supposed. The attribute box did say that his kitchen utensils were magical weapons or something like that. He kept himself rooted in position, eyes shifting from one minion to the next waiting for any sort of indication that they would attack so that he could get the first hit on them and hopefully be able to fight back properly.

 

[Xcelgamer]

It happened again, she couldn't believe that it happened again. Not even an hour had passed and she had died again, the world seemed to go in slow motion for her as she felt every agonising moment. Jessica bolted upright again as she was looking around panicking, she was in a new area however it seemed like she was in a new place but considering Atom and Sharmilla were here, Jessica assumed that they were still in the same world. "Ugh.....honestly I'm not sure if I'm disappointed or happy that I'm still alive in this world." Jessica grumbled loudly as she got back up and dusted herself off, summoning up a feather duster by accident to help with the problem and as soon as she had finished the duster disappeared from her hand.

After Jessica finished making herself look presentable she looked up and saw the ugly looking monster minions. "Hmmm gross, yeah no way, like hell they are going to do anything you say Sunny." Jessica said trying to hold in a massive sigh at Sharmillas primping and preening. Jessica smiled and flexed her hands before balling up her fists. "Good I'm actually hoping to punch somethings ever since I died...again" She smiled and started to walk up to them. "Alright buddies, I may look bloody ridiculous but it won't be as funny as what I'm about to do to all of your faces" Jessica said as she reeled back and attempted to punch one of them.

 

[Gravitational Force]

The Minions look confused at the strange humans who are lambasting them.

"What are they saying, Boss?"
"I think they're mad at us for some reason."
"But why? We're not doing anything wrong."
"They're weird-looking, didn't the Emperor say something about what to do with weird Humans?"
"I don't remember. What should we do, Boss?"
"Huh, the Emperor said if I didn't immediately know what to do I should use my head."
"What's that mean?"
"Use it to solve the problem? He's really smart so he must be right."

Having said that, the Minion Boss grabs Sharmila and headbutts her.



Sharmila reappears at the respawn point near the village.

The Minions look where Sharmila's dead body has vanished from, then look up at her at the respawn point.

"Okay, the Emperor said if a Human dies and then comes back we're supposed to take them to him."
"But did that happen, Boss?"
"Hmm."

The Minion Boss calls up to Sharmila.
"Are you the same person or an identical twin?"

Jessica's punch meanwhile just gets the Minion she punched to notice her.

"Stop that, why did you punch me?"

 

[Ambiloquous]

SHARMILA

Sharmila gasped in pure shock at the impact, shaking away the dizziness. “How dar — ” She then noticed the familiar death screen, the same as the one she had seen not five minutes ago, before she could finish her sentence and her words trailed away only to reappear once more in a strangled cry. “Again?!”

As she pulled crossly at her hair and pouted at the fake-Sayuka by her feet — even though it was none of the plushie’s fault that she had failed her self-assigned task — the head minion yelled something at her. She flinched at the voice, then puffed up her nonexistent feathers and turned around with a peeved expression on her face, emboldened in the face of her inability to die. “I am Sunlight Serenade Sharmila! Do I look like an identical twin?”

What in the world was this violent creature saying? Why would they assume she had an identical — oh, because she had just expired and come back to life, standing perfectly straight, quite a few meters away from her original position. She squinted at the spot of ground where she had been headbutted to death and swivelled her head to glance back at her feet; it was a ridiculous way of perishing, even in her books. Maybe she should have taken Jessica’s advice — but no matter! She would do better this round.

Leaning down to grab the toybox on the ground and dexterously flipping the lid open, she placed her hand in, ready to draw out a toy at any time. Turning to the minions, she cupped her other hand around her mouth to shout: “Stop or I’ll set an exploding bear on you!”

Interacting With: Gravitational Force | Mentioned: Xcelgamer​

 

[Gravitational Force]

“I am Sunlight Serenade Sharmila! Do I look like an identical twin?”

"Yes! Right, Boss?"
"Or it's the same person."
"Oh, yeah. That's smart. That's why you're the Boss, Boss."
"So what's that mean again?"
"We're supposed to bring her to the Emperor, right?"
"Only if it's the same person."
"But not if she's a twin."
"Did she say she was a twin?"
"She did, didn't she?"
"No, she asked if she did."
"Wait, I think it's one of those questions that's not a question, like what the Emperor asks when he gets mad."
"Oh yeah. It's one of those super smart things he knows how to do."
"Praise the Emperor!"
"So what are we doing?"
"Taking this village's harvest."
"And taking her?"
"Yeah, it seems like it might work."

“Stop or I’ll set an exploding bear on you!”

"Is that a threat?"
"I don't know, an exploding bear sounds fun."
"Maybe she meant it as a present then? We're allowed to get presents, right?"
"The Emperor said no after those other guys got killed by that giant gift horse."
"The one full of soldiers?"
"Yeah."
"What are we talking about?"
"She's threatening us I think."
"Okay, the Boss says it's a threat. So what do we do, Boss?"
"Uh, I think we don't do anything unless she attacks us."
"She said she'd set an exploding bear on us, that seems close?"
"Well, let's wait and see."
"That's so smart, Boss."

A toy comes into Sharmila's hand and as she pulls it out she sees it's a jack in the box. It begins winding itself before a cackling jester figure pops out of the top holding a giant scythe. It springs towards the Minions, scythe in hand, only to overreach and topple over as it's box becomes unbalanced.

"That wasn't an exploding bear."
"Maybe she's foreign and it means something different in her language."
"I want that scythe, can I have it?"
"Well that thing was coming towards us with it, so it was probably meant as a present."
"But we're not allowed presents."
"Well if we take it from him then it's not a present."
"Wow, you're so smart Boss!"

Three of the minions walk towards the jack in the box. The moment they're within it's range the jester swings it's scythe and cuts them in half in one swing. The Minions vanish as they die and the jack in the box does as well.

The remaining Minions seem to change. Their formerly slovenly and relaxed postures shift until they're standing like seasoned warriors. Their eyes lose their formerly unfocused look and narrow into angry glares.

"Kill them."
"Yes Boss!"

Jessica gets a sword through her front.



She respawns next to Sharmila. The remaining Minions are charging up the hill towards Sharmila, Atom, and Jessica. The comedy has vanished from this situation now that you're all in danger of being killed over and over again unless you can defend yourselves.