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Hi WiZ, here's some critique for ya! First off, I think the satirical elements are great, especially some of those earlier on! Your writing is clear, concise and unbloated, and leads us nicely through the narrative without stagnation or unnecessary waffle - top job on that! We immediately...

Very challenging task - really made me think about every single word. :) ~~~ Even the stars have company, those big blazing machines; meanwhile, there is me, an ant who thinks he is the universe. A skin cigarette burning noise into hungry silence. Soon to be but ash. (190 characters...

I'm in the same boat as Thoughtless! You guys have a good thing going here! I'm moving into my uni house tomorrow but then afterwards hope to join in to reacclimatise my brain to creative writing before the term :D

@Eranl : Yeah, having it so unscripted probably lead to much of the problems :) Yoda is famous/infamous for speaking in irregular syntax such as 'A Jedi you will be', and 'Use the force, you must!'

Generally, it feels as if you are overwriting. Topically, unless a narrator is incredibly, near-impulsively obsessed with coins, there's never going to be a reasonable moment in a piece of prose to linger so heavily upon something so inconsequential. Nevertheless, whilst I'm aware that the...

Your writing has a really nice flow and progression to it - you use varying sentence structures well, and there's none of the clunkiness in connecting sentences and phrases that's so often found in stories like this. It's also wonderfully concise in the opening part especially: here, everything...

When I was discussing the features stuff, I was merely highlighting that they are a part of what distinguishes poetry from prose - that doesn't mean that they become a focal point necessarily, but something else to consider alongside the stuff you usually pay especial heed to in standard prose...

Grey and Dusk would probably have better ways of putting it, but to my understanding, poetry is basically the art of encapsulating a moment (or a story, in the case of longer works) within a form where you more actively manipulate some stuff you don't often do in prose, for example, such as...

Time to put some of my newly acquired poetic knowledge into use! :D So the first thing to remember in poetry is that you're still writing sentences, for the most part, just sentences arrange across lines in a different way for poetic affect. The majority of this does not read in coherent...

Unfortunately, I'm stuck in a continuous cycle of work at the moment, but it's really fantastic to see this growing so much, and all ought to be very proud of your contributions! :D

@Sunbather : To weigh in on this, the me of three years ago would have been to agree wholeheartedly with Dusky. However, I believe as long as it's a noticeable stylistic choice made for a good reason, it's fine. As a writer and narrator you can always manipulate the amount of information you...

Ooh, what does critique of the week mean? Does that mean I have to critique things this week? Or are you commending me? Cause your critique was several times better than mine, doosky! :P Anyhow, as said, thank you very much for the critique - as always, it's amazing. It wasn't just you who...

@Sunbather : Then it's parents', as parent's only indicates the possession of a single parent :) Anyhow, my piece: ~Supposition~ What if The steam of winter exhalation Is smoke Kindled in the fire of our hearts? I would Keep you warm, my love, Sustain you Like your own...

Part two: I'm afraid to me this is rather a mess at the moment. It lacks a clear flow throughout, and I must admit I really struggle to understand what's going on pretty much across the entire text in its current form, with a lot of comma minefields, tons of confusing metaphors and a lot of...

Christmas business and sluggishness has meant I haven't had the time, energy or brain cells to work on anything this week, sorry guys. I have a poem I wrote at the start of the month which doesn't have too much to do with the theme, but given it's like my second proper poem ever I'm interested...

Hello friends! I may post this week, though be warned, it may or may not have to be Star Wars fan fiction because the post-film hype is real!

Nice, congratulations to all the winners! :)

Fitting it in? You portrayed it well enough for me to understand that they were mother or daughter, so I wouldn't worry about adding more to make that more explicit. I guess if anything the daughter could do with a slight bit more tenderness conveyed through the struggle; at the moment she does...

Saying 'overly vague' would suggest the plot itself and action was vague and hard to grasp, which wasn't true, but instead the problem was in your phrasing as I pointed out, where you have the tendancy to detach things unnecessarily. And again, not really 'complexity' as such, but poeticness for...

Alright, here we go! I notice immediately you've pointed out you know a few mistakes - I would urge you to iron them out before asking for critique in future, as otherwise I'm likely to be overcritical on stuff you know you've made mistakes on, and make sweeping statements about techniques and...